Adventures of a lead dog

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Does Anyone Really Like Their Dentist?

November 16th 2007 6:49 am
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Snow Dogs was such an excellent movie. I particularly liked the part where the sled was about to go over the cliff until Demon pulled out his switchblade, cut the ropes and saved the dogs. Then he said, "I have no idea why you silly humans drag us out of our nice warm beds to pull a stupid sled with you fat (I don't care if you only weigh 60 pounds--we dogs say you are too fat) humans who are annoying us with your silly mushing race. Have you never heard of jet skis? We do not enjoy running and having to pull your fat butts through the snow. Now there is one less dentist in the world and I don't know anyone who actually likes their dentist." That speech was so beautiful, it brought a tear to my eyes, and I loved watching the dentist and Lightning Jack go tumbling down the cliff. It reminded me of Toonses the Cat driving a car only without the car. By the way, cats should not be allowed to drive but I digress. The point is that dogs keep having to do stupid things that humans want them to do even when there isn't a good reason to do them. I have some news for the humans out there. I do not enjoy pulling a sled. I don't know where you humans get these ideas. Did you ask the dogs? If you did, you would learn that they have better things to do like taking naps. If you interview all the people working instead of assuming they are loving their jobs, you might get a real surprise to find that most of them don't like to work and, we dogs are a lot smarter than you people. If you have learned that working isn't fun, do you think we can't figure it out? The same goes for horses. Try asking them before you expect them to work. I remember watching the tv program, Mr. Ed. He was a talking horse, and he wasn't discussing the joy of work. He was usually trying to get out of work. If you haven't seen the movie, Snow Dogs, it is a great movie. The star, Demon, should have received an Academy Award, but it went to some talentless human that year.

Demon Flash Bandit (Speaking for Dogs Everywhere)


I Loved Angel's Hot Dog Halloween Costume

November 15th 2007 7:51 am
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I had to wait for "Miss Drama Queen" to get off the computer. By the way, Angel, nice buns. HAHAHA She hates that so I have to say it. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed the hot dog costume Mommy got for her. It has been hours of entertainment for me. She got mad at me bedcause I told her maybe next year she could go as a hamburger. I thought I was being very funny. I think she just has no sense of humor.

Jeff's comedy went well last night. Mommy even brought home a new squeaky toy for each of us. Actually, Angel's doesn't squeak, it rings which is funny because now she thinks her cell phone is ringing every time she plays with the toy. I haven't told her it is the toy. She is still looking for the toy's "squeaky". Actually, she is smart and figured it out, but it is more fun to call her an idiot.

I tried to negotiate some wages for my babysitting, but I had to settle for the new squeaky toy.

I'll write more tomorrow. Angel took up so much of my valuable computer time that I'm ready for a nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Underpaid Babysitter)


Busy Bones

November 14th 2007 9:45 am
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I can't write much today. I have to babysit for my other brother earlier than usual because Jeff is doing his stand up act in Ann Arbor. Angel says she hopes he remembers to stand up when she isn't there to administer her puppy slaps of justice. She has done her best so it isn't her fault if he sits down instead of standing. Humans can only learn so much--they don't have a dog's intellectual capacity, but they are so cute when they try.

Because I have to be brief, I won't get into anything too indepth today, but I do want to ask how a bone can be called a busy bone when it only lasts for about 5 minutes? Mommy brought me home a big one yesterday, and it took less than 5 minutes for me to devour it. Maybe it is a busy bone for a toy poodle, but not for a Siberian husky. I want a busy bone that actually keeps me busy. Mommy says it they made one that would keep me busy, it wouldn't fit in the van. I guess Mommy thinks she is a commedienne now. Anyway, I love the busy bones so it is nothing against the busy bone people, but couldn't you make one that is---maybe the size of a shoebox so a husky could stay busy? If I can devour it so quickly, I bet it doesn't stand a chance with a Great Dane. I've got to go now. I'll let you now how Jeff's stand up turned out. I've got to go try to negotiate some wages for my babysitting.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Busy with a Busy Bone)


Advice for People Reading this at Work

November 13th 2007 9:25 am
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Demon Flash Bandit reporting for diary entry duty. Great, now that I'm alone, I think I'll goof off some. At least goofing off is better than working. Napping is better than goofing off or working. I really don't have a boss. I AM THE BOSS. I also don't mind writing this entry, but I thought I'd make those of you who are reading this at work feel better--it is called establishing a bond through common experiences. Okay, I have no idea what it is called, but it sounds good, doesn't it? You are sitting at your computer on company time reading words of wisdom from me, Demon Flash Bandit. My first word of wisdom is: DON'T GET CAUGHT. Look busy... act like you are actually typing and whatever you do, don't laugh. If you do, get a keenex and try to make it look like a cough. Did you know that a lot of companies are actually in business to make money? This does not apply to those of you who work for the govt. You don't have to worry because the govt.'s mission is not to make money. When you figure out what their mission is, let me know. Since I'm running for president, it might be an important thing to know. I think it is to "serve" the people. I just hope they, like the aliens in that classic Twilight Zone" episode don't have a cookbook entitled, "To Serve Humans". Anyway, I guess it is an okay system because the employees they hire are usually in it for the money as well. Some of the big companies or corporations are very stupid about making money. They will put someone in charge who is totally imcompetent and who ends up costing the company a lot of money or is using the company to add to their own bank account. Why aren't some of those CEO's better screened? Just because they are nice on the golf course doesn't mean they should be running a company. Why doesn't someone sniff their butt...that is the best way to tell what kind of person they are? We dogs have been doing it for years. Again, let's not use the govt. as an example although there are two in there now are are perfect examples. I like to refer to them as characters from the Wizard of Oz. One needs a heart (Tin Woodman) and the other needs a brain (Scarecrow). You know who they are so I will leave you with these words of advice.....QUIT LETTING HUMANS RUN THINGS.....IT'S TIME TO ELECT DEMON FLASH BANDIT. My motto: A Milkbone and a dingo bone--the perfect combination, and every dog should have both. I've got to go now. Demon Flash Bandit.....signing off.

Demon Flash Bandit (Perceptive Dog)


Veteran's Day

November 12th 2007 8:25 am
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Hold the applause. Demon Flash Bandit is back for another diary entry. Some of you dogs have a holiday weekend, and some don't. Today is Veteran's Day in the U.S. I've had some dogs ask me about it. I think it is a day set aside to honor the people who have served in the military. I miss my Daddy who is no longer with me because of the time he was in the military. I think he should have stayed home, but we dogs are a lot smarter than you humans. We don't try to come up with weapons that will blow up the entire planet. We just bite our enemies. It is effective and leaves the planet in one piece. Maybe someday you humans will learn to be more like us dogs. One step in the right direction would be to elect me, Demon Flash Bandit, president. In honor of Veteran's Day, I will cover some more history but this time I'll start at the beginning. I know you people can't wait. Now stay awake. As I told you, when you slept in history class, your teacher didn't have big teeth--and I don't mind using them.

There used to be dinosaurs roaming the Earth. They had an advanced civilization. Humans at that time were just stupid cave men who were kind of backward. The Dinosaurs were a happy group. This has actually been chronicled in an informative documentary television show called Dinosaurs. It is a reality series that shows the life of a normal working dinosaur called Earl. Earl is very typical of his time period, and they thought showing a regular, working guy would be good for ratings.

Life for the dinosaurs was pleasant until the birds showed up, They started stealing snow and causing all kinds of problems that resulted in the dinosaurs demise. Before they died off, they had to serve as appliances and pets for the humans who had finally gotten out of their awkward "cave man" period. This is chronicaled in an animated documentary, The Flintstones. This time they took a normal, average human pair, Fred and Wilma, and showed us what their life was like in those days.

Humans began their civilization around the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers (of course this is written history because during the aforementioned periods, they couldn't write). The humans kept fighting with each other and formed armies for the perpose of killking each other. That area is in the middle east; and obviously, the fighting is still on. Why are they still fighting? My guess is that one violent action causes another, and then it goes on and on until someone finally says enough. That is why us dogs should be running things. We get along with others so much better than humans do.

Okay that is my history lesson for today. I hope everyone out there has an enjoyable day whether you have to work or not (unless you work for a bank, the post office, or the govt., you probably have to work). Don't forget---WORK CAN BE FUN----AS LONG AS YOU DON'T DO IT. HAHAHA

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog who could use a dinosaur bone to chew on


Angel Zoom Smokey Should Get Her Own Theme Song--and Leave- Me Alone.

November 11th 2007 9:38 am
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Its Demon Flash Bandit Time.....Demon Flash Bandit Time.....Everyone who is Reading this Knows its Demon Flash Bandit Time.....Look how Happy Everyone is..........NO, IT IS NOT ANGEL ZOOM SMOKEY TIME......get your own theme song and leave me alone. I was in the middle of a wonderful theme song I wrote for myself and SHE had to come in and interrupt me. Now all you dogs out there see what I have to put up with. She plays with my toys, tries to take my rawhide bones (even if Mommy says they are hers--Mommy is obvously wrong), and generally annoys the Deemster. However, I do think she looked hot in her "hot dog" costume so I put up with her. Okay forget the theme song. I think she is just jealous because she doesn't have a theme song. Is it my fault that she doesn't posess the brilliant mind of Demon Flash Bandit?

I have a couple of pieces of breaking news. My brother, the F-ster will be performing his stand up comedy in Ann Arbor Wed night which means I will get a break from Angel annoying me because she will be busy puppy slapping Jeff. She says it is stand up comedy and he keeps trying to sit down. I told her that humans are like that. You have to watch them every minute or they will get themselves into some kind of trouble.

I have also decided that I should write a book (with Mommy's help) about my life. I have been thinking about it and I think the brilliant thoughts of Demon Flash Bandit should be shared with the world. Mommy says one of my most endearing qualities is my modesty. I have to agree with her. Doesn't modesty mean that I am superior to all other life forms? I'm only kidding. I am not superior to other life forms except birds of course and their little micro mini flying relatives, the mosquitos. By the way, if they bite me, I say it is fair game to bite them back. I am just a regular dog, but I have a lot of ideas that just come to me while I'm sitting around munching on dingo bones. Yes, Mommy I said Dingo bones. I like rawhide bones, but Dingo bones are far superior to regular rawhide bones, and I prefer them. I still haven't heard from the Dngo people. You'd think that they would love the idea of a presdential candidate endorsing their product. Maybe they are just busy trying to make enough of them to meet demand.

I know I haven't mentioned my singing group, The Howling Huskies, but we were really howing away yesterday. Jeff made up a song (Mommy had the nerve to say it was a stupid sone--like she knows a good song when she hears it), and we were howling along with Jeff. I think we should record a cd. If bugs like Beatles and furry animals like Monkees can be successful, why not the Howling Huskies? I hate to mention it, but even the Byrds have made cds. Mommy said when those groups were recording, they were actually called records. I geuss they changed the name to cd because it is shorter and easier to spell, and believe me, the humans spell so badly that they have to have "spell check" on their computers.

I've covered enough topics for the day. If and when I finish my book, I'll be glad to put my pawgraph in the book for you dogs. It is always nice to chat with you, and let you know what is going on. I hope ya'll are having a wonderful weekend (Mommy is from Georgia even if she seldom says ya'll anymore).

Demon Flash Bandit (Potential Author)


Welcome to Dogland

November 10th 2007 8:05 am
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How are all you dogs out there in DOGLAND? I think I'll change the name of this country to Dogland when I get elected. It has a nicer ring to it than the United States. I know I like it better. To be fully democratic, I will let my constituents vote on it. I think all you dogs will agree with me so I think we know what the outcome will be. HAHAHA I might let it stay the U S since people in other countries seem to know about it, but it will definitely be something I'm thinking about. As you dogs already know, my main mission will be to kill off ALL the birds. We wouldn't have global warming if it weren't for those little flying feathered snow thieves. I really hate their annoying songs. If you humans could translate bird like us dogs can, you would know that they are actually singing....we are stealing snow...... we are causing global warming.....the humans will all die.....then we will take over. If only you humans could speak bird, you would know what they are planning---those little feathered traitors.

I think I will stop dwelling on world problems and get back to my favorite topic of yesterday......SNOW BUDDIES. It looks like such a great movie. Since it is coming out direct to dvd, a dog can see it when it first comes out instead of having to wait for it to play in theatres and then come out on dvd. I still can't believe the indignity of dogs not being allowed in theatres.

I've got to stop. It looks like I need to doggie slap Angel Zoom Smokey. Until tomorrow.........

Demon Flash Bandit (Citizen of DOGLAND)



November 9th 2007 8:15 am
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I just discovered that there was a tv show called Rawhide. I've got to watch that show because it must be a great show. On the subject of great shows, there is a movie coming out on dvd called SNOW BUDDIES. It has puppies from the Air bud series, and they make friends with huskies and it looks like a great movie. It is supposed to be released in Feb, 2008. If you buy Ratatoille (Sp?), there is a trailer for it. It was the best part of the dvd (my opinion). It is from Disney studios, and I can't wait to watch it. I've always said they should make more dog movies. Dog movies are the best ones. Who cares what the silly humans are doing? I'd rather see dogs and I know a lot of you dogs agree with me on that.

I will take a break from the coverage of historical presidents because I know it gets boring for most people. I will cover another one when there is no important news like the movie, Snow Buddies. I also need to have the time to tell you what I've been up to. I've been chewing on rawhide bones. I chase Angel around for fun. I also enjoyed going to Arbys yesterday. I have a very full life. Napping is a very important activity. Did you know that you can nap and dream about doing all sorts of things, but when you wake up, you are rested and you aren't sore? I can't understand why humans bother to exercise when they can just take a nap and dream about exercise and it is done. What idiot came up with the no pain, no gain slogan? Since that idiot likes pain, I suggest we take he or she out and shoot them. Trust me, they'll love it because they want pain, and I think they deserve it for coming up with such stupid gibberish. Yes, I said gibberish. That is all it is. The sad thing is that some stupid people fall for it. I wonder if drs. in emergency rooms have the nerve to look at the patient and say, yes, Mr. Smith, your leg had to be amputated, and you don't have long to live; but on the good side, no pain no gain. I can just see the patient whacking that dr. with an oxygen tank. Of course, there would be a long line of patients ready to whack that dr. He could look at them and say, you don't need pain pills because you wouldn't gain anything without the pain. On the plus side, that dr. would end up in so much pain that he could be happy too. What is that supposed to mean anyway? What do you gain? More pain or perhaps the opportunity to have pain for the rest of your life--who could ask for anything more? As I said, there are a lot of idiots in the world and the sad thing is you humans tend to listen to them. Have you ever heard a dog say, no pain no gain? I think that proves that dogs are smarter which, of course, is why I'm running for president. I promise to ban that slogan from all communication. I think I'll also ban that stupid slogan of Nike, Just Do It. Just do what? There are just too many undesirable outcomes to that slogan. For example, I was thinking about shooting the neighbor down the street, and then that commercial for Nike came on that said Just Do IT, and I realized how right they were. I should just shoot the guy so it is okay and not illegal because I was told to do it by the Nike company. If I didn't, they might kick me with one of their shoes for not doing it.

I've got to get back to my nap. Don't forget---SNOW BUDDIES. It looks like an awesome movie.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog who can't wait to see Snow Buddies)


November 8th 2007 12:12 pm
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The fate of the world lies in the paws of Demon Flash Bandit.......oh, is it diary entry time again. I was just doing some more of my memoirs. I guess I can take a few minutes to wrie my diary entry, but it better not cut into my nap time. Since I am running for president, I thought it might be appropriate to cover some of the great presidents in history. It is also a valuable history lesson for those of you who slept during class---YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, and for the young children who can benefit from the vast knowledge accumulated by Demon Flash Bandit. I will start with Andrew Jackson. Maybe I should nickname him Andrew W. Jackson. He was from Tennessee, and he was a man of the people (okay maybe the W. doesn't fit after all--we were just thinking about how much he liked to brawl). The reason he was a man of the people was because he acted more like a common man than the elitest wealthy people who occasionally get elected. (Remember how George W. said he was an outsider to Washington politics--an outsider whose Dad was presdient and grandfather was a senator)--it is so refreshing to hear so many truthful statements coming from presdiential candidates, isn't it)? I think George W. was also born in a log mansion. When Jackson ran, being born in a log cabin must have given them an edge because a lot of them were born in them. Anyway, the one thing about Jackson (Sharp Knife as he was known to the Cherokee), is that he, like someone who is in office now, liked to do things his own way. If he had a song, it would have been, My Way. There was a battle with the Creek tribe at Horseshoe Bend where the Cherokee helped him win the battle and one of them actually saved his life. Years later when gold was found in north Georgia, it was time for many of the southern tribes to be moved. This was later dubbed the Trail of Tears because it was so hard on the tribes, and so manyof them died along the way. I'm sure Jackson referred to that as a chance to give freedom to go to Oklahoma to the Indians. The interesting thing about the Trail of Tears is that the Supreme Court actually sided with the native Americans. Jackson's quote was , "John Marshal has made his decision, let him enforce it" Then I think he said something about not being a bat or a peanut butter sandwich. I think he probably wasn't a great president, but the point is, it has been going down hill considerably since his time. Is it any wonder I keep saying to let a dog run things for a change? Who cares if they found gold in north GA. If they found milkbone that would be something to fight over, but what good is gold? You can't eat it, and I have yet to see a rawhide bone or squeaky toy made out of gold. I was chatting with an ape the other day, and he said one day the humans are so silly, they will kill themselves because they can never seem to get along, and then the apes plan to take over. I hate to see this happen because, quite frankly, they throw poop at each other just as much as Angel does. At least the humans are cleaner in their stupidity. Well, I guess that is it for Demon Flash Bandit. I hope this history lesson......hey didn't I tell you to wake up. Just because you slept through class doesn't mean you can fall asleep on Demon Flash Bandit. Did your teacher have big, sharp teeth? I didn't think so......Sorry, I"ve got to go deal with a delinquent......George, I don't care what you job've got to try to learn something....put the beer down and listen.....I feel sorry for this one. I'm not sure if he should be in regular classes.....poor kid....

Demon Flash Bandit (History Teacher)


Birds ARE NOT Fooling the Cats

November 7th 2007 7:27 am
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Mommy went out last night and saw the movie, Martian Child. She said it was good. She also wants to know if Hollywood is getting a pay-off from birds because it is the third movie out that kills off the dog. It smells to me of a bribe by birds. You know birds are evil because cats hate them as much as I do. They aren't fooling the kitties with their stupid singing.

Things are quiet at Demon Flash Bandit political headquarters. I'm sure it will get busy as the time draws nearer, but there are still no news cameras. I can't understand why a dog running for president wouldn't make the news. I think the political parties are afraid that, being a dog, I will win by a landslide. Don't most people like dogs?

Mommy has to check out her toy store-you know the one with no squeaky toys. Humans are so clueless as to what will sell.

Demon Flash Bandit (Allied with cats Against Birds)

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