August 6th 2007 8:20 am
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There's no need to fear
Underdog is here
Yes, Mommy went to see Underdog last night, and said it was a delightful movie. It is the story of a beagle who gets superpowers and becomes a super hero. It is about time they made a movie like this. I get tired of all the human super heroes. Having a dog superhero is far more believeable. Of course, I didn't get to see it because I'm not allowed in threatres. Mommy and Jeff said it was an excellent movie, and I trust their opinions. Jeff did say they should have had more dogs and less humans. Although I haven't seen it, it sounds like Jeff made a good point.
Did any of you dogs out there read Angel's dairy entry yesterday? If you did, you can understand what a pain she is to live with. I try so hard to get along and make her feel good. I even told her that she is pretty. I think you can see why she would make a bad president (VOTE FOR ME). Can you imagine the state of the world if you had a leader that would try to start a fight over every little insult received. We would end up in a war over something that doesn't make any sense. Angel wouldn't care because she would be sitting on her tail enjoying the good life. It is very important that you remember to VOTE FOR DEMON FLASH BANDIT FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unlike Angel, I would concentrate on the real issues--killing birds, ridding the world of bugs, forcing Hollywood to make more dog movies, and LETTING DOGS GO ANYWHERE THEY WANT TO GO. This silly ban on dogs has got to stop.
If you want to live in the past, vote for the dog with the puple polka dot cast.
VOTE DEMON FLASH BANDIT NOT ANGEL ZOOM SMOKEY FOR PRESIDENT
Demon Flash Bandit--Making the world better for dogs--one dog at a time.
Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Candidate)
August 5th 2007 9:35 am
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I didn't get to write a diary entry yesterday. Mommy was tired from taking Angel to the emergency vet hospital, and then she was busy with some silly human stuff. Have any of you dogs out there ever noticed how "important" the humans think the things they are doing are? I've watched what they do, and believe me, it isn't important at all. I haven't seen them out killing birds or even swatting bugs. You'd think they would learn what is important in life. I do understand the importance of eating and taking a good nap, but the rest of the stuff they do is silly.
Now, back to the "Angel is an idiot" story. Angel managed to pull a claw out of her front paw and she was bleeding all over the place. The Fster saw the blood and got Mommy and they both got upset and rushed Angel to the vet, and the vet fixed her, and put a purple polka dotted bandage on her leg. Yes, that did make me laugh. It was cute, but she looked so silly wearing a purple bandage on her paw. I'm sure she must have asked for it. You know how girls are. She even allows Mommy to let her wear clothes. I personally think her new shirt that says "brother for rent" is disgusting. I don't wear a shirt that says "check e-bay for sister sale". I'm not going to sink to the level of wearing a shirt just to annoy Angel. Anyway, back to her injury. Angel is an idiot. I believe I've mentioned that in past entries. The puppy loves to jump, and when she is walking, she prefers to walk on top of stuff. I never did that as a puppy. The other day she fell off the bed 3 times because she wasn't paying attention to where she was sitting, and she sat on the edge, and PLOP, she was on the floor. I think she has found a bar somewhere because she acts like she is drunk. I have smelled her breath, and I didn't smell alcohol. A breath mint wouldn't hurt her. HAHAHA Anyway, she is okay, and I do like her so I'm glad she wasn't hurt seriously. Mommy hopes maybe this will keep her from some of her wild aerobics because Mommy has been concerned that she might hurt herself. We huskies are very stubborn when it comes to changing our behavior so Mommy doesn't know how to stop her from doing some of these things. She is amazingly graceful when she jumps through the air. Then she falls off the bed when she sits. Do any of you other dogs think that is funny? I know I do.
I also want to cover the "Indiana Jones hat" incident that happened yesterday. Mommy ate at Cracker Barrel the other day, and bought Jeff an Indiana Jones hat. Yes, fellow dogs, now I have to put up with the Fster wearing his hat asking me if he looks like Indiana Jones. I don't even know who Indiana Jones is. He said is was a movie series, and I asked why I haven't been able to see a Snow Dogs 2. He said Disney was planning to make one, but hasn't. Back to the silly Fster story. Angel loves that hat. Yesterday she went into his room and climbed up on his furniture and got it. She tries to wear it, but her head is too small for it. She didn't hurt it, but Jeff found it in another room, and it was a bit wet from being carried in her mouth. I told her that I may not have watched the movies, but Indiana Jones is a man--not a woman. She went into her "women can do anything men can do" speech. I then asked her that if women can do everything a man can do, how about shutting her yap. I have no idea why she is mad at me. We guys can't catch a break. We say the least little thing and the girls get offended. She gained some weight and so she asked me if her butt looked fat. I told her that it didn't look any fatter than the rest of her. She gets mad over nothing. I know all you dogs out there (particularly the male ones) know what I mean. You try your best to be a gentleman, and they don't appreciate your efforts. Now Angel is in here wanting on the computer. She probably wants to tell her side of the story which, if she told the truth would be, "I tried to steal Jeff's hat, I'm getting fat, and I've annoying the Deemster." If she writes anything other than that, she is lying. I'll let her get on the computer because, to be honest, I'm a little scared of her. I hope all you dogs are having a good weekend.
Demon Flash Bandit (MALE DOG)
August 3rd 2007 7:36 am
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I think it is time I fully covered the subject of bugs-that includes, fleas, mosquitoes, bees, etc. I don't like them so I'm "against" them. They fly around making stupid buzzing noises which are very irritating. Some of them even manage to get into the house. I hate them as much--no maybe more than birds. I'm tired of having to walk around with a can of bug spray in my paw. I know some idiot out there will say they are part of the ecosystem(whatever that is), but I say it is time to completely annihilate them. Maybe the honeybees can live, but they have to live in their own designated area which will be assigned to them. At least they will be out of everyone's way. I cannot stress how utterly useless bugs are. Have you seen the ones that crawl around and can't fly. They look like Mother Nature's mistakes. Either they have 8 or 10 legs or they have half a million eyes. Some of them have both. Those should be killed immediately. They are as evil, if not more so, than birds. I also hate snakes, and I wouldn't mind seeing them dead either. That is another advantage to snow. It is not only great so sledding, but bugs hate it so you don't have to put up with them. I hope all you doggies out thre haev a wonderful day.
Demon Flash Bandit (Bug Hater)
August 2nd 2007 12:13 pm
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For those of you who actually read Angel Zoom Smokey's diary entries. She decided to go on a search for the Ark of the Covenant, and she wanted me to be her sidekick. I like Angel, but I am the lead dog----NOT A SIDEKICK. I honestly don't know what that dog is thinking about at times. I do agree with her breaking news story on birds. You have to kill them. Taking them prisoner is just silly.
I have been very busy being a dog. I have been eating, napping, dreaming, and giving Angel my "you are an idiot" looks which are so precious. I know they are because I've watched myself in the mirror, and I'm adorable when I give her those looks. The main reason she is getting my "you are an idiot look" today is that she dug up the Ark of the Covenant. The Ark of the Covenant she found is action figure size, and she thinks it is the real Ark of the Covenant. It is about 2 inches wide and maybe an inch high. My brother who passed on had all the Indiana Jones toys so I buried the Ark where she would find it. I thought it would be hilarious to watch her face when she found it. How did I know she wouldn't realize it was too small to be the real one and know it was a joke? Now I don't have the heart to tell her, and it is so lousy because it is so funny, and I can't laugh when she tells me about her archealogical find. I even told her that the real ark would kill you if you touched it, and her answer is that those rules don't apply to dogs because God loves dogs and wouldn't want to hurt us. Now I kind of wish I had told her the truth from the beginning because I had no idea she would call in the University of Michigan history department, and the local news channels. I told you she was a drama queen so she always goes a bit overboard. I have no idea how the ark got there. That is my story and I'm sticking to it. I bet they are going to think Angel is an idiot which gives me another chance to use my "Angel is an idiot look". Life is good.
Demon Flash Bandit (Archealogical Helper HAHAHA)
August 1st 2007 10:25 am
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Mommy came home last night after seeing No Reservations, and she stopped and got Firehouse Dog. I was looking forward to seeing it, but then the F-ster went into her room and put Mystery Science Theatre in the dvd to some awful movie called Hobgoblins which seemed to be a low budget rip-off of Gremlins. It could have been a good movie if it had actually had a story, some good actors, and a budget. Angel was watching it so Mommy couldn't tell the F-ster to take it out. Angel said whe was wondering how such a bad movie could have actually been released. She said she has left more entertaining poop. I have seen Angel's poop, and it is more entertaining. I must take this opportunity to say that I do not poop. The poop left behind before Angel came here was from the Phantom Dog. He looks a lot like me, but it isn't me because, as I said, I don't poop. When I was little, I used to look for things to put over poop because I didn't like to look at it. I'd find bags, newspapers, etc. One day Daddy stepped in some poop I had covered with a paper towel I found. He had a sore on his foot, and he was yelling I got poop in my wound. Mommy and the F-ster were cracking up because it sounded like the episode of Family Guy where Peter Griffin was yelling, It's in my raccoon wounds when he got covered in poop. That was one funny episode. No, his wound healed just fine. The poop didn't hurt it at all. I had to have a talk with the Phantom Puppy about not pooping in the bedroom where Daddy would step down. Eventually, the Phantom Puppy got house-trained, and all has been okay since then.
I am such a talented writer. I started out talking about movies, and ended up talking about poop. How many other writers can do that (no, Larry the Cable Guy doesn't count because that is one of his main topics of conversation).
Anyway, I plan to see Firehouse Dog tonight. Mommy says it is a good movie, and it has to be infinitely better than Hobgoblins.
Demon Flash Bandit (Friend of the Phantom Dog)
July 31st 2007 10:15 am
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Today I am going to discuss movies. This is because the movie that I've been waiting to see, Firehouse Dog, is out on dvd today. I wanted to see it with Mommy when it came out, but the theatre won't allow dogs. This is an issue I plan to deal with when I become president so all you doggies better remember to vote for me. I haven't heard one other candidate address this particular issue. Angel probably could, but she is too busy rattling on about Kung Fu Grip Angel action figures. I admit the idea is funny, but hardly a presidential issue. By the way, Angel does possess Kung Fu grip. I've seen her put her front paws around the humans when she kisses them, and you'd think she had super glue on her paws. They can't get her off. She is still a puppy. I don't think she realizes that the humans do have to breath because they like her puppy kisses. She just gets a little overly enthusiastic with the puppy kisses at times. Another movie called 300 is also out. I told Mommy that they should have combined the movies, and made it 300 Firehouse Dogs. Wouldn't that be a great movie? Move over 101 Dalmatians. You have been outdone by 300 Firehouse Dogs. By coincidence, aren't Dalmations usually "firehouse" dogs? Have you been replaced by a new breed? I haven't heard anyone speak for the Dalmatians so I guess they are okay with the movie.
Now for the bad news. Mommy saw the Simpsons last night. Yes, according to Mommy and the F-ster, it was a good movie. However, I saw the trailer. Again, I am not allowed in the theatre, and I did not like the part where Homer was whipping the huskies. Of course, on the good side, the huskies ended up attacking Homer and running away. There were no animals actually hurt in the filming the the movie which was clearly pointed out in the credits. I know that might have seemed odd since the scene with the huskies would have clearly been a mis-treatment of dogs, but it was animated. For you doggies who aren't familiar with animation-it means the dogs aren't real. They are drawings. I want to make it clear that you should never treat real huskies or any other dog like that. I have many comments to make about the horrible people who mis-treat dogs, but I'll save them for another day.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog who isn't allowed in Theatres)
July 30th 2007 5:54 am
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After a lengthy talk with Angel yesterday about what a handsome, brilliant dog I am (what else would we want to talk about?) we decided maybe our band should make a cd. We plan to include these titles among others: You Ain't Nothing But a Sled Dog, Demon's Song (Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain) How Much is That Husky in the Window?, I Want to Buy Me a Dog, There Ain't No Fleas on Me, I'm Not Taking a Bath, Leave MY Rawhide bone alone, and the very popular Let's Get Rid of the Vacuum. My personal song is Demon is the Chanpion. I really love that song.
Angel wants to do a solo cd with hits such as Where is my Food, Why am I a Puppy, Demon took the T-Bird Away, and It's Not Easy Being Green (it would be a touching song, but she isn't green. She isn't good with colors).
i think the cd would be great for my presidential campaign. I've got to go and talk to my agent.
Demon Flash Bandit (Rock Star)
July 29th 2007 10:55 am
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For all of you dogs out there who were pointing your paws at me in the missing candy bar mystery. It has been solved. Mommy found them in the car. The F-ster said he had gotten everything out, but they were in their own bag, and it fell where he couldn't see it. Mommy found them. Mommy is good at finding things. Anyway, the case really is closed. Don't you dogs who thought it was me feel foolish? Angel was even giving me her "candy should be shared" lectures. I'm tired of everyone always thinking missing candy is my fault. Just because I enjoy a few bites of a good candy bar doesn't mean I'm a thief. Don't let the name Bandit fool you--I steal hearts.
Angel has been following me around barking. She is always yapping about something. YAP YAP YAP BLAH BLAH BLAH, I'm following you. What are you doing? , etc. I'm trying to get away from your constant yapping. What do you think I'm trying to do--but you keep following me. I know you think I'm cute. I know I'm a genius. Angel is such a sweet, descerning dog. I think I'll go spend some time with her.
Demon Flash Bandit (Successful Doggy Detective)
July 28th 2007 10:37 am
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I solved the missing candy bar problem. The squeaky toy did it. I had to "rough" him up a little, but he confessed. Mommy understands now that they have been eaten by the squeaky toy and are best forgotten about. I am annoyed. They were Dove candy bars. Dove is my favorite. I hate that #@#@ squeaky toy for stealing our candy. Why is Mommy still looking when I have told her the case is solved? What is wrong with her? The squeaky toy did it---CASE CLOSED!!!!!!! Doesn't she listen when I close a case? Uh oh she is getting a little to close to my stash of ca. . . . .candles, yes, my candle collection. Mommy likes candles, but these are mine. I've got to go. Mommy, don't look there===here is the squeaky toy. Rip him apart. I do.
Demon Flash Bandit (Cand. . .le Collector)
July 27th 2007 8:25 am
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Demon Flash Bandit here. I'm in the middle of some serious detective work. Evidently, there are thieves in this house. Someone stole 3 candy bars from the bag when Mommy went shopping. My original idea was that the crime was perpetrated by the cashier who is probably a serious sugar addict. Mommy says she is quite sure the cashier is honest and not hopped up on sugar. Then I suggested perhaps they fell out in the car. Again, Mommy looked, and -NO CANDY BARS. I guess it could be Angel, but she doesn't look happy enough and I don't smell chocolate on her breath. Mommy wouldn't be guilty because they were hers anyway. You can't steal your own stuff. I could point my paw at the F-ster, but he can eat candy whenever he wants so, why steal it? It just wouldn't get replaced as quickly. Did I hear some smart alec dog out there suggest it might be me. That is impossible. I am the detective trying to solve the case. My squeaky toy does have a smile, and looks a little fatter. I've got to go do some questioning. Come here, squeaky toy. I just want to ask you a couple of questions. Where were you. . . . . . . ?
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Detective
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