Trauma

I was so traumatized today. We were in the gardens and I was pooping. I didn’t know that spot was overrun with ants. And they crawled on me. They bit me. I immediately went berserk- I started sprinting and tried to get them off me by rubbing myself against the grass. It didn’t work. Ah bee and Cha knew there was something wrong but they couldn’t see the ants initially. Only when one fell on Ah bee did they realize what had happened. We headed straight for home. Ah bee was picking ants off me in the car. And when we got back, I had to take a bath. Ah ma scrubbed me so clean but Ah bee still managed to find 4 more ants on me after the bath. Yikes! I still get goosebumps when I think of those ants. I am going to the gardens with a can of Baygon tomorrow. Revenge will be sweet. But Fomfomfom said that the police will catch me. So I guess I will have to contend myself with the thought of those ants Ah bee found on me and squashed.

Bosom Buddies

When you are Ah bee and have young nubile chicks for friends, you talk about how big your boobies look in photographs.

When you are Fomfomfom and have friends who are married, you talk about how your mother-in-law wants you to make your boobies bigger.

When you are Cha and have friends who are breastfeeding, you talk about engorged nippies.

Supper in bed

I had supper in bed last night. *giggle* Merrilyn had to wash my cushion because of that. And I am going to get a new cushion because of that. You can fill in the blanks yourself.

Ah bee said she was going to bring me to the gardens so we waited for her. Until about 430. It started drizzling even before she came back. It’s all her fault- I told her that she would have to bear responsibility for it. By giving me 20 bucks. She happily told me that she has passed the cost on to pak tor. But I told her that she would still have to give me 20 bucks, in addition to the 20 that she has passed on. So I would have 40 bucks.

But we did get to go to the gardens in the end. It started raining about 6 minutes into the walk. I didn’t realize it was raining coz my hair is a little long. When I did realize, I immediately ordered Ah bee to carry me. That’s coz wo bu ke yi lin yu de. The 3 of us walked to this pavilion thingy, in hope that the rain would stop. But it didn’t. So Fomfomfom let me walk around the pavilion. Then I ventured out of the pavilion and rindrops kept falling on my head. My paws got a little muddy and I had grass stuck to my belly. But it’s okay coz I had fun trudging through the grass. Nevermind that I had to wash my belly and chest after the walk.

At night I got scolded for something, I can’t remember what. So did Ah bee. So the 2 of us are going to leave home. With the 40 bucks. We are going to go to Genting. That’s coz Ah ma is probably going there again next week. We will meet her there. The 3 of us will be so happy there. Well at least Ah ma will be.

It wasn't me

The strange men came really early today- they were here before 9 I think. They were done with the roof and so they had come to remove the scaffolding. They made a lot of noise and I couldn’t sleep. And neither could Ah bee. So I gave up trying to sleep. But Ah bee refused to get up till 130. And the moment she woke up, she complained that she put on 2kg. She said it’s the steamboat buffet she had the previous night. Which gave her the runs by the way. These stupid girls, they know that certain food do not agree with their stomachs but what do they do? They eat them all the same.

It started raining in the afternoon but because Cha and Fomfomfom heart me deep deep I got to go to the gardens still. I was there for 50 minutes but I didn’t poop. No shite! Fomfomfom got so exhausted running after me. And hungry too. She said she almost fainted from hunger. I believe her. Coz my Fomfomfom is a weak woman. She faints all the time. Okay, once that I know of. But still.

Oh and because I didn’t poop, I kept farting throughout the night. Ah bee got a whiff; Cha got 3. *giggle*

My Ah ma is back! She lost all her money. Like what’s new. But it’s okay. I will offer her all my money in the shoebox. Coz Ah ma loves me and I love Ah ma.

A silver lining in time saves nine..

That's what I told Ah bee and Fomfomfom at the gardens. I don’t think they appreciate the beauty of this phrase. But it’s okay, I didn’t really expect them to. Not everyone is endowed with literary talent like I am. But think about it, and you will realize how brilliant I am.

Anyway, I am very happy today. We spent a glorious 47 minutes at the gardens. That’s coz Cha promised me a dollar so I get to spend it all at the gardens. There we met my new boyfriend. He’s a Shih Tzu too except his hair is longer than mine and he’s brown and white and not as cute as I am. His owner is this sweet old man who sits on the bench to read the papers while my new boyfriend watches the world go by. Fomfomfom was so inspired by it that she decided to sit on the bench too, to watch the world go by. Except that the world does not go by the bench that she chose to sit on.

One person did walk by while we were seated there. She came over to pat my head. And of course she said I am very cute. I think she is very cute too. She had this bag full of doggie treats with her. And she doesn’t even have a dog with her; she simply hands them out to doggies she meets in the gardens. I think that’s very sweet of her. She said she had a Shih Tzu too but I think it went to the big kennel in the sky. She offered me treats too but Fomfomfom said that I was on a strict diet. That is a big fat lie! Fomfomfom just didn’t want me eating stuff from strangers. In case the stranger arsenic-ed the tidbit. In Ah bee’s words, in case she wants me to join her doggy in that big kennel in the sky.

I barked at passers by for an hour after that. I heart my Fomfomfom. She let me stay out till it was dark and at 1015, she stopped watching TV to bring me out to the balcony.

I had the most tender pork ribs for dinner tonight. I like.

530am. No kidding.

Everyone was up real early today. At 530am, everyone sans Ah Gong was in the dining area. There is a very good reason for that- Ah ma was going to Genting. Cha was up coz she was driving Ah ma to the bus terminal or something. Fomfomfom was up coz she had to watch me while Cha was gone. Ah Bee was up coz she forgot to say bye to Ah ma the night before. I was up coz I wanted to sneak into Ah ma's bag. But Fomfomfom warned me that even though I would be the cutest stowaway ever, I was still a stowaway. And the police would catch me. So I decided against it.

The strange men came to fix the roof again today. I think they are about done. About time if you ask me; I've had enough of being tied up and confined in the living room. I need to have the run of the house just like how I am used to.

Two more days till Ah ma comes back!

Lazy me

I slept till noon today. Then I had my lunch. After which I took an afternoon nap. Then we went to the gardens, where we stayed for 50 minutes. I know coz the parking fee was a dollar. One whole buck, mind you. I don’t think I’ve ever stayed this long before. I like it this way. Would want to do this everyday but I only have 50cents a day. I need to talk to Ah ma about my allowance.

I had to take a bath after that. I smell so nice now. After dinner I took another nap. Then I woke up to play for a while. And then Cha informed me that it was time for bed.

Nice lazy Sundays. I like.

P.S. This little girl at the gardens said to me, "Oh you're such a pretty girl! You look like a dog!" I'm not really sure what she's trying to say.

Rendezvous

Ah bee told me that she met one of my boyfriends on her way home just now. I think it’s the one on the corner. Apparently he was wandering around the place and my other boyfriend across the street was barking at him. Ah bee was worried that he ran out of the house by himself without permission so she followed him. Then he promptly hopped into a drain and emerged on the other side of the fence, inside the house. I think he was trying to tell Ah bee that he wasn’t lost and that he knew his way home.

Ah bee came home and said that she was thinking of ratting on him for sneaking out at night on his own. But I managed to talk her out of it. I told her that he was actually meeting me for a rendezvous. In fact I go out every night to meet one of my many boyfriends. Then Fomfomfom asked me how I keep track of who I meet everyday. I said I don’t. I just dial a number and someone will meet me under the tree. Then Fomfomfom asked me if I double or triple-book myself sometimes. I told her that I only have ten cents to spare since I spend most of my money at the gardens, so I can only make one phone call. That’s how I make sure I only meet one boyfriend a night. Then Cha couldn’t stand it anymore and she asked, “How do you go out at night without me realizing when you sleep beside me?�

Ah, that is for me to know and for you to find out.

Tiles keep fallin' from the roof

Tiles keep fallin’ from the roof
And I was scared that they would fall on my head, or somebody else’s
Those tiles keep fallin’ from the roof, they keep fallin'

So I just did me some talkin' to Ah ma
And I said we will have to do something about it
Fixing the roof
Those tiles they keep fallin’ from the roof, they keep fallin'

So we made a phone call
Them strange men they came in a blue pickup truck
It won't be long till the roof is as good as brand new

Tiles keep fallin’ from the roof
But I know that it will be fixed real soon
Then it will be safe
To go out in the open and not have to worry
That tiles will fall
Tiles will fall on me

[trumpet]

It won't be long till the roof is as good as brand new

Tiles keep fallin’ from the roof
But I know that it will be fixed real soon
Then it will be safe
To go out in the open and not have to worry
That tiles will fall
Tiles will fall on me

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeha!

I was up early today. That’s coz I knew that strange men were coming over to fix the roof. And that’s coz tiles have been falling off the roof and that is not a good thing. Anyway, these strange men came with poles. They tied the poles together and tada we have a scaffolding! It was plenty amazing the way they did it. I wanted to help but they said that I was too short. So I helped calculate the angles at which the poles were to be tied. We all have to help in every little way we can.

But Cha and Fomfomfom, they didn’t help. They ought to be ashamed of themselves- even I am earning my keep in this house. Instead, they busied themselves by tying my hankies to my neck. I looked like a little cowgal when they did that. I think I must look pretty darn good in that coz Ah ma was plenty happy when she saw me. And they took pictures to show Ah bee too.

We saw two law school gals when we went to the gardens this afternoon. They were googoogagaing me, gushing about how cute I am. Fomfomfom asked Ah bee if she knew them two. What a stupid question; anyone who knows Ah bee definitely knows me. Them two, they obviously didn’t know me. My strong analytical powers tell me that they therefore didn’t know Ah bee.