Adventures of a lead dog

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I have so much to think about

September 1st 2007 11:04 am
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How is the holiday weekend treating you dogs out there? Mine is okay. Are any of you going away on any trips? I hope you don't have owners who put you in the jail for the weekend. Thank goodness Mommy has no big plans. I have no desire to go back to the "big house".
There isnt' a lot going on. I've been working on some points for my campaign. There are so many important things I want to accomplish. Rating them in order of importance is also a challenge. For example, is killing all birds more important than making sure that dogs can go anywhere they want. As you can see, rating the importance can get very complicated. Should I start by digging up the White House grounds or should I start by killing birds. I've got a lot to contemplate so I won't write anymore in my diary today. I hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Dog Day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Contemplative Dog)

 

Why do People Work?

August 31st 2007 10:35 am
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Demon is the Champion, Demon is the Champion, No time for losers cause Demon is the Champion .........OF THE WORLD. Wasn't it nice of Queen to write that song for me? Of course, I am a very inspiring dog. I don't like to brag, but I just can't help it. I'm am such a great dog.
This is the start of a holiday weekend. It is called Labor Dog Day, and I have no idea what the reason for the holiday is. I think I heard on the tv that it is because everyone wants a day off from work. When I become President, I'm taking that idea a step farther, and I'm going to add another holiday. It will be called Lazy Dog Day, and it will be a tribute to all the lazy people out there who want another day off. From what I've been told (by lazy people), they have to work way too hard. I feel your pain. Huskies are a working breed so I dream about working. It saves wear and tear on the paws. Of course, as your president, I will work very hard to make sure that everyone is happy. There will be a rawhide for every dog, squeaky toys all around, and frisbees without leashes. Do I hear a Yeah for no leashes. Yes, I heard it --I think it was Angel. I'm sure you other dogs are joining in. Why do people feel they have to work? No one seems to like it yet they do it anyway. Aren't people silly. They could learn a lot from us dogs.
I've got to go make sure Angel isn't taking my new rawhide bone. All of you have a good holiday.

Demon Flash Bandit (Work/Dreaming Dog)

 

No "Bad News"

August 30th 2007 11:43 am
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Once again Demon Flash Bandit is on the computer. I hope all you dogs out there are having a wonderful day. The Fster went out yesterday with a friend, and Angel took over his video games. I told her not to, but she said he wouldn't care. She was driving around on one game running into other cars and running over people. I had to leave the room--watching how bad she was driving was just too painful. I'm so glad I hid the car keys from her.

There are still no news crews here covering my campaign. I think the people in office are afraid of me so they are trying to keep my campaign a secret. They know they don't stand a chance of getting in if I run. Who would vote for such idiots? I still haven't heard one person mention the whole "birds are evil" issue. I am not giving up. I will be on the ticket when the election comes up so stay the course, whatever that means. I think it means if you are on a race track, don't hit the walls because, when cars do that, they usually get smashed. I have no idea what that has to do with the campaign, but I was listening to some old Saturday Night Live political satire (it is infinitely less boring than the news shows). Has anyone noticed that the news tends to be depressing? If I become president, I'll have to make sure there is no depressing news. See how important it is to have me in there. No other president has ever bothered to make the news pleasant. I'll enact a law that says everyone has to be happy. Why haven't any of your leaders thought of that? Because they aren't Demon Flash Bandit. That is why. I am smarter than the average human. Thanks Yogi, with a little modification, your motto works great for me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Smarter than the Average Human)

 

Becoming. . . .A DOG

August 29th 2007 11:04 am
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In reference to my diary yesterday, evidently (according to what Mommy told me) time during the Superbowl is very expensive so if I'm going to get 20 minutes or so of air time, I might have to give up a whole box of Milkbone. I don't know who sets these prices, but I think a box of Milkbone for 20 minutes of air time during the Superbowl is over-priced. It is just a silly football game. These network executives must be real idiots to think they can ask for any amount of Milkbone and get by with it. It proves my point once again that humans should not be in charge. They are way too stupid. I hate to be overly critical, but I've watched a lot of tv, and there aren't nearly enough dogs on there. Sure, watching humans mess up and do stupid things can be entertaining. Of course, I don't have to watch tv for that. I can just watch the stupid humans I live with. I often wonder how humans survive with that peanut size brain of theirs. Angel, what do you mean, I'm thinking of dinosaurs. Believe me, if you watch this family long enough, you'll realize that the dinosaurs were actually very intelligent in comparison. In fact, I was watching a documentary the other day that had dinosaurs in it. It was called Dinosaurs, and Mommy was watchng it. There was this family of dinosaurs called the Sinclairs. The Daddy's name was Earl, and the dvd was put out by that famous documentary company, Disney. The dinosaurs could talk and they wore clothes. Daddy told me there was a classic episode where Earl was supposed to throw his mother-in-law into the tarpits. He said he always wanted to throw his mother-in-law into the tarpits. Then he would laugh and laugh. I have no idea why. Sadly, Earl messed up because the son, Robby didn't want his grandma thrown into the tarpits. Daddy siad my brother, Robby, would have stopped the tradition too. Then he would sigh so sadly. Do any of you dogs out there understand why Daddy talked like that? Maybe I need to watch the other documentary episodes.
Mommy went to a movie last night and I didn't have to baby-sit. HOWL HOWL Mommy saw Becoming Jane. I think Jane was trying to become a dog. It sounds like a heart warming story. When a human realizes how much happier they would be as a dog, it is always a good story. What. . . . .she wanted to be a writer. Why? She could have become a dog and she chose to be a writer. No wonder people complain about the lack of quality entertainment. I've got to go ponder this whole idea of not becoming a dog. What was she thinking.. . . . . . . .was she not smart enough to be a dog. . . . . . .was she sane. . . . .?

Demon Flash Bandit (Lucky to be a Dog)

 

I need some political commercials

August 28th 2007 11:09 am
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Its me again. I didn't manage to find any candy yesterday. Mommy has been putting it in the refrigerator. I would figure out how to open it, but I hardly ever walk into the actual kitchen. Daddy told me it was evil in there. He said whatever you do, don't go past the dining room. Daddy was so wise that I don't want to take the risk. Angel goes in there. She walks up the the refrigerator and helps Mommy. Her nose is always checking it out. She says it is nice and cold. Maybe it the the portal to Alaska. She also says it is full of food. Maybe it is the portal to heaven.
I can't understand why I haven't been offered some air time for political ads. I was thinking maybe a few minutes during the Super Bowl would be nice. I would only need 15 or 20 minutes. Mommy says it is a silly football game anyway so it would be a pleasant break for those watching the game. I'm sure they must get very bored by half-time. Mommy won't even watch it that long. She says it is stupid. I wonder how bad it has to be because if there is a ball involved, I'm there. I'm not saying tug of war isn't fun, but playing fetch is up there with tug of war. If I have to pay, I guess I could give them some Milkbone for the time. I'm sure the network executives would hate to pass up that good a deal.
Angel is asleep. I wonder if she is dreaming about being in a bar again.
I'll howl at you more tomorrow. Have a howling good day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Better than the Super Bowl)

 

I like candy

August 27th 2007 11:30 am
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Demon Flash Bandit is up to bat. Will he get another home run? The crowd is tense. Yes, it looks like yet another home run for the best baseball playing dog in existence. It is time, once again, to play Demon's song. Demon is the Champion. Everyone is yelling vote for Demon. He is the best baseball player, he'd make the best president. Who's coughing? Oh, people can read what I'm saying. Okay. I was just thinking out loud. I'm sure all you dogs think the kind of things I'm thinking. At least I didn't dream about a bar appearing out of nowhere. That is Angel's dream. I guess that explains her "tipsy" behavior. I know all of you dogs will be glad to know that I hid the car keys from her so she can't drive.
As you can read, I've been doing some serious thinking. It just isn't fair that I'm so good at so many things. The poor humans I live with can barely get up in the morning. I don't know what they would do without me. I have to tell them what to do, and hope they are smart enough to understand. These are the same humans who think they should be in charge. I'm sure all of you dogs out there, like me, would get a big laugh out of that idea if it weren't so scary. When is obedience school going to open where we can take the humans and teach them how to obey us? I've been asking this question for ages now.
Good news everyone!!! I found a new box of Mike and Ikes last night, and the Deemster had some candy. It was so good. Why doesn't Mommy just feed me an exclusive diet of candy? It tastes so good, and I eat it with no fuss. I hope Mommy reads this and gets the hint that candy is good food. Chances are, she won't understand. She can be so dense at times. Here is my word of advice to all you dogs who want candy: Check the bags as they come in from the store, open cabinet doors--there are often "treasures" behind those doors, and always put your paws on kitchen cabinets and dining room tables. Sometime they have "treasures" on them. They make metal detectors, why don't they make candy detectors. Oh yeah, they do. It is my nose. I can smell candy from a mile away. Keep trying dogs, most houses have candy hidden somewhere.

Demon Flash Bandit (The Candy Nose)

 

Mommy went to Petco

August 26th 2007 10:27 am
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Hail to the Chief, I'm the Chief and . . . . .Okay, I'm just testing the song to see how I like it. I do have my own theme song already, Demon is the Champion (done by Queen). Mommy went out last night to a movie, but she also went to Petco. They have wonderful treats there. She even brought us a toy and dental bones-like we don't expect toys every time Mommy leaves the house. She saw the movie, Mr. Bean's Holiday. She has been looking forward to this movie. She used to watch Mr. Bean on Canadian TV years ago. He has been in other things, but a lot of people in the U. S. haven't seen him a lot since he is on British television. Mommy thought his Blackadder Series (World War 1) was hilarious, and Hugh Laurie (who plays House) was so funny acting with him in that segment. Mommy bought it on dvd so she can watch it whenever she wants a good laugh.
Angel isn't scared of movie monsters. What a surprise. Considering, she bit my ear yesterday for no apparent reason. She is such a bully. She would probably have King Kong and Godzilla on the run. Angel has no problem taking care of herself. I usually have to go to Mommy and cry, and then Angel acts like I'm a cry-baby, but I'm not supposed to fight with a girl. How is a dog supposed to react? Mommy always finds out what the problem is and fixes it. It usually involves a toy or rawhide bone. I can't say I think Mommy handles it well because she takes the item away and neither of us gets it. I don't think that is fair---she should give it to me.
Be sure and vote for me. I think I could get used to that Hail to the Chief song.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys Treats)

 

Where is the new crew?

August 25th 2007 11:07 am
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Hi. It's Demon Flash Bandit again. The election is heating up, and still no news crew has come to cover my campaign. I am very disappointed because they act like I'm not running. Again, I think this is because of all the prejudice against us dogs. They act like we can't run the world. Yes, you humans have done such a good job up until now. We dogs are so impressed. I think the humans are afraid that if I get in, I'll make the country so good that it will make them look bad for having messed things up so much. Don't forget to check out my group, Demon Flash Bandit for president. I haven't up-dated it much lately due to the fact that the "kennel" didn't have a computer. I understand how Rodney Dangerdog felt: we get no respect.

Demon Flash Bandit (Vote for Me)

 

My other brother is a computer hog

August 24th 2007 12:52 pm
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Hello everyone. I didn't get to write an entry yesterday because I was watching my other brother (the one who doesn't live with us), and he was hogging the computer. I also had to listen to his whining. I don't have the internet at home, I am a loser, I look like a wookie, I should take shower, I am insane. Okay, maybe he wasn't actually saying those things, but he should have been. I know that is what I was thinking while he was being a computer hog. He is so stupid he thinks that he is babysitting for Angel and me when I am babysitting for him. I think I should be the one who is compensated. I have to put up with him, and he loves to hog the computer---MY COMPUTER.
Mommy and the Fster went to see 2 movies yesterday--Stardust and Superbad. I know that Superbad can't be about a dog or it would be called Supergood. Stardust must be a documentary about cleaning. If I were going to the theatre, I would just go see Underdog again and again. I'm sure it is the best movie out there at the moment.
I'd better get off the computer because Angel has to write her diary. I'll write more tomorrow--if the neighborhood computer hog doesn't show up.

Demon Flash Bandit (Overall Wonderful Dog)

 

I Rule

August 22nd 2007 4:36 pm
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Last night Angel and I had to babysit while Mommy and Jeff went to a movie. The movie was The Last Legion. I'm not sure exactly what it was about, but I'm hoping it involved dogs. I have discovered from watching the tv that not all movies have dogs in them. Yes, I know you are thinking what I'm thinking, what is the point of watching them, but humans can be very silly. It has been kind of quiet today so there isn't a lot of new stuff to report to all you dogs out there. I do wish I could go to the theatre with Mommy. Remember to vote for me for president so these silly laws will be changed.
In answer to Angel's entry yesterday. Queen obviously wrote the song, Flash, about me. I like the song. In fact, I do rule. The group Queen and the Queen Mother think I am the "Flash" and that I rule. Angel is just upset that her song is based on the melody to Rubber Duckie, and it is called Angel Puppy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

 
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