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Adventures of a lead dog

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Angel Zoom Smokey and the Ark of the Covenant

August 2nd 2007 12:13 pm
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For those of you who actually read Angel Zoom Smokey's diary entries. She decided to go on a search for the Ark of the Covenant, and she wanted me to be her sidekick. I like Angel, but I am the lead dog----NOT A SIDEKICK. I honestly don't know what that dog is thinking about at times. I do agree with her breaking news story on birds. You have to kill them. Taking them prisoner is just silly.
I have been very busy being a dog. I have been eating, napping, dreaming, and giving Angel my "you are an idiot" looks which are so precious. I know they are because I've watched myself in the mirror, and I'm adorable when I give her those looks. The main reason she is getting my "you are an idiot look" today is that she dug up the Ark of the Covenant. The Ark of the Covenant she found is action figure size, and she thinks it is the real Ark of the Covenant. It is about 2 inches wide and maybe an inch high. My brother who passed on had all the Indiana Jones toys so I buried the Ark where she would find it. I thought it would be hilarious to watch her face when she found it. How did I know she wouldn't realize it was too small to be the real one and know it was a joke? Now I don't have the heart to tell her, and it is so lousy because it is so funny, and I can't laugh when she tells me about her archealogical find. I even told her that the real ark would kill you if you touched it, and her answer is that those rules don't apply to dogs because God loves dogs and wouldn't want to hurt us. Now I kind of wish I had told her the truth from the beginning because I had no idea she would call in the University of Michigan history department, and the local news channels. I told you she was a drama queen so she always goes a bit overboard. I have no idea how the ark got there. That is my story and I'm sticking to it. I bet they are going to think Angel is an idiot which gives me another chance to use my "Angel is an idiot look". Life is good.

Demon Flash Bandit (Archealogical Helper HAHAHA)

 

The Phantom Dog Did It

August 1st 2007 10:25 am
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Mommy came home last night after seeing No Reservations, and she stopped and got Firehouse Dog. I was looking forward to seeing it, but then the F-ster went into her room and put Mystery Science Theatre in the dvd to some awful movie called Hobgoblins which seemed to be a low budget rip-off of Gremlins. It could have been a good movie if it had actually had a story, some good actors, and a budget. Angel was watching it so Mommy couldn't tell the F-ster to take it out. Angel said whe was wondering how such a bad movie could have actually been released. She said she has left more entertaining poop. I have seen Angel's poop, and it is more entertaining. I must take this opportunity to say that I do not poop. The poop left behind before Angel came here was from the Phantom Dog. He looks a lot like me, but it isn't me because, as I said, I don't poop. When I was little, I used to look for things to put over poop because I didn't like to look at it. I'd find bags, newspapers, etc. One day Daddy stepped in some poop I had covered with a paper towel I found. He had a sore on his foot, and he was yelling I got poop in my wound. Mommy and the F-ster were cracking up because it sounded like the episode of Family Guy where Peter Griffin was yelling, It's in my raccoon wounds when he got covered in poop. That was one funny episode. No, his wound healed just fine. The poop didn't hurt it at all. I had to have a talk with the Phantom Puppy about not pooping in the bedroom where Daddy would step down. Eventually, the Phantom Puppy got house-trained, and all has been okay since then.

I am such a talented writer. I started out talking about movies, and ended up talking about poop. How many other writers can do that (no, Larry the Cable Guy doesn't count because that is one of his main topics of conversation).
Anyway, I plan to see Firehouse Dog tonight. Mommy says it is a good movie, and it has to be infinitely better than Hobgoblins.

Demon Flash Bandit (Friend of the Phantom Dog)

 

Firehouse Dog is out today on dvd YIPPEE!!! HOWL HOWL!!!!!

July 31st 2007 10:15 am
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Today I am going to discuss movies. This is because the movie that I've been waiting to see, Firehouse Dog, is out on dvd today. I wanted to see it with Mommy when it came out, but the theatre won't allow dogs. This is an issue I plan to deal with when I become president so all you doggies better remember to vote for me. I haven't heard one other candidate address this particular issue. Angel probably could, but she is too busy rattling on about Kung Fu Grip Angel action figures. I admit the idea is funny, but hardly a presidential issue. By the way, Angel does possess Kung Fu grip. I've seen her put her front paws around the humans when she kisses them, and you'd think she had super glue on her paws. They can't get her off. She is still a puppy. I don't think she realizes that the humans do have to breath because they like her puppy kisses. She just gets a little overly enthusiastic with the puppy kisses at times. Another movie called 300 is also out. I told Mommy that they should have combined the movies, and made it 300 Firehouse Dogs. Wouldn't that be a great movie? Move over 101 Dalmatians. You have been outdone by 300 Firehouse Dogs. By coincidence, aren't Dalmations usually "firehouse" dogs? Have you been replaced by a new breed? I haven't heard anyone speak for the Dalmatians so I guess they are okay with the movie.

Now for the bad news. Mommy saw the Simpsons last night. Yes, according to Mommy and the F-ster, it was a good movie. However, I saw the trailer. Again, I am not allowed in the theatre, and I did not like the part where Homer was whipping the huskies. Of course, on the good side, the huskies ended up attacking Homer and running away. There were no animals actually hurt in the filming the the movie which was clearly pointed out in the credits. I know that might have seemed odd since the scene with the huskies would have clearly been a mis-treatment of dogs, but it was animated. For you doggies who aren't familiar with animation-it means the dogs aren't real. They are drawings. I want to make it clear that you should never treat real huskies or any other dog like that. I have many comments to make about the horrible people who mis-treat dogs, but I'll save them for another day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog who isn't allowed in Theatres)

 

I'm a rock star

July 30th 2007 5:54 am
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After a lengthy talk with Angel yesterday about what a handsome, brilliant dog I am (what else would we want to talk about?) we decided maybe our band should make a cd. We plan to include these titles among others: You Ain't Nothing But a Sled Dog, Demon's Song (Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain) How Much is That Husky in the Window?, I Want to Buy Me a Dog, There Ain't No Fleas on Me, I'm Not Taking a Bath, Leave MY Rawhide bone alone, and the very popular Let's Get Rid of the Vacuum. My personal song is Demon is the Chanpion. I really love that song.

Angel wants to do a solo cd with hits such as Where is my Food, Why am I a Puppy, Demon took the T-Bird Away, and It's Not Easy Being Green (it would be a touching song, but she isn't green. She isn't good with colors).

i think the cd would be great for my presidential campaign. I've got to go and talk to my agent.
Demon Flash Bandit (Rock Star)

 

It Wasn't Me--I have Proof

July 29th 2007 10:55 am
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For all of you dogs out there who were pointing your paws at me in the missing candy bar mystery. It has been solved. Mommy found them in the car. The F-ster said he had gotten everything out, but they were in their own bag, and it fell where he couldn't see it. Mommy found them. Mommy is good at finding things. Anyway, the case really is closed. Don't you dogs who thought it was me feel foolish? Angel was even giving me her "candy should be shared" lectures. I'm tired of everyone always thinking missing candy is my fault. Just because I enjoy a few bites of a good candy bar doesn't mean I'm a thief. Don't let the name Bandit fool you--I steal hearts.

Angel has been following me around barking. She is always yapping about something. YAP YAP YAP BLAH BLAH BLAH, I'm following you. What are you doing? , etc. I'm trying to get away from your constant yapping. What do you think I'm trying to do--but you keep following me. I know you think I'm cute. I know I'm a genius. Angel is such a sweet, descerning dog. I think I'll go spend some time with her.

Demon Flash Bandit (Successful Doggy Detective)

 

The case of the missing candy bars is closed

July 28th 2007 10:37 am
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I solved the missing candy bar problem. The squeaky toy did it. I had to "rough" him up a little, but he confessed. Mommy understands now that they have been eaten by the squeaky toy and are best forgotten about. I am annoyed. They were Dove candy bars. Dove is my favorite. I hate that #@#@ squeaky toy for stealing our candy. Why is Mommy still looking when I have told her the case is solved? What is wrong with her? The squeaky toy did it---CASE CLOSED!!!!!!! Doesn't she listen when I close a case? Uh oh she is getting a little to close to my stash of ca. . . . .candles, yes, my candle collection. Mommy likes candles, but these are mine. I've got to go. Mommy, don't look there===here is the squeaky toy. Rip him apart. I do.
Demon Flash Bandit (Cand. . .le Collector)

 

Where are the candy bars???

July 27th 2007 8:25 am
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Demon Flash Bandit here. I'm in the middle of some serious detective work. Evidently, there are thieves in this house. Someone stole 3 candy bars from the bag when Mommy went shopping. My original idea was that the crime was perpetrated by the cashier who is probably a serious sugar addict. Mommy says she is quite sure the cashier is honest and not hopped up on sugar. Then I suggested perhaps they fell out in the car. Again, Mommy looked, and -NO CANDY BARS. I guess it could be Angel, but she doesn't look happy enough and I don't smell chocolate on her breath. Mommy wouldn't be guilty because they were hers anyway. You can't steal your own stuff. I could point my paw at the F-ster, but he can eat candy whenever he wants so, why steal it? It just wouldn't get replaced as quickly. Did I hear some smart alec dog out there suggest it might be me. That is impossible. I am the detective trying to solve the case. My squeaky toy does have a smile, and looks a little fatter. I've got to go do some questioning. Come here, squeaky toy. I just want to ask you a couple of questions. Where were you. . . . . . . ?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Detective

 

The house has more than 1 door!!!

July 26th 2007 2:11 pm
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It has been another day when Mommy thought she could leave us to go to the doctor without us. She had to sneak out the back door which Angel and I thought was very rotten. We were at the front door waiting to go with her. Can you imagine how annoyed we were when we realized that she had taken an alternate route.

Angel's diary entry yesterday was typical of her "drama queen" mindset. She says we were left alone. We had our brother we had to babysit. Maybe she didn't want to complain about baby sitting, but when I mentioned it to her that she wasn't totally honest with the facts, she told me it sounded better if no one was here. I guess you can't blame a "pig" for being a "ham". I'm only joking, but the puppy does like to eat.

Speaking of food, it is dinnertime around here. I hpe all you dogs out there are happily eating "people food".

Demon Flash Bandit (Disappointed Dog)

 

More additions to the "they deserve a bite list"

July 25th 2007 5:42 pm
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Hi,
I got a paw-mail from my friend, Brandy III, who wants motorcyclists who ride their noisy bikes in front of the house added to the "they deserve a bite" list so I'm adding it now.
I shall add a few more:
1. Telemarketers (maybe we should try to sell them stuff---as president, I will
pass a law stating that a book be published with all telemarketers home
phone info so you can call them at home when they are trying to relax. )

2. Snakes. (I don't like them.)

3. Dog Groomers (Does anyone take them in for a BATH?)

4. Obedience shcool (It would be okay if it were for humans, but it is for
DOGS.)

5. Birds (Have I mentioned them already? HAHAHA)

6. Animal Control Officers (Truly evil people)

Jeff is in his room watching the old Underdog cartoons. It is one of the few times I agree with his choice of tv programming.

Demon Flash Bandit (We've no need to fear--Demon Flash Bandit it here)
AND HE IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!

 

Howling Huskies

July 24th 2007 11:07 pm
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Angel has already mentioned our new group, The Howling Huskies. We were singing along to a song when we got the idea. As she mentioned, there is a group called The Byrds (wow, most birds just hum the melody, and don't even put in lyrics because they are too stupid to write lyrics). It the Byrds can be successful, then we should be sensations. We plan on being on the cutting edge of recording. Those young people like the Beatles better move over (what do you mean the Beatles aren't young?) Next you'll be trying to get me to believe the Rolling Stones are old codgers. I know better. I've seen them perform on tv. They can't be over 30. By the way, I've heard some strange sounds coming out of the radio. Mommy is nice enough to change the channel so it doesn't hurt my ears. Evidently, it is recordings of fights because it is called rap, and it sounds like they are beating each other with their fists. Teen-agers listen to it and then get involved in drugs. I know because I've seen this recent movie called, Reefer Madness which shows that when kids listen to bad music, they become drug addicts, and walk around being beat niks which is why it is called rap. Rap and beat are similar words. It doesn't take a husky to figure that out. Angel and I plan to be selling our Howling Huskie cds soon so watch for them on your store shelves so you can start howling with the huskies in the privacy of your own home. How much would you pay for a Howling Huskies cd? A nickel. What kind of an insult is that--they will be priced at a very reasonable $66.77. If you buy 2, there will be a 2 cent discount so stock up for your Christmas gift list. That 2 cent discount really adds up.

Demon Flash Bandit (Howling Mad Demon)

 
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