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The Thoughts Of A Cranky Old Soul (Even If I'm Not That Old)

Sleep With The Angels, My Dear Cranky Boy

April 1st 2012 1:38 am
[ Leave A Comment | 24 people already have ]

Strider's mom here-

As Strider's pals know, he had been sick with liver issues since last year then that horrifying stumbling, falling, going into walls 100 miles an hour incident. He got better from all that...but not better better. He never really got back to his normal. Little by little I could see things happening. Losing weight a little too fast - In October, when he got sick, he weighed 44 pounds. Even before that, he weighed a lot more. Friday, he weighed 31 pounds. It scared me to see him so thin. You could feel his hip bones and that little pointy bone on his head. He was always a good eater, but since getting sick, he didn't want to eat much. Lately I noticed little differences with the way he walked. He would pick his front feet a little higher than usual. Kind of like prancing. A couple of weeks ago, he was much more crankier than usual. He actually got into a mini fight with Redford and Keighty. He snapped at Forrest and Mick. He's always growled at everyone, but he never snapped. That lasted about four days. Then Wednesday, he bumped into me a couple of times. I really didn't think anything of it, but I remembered it. Thursday, his walking changed a little bit more. Friday, he was just way off. He was walking into everything. I had some bottles on the floor in the kitchen and he walked right into them, turned around and did it again. He refused to eat. (The day before, he had eaten really good for the first time in a while) I tempted him with all sorts of good things he loved, but he didn't want any. He didn't want water either. You know how you feel when you know something isn't right and you know deep down in your heart that it's not going to get right. That's how I felt watching him and it made me so sad.
So, I called the dogter and made an appointment. Good thing I got in right away. It's 20 miles away and during that ride he changed. He just stared into space never blinking. I put my hand up to his eyes and he didn't blink. I realized he couldn't see at all anymore and he was breathing hard. But what got me, is that when I was preparing to leave to the vet, I left him outside and he was walking around the yard, barking at someone walking by. He ran up to his toy, picked it up and walked around some more. He did all this when I knew he was having trouble seeing! I had left the passenger door to the truck open 'cause I had put my purse and a blanket in there and I went in to get something else. When I came back out, I looked for him and I couldn't find him. I finally went to the truck, and there he was all curled up on the drivers seat! I was surprised that he had actually jumped in there with his toy! I told him, 'Strider, how did you get in here all by yourself when you can't see very good?! You're awesome, dude!' He just stared at me. That's when I noticed his pupils were completely dilated. And during that 20 mile drive he completely changed from all that. Just can't figure it out...*sigh*.
Anyway, I wish I could come here and tell you all exactly what was wrong with him. I don't know. I'll never know. All I know is that he was in a bad way when we got to the dogter. I had to carry him in because he was a totally different dog than the one who had run to pick up his toy on his way to jump in the truck all on his own. With the weight loss, the vet suspected the big C. And in addition to not being able to see, he also couldn't hear anymore. Yes, I could've had lots of test done on him, but that wasn't going to get him well. The suddenness (three days) of this happening proved it was something that wasn't going to get better. I kept telling myself maybe, just maybe, there could be some medicine that could help him, but I knew deep down what I had to do for him. I had to let him go to end his quiet suffering. To let go of the little dog that was born in my kitchen to a little pregnant black stray I rescued from the side of the road that was lying in a hole. To let go of the only one of his litter who wasn't adopted that first day at clinic, that I decided to keep. To let go of the pup that was a cranky old soul probably from day one. To let go of the absolute best feet licker in the whole world (I will forever miss that with my whole heart). I am so glad I chose to keep that little cranky baby. I loved him well, but I can say this with certainty; his love for me was greater. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me.
Thank you for the nine years of love and loyalty you gave me, Strider. I will forever be grateful. I will forever love you, my wonderful little cranky pup. My heart will always miss you. My feet will forever be waiting for a good licking that will never come. Thank you, from the bottom of my broken crying heart, for it all.

Strider Elessar Coca
December 12, 2002 - March 30, 2012

Run free, well, and young again at
the Bridge, my darling boy.


Leave A Comment | 24 people already have

Barked by: Doo - My Sweet Angel (Dogster Member)

April 1st 2012 at 4:30 am

Awww, Ester, I'm so sorry to hear about Strider's passing. Its never easy for us left behind. Know that he's now your guardian angel and will watch over you forever.

Sending you warm comforting hugs and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

~Lou Ann, Austin & Doo
Barked by: MrJackFreckles~SirLick-a-Lot (Dogster Member)

April 1st 2012 at 4:51 am

Oh, Dear.

I have no words, only a huge lump that prevents them...and those leaky, blurry eyes.
I want to reach out through my computer and hug you tightly, but I guess even my arms are not long enough to reach I send you my comforting thoughts and prayers.
Holding all of you near to my heart today, Esther.

Rest in sweet peace, Strider, now you can fly with strong wings and watch over all.


Ingrid, MJF & Furmily

(JtheR is for April Fool's Day...)
Barked by: Pepper - CGC (Dogster Member)

April 1st 2012 at 5:47 am

Hugs and love to you all.
Barked by: Cathey U

April 1st 2012 at 7:06 am

Sending love and healing prayers your way.
Barked by: Demon Flash Bandit (Dogster Member)

April 1st 2012 at 9:06 am

I'm so sorry. I know how hard it is to lose our loved ones-both human and pet. However, Strider is waiting for you, and believe me, when you meet again, you will get more kisses than you can handle.
Barked by: Winston (Dogster Member)

April 1st 2012 at 9:41 am

Strider, we are very sad in our house this morning. Moms heart fell when she read the title of the diary entry. We are so sorry, but we know your mom gave you the greatest gift of all--to release you from your suffering. All this sounds like the right thing to say, but we know that nothing will help you mom right now. We love all of you very much.
Barked by: Monty (Dogster Member)

April 1st 2012 at 1:28 pm

Mommy and us are all in tears. We are so sorry to hear about Strider. He is now up at the bridge playing with everyone else waiting for you to be reunited with him. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
Barked by: Smiley 1995-2009 Doggie Angel (Dogster Member)

April 1st 2012 at 1:41 pm

My Dad knows what it is like to lose a dear friend. The part about eating and drinking was the same for me in the end. I hope to meet you soon here across the Rainbow Bridge!
Barked by: Riley (Dogster Member)

April 1st 2012 at 2:48 pm

My friend, Strider:

As you made your journey, your heart was full of love. Your Mom, your pack made sure you were full for your journey. Your friends, Caileigh, Dad and I included also helped fill that heart.

Now, we send love to your Mom and pack. We will all miss you, my friend.
Barked by: Ceeley (Dogster Member)

April 1st 2012 at 5:11 pm

How very sad. Ebby & Me is comforting Auntie right now cause she got leaky-eyed.
Barked by: Milo (Dogster Member)

April 1st 2012 at 6:44 pm

Rest in peace, my dear friend... You have been our pals for so long, we reaaly can't believe that you just left us like this! You'll be forever remebered!
Barked by: ✨ Whitley ✨ (Dogster Member)

April 2nd 2012 at 12:37 am

Awww, sending you lots of big hugs. I'll miss you Strider.
Barked by: Sweet Angel Snoopy.... (Dogster Member)

April 2nd 2012 at 12:55 am

With great sadness and a very heavy heart we are all here so sad that Strider is now Standing proud with all the other Angels at The Bridge....where he will find comfort in the Paws of all the Angels.....
Barked by: Angel Petey- In Loving Memory (Dogster Member)

April 2nd 2012 at 3:27 am

OMG, Esther Im so so sorry to hear this about Strider, tears are flowing right now, we will miss him terribly, but you sure did right by him and he loved you for that. Always here if you need to talk.

Love you very much,
Kim and Petey
Barked by: Reilly (Dogster Member)

April 2nd 2012 at 7:51 am

I'm so sorry to hear about Strider
my heart goes out to you
Barked by: Destiny (Dogster Member)

April 2nd 2012 at 4:58 pm

Destiny, Chance and mommy are sitting here with tears in our eyes. So sad and we feel so bad for you and your pups that must miss him dearly. It'll be tough for awhile we all know so just snuggle with those other dear dogs of yours cause you know it'll help.
Barked by: Jolanda (Dogster Member)

April 2nd 2012 at 7:34 pm

I am so very sorry - sweet Strider..
We love you. You will be so very missed.
Love and blessings to you and your wonderful family, Jolanda and sonja :((
Barked by: together us 2 (Dogster Member)

April 3rd 2012 at 5:46 am

we are happy you are running free again, Strider!
your family is very brave, it is so hard to say goodbye for now and we all miss you so much.
please give a little encouraging nip or two when herding our friends up at the bridge..they could use a little more exercize and a little less pawtying up there from what we hear!
xoxoxoxo and big hugs from us for your family!
Barked by: lola (Dogster Member)

April 3rd 2012 at 5:50 am

sending love to your family and welcoming you to the bridge Strider!
check out my diary, there is a poem there my mommy reads when she is missing me.
run free Strider!!
Barked by: Molly Morris (Dogster Member)

April 3rd 2012 at 9:12 am

Strider this was such sad news but we know you are happy and pain free. You have many good pals greeting you at the bridge. You will always be loved and missed.
Blow kissed to your momma's feet every once in awhile and she will know it's you! :)
Woof Woof, Molly & Pack
Barked by: Flicka ~ CGC (Dogster Member)

April 3rd 2012 at 12:50 pm

Oh Esther ... I have only just seen this... dont know how I missed it.

I am SO so sorry. But... you did the RIGHT thing.

He was telling you it was just Fine to let go. He gave you wonderful memories of that last few hours... he did what he always did... gave you Love Eternal... Love Immortal.

He wont leave you... not ever.. and you know that in your heart.

We are here for you (albeit a little late) but know we ARE here... all of us... you who give so much to others... please take a little from all of us... to hold you close and hold you up.

Sail on Fair Winds and Calm seas Strider

With Love and Hugssssssssss

Flicka ∆,,∆ & Lucas /..| Cleo (I.M.) ∆,,∆ & Pam X

"May you see with eyes of light in everdark,
May your mind walk free and unfettered amongst all,
Touching wisely and well.
May you go in peace."

Gayle Greeno
Barked by: Abbie (Dogster Member)

April 3rd 2012 at 3:45 pm

That is so sad, we will be keeping you in our prayers.
Barked by: Angel BooBoo (1992-2008) (Dogster Member)

April 12th 2012 at 8:54 am

We are so sorry for your loss. We've been offline more than on, and didn't realize it till today. Strider won't feel any pain anymore, and you will always feel the love. he's now waiting for you here at the Bridge. See you later, Mom.
Barked by: Angel BooBoo (1992-2008) (Dogster Member)

April 12th 2012 at 8:54 am

We are so sorry for your loss. We've been offline more than on, and didn't realize it till today. Strider won't feel any pain anymore, and you will always feel the love. he's now waiting for you here at the Bridge. See you later, Mom.

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