the dog days of....april?!!

ugh. it's got to be a million degrees. i've tried lying on my side on the floor, but i'm a bit rotund and i teeter. i have to sigh and grunt until i can convince mama or daddy to turn the air conditioner on again. bleh.

a question.

why do i smell like fritos? i never get to eat fritos. there aren't even any fritos in the house. i can't remember the last time there were fritos in the house. and yet, smell like fritos, i do. ( talk like yoda, usually, i don't)

so, anyway, yesterday i was chasing a stick in the back yard when the hidden evil moles poked me in the belly with a twig. i made my mom take me inside to get away from all things pointy. and i made big sad puppy eyes at her, so she let me take my stick in, also.

you know what really scares me? those horns people blow on new year's eve. those are devilish instruments of torture, to be sure. i had to go upstairs and hide in mom's room when they started that nonsense.

dog paddler extraordinaire!

i can swim, i can swim! my mama thought my legs might be too short & my daddy thought i was too fat, but i showed 'em! by wagging my tail in the direction i want to turn and using my ears to catch the wind, i can swim better'n any ol' stick. well, any ol' stick that floats; i'm not too good at diving, yet. and that's not fat, it's insulation. that water's pretty cold, ya know.

my birthday adventure

i got a squeaky-baby dog for my birthday. i don't like it much because it's not stinky and hairless, yet. i stole all of my daddy's dirty socks from his bedroom and piled them up in the hall. haven't found any underwear to steal lately...they must be on to me. i chased a stick, then my mom threw it again, then i chased it again, then she threw it again, then i chased it again, then she threw it again, then i ran away, rolled in something nasty and then chewed all the bark off the stick. i'm getting pretty darn fat. my mom tried to cut off all my toes today, but i whimpered and jerked around like a spastic chicken with no head, so she only got to my nails. tonight, when they're all asleep, i'm going to chew up some garbage and stuff, then steal some cat food so that i'll have really stinky breath when i kiss my people-sister. i know she likes that, though she pretends she doesn't. i feel like pooping on the carpet now, so that's all for tonight.