August 8th 2008 8:40 am
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My nuts are missing! OMD, I woke up in a cage at the vet with a dull ache you know where. Someone musta' stole 'em. That's what I get fur falling asleep in a strange place! The world ain't safe, I'm telling you. I searched everywhere. They weren't where I usually keep 'em. The bag was empty!
On top of shock of this tragic discovery I then suffered supreme indignity at the hands of the cops when the officer laughed--LAUGHED, when I tried to file a police report to put out an APB for them. What's so funny? You wouldn't think it was humorous if it happened to you, Mister!
OK, so I'm a little past my prime (13 and counting) and my sex life I admit was non-existant anyway but this could take some getting used to. Boy they weren't kidding when they said, "Use it or lose it". Hey, maybe I'll run an ad in the paper in case someone finds them? Hmmm, how should I put this? "LOST. Family Jewels. Antique set. Sentimental value only. No questions asked. Big box of Milkbones is your reward for their safe return."
You see, it all started because I was having a minor medical problem. No big deal--a little piddling here and there indoors, by mistake I tell you. Normally I 'm housebroken of course but what's a few drops of pee? It mops up, you know. Mom got worried I had a urinary infection because I wee-weed on her lap and I didn't even notice I was going. Oops.
So Dad took me in for a consultation. Geez, how embarrassing. My privates weren't so private anymore. The doctor put his finger, HIS FINGER, up my... oh never mind. Anyhoo, da Doc told me it was my prostate and that's pretty common in gents my age. I'm thinking they're gonna give me some little blue pills and I'll be good to go. But NO! Next thing you know I'm groggy as heck and my days as a chick magnet are history, baby. The fat lady is singing loudly and right now I hate this song. I guess that means it's over an' I gotta face the music. Forget my dreams of stud fees and bitches...
Don't worry about the Munch. I may be handicapped--a double amputee in a way but I'll survive. I can still walk. Heck, I can run even, or swim. I can still eat; I can bark and sleep and kill a squeak toy. My Mom still loves me, at least or so she says. I'm the love of her life. The man of her dreams. The best dog in the whole wide world. Honest, she says it all the time!
Just don't give me any sh_t 'cuz grandpa or not, I can still kick your ass!
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OMG !,....Too dang funny but not so ,..I guess. Because I had my womanhood taken,....you can,t tell Cause it was all internal. And it happened when I was so young.And besides daddy has brought me two babies, Maggie and then Molly. I think this is all in my lifetime. Molly was a real wild one. I still think you a areal stud, what groups are you in,...Come to the shade tree and we (senior dogs) lay around and talk about stuff,...and watch all the young bloods run around I'll see how to send an invitation