March 11th 2013 3:28 am
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Mamma here! It was a month ago today when I let you go...let you free from all the things your little body was going through...I miss you of course...yesterday and last night was a hard time again but before that I was doing pretty good...you weren't my every thought for a few days...
Guess what?? I bought a necklace that I had special made..it is all about you..it is a locket and inside the locket is the piece of your hair I cut off that last night we had together...then in the locket is a little paw print to symbolize the paw prints you left on my heart...then a winged heart and a single angel wing hanging off the locket. This is just another way I can keep you close.
Some of our friends, Redford, Nina, and family and TedEBear family made us beautiful memorial pictures of you. It was sooo nice of them. The pictures are beautiful and peaceful and they help me to feel at peace.
Love you 4 Ever Angel,
February 28th 2013 2:23 am
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I am reading a book right now called "Angel Miracles"..its all about our pets and lessons we have learned from them...it made me reflect on the lessons I learned from you....and here are just some of them:
I learned how much you can love something that maybe didn't look "just perfect"......I loved you with a Vengance and it was good for me to learn this lesson...thank you!
I learned how strong the will to live is.....through watching you fight to live especially after you were attacked by that bunch of dogs and left for dead. Your message was,"Hey don't count me out just yet!"
I learned how to always have hope and courage...you taught me this lesson by thinking of you spending TEN YEARS of your life in a puppy mill and still having the hope and courage to go on.
You taught me to REALLY stop and smell the roses and to enjoy the tiniest things in life....like being able to hold you, kiss you, pick you up and take you outside and wait for you to give me your signal to take you in, to enjoy a fresh spring morning and the freedom to walk or run free in this life.
You taught me more about patience and service to others....I was always patient with you and all the fur kids but you would always be so patient and kind...always letting them be the first one's to get the treat or their meal at times or what ever...you would always prefer to take a back seat but I wouldn't allow that.
I know theres more...sooo much more...but I will have to maybe write it later.
I love you! You made such an impact on my life and the lives of others.
February 28th 2013 2:08 am
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Hi My Sweet Angel,
Well guess what.....your urn came yesterday....it's real pretty....now we can have our own special and private service for you...two songs we will play are Go Rest High On That Mountain and I'll Fly Away....some people have already offered prayers for you so I will put all their names on a piece of paper and wrap them around your ashes in the urn. I am trying to be strong Angel...my head tells me all the right things...my heart just isn't so sure.
I don't know if I will ever be able to get over this and move on....I am trying...I need to for your sibs and I know that..and we do have some good times...I don't slight them by any means but I do everything with a lump in my throat and you in my heart! You are 4 Ever Loved!
February 26th 2013 7:58 pm
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My Dear Angel,
Oh how I love and miss you!!! I have cried soo many tears...do you know daddy has probably never seen me cry soooo much in all our married years! But I KNOW you are happy and I wouldn't want you back the way you were.....anyway your ashes came back today...so I promptly went out and got your remains and brought "you" home....auntie and daddy and our friends are hoping it will help me to have what I can of you here at home...and when I go to Heaven your ashes will be buried with me...so from now on to eternity we are together 4 Ever!!!! You and all my babies will be with me. As I always told you...You are 4 EVER LOVED!!!
Run through the grass and fields , enjoy your new friends, maybe you have met some of your babies there....until we meet again.
February 18th 2013 3:05 pm
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Hi My Angel.....
Well today Teddy became officially ours.....so he is here the way I believe you wanted. I laughed for the first time in a week today Angel, I mean REALLY laughed....I took Teddy outside just he and I for our one on one time...I put a little boy doggie sweat shirt on him and oh did he have fun running around the yard..he always has to have a toy in his mouth...but he would lay in the leaves and when the wind would blow the leaves and they'd move he would growl and bark and chase after them. I took some pictures of him and after I laughed YOU came right into my mind and in my minds eye I thought I could see or maybe "feel" you smiling, in part because I could laugh again. I guess you knew this puppy could bring back the laughter...the other kids do too though but this guy is a clown! We love him Angel and we love and miss you. Lexi is scaring me, she just dosen't act like herself at all. Last night I slept with her on the couch....she acts mopey and just lays around....maybe it's her arthritis....it's cold here sooo....ironic...you left us a week ago today and Teddy became ours on this day a week later...who would have ever thought it???
Love you 4 Ever,
February 16th 2013 11:09 am
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Your statue came today..it is very beautiful...we are getting your pictures and things around in a special space on the dining room shelf....right by where you used to sleep and play, eat, just about everything.The statue is of an angel laying over a big rock and she is weeping...it is solar powered so should be outside but for now it will be inside with us..and it has a saying on it....it says," It broke our hearts to lose you, You did not go alone. For part of us went with you, the day God called you home."
Missing you like crazy and loving you 4 ever!
Mamma, Daddy, and all the sibs! Muuuahhh!
February 14th 2013 7:22 pm
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I would ask how you are but I know in my heart you are happy and whole and probably having a blast! Me...not so much...but today was a bit better....I wanted to write you the things that I miss most...and I knew I would....even before you left us. It always meant so much to me and daddy that the minute we woke up in the morning and our feet hit the dining room floor...your feet hit it too...you were always there greeting us with your little tail just wagging and until the end doing what I always called "the happy dance." I could always see a smile on your face...and do you know when I was thinking about writing this I was going to say the look of excitement in your eyes...eyes Angel as in plural...you see I never really saw you any other way...just my beautiful girl. None of our other kids greet us in quite the same way...that memory is all yours! Of course that's probably the thing I miss most because it was the start of every day...and I loved it EVERY DAY! I miss it/you every day! It told me that you knew you were loved....that you learned to trust us. I miss how it was always you who wanted to get to the back door as quickly as you could to go outside to go potty! And there you would wait for me to pick you up and take you down the steps....in good weather we did this how many times a day??BOL! And when you were finished you would go to the deck and put your two front paws on the steps and look at me with "that look" of "ok I'm ready to go in now" and in we'd go. It was amazing really that here you were a kennel dog for TEN years and yet you came to live with us and you caught on to the wee pads immediately! I know alot of people find that hard to believe but those of us who knew you and were a part of your life every day...we knew!Kimi said right from the beginning that you must have really loved and appreciated your clean and dry bed. You are proof that a "kennel dog" CAN be potty trained...you were sooo smart. I loved how you liked to run in your yard, you were so proud and always seemd so free...sooo happy. I miss taking you to your favorite park and watching you run there..oh how you loved that and I LOVED watching you! I miss brushing your beautiful hair. I miss not seeing you here to get your treat after you did something good..which was all the time. I miss washing your eye and your face and putting the med in your eye..I miss telling you what a good girl you were about that and everything else. I miss how excited you'd get when you were actually hungry for your meal and how you'd do your happy dance waiting for your food and then when you saw I was ready how you would turn and run and get into your crate just like all the other kids did. There are sooo many things Angel, I miss everything about you!
Do you remember our last talk? That last night? well of course you do....I will never forget that night...that talk and the things that happened before that..so I am going to write it here for me to remember and our friends to enjoy.....so it all started on the Sat. BEFORE you got real bad the following Friday...you had had spells in between but now I was getting the picture of just how bad this was and facing it..anyway the Sat. before we had been asked to foster a little puppy...16 weeks old and on death row 3 times in 16 weeks! From somewhere I was getting the "vibe" that maybe you thought you should go to make room for this puppy and I told you you don't have to go anywhere..that daddy and I have enough time and money to keep the puppy if we chose to and you too and we'd be just fine.....at this point we had NO idea of keeping the puppy and we still haven't "sealed the deal" so to speak.So on our last night just you and I went down to the family room so we could be alone...you always liked walking on the family room floor because it wasn't so slippery....it was almost like you were saying to me..."Ok have a seat and I'm going to show you what I've got!" And I did just that...I saw you pace and pace and pace back and forth and back and forth...I wondered how long I could make myself watch this but of course I did....I put my hand out first for you to smell my hand because you didn't always know me and when I reached to pick you up you ran away from me...and you continued to do that all night...it made me sad to think that you were so sick you would run from the person who loved you most in this whole world..but I understand dementia....I wanted to just hold you and rock you and kiss your face and head like we had done so many times before but you would not have it....then I noticed your legs were getting wobbly ...you tried to lay in alot of places but couldn't get comfortable..you'd lay in one place and I'd think finally some peace for you...but you would pop right back up and try another place and another and another...you'd go to your crate in the family room and you would make an attempt to get in it only to back up and act confused..then you'd go to the next crate....earlier I was handing you a nice cubed chunk of ham and it fell out of my hand on the floor and just as I was about to snatch it up for you I thought.."No wait and see if she sees it and how long it takes her to get it." You never did see it so I got it for you. You had trouble finding the food bowl and water bowl..you ran into my sprawled out feet....you didn't see them..it was all hitting me now..what the vet said, what Kimi said, daddy and your aunt..I needed to let you go..and now you were showing me....so finally you got in a crate and I slowly went over and laid down in front of the crate..I was afraid you'd run away but you didn't. I laid there and I knew I was having my last talk with you..I couldn't stand to see you go through those spells and siezures for 8 hours like you had the Sunday before....I had read some where on Dogster that some times the hardest thing is the best thing to do ....so I began to talk to you about all you had meant to me, some of the same things I wrote here plus a whole lot more....and then I said," I wish I could have had one of your puppies Angel, I bet they were beautiful." and when I said that you closed your eyes in the most peaceful way I had ever seen you do and you went to sleep! I sat there alone and my mind said,"Puppy...the puppy you have...Angel wants you to keep the puppy...she is leaving to make room in this world for the puppy."...I cried out to daddy that night and said," I don't want any damn puppy, I want my Angel."
Some people say that some people will get rid of one dog to get another or to get a puppy...as you know I would have NEVER let you go..people were begging me to let you go..before the suffering got alot worse.....I felt like in a strange sort of way...through intelligence if you will that you were telling me you were old , had lost your sight, scared, confused, sick, and that it was time for you to go...and puppy to stay!! That made my mind from" somewhere" think...I think it was you...that here you were the only dog we had ever rescued from being abused and neglected and here we had this puppy whose life was almost taken from him in 16 weeks.you had a handicap and so does he and that he too needed rescued..a home....and you were willing to give him your spot! I love the little puppy Angel but he isn't YOU...it kind of scares me because he could get too big for me with my bad shoulder and yet every time I think no I feel as though you are telling me yes...so I'm going to try..I would love to give him a home and love..remember how I started calling him Teddy..I didn't really know why...I mean he is supposed to be a Teddy Bear breed so I guess I just thought well he likes that, comes to it etc..so that will do..I never name MY kids so nonchallantly..but he wasn't MY kid..he is a foster baby. That night it just so happened I was looking at names for him just incase we kept him...first I looked up your name which means Messenger of God....do you know what the name Teddy means?? I about flipped...I looked at the computer stunned..it means Gift of God....so my Angel...love of my life..if we do keep the little feller and I guess we are going to try..his name will be Angel's Teddy but we'll just call him Teddy at home. I hope you approve....after thinking about it and the way we got him and the time frame of when we got him and you got sooo bad sooo fast...I think you made me realize...his being here was no accident. I am not going to question God's plan...you know that..but at the same time...I'm a little scared...I don't know why. I know I have your vote of confidence. I will need you and God's guidance so help me k??? I keep thinking about how God works in mysterious ways, how when we got you we weren't looking for another dog...same with Teddy..we had our doggie family, we had no intentions of having another dog..but God knew something we didn't know. And God never makes mistakes.
And finally your resting place here at home....since the dining room was your main room to the point we told visitors "Thats Angel's apartment"..we have decided to take one of the dining room shelves and put your ashes on that with pictures and things of yours surrounding it. I think thats very appropriate and I know you'd approve.
Well my swet girl..I better go...check on the sibs and the puppy..I could go on and on talking to you...I miss you terribly..I wonder if I will ever stop missing you?! I doubt it...you enjoy Heaven sweetie..we love you and are very priviledged that in this world we were your m9om and dad and you were and always will be OURS!!!
Mamma & Daddy and all the kids!
February 13th 2013 4:44 pm
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I am having a hard time tonight...well all day..yesterday I was doing pretty good but now...............and the stress of it all has made me good and sick....but Nina and family made us some of the most beautiful Memorial pics of you..I can't wait to do something very very special with them..thanks Nina and family. people have been so kind and supportive but I am just MISSIN YOU!!
February 12th 2013 6:54 pm
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Thank you all for your messages and gifts sent to Angel...for your love and prayers and comforting words...they mean so much to us...I keep coming back and looking at her page to see if there is anything new and I am so touched by your greetings and gifts...I'll try to get to each one of you a little later.
4 Ever Angels Mamma
February 12th 2013 8:12 am
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My Dear Angel and Friends,
Angel...I am seeing you in my minds eye with two eyes and the most shining beautiful hair flying in the wind as you run and play. Thoughts like that are all that are getting us through right now. I can't write my tribute yet to you today. I cry at the thought of you and that will be alot of thoughts about you! They say your ashes of your little body may be ready as soon as this Friday! Valentines Day.....hmmmmmm....but anyway we had you cremated privately because I have to have YOU with me in some form. I am afraid when they hand me the ashes that I will just lose it. My beautiful special girl reduced to ashes...some how I have to get beyond that and find comfort that YOU will be home with me again! We will pick out your urn that day too if they have a nice enough one. Last night I ordered a beautiful remembrance piece...I don't know if we will put it inside or outside...but it is an angel with big angel wings arms around a stone with a special verse on it and she is weeping..it reminds me soo much of how I feel. BUt I know you are in good hands and you are at peace..no more hurts or being scared, no more siezures so I know you are happier...so with that thought in mind and because I know YOU would want it no other way...I am going to go and give your siblings all the love I can..just like we always did!
I have NO regrets about "us" Angel...that is very comforting..I know that you loved me with all you had and you know the same from me....I know you pretty well showed me it was your time to go...you had suffered enough...I loved you enough to let you go but now it is the missing you....I will miss you and love you forever!