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Big Dogs Require Big Back Seats

Golden Retrievers Suck

Well that is a broad statement I suppose so let me rephrase that and say that my cousin the Golden Retriever sucks. Everyone keeps saying how beautiful he is and who wonderfully he is and how loving he is - HEY SO AM I!!!! He came to visit with his new brother Gizmo the Shi Tzu and everyone loves that one too! They brought their humans too. I really liked Aunt Cookie but stupid Cody was always all over this Uncle Tom everyone spoke so highly of so I didn't get a chance. I did how ever get to be humped every 12 seconds by Gizmo - I finally sat him down and told him like it was and how it will be for the duration of their stay. He ignored me, that cute cuddly act don't work on me brother! It was so bad that I couldn't even go to the vet alone - Cody had to develop hot spots over night just so he could steal the vet’s attention from me. This dog has issues. I was going in for my yearly evaluation and to have some bumps on me checked out and get some attention just for me like I always get at the vets, but nooooooooooooooooooooo here comes Cody with these stinky oozy hotspots. Big Whoop! I don't get them because I am smart enough not to constantly scratch and pick at them - stupid dog. I can't stand how jealous of me that he is!!! It's enough to drive a Lab mad!

Sailor Jerry would be proud!

How could he not be?

My mom got me a pawkerchief with old traditional tattoo flash art on it. I am so sure the girls at the dog park won't be able to take their eyes off of me *' nudge nudge wink wink*

I wish I could post the photos on here but when My mom tries to for me they won't show up!

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but trust me I look damn good!

Diets suck for dogs too

I started to pack on some winter weight and my mom was getting worried. She kept making me exercise and trust me that blows when you are a dog of my size and six years old. My weight wasn't budging, but little did my mom know at night I was getting in the pantry and eating hotdog buns, dog treats, rice, I even ate some croutons in haste in the waking hours of one morning. I have also developed a taste for wheat thins, I figured since thin was in the name that it would be ok. Well out of sheer frustration with me my mom took me to the vet, humiliated me and told her how I am so big and can't lose weight. Talk about demeaning! They put me on some prescription food, that was two weeks ago and now I am 7 pounds thinner! It not as fun pigging out like I used to now that she hides everything before going to bed, but boy will I look good at the dog beach this summer!