The World according to Hulk

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Big cat!!

November 11th 2004 2:51 pm
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This is (the incredible) Hulk, sending butt-sniffs and tail wags from Beautiful Downtown Chesaw!

I wanted to bark to you about the giant cat that is hanging around! Dad and I and the Log-biting Monster went after a load of fire wood yesterday, and when we got back, and was unloading the truck, we saw a GIANT CAT! Dad said his name was Cougar. He was really close, only about 50 feet away!

Now Dad understands why I keep jumping out of bed at night and running outside to bark. That darn Cougar is coming around; Dad thinks he wants to eat Henny-Penny, our one remaining chicken. We had quite a few chickens, but they all got old, retired and died, except for Henny-Penny. She doesn't lay eggs anymore, but Dad doesn't want to chop off her head--He said that she worked hard laying eggs for us, now she deserves a decent retirement!

Hulk

 

The last of Chief

November 7th 2004 7:46 pm
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Woofs to all, from (the incredible) Hulk!

I wrote earlier about Chief, one of our ideosyncratic neighbors. Well, we were saddened to learn that ol' Chief died. This brings to mind something Chief told Dad some time ago. I will bark the story to you as a memorial to Chief:

Chief was telling Dad about "being in the spirit". That can happen when you die. His Grandmother was in the spirit, and was his chief advisor. Chief never made a move without her advise. He had a cousin that was "in the spirit" ; this cousin was very mischevious. He used to go down to the truck stops and "borrow" a semi while the driver was having lunch, and drive it down the freeway. Imagine the other drivers' consternation to see an apparently driverless truck speeding down the freeway! (Being "in the spirit", Chief's cousin was invisible).

This cousin loves to fish. He still fishes in the creek near here. Chief told me that if I see a fish line coming down from the sky, it is his cousin fishing!

Chief told Dad how to get "in the spirit". "Just wait till you are dying, and think of a coyote", Chief said, "your spirit will go into the coyote, and you can travel anywhere you want in the coyote's body". Chief said he could hardly wait to get "in the spirit". He chortled happily as he thought of all the fun he would have.

So, here's to you, Chief! We hope you were able to find your coyote!

Hulk and the gang.

 

I'm Baaaaack!

November 3rd 2004 1:00 pm
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Woofs from Beautiful downtown Chesaw!

I haven't barked an entry to my Diary for quite a while, because I haven't been able to access our account page. Whenever we logged on, our home page said there were NO DOGS in our account! But it showed TWO CATS!! I think Rusty and Desi hacked into our Dogster page and sabotaged us! There must be a computer at THE RAINBOW BRIDGE, because that is where they are!

We Emailed the Dogster folks, who finally were able to fix things for us. So things are back to normal.

I have to report that I wasn't my wonderful, brilliant, incredible self at the dog show on October 17th. Somebody peed on the fence, and every time we heeled past that spot, I lost my concentration and went over to check my Pmail!

Another exercise is the recall over a jump. I did okay, except that I hesitated too long after Mark called me. So I lost a few points there.

The worst thing I did was to blow the group sit-stay. It was only a one minute sit, so it should have been easy for me. I routinely do 20 minute sit-stays and 30 minute down-stays in practice, but this time I stood up with only a few seconds to go!

I have another show coming up in February and I plan to redeem myself then.

That's all for now.
Hulk, the not-so-incredible

 

Doctor Cody

October 8th 2004 12:01 pm
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Tail wags to all! This is (the incredible) Hulk, reporting from The beautiful Okanogan Highlands, in Washington State!

Yesterday, I had Dad take me to Doctor Cody's clinic ao I could pay my bill. I always enjoy visiting there, because the ladies that hang out with Doctor Cody always give me lots of attention and great treats, too! I think I am high on their list of favorite patients! They weren't too busy, so I taught Stacy to do "high fives". She was easy to train--She quickly learned to give me a treat each time we high fived.

I got weighed while we were there--I weighed 86.7 pounds, which is close to my ideal weight.

That is one of my favorite places to visit. Sometimes we just stop in to bark hello, sometimes Doctor Cody sticks me with a needle. It doesn't hurt very much, and I always get a reward for being brave. Sometimes Dr. Cody looks in my ears. He has an odd looking thing, it is long and skinny, with a round thing on one end, and two things on the other, which he sticks in his ears. Then he puts the round thing here and there on my body! Isn't it strange, the things humans do for fun?

Sometimes, when I have a sore back, Dr. Cody uses a thing that thumps my spine, and then I feel much better.

One time Dad took me to visit, and Dr Cody put me up on his table. He stuck me with a needle, and I don't remember anything that happened for the next while, because olliver sudden I got really sleepy. So I decided to take a nap, and when I woke up, I was in a kennel. I felt a little tenderness at my south end, and when I checked, I discovered that some things were missing! They must have fallen out, so I sniffed all around to see if I could find them, but they just weren't there.

I wrote a message on the BEST FRIENDS chat room, and one of my friends said that I had been tutored. That is what they do to boys. Girls get splayed. Whenever I go to visit, I always sniff around to see if I can find those things, though, just in case they fell out and got lost!

That's all for now.

Hulk

 

Mushrooms!

October 3rd 2004 12:43 pm
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Woofs and tail wags! This is (the incredible) Hulk, reporting from Beautiful Downtown Chesaw!

I wanted to bark to y'all about what happened yesterday: Dad, Breanna and I got in the car and drove up the road a few miles, parked and got out. I was happy to be going for a walk in the forest!

Dad kept stopping and picking something from the ground. My curiosity aroused, I checked to see what he was putting in the bag he was carrying, and discovered some strange, nasty smelling things. I wondered what Dad wanted with them--maybe he was going to throw them in the garden for fertilizer.

After he had collected two bags full, we went to Mark and Julie's house, where he left one bag. He took the other bag home, and, (Horror of Horrors), instead of throwing them in the garden, he washed and cooked those horrible things. Then he and Grandma ATE THEM! He offered bites to us dogs; Breanna and Vixen gobbled down all that Dad gave them, but I sure wouldn't eat any. YUK!! Dad yells at me when I eat a cow-pie or a horse-apple-----and then he eats those nasty things????????????

Hulk

 

Weird John (again)

October 1st 2004 4:29 pm
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Tail wags to all! How about another Weird John story? I thought I would bark to you about the time ol' John freaked out about the imaginary forest fire:

We live in the midst of a heavily wooded area, so we are all very fire-conscious, as we should be. John, however, is paranoid when it comes to forest fires.

Another neighbor decided things were too boring around here, and we needed some entertainment. So he went up to John's and said: "Hey John, there is a forest fire up the road, and it's coming this way!" Well, instead of looking up that way for smoke, or driving up the road to see for himself, ol' John grabbed his chainsaw, and cut down all the trees within a few hundred feet of his cabin, and, using his truck, drug them out of the way, to create a fire-line. Then he grabbed two buckets, and spent the next few hours running back and forth from the creek to his cabin, throwing water on the roof and the sides. Next he connected his trailer to his truck and loaded all his possessions into the truck and trailer. He was headed to town to the mini-storage.

By then it was after dark. On his way to town with all his possessions, he stopped at my house to warn me about the forest fire. Dad and I were in bed already, and when he told us what he had done, Dad looked in the direction of the supposed fire, and pointed out to him that if there was actually a forest fire, there should at least be a red glow in the night sky, and if there wasn't, then the fire wasn't close enough to worry about.

Ol' John fully expected Dad to start loading all our possessions in our truck, and to start throwing water on our roof. He was sure puzzled when we just went back to bed!

I guess it was a dirty trick for Rick to pull on poor ol' John, but it was sure funny!

Hulk

 

Chief

September 29th 2004 10:33 am
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Shall I bark to you about another unique local resident? You think Ol' Weird John is weird? Wait'll you hear about Chief! Believe it or not, this is true!

They call him chief because, despite his blond hair and flaming red beard, he thinks he is a full blooded American Indian, and the Chief of his tribe! There is an excuse for Chief, though. According to old-timers in the area, although somewhat ideosyncratic, Chief was fairly normal before he went to Viet-Nam, but he came back a basket case.

Chief turns to his dead Grandmother for advise. If he needs to cast a spell on someone, she is always eager to help. And cast spells, he does! However, they seldom, if ever work. Dad used to go to town to do Chief's grocery shopping for him. Chief didn't want to ride in the car because he was afraid of Max and Freya, Dad's two Dobermans.

One time Dad was delivering Chief's groceries, and when he drove up to Chief's cabin, There was Chief--out in the yard with a small campfire burning. Over the fire was a cast-iron dutch oven. Chief called out for dad to come to see what he was doing: In the dutch oven was metal shavings, brass and aluminum. Chief explained that his dead Grandmother had told him how to keep the winter away from his cabin. After he heats the metal shavings nice and hot, if he buries the dutch oven along with the contents, it will remain summer within a 300 foot radius!

Chief has hundreds of wives, and countless sons. He has never seen most of the wives, because he only goes around in the dark to "breed" them! Chief's Indian name is Chief White Eagle. His bane is Chief Black Eagle, from an enemy tribe. Chief Black eagle keeps sneaking around to "breed" Chief's wives! When he does, it "ruins her" and causes her to produce a girl, rather than a son.

Chief "owns" the world bank, and has control of the world's currency. Do you remember, some years back, when Canada ran into dire financial straits? Well, that was because Chief transferred most of their treasury to a bank on his moon. Oh yes, Chief owns a moon! Not our moon, it is one of the moons of Neptune!

There are tunnels leading from Chief's land to all parts of the world. Using those tunnels, Chief travels to China, France and Australia, among other places.

Being a heavy snowfall area, most houses around here have metal roofs, because the snow readily slides off them. Metal roofing comes in many different colors. Well, all the houses with red metal roofs belong to Chief! Chief's cabin is less than a mile from the Canadian border. One day Chief climbed over the fence, and went to several nearby houses that had red metal roofs, knocked on the door and ordered the occupants to move, because he wanted "his" house back! That was the time the R.C.M.P. escorted him to the border and turned him over to our County Sheriff.

Every so often the "Boys In White Coats" come and haul poor old Chief away. He is usually gone for six months or so,. and then they bring him back. Chief is harmless, and Dad finds him entertaining. Chief is happy as a clam, drifting around, casting his spells, not doing any harm.

This entry is getting lengthy, there is much more to bark to you about Cnief, but I will save it for another time.

Slobbers and Kisses to all,
Hulk

 

My Friend Sammi

September 27th 2004 12:08 pm
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Woof, woof! Here I am again! It is a beautiful day in Chesaw, and it puts me in the mood to bark the story about how I "met" my good friend, Sammi: I have barked to y'all about Ol' Weird John. But I didn't mention how I hated him at first. I still don't like him very much, but I can tolerate him when he visits.

I was, according to Dad, showing undue agression toward ol' John. He and Julie were treating it as a training issue, and getting nowhere.

One day, Julie told Dad that she had been chatting online with a lady who claimed to be an animal communicator, and suggested that Dad contact her in regards to my problem with John.

Well, Dad didn't beleive in animal communicators, and he told Julie so. He said that they were charlatons, swindling money from the gullible. Julie said that she felt that Dad should give it a try. Well, Julie is the smartest person Dad knows, so Dad decided to listen to her and against his better judgement, he contacted the lady. (her name is Sammara.) Arrangements were made for a session by telephone.

Still the skeptic, Dad made sure he didn't feed her any more info than was actually required. He told her my name, and that I was showing undue agression toward our neighbor, who's name is John. That was all.

Sammi said for Dad to wait--she would check to see what I had to "say". ("Oh, sure!", Dad thought). So, after hearing my side of the story, Sammi said to Dad: "I need to make sure we are talking about the same person. This John; is he very tall, very thin with graying hair?" Well, this nearly knocked Dad out of his chair. (John is 6' 8" tall, weighs about 160 and has graying hair!) When Dad answered in the affirmative, Sammi next asked "Is he somewhat strange and unique?" Dad told her that John was downright weird.

"Well", Sammi replied, "that is the entire problem." She said that I was picking up weird energy from John, and was afraid that he was going to hurt my Dad. So Sammi explained to me that it was fine for me to be vigilant, but I shouldn't try to attack John unless he actually did try to hure my Dad. (I did show a real improvement, I still won't let ol' John through the gate, but once Dad lets him in, I don't try to eat him!)

Then Sammi asked about my "siblings". Dad mentioned a problem we were having with Vixen, so Sammi had a "chat" with her. Sammi then asked Dad who lived with him. Dad replied that, since his wife's death, it was only him and us dogs. Sammi said that that was strange, because Vixen had told her about a woman who lived with us, an older woman with white hair. Well, finally Dad became a believer! She was talking about "Grandma" Who, although she doesn't live with us, she lives on the same property, in her own house!

That is how I "met" my good friend, and how Dad became a believer!

That's all for now,
Hulk

 

Ol' Weird John

September 26th 2004 3:01 pm
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Woofs and tail wags! I wanted to bark to y'all about one of the local characters, one they call Ol' Weird John: This area seems to be a magnet for weird---we have more than our share of weirdos! Dad says that if he could write, he would write a book. We and Betty MacDonald are in similar circumstances. (Remember Betty? She wrote about her experiences on the egg farm in "The Egg and I") Well, Betty had to contend with Ma and Pa Kettle; We have OL' WEIRD JOHN!

Ol' John lives about 1/2 mile up the road from us, Dad moved here in April of 1987, John showed up two months later.

You wanna know why they call John weird? Just look up weird in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of John. Dad and his wife Judy used to hear John hollering. Several times a day, they would hear him. He wasn't yelling anything in particular, just "Yaaaaaaahhh!!!". One time Judy asked him about it--he said " Well, I have always lived in the city, the neighbors were always complaining about my noise. I moved out here where I can make all the noise I want, so I am going to yell whenever I feel like it!"

One time Dad went to see John. There he was out in the yard, picking handfulls of grass and eating it! "What in the world are you doing?" Dad asked. Well, John replied, the cows eat grass and like it, so I decided to try it for myself!"

If you ever want to do away with ol" John, don't try to poison him. He's immune to poison. He used to go to town on the day the mini-mart replenished their deli sandwiches, and dig through the dumpster to collect the old sandwiches they threw out. He would take them home and eat them all week. Egg salad, balogna, salami-----John didn't have refrigeration, he just kept them on the counter. By the end of the week, they would be stinky and green, but John didn't care. He ate them anyhow. Then he would go to town and replenish his supply.

John used to see sasquatches--herds of them swarming all over the mountainside. You know the two sounds that coyotes make? They howl like a wolf, and they also go "yip-yip-yip-------" Well, the "yip-yip-yip isn't coyotes, it's sasquatches! John used to come down and say "Boy the sasquatches were sure loud last night". One day 'ol John came down and said " Well, you don't have to worry about the sasquatches. I put out a bale of hay for them last night, and so now they know we are friends!" Dad said, "Well, thank you, John! I was really worried about them!" John hasn't seen the sasquatches for several years, now, I think he must have run out of whatever good stuff he was smoking!

More on ol' John another time, that's all for now!
Hulk

 

The Cow Pie

September 20th 2004 5:41 pm
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September 20, 2004

Tail wags to all!

I wanted to bark the story about the last time I went for a walk by myself: Dad left the gate open, so I decided to go for a walk. I didn't get very far before I discovered a nice fresh cow-pie. Oohh, what good luck! After I had eaten my fill, I decided to give Dad a nice surprise. So I rolled around in the remains of the cow-pie.

I was very proud of myself. Dad had noticed the open gate, and realized I was gone, and was calling me so I ran home. I couldn't wait for him to notice how nice I smelled!

I couldn't believe it when Dad, instead of praising me, got the shampoo and washed off that wonderful cow-pie. He said I had stinky breath, too! Humans are strange!

Hulk

 
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