Adventures of a lead dog

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Did a bird buy the house next door?

June 26th 2007 8:17 am
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There was a bird walking through my neighbor's yard yesterday like he owned the place. My brother said maybe he does. That made me realize that the bird could have bought it with all the money he gets from stealing my snow to sell to the penquins. That is my friend, Meagan's house. She is an adorable cocker spaniel. I don't want to see her homeless because a bird has bought her house. I HATE birds.
Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Hater)

 

My human brothers are jerks

June 25th 2007 6:06 am
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I am very angry today. I can understand Mommy not taking me to the Balloonfest. She is getting old, and I know she can barely take herself. My brothers went and they didn't take me. I couldn't believe their nerve. One said that I would be a major problem to keep up with since I don't always behave when I'm excited.
MY VIEW: I am very well behaved, but the humans have no taste. They leave the dog out, and then its the dog's fault. Do I get mad at them when they take me someplace I don't want to go? I go with them, and try to make the best of the situation. Humans aren't even smart enough to run after an evil bird. Our whole society has the same blatant disregard for the dog's wishes. We need a hero. When is UNDERDOG being released? That is a movie that understands the importance of a single dog.
Demon Flash Bandit (I'm always ready to go bye bye)

 

Balloonfest

June 24th 2007 10:18 am
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Mommy went to the Balloonfest yesterday WITHOUT THE DOG EVEN THOUGH DOGS ARE ALLOWED. Can you believe her? She said she can barely make it through there herself, and doesn't have the stamina to take the dogs. Is it my fault that I get excited and try to pull people whichever way I want to go? Is it my fault that they never appreciate the fun stuff (like a good sitck or an icky bug)? Maybe my brother will take me today. I'll have to go use my sad face. I hope all you dogs have fun today.
Demon Flash Bandit (potential attender of the Balloonfest)

 

Driving

June 23rd 2007 4:29 am
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Angel has gone way too far this time. While Mommy was on the computer yesterday, she got into Mommy's purse. She got the keys out, and was trying to get the wallet when Mommy found her. I don't know what is wrong with Angel. She should have left the keys alone. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DRIVE. I AM THE LEAD DOG. WHAT WAS SHE THINKING? She gets in the car and tries to sit on Mommy's lap because she thinks she will be allowed to drive. I am not allowed to drive. Mommy said if the police see a dog driving the car, they will put me in the cage in the back of the police car, and I hate cages. On second thought, Angel, where are those keys? Sure, the police love it when dogs drive. Why don't you go without Mommy. She won't mind. Where were you planning to go? Let me make a quick phone call to the police. No, you don't need a license. I'm calling them to ask if they are having any fund raisers. Have a good time. Bye.
Demon Flash Bandit (concerned citizen)

 

Angel will get her own page.

June 21st 2007 5:27 am
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Yesterday Mommy finally got a photo of the puppy. She was asleep. Now I guess the puppy will end up with a puppy page of her own. I don't really think it is necessary. My side is all that matters. Whatever the puppy's opinion of the day's events might be, she is wrong. It is bad enough she wakes me from naps and now she will be on dogsster. Life doesn't make any sense-putting the puppy on a doggy page. Now she is going to think she is better than all the other dogs---and she is barely worthy of licking my paws.
Demon Flash Bandit (Possible dogster editor)

 

The Fantastic 4 Sled Dogs

June 20th 2007 5:32 am
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Mommy went to see another movie-The Fantastic Four which I can only assume is about a dog sled team with 4 very fantastic dogs. What else could it be about? If it were about humans, it would be called The Ordinary Four.

I am on the computer, and I hear the pitter patter of 4 annoying puppy paws. C'mon in Angel Have you ever heard of e-bay. You can buy anything on e-bay. No, I wouldn't think of selling you. She sure is gullible.HA I'm letting it work to my advantage. The only problem is that I kind of like her, but I don't want to admit it. How can I not like a puppy who looks up to me so much. No matter how much she annoys me, she does have excellent taste.

Mommy said the movie was good so the dog team must have saved the world-AGAIN. We save the world, and then we aren't even allowed to go in stores and restaurants. It just isn't fair. I think some doggie lawyer should start demanding that dogs get better treatment. I'm sure the case would get the dog a lot of publicity. Are there any doggie lawyers interested? Dogs everywhere would be grateful.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog rights activist)

 

All the candy is mine

June 19th 2007 4:47 am
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Angel stepped over the line yesterday. I found some Mike and Ike's, and she tried to get the empty box. I knew this was bound to happen. Eventually she would think my candy and empty candy boxes are hers. I let her know that the candy belongs to DEMON. I let her eat all the roast beef. I thought I was being nice. Mommy said she is going to hide the candy better because I am getting way too ridiculous in my love of candy. I don't know how many times I have to tell her it is the perfect food. It tastes good, and is obviously good for me. I have covered in previous entries how Mike and Ike's have fruit flavors, and fruit is a basic food group. Added to the fact that candy is the main food group, that makes it so good for me that I don't know why Mommy doesn't just buy me candy and be done with it. Where are the dog scientists to back me up? Mommy really doesn't get it. She doesn't even think candy is a food group. I still think the humans don't want us to have candy so they can eat it all themselves.
Demon Flash Bandit (Nutritionist)

 

Pirates of Alaska

June 18th 2007 9:44 am
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Mommy went to see some silly Pirates movie for a third time yesterday. I could understand if it was Eight Below or Snow Dogs, but I can't think of many movies that need to be seen more than once. I guess Firehouse Dog would be one. I also heard that Underdog will be coming out soon. Anyway, after giving it some thought, I kind of understood why people like the pirate movie. It probably stars a handsome blue eyed husky like myself. He runs the ship, and everyone does what he wants because, if they don't he gives them a sad look or makes them walk the plank. (I've heard some dogs say they would have cats walk the plank-I do like cats so I don't share their opinion.) Then the pirate gets the leading girl dog, and the treasure of rawhide bones.
Hey Angel---let's go out on Mommy's boat. You can walk the plank. Sure---the plank is lots of fun. It is a privilege to walk the plank. You get to do it because you are such a sweet puppy-and you nipped at my neck when I was trying to sleep. You know it has to be fun if it is based on a ride at Disneyland. You can trust Sir Dirty Paws........
Demon Flash Bandit (Captain Demon Bandit-see my name is perfect for a pirate)

 

Money

June 17th 2007 9:24 am
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I really need to learn to type. After yesterday's entry, Mommy had a long talk with Angel about her not being sold on E-Bay. I told her I'd take her photo. She can trust the Deemster. I tell her that, but the birds must have told her otherwise. Birds are evil.
Now it is time that I inform all you dogs out there about an important item-at least to humans. They carry around paper which they refer to as money. It is green, and always has a photo of some old human on it. For you dogs in Canada, your money comes in different colors, and I think it has some old lady on it. Old ladies aren't allowed on money in the U.S. I think it is because having old men to look at is bad enough. Anyway, I go to drive-thru everyday, and before Mommy gets my food, she hands them some of this "money". Then I get a hamburger, chicken, or roast beef. It is that easy. The stupid humans work their butts off for paper-and they think they are smarter than dogs. What a laugh!!!!! Anyway, I have found some of this delightful paper, and I have hoarded it in my stash of hidden items. You know how important it is to have some fossilized meat, and a rawhide bone hidden away in case you get hungry. Mommy found money there, and she just laughed because she didn't realize that I was smart enough to make the connection. PLEASE. I'm the dog who knows how to open the car door, turn on the radio, and make the windows go down. I always pay close attention to whatever the humans are doing. Mommy says she has never had a dog who watches what she does so intently. I've got to go now. I hope all you dogs out there that didn't know about money now unerstand its importance. The humans won't tell you so that leaves it up to a fellow dog to make sure you know. By the way, Mommy used actual money to pay for Angel. I think a few roast beef sandwiches would have been a wiser investment. Oh yeah, Mommy is typing this. Angel was worth every penny. I love her. She is so cute. It was lousy when I got all the attention. BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Demon Flash Bandit (Investment counselor)

 

Angel hates the camera

June 16th 2007 8:24 am
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It is time for another dairy entry. Mommy has been trying to add Angel to Dogster, but Angel either bites the camera or she runs away when Mommy tries to take a photo. I want to take this opportunity to say that it has nothing to do with putting the puppy for sale on E-BAY. I don't know where the puppy gets these odd ideas. Just because I happened to say that I'd like to put a few things on E-bay is no reason for the puppy to think I meant her. Mommy loves her, and I wouldn't think of selling my "favorite" puppy who is always waking me up and biting me on E-Bay. I bet those evil birds gave her that idea. People are always saying "a little birdie told me". Yes, it was the evil birds. I had nothing to do with her odd fear of cameras. I've got to go now and take a few photos. Where are you puppy?..........Is Mommy around?...... You are so adorable..........Wouldn't you like for your husky brother Demon to take your photo............I wouldn't think of selling you on E-Bay...........
Demon Flash Bandit (photographer and possible seller on e-bay)

 
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