Adventures of a lead dog

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The case of the missing candy bars is closed

July 28th 2007 10:37 am
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I solved the missing candy bar problem. The squeaky toy did it. I had to "rough" him up a little, but he confessed. Mommy understands now that they have been eaten by the squeaky toy and are best forgotten about. I am annoyed. They were Dove candy bars. Dove is my favorite. I hate that #@#@ squeaky toy for stealing our candy. Why is Mommy still looking when I have told her the case is solved? What is wrong with her? The squeaky toy did it---CASE CLOSED!!!!!!! Doesn't she listen when I close a case? Uh oh she is getting a little to close to my stash of ca. . . . .candles, yes, my candle collection. Mommy likes candles, but these are mine. I've got to go. Mommy, don't look there===here is the squeaky toy. Rip him apart. I do.
Demon Flash Bandit (Cand. . .le Collector)

 

Where are the candy bars???

July 27th 2007 8:25 am
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Demon Flash Bandit here. I'm in the middle of some serious detective work. Evidently, there are thieves in this house. Someone stole 3 candy bars from the bag when Mommy went shopping. My original idea was that the crime was perpetrated by the cashier who is probably a serious sugar addict. Mommy says she is quite sure the cashier is honest and not hopped up on sugar. Then I suggested perhaps they fell out in the car. Again, Mommy looked, and -NO CANDY BARS. I guess it could be Angel, but she doesn't look happy enough and I don't smell chocolate on her breath. Mommy wouldn't be guilty because they were hers anyway. You can't steal your own stuff. I could point my paw at the F-ster, but he can eat candy whenever he wants so, why steal it? It just wouldn't get replaced as quickly. Did I hear some smart alec dog out there suggest it might be me. That is impossible. I am the detective trying to solve the case. My squeaky toy does have a smile, and looks a little fatter. I've got to go do some questioning. Come here, squeaky toy. I just want to ask you a couple of questions. Where were you. . . . . . . ?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Detective

 

The house has more than 1 door!!!

July 26th 2007 2:11 pm
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It has been another day when Mommy thought she could leave us to go to the doctor without us. She had to sneak out the back door which Angel and I thought was very rotten. We were at the front door waiting to go with her. Can you imagine how annoyed we were when we realized that she had taken an alternate route.

Angel's diary entry yesterday was typical of her "drama queen" mindset. She says we were left alone. We had our brother we had to babysit. Maybe she didn't want to complain about baby sitting, but when I mentioned it to her that she wasn't totally honest with the facts, she told me it sounded better if no one was here. I guess you can't blame a "pig" for being a "ham". I'm only joking, but the puppy does like to eat.

Speaking of food, it is dinnertime around here. I hpe all you dogs out there are happily eating "people food".

Demon Flash Bandit (Disappointed Dog)

 

More additions to the "they deserve a bite list"

July 25th 2007 5:42 pm
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Hi,
I got a paw-mail from my friend, Brandy III, who wants motorcyclists who ride their noisy bikes in front of the house added to the "they deserve a bite" list so I'm adding it now.
I shall add a few more:
1. Telemarketers (maybe we should try to sell them stuff---as president, I will
pass a law stating that a book be published with all telemarketers home
phone info so you can call them at home when they are trying to relax. )

2. Snakes. (I don't like them.)

3. Dog Groomers (Does anyone take them in for a BATH?)

4. Obedience shcool (It would be okay if it were for humans, but it is for
DOGS.)

5. Birds (Have I mentioned them already? HAHAHA)

6. Animal Control Officers (Truly evil people)

Jeff is in his room watching the old Underdog cartoons. It is one of the few times I agree with his choice of tv programming.

Demon Flash Bandit (We've no need to fear--Demon Flash Bandit it here)
AND HE IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!

 

Howling Huskies

July 24th 2007 11:07 pm
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Angel has already mentioned our new group, The Howling Huskies. We were singing along to a song when we got the idea. As she mentioned, there is a group called The Byrds (wow, most birds just hum the melody, and don't even put in lyrics because they are too stupid to write lyrics). It the Byrds can be successful, then we should be sensations. We plan on being on the cutting edge of recording. Those young people like the Beatles better move over (what do you mean the Beatles aren't young?) Next you'll be trying to get me to believe the Rolling Stones are old codgers. I know better. I've seen them perform on tv. They can't be over 30. By the way, I've heard some strange sounds coming out of the radio. Mommy is nice enough to change the channel so it doesn't hurt my ears. Evidently, it is recordings of fights because it is called rap, and it sounds like they are beating each other with their fists. Teen-agers listen to it and then get involved in drugs. I know because I've seen this recent movie called, Reefer Madness which shows that when kids listen to bad music, they become drug addicts, and walk around being beat niks which is why it is called rap. Rap and beat are similar words. It doesn't take a husky to figure that out. Angel and I plan to be selling our Howling Huskie cds soon so watch for them on your store shelves so you can start howling with the huskies in the privacy of your own home. How much would you pay for a Howling Huskies cd? A nickel. What kind of an insult is that--they will be priced at a very reasonable $66.77. If you buy 2, there will be a 2 cent discount so stock up for your Christmas gift list. That 2 cent discount really adds up.

Demon Flash Bandit (Howling Mad Demon)

 

I am the lead dog

July 23rd 2007 8:33 am
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It is a warm summer day. The birds are singing. I want to kill them. You might say it is a typical summer day for me. Are mosquitoes little birds? They are annoying like birds, but they don't sing. Their humming noise is actually worse. I hate them too. I think the Fster should help me fly around and kill them. I often fly into the car-with Fster's help. He is a good co-pilot.

Angel now has a new shirt that says "Brother for rent". Mommy thought it was cute and funny. I don't see anything funny about it. Oh wait, it must mean the Fster. Yes, that is hilarious.

Angel is okay most of the time---as long as she knows that I am the lead dog. She has a bit of a problem understanding the concept. I keep saying Demon is the lead dog, and Angel is a wheel dog. She isn't quite getting the point. She says she is the lead dog. What an idiot!!!!
Demon Flash Bandit (LEAD DOG)

 

Vote for Me

July 22nd 2007 10:32 am
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After giving the matter considerable thought, which is important when you are discussing what you plan to do when elected president, I came to some major decisions. The first I will share with all of you dogs out there (and your human companions (who you need to make sure that they cast their vote for me). I will share the first of these major ideas today. Yesterday, I said, if elected, I would personally go and bite all the oil company CEOs. It isn't that I want to, but a president should do what the people want, and I hear a lot of people complaining about the cost of gas. That is when I realized that it is wonderful to have the death penalty for birds, but it is also important to have another group (like the oil CEOs) who don't deserve the death penalty, but definitely deserve to be bitten. I have to agree with Angel that mimes would be on that list. I would include quite a few individuals and groups which I will list a few of at this point:
1. Mimes (I just don't like them)
2. Tom Cruise (he is okay, but after I bite him, put him on some medication)
3. Paris Hilton (do I need a reason???)
4. The CEOs of the dog food companies that sold contaminated dog food
(the biting does not necessarily mean they won't get the death penalty
along with the birds)
5. Ronald McDonald (many employees and former employees of McDonalds
wanted him added to the list--it isn't personal for me because I won't eat
their burgers-I only eat Burger King burgers and Arby's roast beef---I didn't
say I wasn't picky). Angel thinks he is okay. She will eat there. She will eat
eat anything.
6, Fleas (after biting them, they also get the death penalty, but I would enjoy
biting them first)
7. Birds (see fleas for reason-and yes they still get the death penalty too)
8. The Medical Profession (they should have found a cure for Daddy so he
would still be with me-Mommy says they are okay, but I still want to bite
them)
9. Angel for stealing my rawhide bones)

These are just a few of the people (and animals) who would be bitten. If I can't do all the biting myself, I will enlist the aide of my fellow dogs. I think I can persuade Savannah Blue Belle to help unless she is busy with her cabinet post--she will be in charge of digging. Thanks to her, we have the Grand Canyon. Myf in Australia is doing his part. I think he should be allowed to vote. My opinion is that if dead people can vote, why let that little "he isn't a citizen" thing be a problem.
Thanks for listening everyone, and let me know if there is anyone you want added to the bite list: the mailman, the neighbor who doesn't like dogs, the groomer who hurts you, the vet, the inventor of the muzzle--that one is from Angel. When she bites, Mommy and Jeff put their hands over her mouth and sing the Muzzles Not Off song. Angel hates it. She barks if she hears the word muzzle, but it is funny. It has done wonders to stop her from biting, and despite Angel's whining, it doesn't hurt her at all--except her pride which is why she barks afterward. I sit and laugh and laugh. Anyway, as you can see, I'm open to putting anyone you dogs want on the "they deserve a bite" list. The bites are not fatal, and really not that painful. They are a symbolic way of saying, "you have annoyed a dog".
I hope everyone has a nice weekend. Don't forget: DEMON FLASH BANDIT FOR PRESIDENT.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog of the People)

 

A vote for me is a vote well cast

July 21st 2007 11:09 am
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I was just wondering how the presidential candidates are going to react when they have to debate me, Demon Flash Bandit. I bet they haven't even issued their positions on birds, the death penalty for birds, or why dogs aren't allowed to go anywhere we want. There is one issue that they cover that I haven't mentioned yet--the economy. I, Demon Flash Bandit, will personally go to the major oil companies and meet with all their CEOs and bite them. I'm sure that is what most of you humans want to do. If I run for President, I promise there will be no sudden upsurge in the cost candy due to shortages---unless I get to it. HAHAHA
Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Candidate)

 

When will they ever learn?

July 20th 2007 8:25 am
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Yesterday, after I came home with my brother from getting my dinner, the door was locked to I lifted my paw and knocked on the door. You should have seen how excited the humans were!!!! You would think I had discovered the cure for cancer or how to make rawhide bones at home. Then I realized why they were excited---I should have rung the door bell. I'll have to try that next time. I think it must be because the silly humans would stand there all day, and never be smart enough to knock on the door. Now I've taught them a new trick. What would they do without me?
Demon Flash Bandit (Teacher of humans)

 

Orlando, Alaska--Would I make up a town just to go to- Alaska?

July 19th 2007 10:17 am
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These entries are such a good opportunity for talking about things that bug me--and I don't mean little insects although they do "bug" me. It is July outside. It is hot and humid and generally miserable. What do the stupid humans say to each other? "What a lovely day". Lovely day---are they insane? I have experienced days in January with snow on the ground, the water icing over, and more snow coming down. What do the humans say then? "It is snowing again, is it ever going to stop. I hate this weather" (at least that is what I hear Mommy saying). I LOVE snow. I LOVE cold. I LOVE ice. All of these are good things. If you don't believe me, ask any sled dog and they will back me up on this. I know you humans can't do anything about the weather (if you could, you would probably create a "spring day" year round). This is why I want my fellow dogs (particularly huskies who really love winter) to make some kind of device to keep our lovely snow here all year. We also need to kill all the birds so they will quit stealing it. I've got to go now, and find a spot next to an air vent. Summer is an awful time of year. Why don't I live in Alaska. Mommy, I hear Alaska is tropical. Yes, trust me, I saw photos---palm trees, tropical plants alligators, etc. I'm sure it was Alaska. It was in Orlando, Alaska. I think we should move there immediately so you can experience this lovely weather year round. Have I ever been wrong? Did you have to bring up that incident? Sorry dogs, I have to go. I need to win this argument with Mommy.
Demon Flash Bandit (Geographer)

 
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