Big Brass Ones

Lost in the background noise

June 26th 2006 6:09 pm
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Every once in a while—every once in a great while—a question is asked in the forums of an interesting and/or practical nature, a question the answer to which might actually be of wide, or even general, interest.

Suppose, for example, that Snotty asks “Does anybody here know what the best treatment for pizzle rot is?”

Now I, personally, have never had pizzle rot, and hope never to get pizzle rot. But if I should happen to come down with it one day, I would certainly want to know how to treat it (very uncivilly, I’m guessing). So I open the thread, and I have a look.

The responses tend to fall into two broad categories, Useful and—how shall I put this?—Less So.

Useful answers go something like this:

The generally accepted treatment for pizzle rot is an infusion of antibiotics, combined with the topical application of diaper-rash ointment. But I find that Jello shooters work best.

Or:

I don’t know what the treatment for pizzle rot is, but you can get information from the Pizzle Rot Foundation of America. Their web site is at www.pizzlerotfoundation.o rg.

The trouble—from a practical information-gathering point of view—is that, for every one Useful response, there are generally 12 or 15 Less So responses:

What’s pizzle rot?

Oh, Snotty, I’m so sorry you have pizzle rot. I hope you’re feeling better real soon!:(

My mommy thought she had pizzle rot once, but it turned out to be Chlamydia, which doesn’t help you much, I guess, but we’re all praying for you, Snotty!

Wanna come to my hot tub party?:)

So I generally just give up and never do find out the answers to the important questions of the day.

Notes: As of this writing, there are no actual dogs on Dogster named “Snotty.” Go figure.

Pizzle rot is a real affliction. You could look it up.

As far as I know, there is no Pizzle Rot Foundation of America. Which is a damn shame, if you ask me.

 
 

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