DAY 117, Tuesday, 7/3/12

Today I helped Bob with his homework…you know, from obedience class. We’re getting better at heeling all the time, though Bob still hasn’t learned that chasing after other dogs takes priority over staying religiously by his side. We also worked on “drop it.” Bob gives me my favorite bone with the “take it” command, and then he tells me to “drop it” as he offers me an even better treat. The thing is, I’m so good at that game that I always drop the bone even before he has a chance to say “drop it.” He tries to use the same command outside to get me to drop things I may have picked up with my mouth, but I’m not that stupid. The “drop it” command is for treats and treats only. Don’t offer me a good treat, and I ain’t gonna drop nuttin’.

DAY 116, Monday, 7/2/12

Poor Bob. Poor, poor Bob. Remember that training collar with the nose guard, the one I detest so much, the one that Bob exchanged twice and then lost before he had to go back to the store and replace again? Well, today Bob took me out for a walk with that darn thing, and when we returned, he put the collar over the door knob as usual. Then, later, when he went to get it again, it was gone. He just knew that I had taken it and buried it someplace. He looked all over the apartment—two and three times—without success. Finally, he remembered that he had set it down so that he could go back and adjust the straps, but where? He eventually found it right where he had left it, not on the door knob, but on his desk next to his laptop. I swear, that boy would lose his head if it wasn’t Velcroed on.

DAY 114, Sunday, 7/1/12

Two squirrels live in the tree in front of our apartment. The other day when I was taking Bob for a walk, we came upon one of the squirrels standing on the ground. We stared at each other for a few seconds until he decided to scamper up the tree, and I didn’t even chase after him. Does that mean I’m getting old? I should ask Bob. He’s an expert on that sort of thing.

DAY 113, Saturday, 6/30/12

I feel so sorry for Tony. He seems to have developed the impression that I love Bob more than him. Every morning, when Tony gets up before Bob, I always walk over and say hello to him. I used to let him take me out for my morning constitutional, but I’ve learned how important that morning time is to him, so now I just stroll over to the bedroom door and wait for Bob to wake up. When Bob finally does get up, Tony says I act like the sun has risen, but by then, I really do have to go out. And, yes, it’s true: when the guys are both sitting on the couch, I always curl up at Bob’s feet, but it’s not because I love him more than Tony. It’s just that it didn’t take me long to figure out that Bob is an easier patsy than Tony.

DAY 112, Friday, 6/29/12

I heard Tony talking with one of our neighbors today. She was complaining about all the crickets she was getting in her apartment, as many as 150 a day. We only get five or six. I wonder if she would trade apartments with us. Nah, come to think of it, that would be too easy. After all, the thrill is actually in the hunt, eh?

DAY 111, Thursday, 6/28/12

I’ve just learned that this is National Mental Health Awareness Week, which is soooooooooo appropriate since I’m living in a house full of crazy people. Tony talks to people who live inside that big head of his, and Bob has actually convinced himself that he’s smarter than I am. Well, you be the judge.

Remember that collar that I detest so much, the one with the strap that goes across my snout? Well, after using the one he borrowed from Wendy for a couple of weeks, Bob decided to buy one of his own. So, he went to Petco (they don’t sell that particular model at PetSmart) and bought one—on sale—in a size large. He took it home and had so much trouble trying to adjust it to fit that he took it back the next day and exchanged it for a medium, also on sale, so there was no adjustment in payment. Then, he realized that that one was too small, so the next day he took it back and exchanged it for a large again. At the register, the clerk said, “Oh, this one is on sale; I owe you $4.83.” Now, I don’t know if Bob is terminally honest or just incredibly stupid, but he actually tried to explain to the clerk that it was an even trade, so she didn’t actually owe him any money. However, the clerk, obviously a graduate of one of those “ivy leak” schools, pointed to the cash register and insisted that she owed Bob a partial refund. So, Bob eventually came home with a refund on a collar that was already on sale, thus paying approximately $10 for a $20 collar. Now, here’s the kicker. When Bob went to use the collar for the first time, he couldn’t find the darn thing. He looked all over the apartment and all through the car. Knowing how much I hated that collar, Bob tells Tony that he suspects I either hid it or tossed it out the car window when we were out driving around. Of course, I would never do such a thing. Not sweet little ol’ me! [Wink, wink.]*

*[Note from Bob: Biscuit actually does wink sometimes. Yeah, it’s scary.]

DAY 110, Wednesday, 6/27/12

Bob did really well in class tonight. In one exercise, he told me to wait at one end of the store aisle while he walked to the other end. I stayed in place the whole time. Then, still facing the other way, he called me, and I ran straight to him. Now, here’s the trick. All the other dogs in our class were lined up along the aisle, and I completely ignored them. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Bob had a handful of treats waiting for me at the other end.

In another exercise, another person in the class tried to call me to go to him, even coaxing me with a toy, but I completely ignored him and stayed right with Bob, which is exactly what I was supposed to do.

When we came home and told Tony what we had done, he was very impressed. I didn’t really understand the part where he asked Bob who I was and what he had done with their real dog, but that’s OK. Tony doesn’t make sense half the time anyway.

DAY 109, Tuesday, 6/26/12

I was right again—as usual. Bob dropped me off at the vet’s office yesterday morning. At first, I thought I was there to be prodded and poked, but it turns out that they have kennels for boarding, so Bob left me there while he and Tony went to play at Schlitterbahn, a German water park between Austin and San Antonio. They really should have taken me with them. I could have been a big help. After all, I am half German. Well…they left me overnight. I got a bath the next morning, and Bob picked me up around noon. I was so excited, I nearly wet my pants…if I’d had any pants, that is. I wasn’t sure whether to be upset with Bob for leaving me or just to be happy that he’d come back for me.

DAY 108, Monday, 6/25/12

Something’s up. I can smell it. Bob and Tony have been packing their little bags, and I have a hunch they’re going somewhere. The question is: are they going to take me with them?

DAY 106, Saturday, 6/23/12

I had a much harder time finding crickets today, which tells me just one thing: it’s so doggone hot that the crickets have gone inside in search of air conditioning.