August 1st 2005 8:04 am
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The summer is sweeping me away. So much fun, one barbeque after another. The best part is I get to spend time with my family, and with my doggie friends.
Mommy has brought home so many little "surprises" for me, but the one that shocked me the most were these two squeaking furry things that run around in a mesh-wire cage. I tried sniffing them, but they always squeal and run away. They sort of remind me of rats, only they have no tail, and they are much more fat. They have so much food in their cage, it's not even funny. The worst part is that mommy is spending so much time with them, that I don't get to spend nearly as much time with her.
So I have had it. I snuck into the bedroom where they are, and snarled, "Ok you little punks, what the heck are you, and why did you take mommy away?" They stared at me at first, then one of them finally squeaked, "We are not taking her away you silly mongrel. We don't even live here, she's just watching us while daddy is away in Alaska. By the way, we are guinea pigs, the most loved rodent of all." I cocked my head, and said "What is Alaska? And what are gin-ee pigs?" The other guinea tilted his head and said "I don't know what Alaska is, and 'guinea pig' is our species, mongrel. We like to be called by are named, Snuggles and Oreo."
I whimpered, and glared at them. "I'm not a mongrel, I'm a dog for your informatiom. And go by the name 'Shadow'. And I don't need you here, your nothing but trouble, so get out of my house!"
Just then, my mommy came into the room and stared from me, too the guinea pigs. She sighed, and walked away. Oreo glared with anger. "It's our lunch time, and you scared her away! Get out of our room!" By now I was infuriated. "YOUR room? No no no no no, this is MY room, MY floor your on, and MY house your in. If your here, you rightfully belong to me." Snuggles had a michievious grin on his little furry face. "Fine then, if we're yours, then go get us something to eat. Afterall, your responsible for us, aren't you?" I glowed with anger. They got the best of me. "How about I teach you to be dogs instead? Your in my house, so you follow my rul;es. And only dogs are allowed here."
They thought it over for awhile, and finally agreed. "Yeah...yeah, ok. Why not." I lifted the top off their wire-mesh cage, and they scampered out. "Ok pups." I ordered, and Snuggles and Oreo lined up in front of me. "First you need me meaningfull names." I put a paw on Snuggles. "You, you will be Spike." I turned to Oreo. "And you will be Butch, any questions?" They just stared at me, so I dropped the army-like tone in my voice. "Ok, first, you have to learn to sniff things, not just nibble on it. See that dog treat over there? Go sniff it." So they did, and they also turned their heads in disgust. I walked over, sniffed it, and gobbled it up without thinking. They stared at me. I blushed a little, and lead them into the backyard. "Ok, now you have to learn to dig, and chase squirrels." I said, motioning to a pile of dirt. They dug rather small holes, and then backed away, trying to get the dirt off their fur coats, while I rolled around, enjoying the dirt not careing at all. "Come on, it's fun!" I roared with joy. "I think we will pass." said Snuggles, looked digusted again.
A squirrel finally landing in the yard, and I chased in barked. The guinea pigs followed squeaking. I stopped, and let them go. But the squirrel didn't budge, it just stared at them, then chucked a nut at Oreo, who in return, chattered his teeth. I shook my head, and motioned for them to come back. "Now, marking your territory---" but I was cut off. Snuggles flashed in anger. "We're through with you, mongrel! Your so disgusting and weird, and besides, I want my timothy hay! We're finnished, go bark up a different tree!"
I snarled at them, and growled, "Fine, you would have been horrible dogs anyway!" They chattered their teeth, and I watched them disappear inside. "Fine, I don't need em anyways."
It was only five minutes before I heard frantic squealing and pleas for help. I started to get up, then thought "Why should I help THEM? They didn't do ANYTHING, except call me a stupid mongrel...but...they are sort of cute, and fuzzy, and...." I ended up giving in, and trotted into the house to see Smokey, the cat had cornered them. They looked at me with pleading eyes and snuggles stated, "You said only dogs were allowed in the house!" I growled back, "Well, she wasn't exactly invited in!" I barked, and snarled, and ran at Smokey, who in returned let out a terrified "MEEEEEEEOOOOW!" and ran for the highest thing possible,a table. I watched her from below the table, satisfied, and barked. The two guinea pigs came by my side and squeaked at her, then I walked them back to their cage. Oreo smiled and said, "Shadow, maybe being a dog isn't such a bad idea." I grinned. "Dogs are only the best animals on the planet."
The next day, Snuggle's and Oreo's dad came to get them. They squealed with joy to see him, and as I watched them go, I saw them digging in their cedar in their cage, chasing one another, pretending one was a squirrel, and squealing at the top of their igloo, pretending a cat was on there. I smiled to myself. "My work here is done."
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