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Tragic ending for Sweet Pea


January 2nd 2006 4:07 am
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All I ever wanted was a home again. I can't understand why my first family gave me up and why I ended up in a small kennel, with people trying to doctor my sore sore ears all the time, poking needles in me and pills down me. They told me they were doing it so I could be well and get adopted so I tried to cooperate. They were as kind and gentle as they could be. I still missed having my own special friend. Then one day while I was still puzzling about all this, also wondering why they hooked up a fence that shocked me, (but I only let that happen once and I had never had that before so once was enough, it scared me and they told me it was so I wouldn't get lost and be hungry and sick again) two ladies came and walked around in my foster Mom's agility arena. The one lady kept coming over to look at me, smile and talk to me. I liked the sound of her voice but I was too sad to do anything but just look at her and follow her as she turned to go away. Time passed and lots of strange things were happening to me, not all bad by any means, but my life was different than what I had been used to.. the familiar was gone. I was feeling better and growing hair on my elephant hide skin that itched and was sore. My matted eyes were unmatted and my itching wasn't as bad. So I have to say they were taking good care of me. Everyone was kind to me but I still longed for someone that really really loved me like I was theirs. I wanted to belong again I wanted to be someone's special Sweet Pea. Even my name was something strange to me. Then one day that same lady came, I recognized her voice and I started running and racing in my pen and barking wildly. Come play with me I said, overcome with joy, and that is just what she did. She put a special collar on me, took me to the arena and threw a kong.. we had such fun.. then she took me out for a long leash walk where there were such great smell prints in the forest, she sang to me and laughed and hugged me close and asked for kisses.. I gave them but I was in a hurry to get onto new smells, and besides.. I figured this would be a one shot deal for me. Everything I loved had disappeared before, no doubt she would. But this lady kept coming, she took me on long walks, alone with her, and on a special one where there were lots of other dog, but she knew I wasn't very dog friendly, she never considered it a crime and she told me that I could overcome those feelings in time. It wasn't every dog I didn't like, for once when she took me on a walk, some man's dog jumped out of his truck and we played for thirty minutes. but this day we walked by a river and she shielded me from other dogs and I loved it.. we walked three miles and I really slept hard that night and the next day. It was so nice. She took me for rides and to visit my vet, she took me on mountain hikes. Finally here was someone that kept returning. When she would leave I dug out so I could follow her, but I got caught and they locked me up again. Finally they fixed it so I couldn't dig out. The lady kept coming and I knew she was mine and I was hers. All of a sudden she became more important than smell prints.. and I gave lots of hugs and kisses and I talked to her a lot in my own woofsy way. Why won't you take me home I asked her over and over again as she left. She always cried and told me she loved me and she would be back. It began to get soooo cold and I huddled in my house and the lady didn't come for a long time. I didn't know that she couldn't get down my icy road. Other cars came but it wasn't her, at least that was what I thought, finally I found out she was in those cars and thought I was gone because I didn't come out to greet her, I missed her and I knew if her car didn't come, that no one was coming to see me, I had lost heart. I wish she had called my name then. I was so lonesome for her. The next time she came was when the sun was shining, we had a couple of walks and she took me to a new big yard and kennel with a nice doghouse in it. She took me for a walk with another nice lady, one I already knew, one that had taken care of me a lot, and then she left me. I begged her again to go and I tried to get out, but I encountered the fence that shocked me again. OUCH.. I didn't like that at all but I learned not to go near the fences. My new lady friend said she wouldn't do that, she doesn't like those fences either. The other lady said that she hated to do it but she didn't want me getting out and getting lost again. I was happy to have a lot more human visitors, walks and activity going on all around me, but I kept looking for my friend. Had she deserted me? Finally at Thanksgiving time, she came. I knew she hadn't abandoned me permanently. We walked on some forest trails together she and I, we did lots of kisses and hugzzz and spent a long long time together, then she left again and I cried, I so wanted to go. I remembered the time she had taken me to her home for a few hours, a nice yard with rocks I could sniff around and play in kept beckoning me, her dogs barked at me and she let a silly little pup out to play and he got in my face and I beat him up. Other dogs make me nervous and worried and I wonder if it really is so important to humans that I like every dog? Humans don't like every human they meet. It all adds to the loss and the loads I seem to be having to work through, dealing with dogs that I just don't care for. I can't get used to these things yet. Too soon. So here I was when it started to snow, looking and hoping she would come get me and take me home. She wanted to, she told me that. It was now snowing and getting cold in the doghouse and I was allergic to the hay so my eyes got kind of ucky.. then I got a nice new mattress and the hay was taken out. I did have great care. Then the new people I was living with took pity on my shivering hide and brought me in their basement where I could roam around, catch and kill mice and have a nice crate to sleep in, I sighed in contentment.. it was not my own home, but it was nice. Next thing I knew there was a thaw and I was back outside again. I resisted that. I liked that basement. I was introduced to two older dogs and I just didn't want to have anything to do with them. I preferred people. One icy day when a nice lady was walking me, I slipped out of my collar and there were those dogs. I went after them, which caused everyone to be upset. So that was when they decided that I could never have my dream, I could never have a home. It was the final blow for me, and on December 19th, they gave me a nice morning and then.. my life ended in the vet's office. What I wasn't to know was that my lady friend I loved and who loved me, was trying her best to find me a home or get me to hers permanently. She sent me some $$ for Christmas and those $$ were now going to be used to cremate me. She asked for my ashes so I could be buried in her dog cemetery with her own beloved dogs, for she said that Sweet Pea was really hers.. and I was. What I didn't know was that she would cry for a long time to come and feel heartsick. She wanted to give me every chance and let me have my dream, a real life. She wanted me. I had love for six months. Real deep deep loyal love but it was so short, aren't doggies supposed to have a lot of good years to love and be loved? That was what I thought for sure would happen. I had hope. And now my friend is lonesome for me. She isn't looking forward to our spring walks now. She has other dogs but I was hers too and she had plans for us. Her heart is broken and I can't come to console her at all for I am dead, I died tragically in spite of my strong desire to live. In spite of my love and joy for life. I didn't get to choose my destiny, I was a victim of circumstances beyond my control in the life I was given for a few short years. My friend didn't choose my destiny either. All that is left of me are a few home movies, a little lump of ashes to bury, and a love deep inside my friend's heart. In the spring when the ground thaws.. I will be home with my friend. Not as I longed for nor as she longed for.. but at least I will be buried near her, and it is the last thing she can do for me she says. I will have a home in death that I never had in life. It wasn't what we wanted but the cards were dealt and stacked against me, and we have to live with it. Thanks all of you that wanted to be my pup pals. Thanks for all the bones and all the nice things you told my Mum about me too. I really was a SWEET PEA, and my main crime is that I didn't like other dogs. My Mum.. Janeen, the nice lady that loves me and mourns me deeply.. for she truly is my Mum.. she thanks you too. Goodbye.. I am glad I am missed. SIGNED: Sweet Pea Jackson


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Sweet Pea ( passed- Dec 19-05)


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