June 15th 2013 7:29 am
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We hounds (Maebe and myself) have been working very hard to develop superpowers. We weren't born with any (other than all the usual superpowers that all dogs have and that humans don't appreciate, like being able to sniff out dead things from the tops of tall buildings and all that) so we have gone to extremes to get some. Superpowers, that is.
I tried to get lasers attached to my feet. I could lift a paw and shoot them!! Pew! Pew! No joy. I went to the vet for laser treatment and all they did was shine a light on my toe. Not at all what I had in mind. Sure it made the little ouchy spot there feel better but "Captain Arthritis" is the lousiest superhero name ever. Very disappointing.
Maebe, however, really went over the top. I think she must have watched too many versions of Spiderman. She actually went to the vet to get radiation. I'm not sure what she was hoping to gain by that...X ray vision, maybe? Holy moly, do you think she can see me naked? I never trusted that dog. Who knows what she's thinking. Maybe she'll tell you.
Until then, I rely on my regular (but still super) powers: Super Guapo!
Super Guapo, over and out.
May 2nd 2012 4:20 pm
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Springtime in Arizona brings weather that we used to call summer everywhere else I’ve lived. Upside: lots of interesting things to sniff. Lizards! Weeds! Sidewalk food: Nilla wafers! Downside: HOT! Spring (being hot-tempered and all) begged and begged and finally the bosses caved and bought her an ool. (You know, no “p” in it) It’s pretty small for swimming but makes a great water dish. Except, of course, for the terrier sitting in it. Terrier stew isn’t my favorite but I like to play a little game with every water dish I’ve ever had: see if I can drink it all. Leave the terrierist high and dry. Ha! Let’s see if she can keep her cool then.
January 8th 2012 6:57 pm
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Our new digs in Arizona are just around the corner from an In-N-Out Burger. Also right around the corner from a Panda Express, Chick-Fil-A, and other tasty-smelling places, but it’s the In-N-Out that gets my attention. When the breeze is just right you can smell it from my backyard. Combine that with the fact that the bosses like a good burger and I smell a recipe for Whigle Joy! The bosses had never tried an In-N-Out before moving here so they were as eager as I was to give it a go. And since we live within walking distance, why not make a pack outing of it? Great idea, says me.
We all leash up and walk over to the In-N-Out. It’s a beautiful day! The air smells of grilled meat and onions. I might just be the happiest dog on the planet. The Boss Man goes in to place our order (I ordered a Double Double). The Boss Ma’am looks for somewhere we can sit. Hm. There are two outdoor seating areas, one by the drive-through where a group of young men are sitting, feeding the pigeons. Next to us…wait a minute! Pigeons! I love pigeons!! Let’s go see the pigeons!! We can’t go see the pigeons? We should bark at the pigeons!! Barkbarkbarkbarkbark!!
And that’s pretty much how that went. So we go to sit at the tables next to us where an older couple is sitting and the lady is giving us the stink-eye. Really? You’re eating burgers at a fast food joint that’s basically in a mall parking lot. What kind of ambiance did you expect? I think I’m livening it up a bit, myself. So we sit. And guess what?? The pigeons come to us!! So now the bosses are trying to eat and all three of us are pulling to get at the pigeons. The Boss Ma’am has the (admittedly good) idea to give us food to distract us. This earns her more eye-stinkin’ from the lady at the table next to us. But soon the Ma’am is out of burger to share (they evidently forgot my order) and is trying to distract me with fries. No contest. I’m not a big fan of fries and I’ll take a pigeon any day. Barkbarkbarkbark!!
Finally the bosses give up on the meal. They gather what’s left to throw it away when Spring notices there are pigeons in the parking lot too! And since the bosses are a little distracted, what with their hands full of trash and me and Maebe pulling in one direction and Spring in another…Spring makes a break for it. She tears off into the parking lot (just a few feet from two busy streets) chasing a pigeon. The pigeon flies off and she stops. The Boss Man dashes after her. Another pigeon lands and she is off again. This is as hilarious as it sounds and could probably go on forever but a very nice lady with quick reflexes grabs Spring’s leash and reels her in. (No pigeons were harmed in this incident.)
The bosses are horrified. Mortified. Embarrassed beyond description. Me, I’m having a grand old time! Burgers! Pigeons! Bird chases! Let’s do it again! Today! Tomorrow! Every day! What fun! But the bosses say no. Never. They say we are banned for life. (Although I never actually saw anyone from management say so…I think they might be making that up.) They say that someday when they look back on it and think, it wasn’t so bad, maybe we can go for burgers again, that they will tell themselves, Never Again.
No more burgers is a tragedy, but not as bad as it could be. We can go to Chick-Fil-A!!
January 5th 2012 5:19 pm
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I had planned to tell you about the In-N-Out adventure today but the Boss Ma’am says there’s a more important story to tell today. When she told me what happened, I agreed.
Last week the bosses were jogging along 22nd street here in Tucson and saw that something bad had happened across the street. Police cars, crime tape, the whole 9 yards. Later they found out that shortly before they went by a boy had been running across the street and was hit by a car. The boy was killed in the accident. It was a sunny afternoon. He was only 13.
Fast forward to today. Bosses jogging, same street, a few blocks up. They notice a man in the median next to a dog. The dog was lying way too still. Turns out the dog had been hit by a car and left to die. The man noticed him there and flagged down someone to call Animal Control. The man and the bosses waited there and a few minutes later Animal Control arrived but it was too late for the dog. All they could do was help load him into the back of the truck and hope that he had a microchip because his collar had no tags. It was a sunny afternoon. He was a beautiful blue pit bull.
Please drive carefully.
Please tell your kids to use the crosswalks and be careful where there is traffic.
Please keep your dogs safe.
January 3rd 2012 6:01 pm
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My fans tell me they want to hear my version of the Arizona story.
Here it is: nobody tells me nothin’.
What, you want more? Fine. I was happy in Washington. I had a yard with birds to watch. I had a strawberry patch. I had apple trees which were supposed to have apples starting this summer. I had a river with water and geese and everything. Why would I want to move? Nobody asked my opinion.
But we went anyway. Something about the Boss Ma’am being miserable at work, blah blah blah. So we drive for ever. I think it took 47 days. On the upside, we did get to stop at Culver’s twice! Mmm…custard. It’s been years since I’ve had custard! (really!) And now I am in Arizona. But guess what? I like it here! There are birds! We have a strawberry patch! (Or so I’ve been told, I haven’t seen any berries yet but I’ll keep moseying through the garden to check.) We have a Culver’s! Actually we have two Culver’s!! And best yet, we live within sniffing distance of an In-N-Out burger. Living in Kentucky and Washington I never had the chance to try an In-N-Out burger, but I couldn’t wait to go. We can walk there! We can go every day! WhooLoo!
In my opinion the trip to In-N-Out was a huge success, except for the part where I got banned for life. But that’s a story for another day.
December 31st 2011 5:30 pm
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Every year is the year of the Lyle. Or it should be, anyway.
So, anyone making any resolutions? Me, I was just having this conversation with my pal Dottie Mae, and I decided to make a list.
No, silly, of course I don't need to make any resolutions. I'm perfect. But the bosses, well, maybe not quite so perfect. In fact they could learn a lot from me.
AnyLoo, here's my list of resolutions for the bosses so far:
1. Feed Lyle more. And more often!
2. Share more food with Lyle.
3. Take Lyle for more walks.
4. Let Lyle eat anything he finds.
5. Let Lyle bark as much as he wants.
6. Let Lyle go back to the In-N-Out burger.
There's probably more, but like I told Dottie, my bosses are pretty lazy so there's not much chance I'll get them to do more than this. But I do have a whole year, so maybe I'll think of some more things they should do to make my life better.
Happy New Year!
October 8th 2011 4:00 pm
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And the Flecken wenteth. I only got to meet him for a short while because the Bosses thought I would embarrass him with too much of my superhandsomeness.
Flecken and his ma'am came all the way from Disneyworld or somewhere near there to visit pup pals. And to gaze on my superhandsomeness in the fur. First the bosses met up with Flecken and his mom and Butch and JR and their moms at the river. Where was I, you ask? Stuck at home with the grrrls. So unfair. I love the river. Love the seagulls. Makes me want to bark just thinking about it.
AnyLoo, after that, the bosses took me to meet the Famous Flecken in the fur at Badger Mountain. Flecken must be a very talented and brave dachshund indeed because by the time we got there all the badgers were gone. I was impressed. So we met, shared Dorothy pigtails, and then he was off again on his travels. Jet setting is not the life for me but I'm sure glad that Flecken and his mom took the time to come all the way out to meet us! Yes, Flecken is just as handsome as his photos. No, he is not as handsome as me. And yes, his mom is a super nice lady. I offered to send her home with a lovely terrier parting gift but she said they had enough dogs in Da Gang. So I'm still stuck with Spring for a while.
Thanks for visiting, Flecken. Sorry I forgot the pancakes! Guess you'll have to come visit me in Tucson!
August 28th 2011 5:52 pm
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Guess who came to visit ME today? All the way from Loo-easy-anna, the Goobersmooch Mom and Dad! How cool is that?? They might have had some other stuff to do around the northwest and they stopped by to visit Butch and his mom and dad too but I know they really came to see me. I understand. I'm just that handsome.
The Goobersmooch Mom and Dad are super nice and they can come visit again any time. I wanted to send them home with a souvenir terrier but I guess their luggage must be full because they left her behind. I think maybe I'll send them a care package (complete with air holes, just 'cause I'm a nice guy, see ya later, Dinky Dog, hahahaha!) for when they get home.
April 17th 2011 1:52 pm
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Not what I thought that meant, believe you me. Here in the Tri-Cities, Cougartown means mostly football fans, (thank goodness) but more recently it means Big Kitty Invasion.
So here's my question: What does a brave, superhandsome Whigle such as myself do in the event that I encounter a Big Kitty? Normally I bark at Little Kitties. Give chase if possible. Seems like that might not be such a good idea for a 6 foot cat. (yikes!) But how do I save face? Ignore it? Bark? Run and save my handsome tail?
Earlier this week I discovered that we now have a source of maple bacon cupcakes right here in town. I thought, "Wow! Now I know the Tri-Cities is the best place in the world." Leave it to a cat to burst my bubble.
February 1st 2011 7:18 pm
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I can't say I really mind getting older. I learn new things all the time. If I hadn't turned 7, I would never have learned to jump up on the bed. Just this past year, I learned how much I like soap. (Mmmm...Dove soap.) Think of all the fun I'd have missed out if I hadn't learned that. So I'm cool with it.
The bosses, on the other paw, don't like me getting older. It bothers them. They look at me and see that I have a little more white on my head (Which is on purpose, by the way. Kind of like an arctic fox. I'm turning white for the winter. I am just doing it very slowly.)and they worry about me getting old. And then they worry about what happens after that. (Me, I have no idea. I just know now is good. And that I could really go for a burrito right now. Or a lick of soap.)
So because of the bosses, I'm not allowed to have any more birthdays. They say I'm not allowed to get any older. I say, "What the hey? What about my cake?" They say that they'll celebrate me, just not my birthday. Tomorrow is Lyle day. We celebrate all things Lyle.
I'm pretty sure I'm getting gypped out of cake.