September 19th 2007 12:09 pm
[ View A Comments ]
Hello to all you dogs in Dogsterland. How are your humans treating you?
Mommy went to eat at a restaurant last night, and I didn't get to go. They won't allow dogs. The discrimination us dogs face never ends. It will when I become president.
Mommy went to the human vet this morning and got a shot of cortisone in her knee. She says it is feeling better.
I decided to make up my Oscar speech, and I thought I'd go ahead and share it with all my friends on Dogster:
I, Demon Flash Bandit, accept this Oscar because I am the best actor. I wasn't in an actual movie. However, I am so talented that I am still better than the actors who were in movies. I also want to complain to the academy about the lack of dogs in your silly movies. With the exception of Firehouse Dog and Underdog, dogs have not been given enough good parts in Hollywood. I think the fact that the very talented dog, Wishbone, never received an Oscar even though he played parts from Shakespeare to Robin Hood speaks for your discrimination against dogs. Talk about talent. When he dressed as a human, I couldn't tell he was a dog. I know Hollywood occasionally throws a dog in with a "bit part" so they can appeal to the doggie lovers, that is not enough. I accept this Oscar, and next year, I plan to actually star in a movie: How I Became President. Thank you for this honor.
Demon Flash Bandit (Deserving of an Oscar)
September 18th 2007 9:50 am
[ View A Comments ]
Demon Flash Bandit reporting for diary entry writing. I am practicing because one day I'll have to write my memoirs, and, of course, start a presidential library.
Angel Zoom Smokey didn't bother to write a diary yesterday. Is that the kind of dog you want for president? Instead of doing her job, she will be sleeping or having a good time. She is very spoiled. I told Mommy to stop spoiling her. It interferes with spoiling me. HAHAHA
Mommy said it is a nice day outside. I don't see any snow, but as I've said before, Mommy and I have differing ideas about what a nice day involves. Jeff has taken off with his friend. Angel got excited because she thought she could go too. She was running through the house doing her "excited dance". I stayed by the door. I know Jeff and his friends--they never willingly take the dogs, but I thought maybe I could sneak out of the house and get in the car. Hopefully, Jeff would be too lazy to bring me back in. Angel needs to think these things out more carefully.
I'm preparing my speech for the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm sure I will get it for living in the same house with Angel. I'm sure them not contacting me yet is merely a formality. I also want an Oscar for best actor. Jeff said I won't get one because I didn't star in any movies. I know Jeff is wrong. I deserve the Oscar. You should have seen my acting ability when I told Jeff that he was smart. Talk about outstanding performances-he even believed me.
I've got to get back to my many projects. I'm a dog of many talents. Be sure vote for me for president.
Demon Flash Bandit (The Talented Dog)
September 17th 2007 10:41 am
[ View A Comments ]
Hi, Demon Flash Bandit here-resting and writing my diary after an action filled day of.......................................napping. Okay, maybe it looked like I wasn't very active, but I assure you that I was very active--in my dreams.
Angel is once again spreading lies. I have never bitten off anyone's fingers, but Angel bites at everyone so much that Mommy gives her Muzzles Off-which means Mommy holds her mouth closed and sings the Muzzles Off song. She is trying to teach her not to bite. Mommy knows she is teething, but Mommy is trying to teach her not to teethe on people. Angel hates the Muzzles Off song, but I think it is great. It lasts for about 30 seconds, and all Mommy does is hold her mouth closed. To hear her whine about it,you'd think Mommy was killing her. What a cry baby. I am going on record stating that I don't cry unless it is important--if Angel has my rawhide bone, if I want to be petted, if I am hungry, if Angel has my toy, if it is hot. Unlike Angel, I don't cry over Muzzles Off. When I was a puppy, Jeff used the kissy kissy method. I would be ready to bite, and Jeff would say kissy kissy, and I'd kiss him instead. Talk about humiliation. I"m mad and ready to sink my teeth into someone, and I have to kiss them. Muzzles Off is a lot more humane in my opinion. Maybe Mommy should try the kissy kissy method on her.
There are so many serious issues, and all Angel can do is sling mud (if it is really mud--I suspect she is slinging her poop) and put down the best candidate for the job. When birds are running rampant, stealing snow, and causing more global warming, Angel will be the one to blame because she wasn't taking the issues seriously.
Demon Flash Bandit (Fighting for Truth, Justice, and the Killing of Birds)
September 16th 2007 10:46 am
[ View A Comments ]
Hello, the name is Bandit, Demon Flash Bandit. I have just finished saving the free world AGAIN. Why don't we take a spin in my Ferrari. Oh, I"m typing my diary entry. I thought I was typing my memoirs-and I was particulary enjoying that memory. The life of a 007 spy is the one for me--as long as I can do it while I'm sleeping. A dog needs his naps.
I am sorry to report that Angel is still getting by with stuff by giving out puppy kisses. Magic joined my Demon Flash Bandit for President group. It is so nice to have a new member. Remember, voting me in gets dogs the priviledges they deserve. Does anyone remember that movie, Good Boy? It was a fantastic movie about how dogs really run the world, If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.
Mommy didn't go anywhere yesterday. I like it when she stays home and I don't have to babysit my brother. I don't even get paid for it. Is that fair?
Angel's dairy mentions how I will be dressed as Batman on Halloween. That isn't necessarily true. I will wear the black cape, but chances are, Mommy won't be able to get me into the costume. I could be anyone who wears a black cape-including Vlad the Impaler (better known as Count Dracula). I will then proceed to bite Angel's neck for making those comments about Batman and Robin. Who is Angel to make fun of 2 cultural icons? Besides, Burt Ward (who played young Dick Grayson) operates a rescue called Gentle Giants. Mommy met him, and he was telling Mommy about it. It rescues Great Danes and other large breeds. It has a web site called wwwgentlegiantsrescue.com. For anyone interested in adopting a large breed dog, adoptions dogs are available. They also have food you can order and an on-line store to help support the rescue efforts. In my opinion, I think he is a true hero. I think he Burt Ward deserves a doggie salute from all the dogster dogs. HOWL HOWL,we are proud of you Burt. I think you should have your own doggie hero show on tv. I know I'd watch it.
Demon Flash Bandit (Saluting Burt Ward-doggie hero)
September 15th 2007 9:18 am
[ View A Comments ]
It is starting out to be a good day for the Deemster. Angel is in trouble with Mommy. She isn't the world's smartest puppy. She kept Mommy and me up most of the night because she wanted to play-and fight with yours truly. This morning she has torn up 3 scarecrows that were bought for flower arrangements, thrown Mommy's giant stuffed husky on the floor, knocked over a box of mgazines and stole a pair of kid glasses (not prescription). She even opened a Christmas gift Mommy wrapped a couple of days ago and turned over the garbage. Let's just say, the name Angel definitely doesn't fit her personality. I heard Mommy have a serious talk with her about behaving. She was wagging her tail and trying to give Mommy puppy kisses. Does she really think puppy kisses will help? I am saddened to report that Mommy is a sucker for puppy kisses. I, Demon Flash Bandit am not a sucker for puppy kisses. Okay Angel, quite kissing me. . . . . .okay, maybe I can see Mommy's point. Puppy kisses are kind of sweet. Besides, you still have to dress as a hot dog at Halloween. I'm going to get such a kick out of seein gyou in your Oscar Meyer's. HAHAHAHA
I didn't write an entry yesterday because I was busy. Mommy had errands to run and I had to guard the door because she had the nerve to leave a couple of times without me. Jeff went out with his friend. I think that kid has too many friends----and they never include the Deemster. I hope all of you dogs are having a nice weekend. It was supposed to get down to 40 degrees last night. I don't know if it made it or not, but let's give a hearty husky cheer for 40 degrees.
Demon Flash Bandit (The Good Dog)
September 13th 2007 9:45 am
[ View A Comments ]
Hello. Demon Flash Bandit. world's greatest dog and the next President of the United "States is ready to write a diary entry. Mommy went to see a movie last night-Shoot Em Up. She said it was funny, and it even had a dog in it. Movies are always better when they include a dog even if it is only a minor part---my opinion. Mommy went to Target before the movie because she had some time to wait between the restaurant and the movie. She bought Angel Zoom Smokey a Halloween costume. Angel is going to be dressed as DRUM ROLL. . . . . . . .a Hot Dog. I laughed and laughed. It even has mustard on the top. Angel thought it was a new toy and tried to bite it or maybe she thought it was food. Who knows what Angel is thinking? Sadly, I will be dressed as Batman. Last year I was Superman, but I only wore the cape. Everytime Mommy put one paw in the costume, I took the first paw out while she was putting in the second paw. I think I looked quite dashing in the cape, and that is all I would consider wearing. Everyone who knows me knows that I am a super dog. Why should I have to wear the entire silly costume? Daddy was totally against dressing me up, but he was in the hospital, and wasn't able to save me from the humiliation of wearing the silly costume. Now that he has passed away, I know I'll have to at least wear the cape because Mommy isn't as smart as Daddy. At least I don't have to go around looking like a hot dog. Angel doesn't know she has to wear it yet. Wait until she finds out. HAHAHA I feel sorry for the little dogs whose owners are always dressing them in silly clothes. No wonder they bark so much. They are saying, "please don't dress me in those silly clothes--all the big dogs are laughing at me." I'm admit---your barking really scares us big dogs particularly when you are wearing your pink tutus. We are afraid that we are going to die laughing
Now that I've mentioned Halloween costumes, I'm sure all you little dogsowners will be rushing to the store to buy your latest atrocity. Enjoy dressing up. The saddest part is that you don't even get to go trick or treating to get candy. If you see a husky dressed as a hot dog, say hi to Angel and tell her Demon is still laughing.
Demon Flash Bandit (Costume Critic)
September 12th 2007 9:22 am
[ View A Comments ]
I am still a little upset over the posting I read on Husky Heaven that said that dogs aren't allowed to vote, It doesn't surprise me since humans don't let us do anything fun. They also know with me running that they don't stand a change of winning. However, I have worked out a plan that will still give me the presidency. It doesn't say dogs can't run for an office--just that dogs can't vote. All you have to do is make your humans vote for me-or dress in their clostes and pretend to be them. Most people who can vote don't bother so they may not plan to use their vote anyway. Absentee ballots could be very effective for my plan if you, like me, don't like to "dress up". Even if your human insists on voting, just let them know who to vote for and give them your sad eyes look. We all know how well that works. HAHAHAHA I would prefer to take the presidency by the vote of the people (although I heard that the popular vote doesn't always matter since George W. didn't get it the first time), and some guy named Gerald Ford was never voted in as president or vice president. Mommy said he was very entertaining--he was always falling over like Angel Zoom Smokey. Did he also get into the liquor cabinet? Mommy said he was an okay guy though, and he did provide much entertainment. Anyway, since there are historical precedents for not necessarily needing to be voted in, I think I'm okay. I know all you dogs out there will do your part to look sad so I will get your owner's vote (okay, we know that we own the people, but they think they own us--aren't they funny?)
When I get in office, my first official act will be to give dogs the vote. Then I'll move onto the important issue for most of us dogs---KILLING ALL THE BIRDS. Then I'll work on the discrimination that us dogs have to face with each passing day.
Did I tell you that Mommy went to see the movie, Solomon Brothers, and Mommy said they had a dead bird in the movie. I can't wait to see that. It is going to be up for a doggie academy award.
It is time for me to go give Angel Zoom Smokey a lecture about how to be a nice dog. Did anyone read her dairy yesterday? She is endorsing me for president, and she told the world how much she likes me. It was so sweet. I've got to give her credit for finally making sense. I appreciate all the kind things she said about me. I hope all you dogs out there have a wonderful day.
Demon Flash Bandit (Angel's vote is for me)
September 11th 2007 1:43 pm
[ View A Comments ]
Hi. I'm back. The main computer is still giving trouble so Mommy and the Fster finally decided to plug in the lap top. I think this decision was made because F was too lazy to get one of the others hooked up. He went for the easiest one to carry around. Mommy managed to get the old one going, but it is so slow that Job (the guy in the Bible known for his patience-for the dogs out there who aren't into religion) would have thrown it against the wall which Mommy threatened to do about a million times, and then she thought it might be nice to stomp on it a few times. My brother got on it when I was babysitting, and he is our resident "computer geek" which is okay except that sometimes he hasn't learned the old adage "if it isn't broken, don't fix it". Of course, he says he did nothing. Angel and I know better. We don't call him Crazy Kid for nothing. Jeff didn't have Mommy's reaction to the slow computer. He was screaming something about Bill Gates and the planet Uranus--at least I assume he was talking about the planet because we kept hearing him yell Uranus, and what else would he say involving it and Bill Gates? I don't know how the shoving came in there, but evidently, there is a connection between Bill Gates, shoving, and Uranus in Jeff's mind. I asked him what Uranus means and all he said was it is big and gassy. Then he laughed. What a strange thing for a planet to be.
I...Hello, my name is Demon Flash Bandit and I'm the biggest idiot ever. I totally wish I could be even half as cool as Angel Zoom Smokey. She is way cooler then I am and...would you give me that back.
Sorry, Angel Zoom Smokey, the town drunk stole the computer in order to spread lies about yours truly. This is the kind of ridiculous behavior I have to put up with from "the Puppy". She is always being mean to the Deemster--and I'm such a nice dog. It would help if she could stay out of the liquor. She isn't a nice drunk. By the way, if anyone is an idiot, it is Angel Zoom Smokey. When she read the group mail on dogster from Husky Heaven and it said dogs can't vote. She said that only applies to dogs that aren't her. Can you believe she would be so silly? I can.
I didn't mean to spend so long on such trivial computer matters, but that is why you dogs out there haven't had the benefit of reading my opinions in the past few days. I should up-date everyone with the things that have been going on around here. Mommy got me some Busy Bones, and dental bones. The dental bones are shaped so wierd--kind of like a bone and a half. I don't think the people that make them know what a bone looks like, but I love them. Mommy bought a huge box of dog biscuits which Angel found and opened this morning. She walked in the bedroom with a large dog biscuit, and Mommy knew she found the new stash. I'm usually the one who finds the treats. I guess she has learned from the master. Of course, I had to get a few of the tasty bones for myself. They were delicious. Mommy gave us some chicken, but I let Angel eat mine. I wasn't in the mood for chicken. Angel seemed to really like the chicken. I bet Mommy didn't tell her it was Healthy Choice chicken. HAHA
Mommy is planning on going out in a little while. That idiot Jeff is already out with one of his friends. We really don't mind. Mommy has banned the crazy kid from the computer. He goes to boring sites anyway. One of his favorite programs used to be Tech TV. They changed it to some new, stupid name which Mommy can never remember (not like she tries), and he has the nerve to correct her when she calls it Tech TV. Then he goes into a tirade about it being better when it was Tech TV instead of G I'm Stupid TV because now they talk about video games and he isn't into video games anymore. He is above that. Mommy says he didn't feel that way during his Sonic the Hedgehog period. I have no idea who Sonic is, but Mommy said she used to play it for a few minutes, and not do anything so Sonic would get annoyed and stomp his foot. Evidently, Mommy said that was the object of the game for her because she enjoyed making the little Hedgehog mad. Mommy is not a big fan of video games. Mommy used to play Atari when it first came out back in the 70's, but then the games got way too complicated for Mommy. She said Pacman and Space Invaders was okay, but they couldn't leave them alone. They had to make them more complicated, and Mommy quit playing them.
I'd better stop writing. Hopefully, I will be able to keep everyone out there up-dated more now that the lap top is plugged into the internet. I hope all of you dogs have a wonderful day.
Demon Flash Bandit (Back on the Computer Again)
September 8th 2007 11:09 am
[ View A Comments ]
I'm ready to howl a new entry. I wasn't able to do much yesterday because the computer was giving problems. It would be much more reliable if it had been invented by dogs. Since I was discussing dogs in history (and the future) in my last entry, I have decided to continue along that line since the historical dogs never get the credit they deserve. Shakespeare's dog, Drama, wrote all his plays. George Washington's dog, General, was the strategist during the Revlutionary War. Thomas Jefferson's dog, Constitution, was the one who came up with the ideas that made our country great (Jefferson never could write the whole thing as dictated by Constitution without making any mistakes). Abraham Lincoln's dog, Freedom, gave Lincoln much of the inspiration for the Emancipation Proclamation, and I believe it was George Bush Sr.'s dog who wrote a book--I believe her name was Millie. Perhaps tomorrow Iwill cover dogs in the entertainment industry. Who can be more entertaining than us dogs?
This is one reason I'm running for President. It is about time dogs get credit for all we do--and I don't mean just those "accidents' on the carpet. Again, how do we know that it wasn't the humans who had the accident? I hope all of you dogs have a good day.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Should Get More Credit for What We Do)
September 6th 2007 9:51 am
[ View A Comments ]
Hello fellow dogsters. I hope it is cool where you are. I know when it is hot here, I dream of Alaska. I've never been there, but it sounds like paradise. My silly Mommy says it it too cold there. It isn't too cold for us huskys. HA
Jeff performed his first comedy act at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle last night. No--Angel and I weren't allowed to go because of the typical discrimination in this country about dogs. You know I plan to fix that when I become President. However, I digress. Mommy said Jeff's performance was good, and he might even get to go back there. I think it would be cool to have a stand up comic as a brother. Angel and I think he is hilarious, Of course, the sad thing is that I'm not sure he is trying to be funny. You should see him admiring himself in the mirror, putting on his make-up, wearing his tiara. Oh sorry, that isn't Jeff. That is Angel. He is funny when he jumps through the house, falls over from drinking too much, and gets a DUI. Oh yeah, again, that is Angel. Angel is right. She is the funny one and Jeff is stealing her act. What is wrong with humans that they steal their best ideas from us dogs? Remember when Thomas Alva Edison's dog, Bulby, invented the light bulb, and then Edison ran and got a patent on it while his dog was still looking for a patent lawyer. Henry Ford was trying to find a way to build cars faster, and his dog, Assemble, came up with the assembly line. Does his dog get the credit? No, he does not. I've checked the history books. They say Henry Ford came up with that idea. P L E A S E . . . . . . . humans just aren't that smart. Why do you think they keep us dogs around? Sometimes dogs do fix things. Remember Checkers, Richard Nixon's dog also known as Deep Throat. That wonderful dog knew that he couldn't sit back and not do something about the Watergate break-in which was silly because he told Nixon he was being paranoid. Again, Nixon didn't take the wise advice of his dog which is one reason that the dog got mad and told on him. George W. Bush's dog, Crazy, has been helping George W. I think his name explains a lot. To be fair, the owner has to have a working brain to listen to his dog, and we all know that George W. is sorely lacking in the brian department. Now I will discuss dogs of the future. There is Porthos, Captain of the NX--01 Enterprise. Most Star Trek fans actually think that the captain was Jonathan Archer. The F-ster told me Porthos was running that ship, and doing a good job. Archer would slip him a couple of Milkbone and take the credit for all the dogs accomplishments. Let's not forget Astro, the Jetson's dog. Let's face it, George Jetson barely had enough sense to push a button. Astro was running the show. When I become President, I can't fix the past, but shouldn't Porthos and Astro be treated fairly. Vote for me for President, and there will be change. Also, Angel said she doesn't mind helping Jeff write his act, but she wants to be able to attend the show, get 40% of anything he makes, and generally run things. It sounds fair to me.
I've got to go. I've got dogs calling me for consultations on all their greivances against the human population. By the way, aren't any of you dogs in law school? Have a good day!
Demon Flash Bandit (The Equalizer)
Sort By Oldest First
(What does RSS do?)