Adventures of a lead dog

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My other brother is a computer hog

August 24th 2007 12:52 pm
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Hello everyone. I didn't get to write an entry yesterday because I was watching my other brother (the one who doesn't live with us), and he was hogging the computer. I also had to listen to his whining. I don't have the internet at home, I am a loser, I look like a wookie, I should take shower, I am insane. Okay, maybe he wasn't actually saying those things, but he should have been. I know that is what I was thinking while he was being a computer hog. He is so stupid he thinks that he is babysitting for Angel and me when I am babysitting for him. I think I should be the one who is compensated. I have to put up with him, and he loves to hog the computer---MY COMPUTER.
Mommy and the Fster went to see 2 movies yesterday--Stardust and Superbad. I know that Superbad can't be about a dog or it would be called Supergood. Stardust must be a documentary about cleaning. If I were going to the theatre, I would just go see Underdog again and again. I'm sure it is the best movie out there at the moment.
I'd better get off the computer because Angel has to write her diary. I'll write more tomorrow--if the neighborhood computer hog doesn't show up.

Demon Flash Bandit (Overall Wonderful Dog)

 

I Rule

August 22nd 2007 4:36 pm
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Last night Angel and I had to babysit while Mommy and Jeff went to a movie. The movie was The Last Legion. I'm not sure exactly what it was about, but I'm hoping it involved dogs. I have discovered from watching the tv that not all movies have dogs in them. Yes, I know you are thinking what I'm thinking, what is the point of watching them, but humans can be very silly. It has been kind of quiet today so there isn't a lot of new stuff to report to all you dogs out there. I do wish I could go to the theatre with Mommy. Remember to vote for me for president so these silly laws will be changed.
In answer to Angel's entry yesterday. Queen obviously wrote the song, Flash, about me. I like the song. In fact, I do rule. The group Queen and the Queen Mother think I am the "Flash" and that I rule. Angel is just upset that her song is based on the melody to Rubber Duckie, and it is called Angel Puppy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

 

Angel with Kung Fu Grip

August 21st 2007 11:43 pm
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Hello all of you wonderful canines. I hope all of you are having a nice day.
Before I go into any new subjects, I have a correction to make. Triumph, the Insult Dog was at a Star Wars Convention, not a Star Trek Convention. The Fster pointed out my mistake, and said he isn't a geek because it is a totally different thing. Okay Jeff, the people who are into Star Trek aren't geeks, they are highly cool people who walk around wearing Vulcan ears and having disagreements over who is the best Captain--Kirk or Picard. Obviously, I'm very wrong. I'm sure Triumph the Insult Dog would think the Trekkies are super cool. I do have one question--why did the Fster wear a Darth Vader costume to the convention? Isn't that just wrong?
Now, in answer to Angel's entry from 2 days ago. There is a phantom dog and he happens to look a lot like me (lucky guy), and the video she has is of him. A lot of people mistake him for me, but he is the phantom dog. The phantom dog did not slap me with his paw. It was Angel. I can prove it because she was even bragging in one of her entries about an action figure of Angel with Kung Fu grip. She has a real obcession with hitting people.
I don't think that the American dogs (and people) want this campaign to become a lot of insults and mud slinging so I plan to take the high road. I am the one who decided to run first. Angel just jumped on the band wagon because she wanted some extra money to pay her cell phone bill. It wouldn't be so high if she would quit her yakking, but Angel has to call all her friends, and she never knows when to get off the phone. I'm sure all you male dogs know what I mean. I do enjoy having her around though. She is nice to look at.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog of the People)

 

Triumph was right!!!!!!!

August 20th 2007 11:01 am
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Its Demon Flash Bandit's time to rant again. I have come to the conclusion that one of the real problems for us dogs is that we have no news program with Doggie News--news that matters to us canines. I could add it to my list of things ot try out, but running for president, and being in the Howling Huskies keeps me very busy. If any of you dogs are interested, let me know because we really need more doggie programming. The Fster (I've made him an honorary dog) could be a stand up commedienne. He really makes us dogs laugh.
Speaking of the Fster, I was watching Triumph the Insult Dog (thank you Conan O'Brien), and he was covering the geeks at a Star Trek Convention. Angel and I almost laughed our tails off (we checked--luckily our beautiful curly tails are still there). I looked at Angel and said, "Didn't we get left in the "Big House" so that the Fster could go to a Star Trek Convention. I found out from Mommy that it is one of the larger Star Trek Conventions. Then Angel and I quit laughing and got worried. If the Fster is a geek, does that mean that we are geeks by association? Of course, no one as cute as me and as hot as Angel could be a geek so we quit worrying and came to the conclusion that we should try to help the poor Fster get over being a geek. I wonder how we are going to accomplish that. . . . . I'm sure the Howling Huskies can manage to come up with some good idea. Maybe we could let him wear a husky costume. I can't think of any way for him to look any cooler. Hey F. . . . .where are you? We need to go to the Halloween costume store. Yes, I saw one that is about to open. Angel and I have good news for you. . . . . I'll get back to this story when I can report how happy the Fster is with our idea.

Demon Flash Bandit (One Cool Dog)

 

An Apology and Angel is Slinging Mud (that smells bad)

August 19th 2007 11:21 am
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I have to start this entry with a political apology. Yesterday I said the Democrats might run a chick for president, and I was angry that they would even consider putting a bird in the White House. The Fster laughed at my entry and told me that "chick" is a word men use for women--usually derogatory. I understand the derogatory part, but it isn't my fault that you humans use such inexact language. You should say what you mean. The Democrats are not planning to run a bird. However, the Green Party might try it. They would probably say that the bird is on the endangered species list and should be president. Any bird that hangs around Demon Flash Bandit is on the endangered species list. I want all of them killed. Thanks to all you dogs out there who do your part to try to kill off all the birds.

Angel's entry claims I lie about her. I guess she is starting her campaign of dirty tricks and mud slinging already. I will state that when she starts her mud slinging, I'll get out of the way. She says she had mud on her paws, but it didn't smell like mud---unless the mud was from a sewer.

It is not my fault that Jackie Gleason played the role of Angel in Smokey and the Bandit. I didn't cast the part. However, it is very funny that they would choose him. Just remember Angel, The Deemster had nothing to do with it.

Demon Flash Bandit (My Motto: All Birds are Endangered Species)

 

Vote for Demon Flash Bandit

August 18th 2007 10:33 am
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I think it is time that I take this opportunity to comment more on my political campaign. I also want to add a comment to Angel's entry (for those of you who bother to read her diary). I also have no idea what George W. is jabbering about, and from the blank expression on his face, I doubt that he has any idea either. However, I wouldn't want you people to think that we are putting him down. I think he would make a great dog (even if he does have kind of a monkey look to him). He seems like the kind of laid back, easy going guy who would really enjoy a day of "dogdom". It also gives Angel a lot of hope that, since he has been caught DUI as well, that she can still be president. I, Demon Flash Bandit don't drink alcohol so it isn't a problem for me, but it is kind of sad that so many people would be so hard on Angel in the voting booth when this country sells liquor everywhere. Evidently the humans don't enjoy life as much as us dogs, and a lot of them turn to alcohol and drugs. Why don't you people just learn to enjoy a good tummy rub, and try chasing a frisbee? Both activities are amazingly relaxing.

I also am appalled that there is a war going on, and I haven't heard of one single bird being killed or even taken prisoner. I know if I were president, the birds would be my major foe. I hate them. They fly around like they own the planet. They drop their poop on everyone. I like to call it their little "bombs". Why aren't we at war with them? Does nothing in this world make sense. That is why I should be president. Only a dog can run this country properly. I also want to make it clear---I've heard the Democrats are thinking of running a "chick" for president. Have you humans gone nuts? You are thinking of putting a bird in the white house. Now I understand why your world has so many problems---problems that it will take a dog to fix.

Demon Flash Bandit (The One Who Should Get Your Vote)

 

Angel Was Hot

August 17th 2007 9:29 am
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Mommy and Jeff went to a silly movie last night. It was called Rush Hour 3, and evidently, it involved the time of day when a lot of huskies are out mushing, and the traffic is bad. I didn't ask--but the title seems pretty self explanatory. Anyway, we didn't have to babysit for my silly brother so that means Angel had to go into her crate. I have the freedom to run through the house because Mommy knows I am a good dog, and I won't get into things that might hurt me. Angel is still a puppy so she might find something that might hurt her. While they were gone, I decided that Angel looked too hot (I am talking about the temperature although she is definitely one HOT puppy). I went and found a small red fan and I put it in front of her cage. I happened to knock a few things over to get it, but I felt it was an emergency situation for Angel. Angel couldn't sit next to the air conditioning vent so she needed a fan. Mommy picked up the "little mess" I made (I didn't bother anything--I can't pick things up that well because I don't have thumbs. I wonder if I can ask for some for Christmas.) Anyway, Mommy thought it was sweet, but I was so frustrated. I couldn't get the fan to work. Sure, I put it in front of her crate, but it wasn't at all cooperative. I told it that Angel needed some cool air, and would it please send some her way. The fan never did move. I think it was either dead or extremely lazy. I wonder if that chord has anything to do with it. . . . . . . I hope all you doggies are staying cool--both literally and figuratively.

Demon Flash Bandit (Trying to Cool the World one Fan at a Time)

 

The President should be the cutest candidate

August 16th 2007 10:41 am
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I have spent the last couple of entries explaining about my visit to the "Big House" so now it is time to get back to my presidential campaign. I had a request from Savannah Blue Belle to add box turtles to the list of things that should die. I don't know what a box turtle is, but I'll be glad to add it to the list. Savannah will be on my cabinet as Secretary of Digging. If any of you others want a cabinet post in my administration, I'd suggest you don't wait until the last minute. These are highly coveted positions.

I want to add another good reason to vote for me for president. Mommy was watching the TV the other day when this character named George W. came on. Evidently, he is allowed to talk on TV whenever he wants to. Then I discovered a startling fact---he isn't near as cute as I am. That is the point I want to make. If I am elected, when I get on TV, you'll get to see my extra cute face. If you vote for someone else, you'll have to look at them. Case Closed. I know I would rather look at my face than at George W.'s face. When are you people going to learn the proper way to vote? I listened to your conversations, and none of you are voting for the cutest candidate. What are you thinking? You'll have to look at this person on TV for the next 4 years. Now do you understand the importance of casting the right vote?

Demon Flash Bandit (The Cute One)

 

Angel's Bath

August 15th 2007 2:09 pm
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I am so happy to be out of the "big house". Yes, being home with my family is great. The people at the kennel were nice, and I know they were trying, but it is still jail. Angel will probably be in again. I'm not saying she is always drunk, but I suspect that even when she is sober, she could be considered DUI---Driving Utterly Idiotic. I don't know how many times I've told her that I'm the only dog in this family who can drive. Even if she were a good driver, she is too young. I know she shouldn't drive because I've seen her---she is far too busy staring at her reflection in the rear view mirror to pay attention to the road. Of course, she also has to chat on her cell phone. I only get on the phone when Mommy is gone, and I'm trying to call her--and I'm not driving.

I read Angel's diary, and I do feel that I need to clear up one item. Yes, I didn't enjoy the Kennel (which is why the Cruel was spelled with a K for Kennel in yesterday's title). However, I wasn't given a bath. Why was Angel given a bath? Were they trying to embarrass and humiliate her? The answer is NO. Angel pooped in her kennel, and got it on her paws. It was her big escape attempt. She told me that she was going to poop, and get it on her paws, and then they would be so disgusted that they would let her go. I tried to talk her out of it, but Angel is stubborn. Instead of being totally disgusted and giving her freedom, they gave her a bath. I thought it was funny. Maybe next time she will listen to me.

I hope all of you dogs out there have families who take you with them when they go on vacation. I'd enjoy a nice trip to Alaska.

Demon Flash Bandit (Telling the Truth and Nothing but the Truth)

 

K is for Kruel

August 14th 2007 3:00 pm
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Hello all you dogs out there. A few of you might be wondering why I haven't been writing my diary. I didn't write because I, Demon Flash Bandit, presidential candidate and overall perfect dog, was put in a KENNEL. Can you believe it? I know I found it hard to believe. Angel was put in the same kennel. I always go on family vacations with Mommy, but the F (I guess the F now stands for FINK) wanted to go to some silly Star Trek Convention in Las Vegas, Nevada. Mommy says it is hot there and we wouldn't like it. Besides they flew on an airplane, and Mommy doesn't want me to fly in the cargo area. Anyway, the solution was to put Angel and me in virtual jail. She even paid people to keep us there. The kennel gave us a good report card, but I didn't like being there. I missed Mommy and F (the FINK). I also am sad to report----THE KENNEL WAS FEEDING US DOG FOOD---YES, YOU READ CORRECTLY-----DOG FOOD. I couldn't believe it either. Mommy is paying them to feed us dog food? Next time I want to stay at a kennel with a restaurant, and Angel says it should be an all you can eat buffet. Angel does enjoy her food. Mommy took us to Burger King this morning, and I've been sleeping all day with a hamburger wrapper. I'll get back to my usual rantings in a day or two, but this kennel thing has upset me terribly.

Demon Flash Bandit (Incarcerated but Innocent)

 
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