What's Shakin', Bacon?

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Detour En Routes to the Broadway!!!!

September 28th 2010 7:34 am
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Dear Diary,

OMD! You are not going to beleef how the arts imitates the life.

Last Thursday morning...I were at my special shelter for extra special doggies called Hearts United for Animals (HUA).

I were getting the stink-pretty bathie-time treatment from the happy hug and kissy-giver hooman peepoles who love me up all the times at the HUA!

Bacon were soooper excitabull that morning, because me & some of the 400 othfur PAWTACKYLAR pups that lives at HUA were going to start rehearsing our big song and dance number, "It's a Hardknock Life!!!" that day! See, me & all my pupses furriendses at HUA were putting on ours very own remake of the PAWTACKLYAR Broadway moosical, ANNIE!!! Only it were gonna be called BACON!!!! It are story about little orphan pup with crazy hair and hearts of golds whose dreamses all comes true when him finds him's forevfur home.

Bacon wuffs to sing and dance and entertain, almost as much as I wuff to give the kisses. Lick, lick, lick, lick, lick. OMD, Bacon wuffs kisses. Evfurrybody can use the kisses. Kisses makes evfurryone happy!

Anyfur, Actor/Director Bacon were getting ready to round up the doxies and chihuahuas for the refurrsals, when suddenly my hooman HUA furriendses say to me, "Bacon, Bacon, look who are here!!! It's your new Mama & Papa!!!!They are going to take youse to your new furevfur home in the Mound, Minnesnowdah so you can live happily evfur after!!!!"

"New Mama & Papa? New Home? Minnesnowdah?"

Uh-oh...Bacon's new life are very busy. There are squirrel in yard at new furevfur home!!! Bacon write more later. Licks!!!

 

Hannibal Lecter! Getcher nose!!! Bacon's favoritest game

September 29th 2010 9:34 am
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Dear Diary,

Bacon wuff peepoles. I wuff to kiss them and lick them.

I am most excited pup in the whole wide world.

I love my fambly. I love my house. I love my Bobo. I love my Bobo soooo much I ate both him's earses and the string on top of him's heads.

NEW MAMA ARE TONS OF FUN!!! I follow her EVFURRYWHERE. I would rather be by new mama than play, than eat, than chase squirrels, or tennis balls, or eat the Texas Toothpicks evfun, which are my favoritest treats! Bacon average one a day.

Mama says I has a cannybull problem though. Bacon's favorite game are "Get cher nose!!" I love to get Mama's nose. Mama says that although she thinks I am absolooterly adorable, and my little teefies chewing on her nose make her shriek and giggle with the glees, she says small children (and some big peepoles, too) may not appreesheeates having them noses eated by the Bacon.

I also get so excited and happy to see Mama that if there are not a toy around I will gladly play with her handses or arms. I do not hurt Mama. NO! Bacon are sweet as pie and sensamative, too! I nevfur hurt no one evfur! Not evfun kitties. But if no toy around, Bacon makes dooooo!!!

Hands and arms are fun!!!! And I like to mouf evfurrything.

Papa says "Bacon, no! Do not chew on Mama."

Mama says, "ohhhhhh, but he wants to play!!!"

Anyfur, Bacon and Mama need to be trained. Papa says no more Hannybull the Cannybull times! No more Getcher nose. "But kisses!!! I can still give the kisses, right, new Papa?"

 

Bedtime with Bacon

October 1st 2010 12:16 pm
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Dear Diary,

New Mama are an endless source of fascinayshuns for me, The Bacon. When she are NOT making the workie times for Bacon's treatses money, I nevfur let her out of my sight. It pains Bacon to be sepperayted from New Mama.

I wuff her to pieces. And she wuffs me, too!

New Mama are AHMAYZED at what a good boy Bacon are. I has not ruineded nothing. I do not chew on nothing, but my toys and treatses. I has not marked nothing since the furst day when I walkeded in the house and lifted my leg on the table. Mama only needed to tell me once and I knowed that she didn't like it. She says this are my house, and I just gotta knowed it in my heart. There are no need to tinkle on anything to say, "BACON'S House." I go outside to go potties like a big boy.

I walk nice on my leash. And I don't evfun care that all the othfur pupses in the world make crabby faces at me when I want to play.

Mama and I are having some diffurences of opinnyuns on Bedtime with Bacon though.

I wuff to be with Mama, I tolded you that. She goed to bed early and Papa stays up late. So when she goes night-night she closes the main door. But Papa don't pay good attenshun to me, Bacon. So the minute Papa turns his back on me when we are doing guy stuff late at night, Bacon runs fast as he can, finds secret bathyroom entrance to Mama's bedroom, jumps up in the bed, and quick goes night-night. Then when Papa comes to get me I pretend like I been sleeping for monthses.

Mama were planning on having the Bacon make night-nights in my night-night house, where I stay during the day while she are at work. But two times now she think, maybe Bacon can sleep with me, cause he are so pawdorable and Big Mama just want Baby Bacon to be happy.

But Mama needs her booty sleep. Her booty gets tired!! So she are not amoooosed when Bacon want to get up at 2:45 in the a.m.s for Bobo-squeakie play time and Bacon kisses.

Mama says she are willing to cut Bacon some slacks cause I am like a tiny, baby infants still. But her unrested booty needs it's sleep.

So the juries are still out on Bedtime with Bacon. Stay tooned.

 

A Bacon Boy Named Sue

October 2nd 2010 2:21 pm
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Dear Diary,

OMD! My Mama keeps calling me, "BAKEY SUE."

No! No! No! No! Not Bakey Sue.

Not Bakey Sue!

(Bacon hide his head in shame.)

 

Bacon's Top 10 Biggest Newses of the Week

October 8th 2010 10:29 am
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Dear Diary,

1. BACON WUFFS BOBOS!!! Bacon Really Really Wuffs Bobos!!! Halloweenie Bobos! Christmas time Bobo! Red Bobo, who are missing two ears and a string I eated. I wuff all my toys. But the Bobo are the best. It are long and chewy and makes the best squeaks. Next week Bacon eat more Bobo ears and work on legses. Also beat current record for MOST CONSECUTIVE SQUEAKS. Current record-holder - THE BACON - elebenty billyun and three squeaks!!! Woooohoos! I speshully like to roll on my back and hold Beloved Bobo in my arms and dance like a wiggly worm while squeaking. I call that move, "The Bobo Lambada!"

2. No! It is my Mama's favorite word! I wuff how she say it, too. Like all meany-faced, and growly-voiced. Like, "hi, I'm big bad grinchie Mama, oooh, I'm mean and angries at you," NO! BOL! BOL! OMD! She make Bacon laff so much!!! Funny Mama.

3. I am going to school!!! Well, I am going to make some accompanies for Mama to school, so she can learn how to be a better pack leader to Bacon. I wuff Mama, just the way she are. Maybe at Doggie/Parent school they will teach Mama more better wordeses than NO!

4. I got a new yummy food that are grain-free, sprayed with raw meatses and easily digestamabull, so I can be an Optimal Pooper like the commercial says. Apparently my poopers do not compare favorably with my angel brofur Ernie Georges. His nice neat little packages are legendery around the Sunset Road. Mama says they didn't even smell and were a pleasure to pick up. Cerealously. She sayed that. Bacon are not foolin' you! Dr. Peppercorn also give me some PROBIOTICS (like the Bionic Man - Lee Majors!!!) to put on my foods for a month. Bacon are gonna be a like Six Million Dollar Dog! Woo hoo!

5. I got a new bowl for to Bacon's New Bowl from MacLeod Pack! Look! It are Bacon!put my yummy new food in from my Auntie Bert in Pennysillvainyah!!!

6. Mama entered me in a contest!!! The Bacon!!! Do you wanna vote for me?
Vote for Bacon in the World's Coolestdog pictures & breed info

7. I got invited to my furst Halloweenie party for the Memory of Monroe Scotties!!! Mama said my costume were gonna be fried eggeses, but that are too "cerebrals" for the peepoles who don't know my name are Bacon. So we gotta think of really specktackylar idear!

8. Those are not malted milk balls in the nice little pile lying out on the grass in the front yard, and Bacon are NOT to eat them, under any circumnimbularstances. NO! NO! NO!

9. I got special new Peace Pup leash & harness from Dogtor Peppercorn's office. And it tastes really good and it's super big fun times to try to eat it when Mama puts it on me!!

10. According to Mama & Papa, I am the number one, all-time craziest, zoomiest, non-stop ball of FIRES and loonasees, tongue-hanging, full-body wiggling, teeths snapping, paws flailing, hyper-spazztastic Bacon Dog that they has evfur meeted. BOL! You ain't seen nothing yet, peeps. Bacon are just warming up!

 

The Strength of 1,000 Papas and a Mule

October 11th 2010 7:34 am
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Dear Diary,

The Mighty Bacon! Dog of Steel. Strongest Dog in the Ooonaverse!

Already on this fine Fallytime morning Bacon have competed in rare featses of strength competition! In our fambly washie room, the whole fambly gather for Bacon "Double Cheese" Bisson world class wrestling match.

"Come one, come all...See them peepoleses fewtully attempts to squirt evil juices in the Bakey's ear."

My Papa who is a peepole-home-fixer-upper are big tough guy, who carries him's heavy stuffs, and wieldses big tools all day.

Even though he are 10.58823529 times bigger (by weightses) than the Baconator, Papa were STILL unable to contains my brawny Bacon brutastickness and wrassle me into the submission.

Mama and Papa were inkredjewless! Together, they outweighses me by more than 17.64705882 timeses, and they could not hold me still. Even with Papa trying to covfur me with his whole body! I went completely TURBOBACON on them's! BOL!

I am a wild man. I am the Grand Champeen. I will continue to scratch my ears, and make motorboat groans for the rest of times!!! YAY Strongest Bacon Terrier Man evfur to walk the earth! The Mound Mauler! Vive le Ear Infection! No ear juices for me!


Also, Bacon want to say "Happy Thanksbegiving Times" to my Canadian furriends Zaidie, Biscotte, Tippy, Riley, Caileigh, Rudy, Izzy, Sniffers, and all you othfur Canadian pupses, too. Eat lotsa nummy foods so you can get big & strong like me!

 

Urka No Gurka

October 15th 2010 10:18 am
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Dear Diary,

Last night I managed to feenagle my way into getting to sleep with Mama and not having to sleep in the Bacon Night-Night Baby Play Pen.

What I does is, I simply ignore Papa when he call Bacon, Bacon, come on, time to go night-night. What I do are I squeezes my eyeses shut real tight and I make big logs-cutting sounds, and then Mama says, "Oh look, Baby Bacon are sooooooo ti-ti!!! He needs to sleep up here with his Mama tonight. I think he will be good and make night-nights all night long this time!!!"

Hee hee hee. I fool them!!!

At two o'clocks, I make URKA URKA URKA sounds. So loud they wake Mama up. She furgotted she are not sposed to put no weight on her footsie yet, and she sprangeded from the bed and shreek like banshees, and boom goes the dynamite, her owie starts bleeding again. But she ain't got time to bleed. Bacon are urka, urka, urkaing and the GURKA might be coming soon.

She scoooped me off her bed and put me on Izzy's bed to gurka. I urkaed, no gurka. (Izzy were with Daddy sleeping on couch!)

Oh, more time she say, so she run down stairs on bad leg, no time for fenced in back yard. Front door, front door. Mama hollering about her footsie, Bacon urka, urka urka, no gurka.

We go out in front yard, Turn lights on. Bacon make like statue. Two a.m. feeding time for giant white tail deer dogs across the street.

Mama says, "OH NO! No can yell at 2 in morning, no can run after Bacon without leash after deer dogs in pitch black with bum foot." NO GURKAS COME. Bacon tinkle. Then have Mexican Standoff with GINORMOUS WHITETAILS! Mama hisses, "MAKE GURKA, Bacon!!! It are now or NEVFUR!"

Hissing scare deerses! They HIGHTAILS it across the yard and flip Mama the bird! OH NO THEY DIDN'T! NOT MY MAMA! BACON TELL YOU Naughty Deerses. Bacon went Nutzo!!!

It were a good thing Mama scooped me up, because I was growling and gnashing my teeth at those nasty deerses like a FURRROSHUS MOUNTAIN LION! GRRRRRR! RAWR!

NO GURKAS comeded! We went inside. Then Boooooo. Bacon went to spend rest of night in Baby Night Night Playpen House for Little Puppies. I almost made it til 2:30 in bed with Mama though!!! YAY! Bacon are almost Big Boy now!

 

The Ah-May-Zing Bacon! Circus Boy!

October 21st 2010 7:38 am
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Dear Diary,

Mama says she will miss me greatly, but that she cannot hold Baby Bacon back from fulfillering my destiknees.

Bacon The Great are a CIRCUS DOG at heart and a BORN PERFORMERER!

Bacon are a SILLY CLOWN! Bacon are a CONTORTIONIST! Bacon can leap great distances with the greatest of ease! Bacon are sideshow freaky with longest tongue in oonaverse! Bacon are born entertainerer! I has the parents rolling in the aisleses.

Mama says I, The Bacon, are Greatest Show on Earth!

I say, "Mama, Bacon need Ellyfunt."

She says, "Well, maybe if you lets Mama clean your earses like a good boy..."

Boooooo. No Ellyfunt for Bacon. No fair.

Oh well, Papa says we don't has plastic baggies big enuff for ellyfunty pooper scoopers no how.

Today I am very busy while Mama & Papa are gone. They are helping me with my training for great Houdiniweinie Magical Escape from Puppy Pen trick. They got me a new pen with big metal stick, so I cannot simply push it opens if I work real hard. This are going to be Bacon's best escape evfur. I use Bacon's death-defying cunning!

Then this afternoons, I work on another Grand Finale to top last week when I made it snow in Mama's beddybye room using only the simplest of blankies! It were magickull!!! THE AHMAYZING BACON!!!! BACON THE GREAT! THE GREATEST BOY TERRIER CLOWN MAGISHUN DAREDEVILER ON EARTH!!!

Make 'em laff!!! That are what Ernie G. tolded to me in my dream. Smoochie, Smoochie, Ernie G! Bacon sees you!

 

There was a little incident...

October 24th 2010 2:42 pm
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Dear Diary,

OMD...Bacon nevfur seeneded nothing like it in him's life.

Mama are a little newrottick about watching the Bacons. She says I needta be watched ALL THE TIME. EVFUN in the backyard.

Well Papa knowed that boys needs some times to make the splores.

Like sometimes Bacon goes spelunkering in the blanket caves in the beddybye and I find buried treasures like socks and stuff.

That are how guys finds out what they wanna be when they gets groweded up.

So today when Papa were sposed to be watching me, he turneded his back on me for elebenty millyun minutes (or 2 he says) to take the recycling to the curbs, and I found A DEAD BIRDIE!!!!

I heard Mama say are you watching Bacon,and she came out in the back yard to find me, and she called, "BACON! Bacon!"

And I dropped the birdie for to make her proud of what a good spelunkerer Bacon do be, and she screamed and cried and made a big fuss.

Then when Papa told her to calm down,Bacon not kill it, it were stiff and had no eyeses, her HOWLED and cried harder.

Mama are taking a night-night now. I think she are ovfurwhelmed with my wonderfur gift.

Womens. They gets so moshunall. Me & Papa don't understand. I am making lots of squeaks with my toys right now (67 squeaks per minute), just to let Mama know, I am ready for playing when she are all calmed down. Oh Mama, Bacon wuffs you.

 

Barkday Visits to Dogtor Craig

October 25th 2010 8:45 am
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Dear Diary,

This morning, in honor of my NUMBER 1 Big Boy Barkday of COCONUT BANANAFUNTIMES I made an urka gurka in my puppy pen.

This belly sensamativateases, in combinayshuns with my ear-o-clean-o-foe-bee-ya, and the need for anothfur shot of the lyme vackseens, meanted that I got to take a Barkday trip to see Dr. Craig. He are Dogtor Peppercorn's Hussybender.

So Papa driveded me & Big Orange to see Dogtor Craig. I said, "Izzy I let you come on Bacon's Big Barkday #1 Field Trip of Fun, too! Don't you WUFF ME?" Izzy got to get some more stapleses out of her leggie for my barkday, because I, the Bacon, like to share the fun!

Then Dogtor Craig talkeded while Papa listened and Mama were on the phone!

Lots important stuffs are going to be happening around my house this week.

Beehayveeyor Moddyfahcayshuns! Now it are good thing the Bacon are NOT ERNIE! Because you know what Dogtor Craig saided to Mama & Papa?

Bacon can has NO FOOD TODAY. Mama were screaming into the phone "NO FOOD? NO FOOD? ARE YOU NUTS? IT'S HIM'SES NUMBER 1 FURST BARKDAY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD?" But unforchewnately, no one could HEAR MAMA cept for me with my keen senses of puppy hearing.

Bacon can has no food and only treatses when my earses are being massagered and cleaned. Ernie George would nevfur stand for this.

Mama are up in the armses. But it are okay. Bacon wuff him squeakies and zoomies and stuff more than foodses anyfur.

Plus, if I get REALLY HONGRY, I got lotsa cuppycakes. Holy ToLEDO!! Look at all the Barkday #1 Treats my furriends sended to me, Bacon Double Cheese! Sweet Potato Pie, Bacon are a lucky Guy! Thank you evfurrydoggie! Bacon wuff you!

 
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