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Stupido

June 22nd 2008 8:08 am
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We were at the gardens and saw this couple take a doggie poop bag, which they filled up with fruits they'd filched from the gardens. The poop bags have a warning, saying that food is not to be put inside the bags. They are for poop.

Fomfomfom commented that I wrote the book on stupidity, but the couple topped me. I knew I should have bopped fomfomfom on the face, but I felt strangely complimented.

I hope they get caught by the police for stealing fruit from the gardens. Then they can be featured in the papers and we can laugh loudly.

 

Chinese wolfberries

June 21st 2008 8:19 am
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It was evening, already dark outside. Suddenly the lights went out and the whole house was dark. So dark I couldn't see anything at all. For a moment I thought my eyes had gone. Blindness is scary. But the moment I realised it was a mere blackout, I turned onto my back and waited for fomfomfom to fumble over to give me a belly rub.

A belly rub in the dark is the same as a belly rub in the light, just that I don't have to face the lights in the ceiling and squint. Talking about that, I realise that my eyes are very important. I have been facing the ceiling for my bellyrubs since forever, and my eyes are so big and so much light can enter. I must ask ah ma to make some brew with chinese wolfberries so that I may drink it and it will be good for my eyes.

My big and beautiful eyes.

 

12 stories

June 20th 2008 8:30 am
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I was doing my own thing. Then Ah gong walked by and told me they are going to move house and are not bringing me along. Fomfomfom told me she will leave ah gong behind and bring me.

Talking about moving house, it will be in about 3 weeks' time. We will be moving to an apartment 12 stories above the ground. I was apprehensive, coz I am scared of heights, but fomfomfom told me it is all with me in mind. It's coz I'm so short, that I can't do a lot of housework, so fomfomfom told me that now we're going to stay so high in the sky, I can't use my lack of height as an excuse not to do housework. There's enough height for anything.

Then we were in the porch enjoying the moonlight, and fomfomfom jumped and said, sigh, not tall enough. Still can't touch the moon. Will try again 3 weeks later 12 stories high, maybe can touch the moon.

 

The investor side of me

June 19th 2008 8:55 am
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Today I was thinking, I was rather uncomfortable with fomfomfom's investment. I thought she should liquidate it and take her profit and be done with it. So I spoke to her, but she couldn't be bothered. Too lazy to even take a profit!

As I tax all profits in the house, I certainly don't want to see her profits evaporate should the market turn. Therefore, I decided to extract my tax and leave her to herself. If her profits evaporate, it would be her own problem then. If she makes a bigger profit, I can tax her again.

Satisfied, I addressed my other concern. I told fomfomfom, it has come to my attention that I haven't been receiving much gold in taxes of late. Perhaps you should be buying some?

Fomfomfom agreed to consider my proposal and I was satisfied again.

 

Boring...

June 18th 2008 8:18 am
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It was such a boring day I don't know what to write. But my mamas always want me to write something down everyday. Maybe it is to practice my handwriting.

So I went to the gardens in the morning and I was happy so I wagged my tail. I had pork for lunch, which was such a treat after all that kibbling, so I wagged my tail.

Then I didn't wag my tail for the rest of the day coz I had nothing to do. It was raining and I couldn't even go out to watch passersby. Cha showed ah ma a close-up photo of me smiling, ah ma was so delighted coz I was so pretty in the photo. She and fomfomfom couldn't stop googoogaga-ing over the photo, but I thought it was nothing and I almost fell asleep amidst all that excitement.

I'm going to bed now.

 

A day of revelations

June 17th 2008 8:28 am
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We went to the gardens early in the morning today and it set me thinking. It's a good time to go, it's cool and the ground is not too hot. In my quest to improve myself, I had resolved to question the root of all things, and I thought, why isn't it hot in the morning? The answer finally hit me, earthshattering in its impact. There is no sun at night! Therefore, early in the morning, the ground would be cool! And just like that, I knew my life would be the better for it.

Fomfom waxed lyrical to me about how life is, she asked me how my life is turning out so far. I sighed and informed her, it's a dog's life.

At night, me, fomfomfom and ah bee went out onto the porch to enjoy the moonlight. There were lots of clouds around the moon, but the moon was bright and shone through the clouds. It was a rare sight. Fomfomfom was excited and told ah bee to come see it, the clouds in front of the moon, and behind the moon too. Ah bee said, oh.

Clouds behind the moon?

 

Vet day again

June 16th 2008 2:27 am
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I was so clever this morning. I was at the garden watching cars go by, and I saw a mahjong girl. So I informed fomfomfom to open the gate. I don't know what they will do without me.

The afternoon was less happy, regretfully. It was vet day again. I shook for 20 minutes before seeing the vet and she proclaimed my skin good. So she threw me a challenge. I am always happy for a challenge. She said, choose chicken or pork. Fomfomfom said pork! So I can eat pork now on top of my kibble. But vet woman said no pig liver, pig stomach, only boiled pork. Boo.

As the vet woman was squeezing my backside, she said fomfomfom must be the youngest of my 3 mamas. Fomfomfom giggled and said ah bee is 5 years younger than her. Cha said it must be all those pimples. They all laughed and I thought, like, stop it already. The vet woman stilll had her fingers in my backside. Grumble. Then fomfomfom was concerned I had lost half a kg, which is 10% of my weight. The vet woman said it's due to the kibble diet, nothing to worry about. Besides, it's only fitting that I am nice and slim coz my 3 mamas are all supermodel thin. Well, according to the vet woman anyway.

Then I had some liquid anti-heartworm put on my neck. It is flammable and fomfomfom was alarmed. Cha said we will go to the garden when it is less hot, we don't want the sun to shine on me and maybe I will explode.

Explode! Amother ability of mine! Let me go put that on my CV.

 

Fetch

June 15th 2008 8:36 am
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They didn't let me watch this dog play Fetch. He was playing Fetch in the gardens, I wanted to watch and bark at him, but fomfomfom and cha carried me away. What's so great about Fetch, I argued, I know it too. No you don't, said cha.

Well, it's not that I don't know Fetch. I know it, but I only like to play half of it. They like to throw a ball and say Fetch, I would get it and then go on my own merry way.

Like what I did to ah ma's ahem, underclothes, let's just say. Ah ma found said piece of clothing on the floor in cha's room. Fomfomfom pointed the finger at me. I explained to ah ma, well it got into cha's room by mistake, all I did was drag it around. It would be a betrayal of my principles if I were to bring it back to ah ma.

I don't do Fetch.

 

Crap

June 14th 2008 8:43 am
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Let me write a poem:

Oh
I want to
Eat
Crab

Heartbreaking stuff, that. But I got no crab. Later they captured me and bathed me and made me wear 2 collars. At this point, I want to collapse onto my bed and weep.

Luckily, there was a photo op later on. Merrilyn needed some photos with us for her potential employers to peruse, so I jumped in and took some photos too. My red and neon pink collars, I sat proudly and displayed them.

I am so fashionable.

 

A pox on you

June 13th 2008 9:27 am
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It is Friday the 13th today. I am unhappy.

The day started off nicely enough. I realised ah ma was back! It was the first time I saw her come back from the market with food. There were corn, pistachio nuts, dried scallops and cuttlefish. I immediately asked for a belly rub.

At the gardens I met a big tortoise. He didn't want to come out, and cha knocked knocked on his shell asking if he's home. He was really inhospitable, that he was. I barked for 3 minutes then we went away.He's got some sort of complex, I tell you.

At night, ah bee came back and ate crab legs in front of me. She was almost flaunting it, the lovely crab legs ah ma brought back from that Japanese market. I remember vaguely, a long time ago, when I was like just 2 years old, I'd tasted that kind of crab leg before. It was lovely, but I didn't get any today. Even nighter still, ah bee taunted me with dried cuttlefish, which I do so love.

I hate.

 
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