Thank you, friends

My mom wants to thank everyone for their support, prayers, pawmails, rosettes, and messages of love and kindness during this terrible time of loss and sadness. Mom loved me very much, and is struggling greatly with my passing. The quietness of the house is almost unbearable. For those of you that have never had the extreme pleasure of owning a doberman, we tend to talk alot, and my chattering is now gone. My exuberant joy has vanished, and mom is grieving the loss of my enormous spirit. Grieving is a strong word, but not strong enough at this point to begin to describe the heaviness of her heart. So, with sincere gratitude to all the wonderful and caring pets and their humans that have gone out of their way to show their loving kindness, thank you with all my heart!

An Angel now

My mom's heart was very heavy last night. She had a hard time sleeping. My legs have been wobbly, and have become very painful. When touched, I show how painful I am. Mom says that with all the protein that I'm losing, I will soon get swelling in my legs and abdomun. It hurt her, but she made the decision to help me go to the Bridge so that I wouldn't have to suffer any longer. The drive to the clinic was very long and Mom kept questioning herself. Is this the right thing to do? she thought. A song came on the radio at that moment. I believe it was my Angels, but Diana Krall belted out, "Fly Me To The Moon...in other words, I love you." And mom felt fuzzy inside and tears welled up in her eyes. "Ok, Zane, I will set you free," she spoke to me in her head. I laid down on my blanket in the back seat until we got there. She put me in a kennel with a blanket. I laid down and waited for her. She came back with the doctor, and they knealed beside me. The doctor told me that I was a great dog, and Mom kissed my forehead, but she started crying. I stayed strong and composed, and I passed peacefully. I could look down now and see Mom still there beside me, and she was still crying. "I'm ok, don't be sad," I barked, but she couldn't hear me. My mom is still so sad, she was dreading coming home because I wouldn't be waiting for her, wagging my tail nub. But, I'm an Angel now, still waiting for her, wagging my nub. I am here, Mom. Everything is ok.

I'm a fighter...and a lover

Hi, my friends. I just wanted to post an update for you all that are praying for me. Mom thought last weekend would be my last, but I've made it to another one. Mom tells me that I am a real fighter because I've made it this long. I just look at her and tell her, "I thought you already knew this." The doctors have told her what signs to watch for to know when the end is approaching. She keeps watching because she doesn't want to lose one day with me. I am looking awfully thin, and I'm wobbly on my back legs at times. She hasn't weighed me. She doesn't want to put me through going to the vet until the time has come. A wonderful dogster angel friend has told me that I have my own wonderful cloud waiting for me in heaven. It makes mom tear up everytime she thinks about it. But for now, I will keep fighting, so that mom can watch me another day.

A long day...

Mom was petting me last night, and my collar almost came off. She felt my neck and she couldn't believe how small it felt. She asked her kids, "Does Zane look skinnier to you, I think I can see ribs more?" "Yes," the girl replied, "you can see his spine." Mom looked worried, so I moved my face closer to her face. "And he's been more vocal, too. I guess I should take him and weigh him tomorrow." This was not good, going to work with mom is never good. I have been talking alot more: whining, groaning, above average doberman banter. I compulsively lick my feet, self soothing they call it. I fall over quite often, getting weak from the protein loss. But, still happy. I went to work today, and got weighed. Mom looked down, I don't think she liked the numbers that came up. The doctor smiled at me. Mom said I was getting weaker. "Well, we got him a little more time, didn't we?" he said. I wore my birthday coat because it was snowing and I felt proud . When it was time for a potty break, I didn't want to walk in the snow but mom made me. Another urine collection. It showed numbers that Mom did not expect. In 3 weeks, my urine protein level jumped to an unheard of 680. This is devastating news. Mom feels helpless because there is nothing that can be done. She just has to wait until I need help to the Bridge. But, tonight, I'm chewing on my squeeky birthday ball. And, this time, Bridgit can't have it.

A very special birthday

Today is my birthday, I am 8 years old this very day. Mom wanted me to thank all of my special friends that sent me birthday gifts today. Thank you all! Mom thought I wasn't going to make it to my birthday, but here I am. I spent 2 weeks at the veterinary hospital last month, and I have a form of kidney disease where I am losing protein through my urine. Although things aren't looking good on my tests, I feel very happy. Mom worries everyday, but I keep telling her that I'm not ready to go to the Bridge yet. I still have flowers to sniff and berries to nibble as soon as the sun comes back. Mom has been giving me vitamin B-12, and she is thinking about starting to cook for me. She's very worried about changing the food I eat because I'm on prescription food, but wants me to be as healthy as possible. I keep telling her I'm so happy with her and she shouldn't worry so much. She gave me scratches on my ears and I'm laying by the warm fire enjoying my birthday. Tomorrow she is going to the pet store to buy me a new collar and some goodies. I can't wait to see, but today, I just want to spend my day with her. Thanks everyone, for spending time with me on my birthday!

Two weeks after the hospital

I went back to the doctor's office two weeks after my long stay at the hospital. I was terrified when Mom called my name with her car keys in hand. I tried not to move, I didn't want to go back there. Mom grabbed the leash, and for the first time I darted away from her. I danced back and forth, trying to avoid the leash, but she hooked my collar. Dread filled my entire being, I was scared that I might not come home with Mom again. I laid down in the back seat, quietly, expecting the worst. When we got to the clinic, I nervously circled Mom. She weighed me, and I went into the lab with her as she turned on all the equipment. The doctor came in and stopped to greet me. I wagged my tail nub and pointed my nose toward him so he would pet me. He did, he scratched my head and ears, and asked me how I was doing. Mom said I wasn't having any accidents in the house and was acting normal, and I felt very proud of myself. The doctor was anxious to see my lab results, so off I went into a kennel until I surrendered blood and urine for the humans. My mom looked over my results and her heart sank. The doctor glimpsed the results and let out a sinking whistle. "Boy, he is sure losing a ton of protein," he said. My albumin and total protein are both low and my cholesterol is creeping up. The amount of protein is astonishingly high in my urine. I am losing protein in my pee, my kidneys aren't filtering it. Everything points to glomerular disease. This is not the greatest of news and Mom seemed sad. But, I was so happy I got to come home that I forgot all about it.

Homecoming

I finally came home from the hospital last night. I couldn't believe it. On the ride home in the car, I kept putting my head on mom's shoulder and licking her face as I stood behind her in the back seat. I couldn't contain my happiness. When we finally got home, I ran around the yard freshening up my marking. I bolted into the house, and there was a tree with twinkling lights all over it, and strands of lights all around the room. Bridgit was so happy to see me, she jumped on top of me. She stayed next to me all night. And the best part was that I got to sleep with mom! She said she needed to watch me, but I know she missed me. I'm so happy to be home.

A letter from Zane's mom

Zane was hospitalized on Monday and I'm hoping he will get to come home tomorrow. I work at the vet clinic, so luckily, I can be with him throughout the day. On Monday, Zane endured a water deprivation test. He cannot concentrate his urine. The doctor decided to limit his water intake, so he gets a set amount of water 3 times a day. His urine concentration is tested with every sample he provides. On Tuesday, he endured 4 x-rays, 2 ultrasounds, a cystocentesis, and a prostate exam. He never growled, never tried to bite, never showed any aversion to handling. When we were looking at his x-rays, he slipped his head under my hand, lovingly. His bravery and stoicism broke my heart. He looked at me for comfort during his ultrasound, and it almost killed me. They found a mid-grade heart murmur, and it was difficult to find his right kidney, which is why it took 2 ultrasounds. They found it but it appears abnormal. I came home after a stressful day, and cried. The thought of his strength and bravery made me want to keep trying. After an exhausted sleep, I felt refreshed and strong. Wednesday (today), Zane seemed in good spirits and stronger, which made me happy and relieved. His urine was monitored and still not concentrating. I'm planning on bringing him home over the weekend, and I know he's dying to come home. Thank you all for your gifts, prayers, and support. I will keep you posted.

-Zane's Mom

Maybe a farewell

Mom is faced with the worst decision a human parent can make. I'm not getting any better. I'm having accidents in the house all the time. I went outside, and then 5 minutes later peed in front of the door. I am getting older, I have arthritis, and I have some lumps on my body. Mom knows that I should cross to the Bridge, but is very sad. I am very happy, which makes the decision more difficult. I may be going to the Bridge very shortly, friends. Please pray for my mom, that she will be strong enough to let me go without feeling guilty. Guilt is a strong emotion to wrestle with when a life is terminated. And pray that my journey will be easy. Thank you.

Blood tests are no fun

I have been at the vet this week. It has not been fun. All the other dogs love to go to work with mom, but I avoid it like the plague. I have been drinking and peeing like a racehorse. Mom thought maybe it was a bladder infection again. She took in a urine sample and I did not have an infection. Worse. My pee was so dilute that the specific gravity was almost like water. This means my kidneys can't concentrate the urine. I have kidney damage, my friends. Mom took me with her to work, even though I layed low, and they did blood tests. They did a test for cushings disease, but thankfully I passed that one. The vet wants me to do a water deprivation test to see if I can concentrate urine, so no water all night long. Keep your paws crossed for me, my friends.