December 8th 2010 9:00 am
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Typist & I are at a impasse on the diary frontses.
Bacon are not a thinker. Bacon are a doer.
Bacon are a CONKERURRRRR of Worlds!
Bacon are a mover & a shaker. I cannot has the time to write the memoirs at my young ages. I am out living the life.
But Mama says, "Bacon, you will not be young furevfur...you gotta capchure these momenterous occasions now, so you can revels in them in your Golden Pondy years."
During the time it take Mama to shout this long, windy speech at me from the back door, Bacon made 654 Zoomies around the yard, came inside, ran upstairs, ate the stuffing from 3 toys, and made a sammich.
Anyfur, Bacon have been busy doing IMPORTANT BACON BUSINESS. I go to skool. I play! I see Santa! I help Mama to get new shoes by sistermattickly destroying all of her current shoeses.
I has also devised a GENIEUSSS plan to get my most favoritest treats...the jumbo bully stick!!! For some reason Mama feel it are necessary to have QUIET times. Are that NOT the most reedickulous thing you evfur heard? Poor old lady with the big giant head. Anyfur...what I has found is that if I roooteenly sit and stare at Mama and bark, dig my nails into her legs, or launch onto her lap unexpectedly from the couch to her office chair, she will get sooooooo FLUSTERATED that she will go get me a JUMBO BULLY STICK.
With a Bully Stick, Bacon can be preockypied for quiet times for 10-15 minute intervals!!! Bacon are happy and Mama are happy!
Oh, I furgot! I got a pawdicure. Evfurryone expect Bacon to BE SOME WILD BEAST or something, and they tried to put a Hannybull Leckter facey mask on me. But I just stood there like the sweet and mild-mannered young boy that I am. Mama says I am full of surprizes.
Anyfur...I will try to be more "intemelleckchooall" and "litter-rare-ee" like my big brofur Ernie. He was VERY SMART, Mama said. He were like the Scottish Ernie Hemmingways...The Old Dog and the Tree were original title of famous book about Ernie and humongous squirrel, but Ernie would not sell rights to story, so they change to fishie tale. That are a little knowed fact.
Have a good day, evfurrydoggie.
I have a similar problem with my typist/Mum. She wants to do things that don't involve me, like read the paper, watch a program on the telebision. I say you've been at that work thing all day and I've been in my pen. I want your attention and to play. She does ply me with bully sticks when we have them and I do go to work on them right away. So that makes all of us happy too!
I was trying to work on shoes too. But Mum now keeps them on the other side of the gate, in cat world, where I can't reach them. But I did get the greatest thing this morning. Mum called it a draft dodger. I called it a big loofa doggie with no eyes, ears or legs. I drug it around for a while and then went to work and I had it all openned up before Mum finished her shower this morning. The insides aren't nearly as much fun as the other toys I've taken apart.
I didn't know that Uncle Ernie wrote a book. You are just full of such interesting information.
OMD!!! Bacon have seen the DRAFT DOGGERS!!! They does look just like the loofahs! Only NO SQUEAKIES. But still! Jealous, Hammer! SOOOOO FUNNNN!
You know what else are fun! Slippers, Socks and Gloveses!!! If peepole were better at thinking up good idears like us dogs, they would put squeakers in all these things! I cannot waits until my Mama remoofs her socks and gloves. The furst thing I does when she gets home, is grab a glove and do a victory lap with her pretty leopard gloveses!!! WOOOHOOOOOO! Then I shake that glove real good to show him who the boss is! And I toss him in the air, and I give him a giant flying Bacon Slam! Wooooweeeee!!!! Good times!
I got bogged down in reading this diary entry after you made the sammich. What kind of sammich? Did you use whole wheat bread? Mayo and/or mustard? Maybe peanut butter? That's my favorite...I especially like it on toasted white bread. What did you have to drink with your sammich? I like milk with my PB sammichs. What? Oh, the secretary has to go...some of the students need to find books...perhaps cookbooks...perhaps cookbooks with sammich ideas? Mmmmmmmmm...
Whitley used to eat shoes when she was young... that and take the blades out of razors!!! She never swallowed a razor blade though, but she would take them out of the cartridge head and they would be all twisted up into a spiral... Momma would crawl around under the furniture until she accounted for all the blades and then breathe a huge sigh of relief. How she never cut her mouth is a mystery.
However, I digresses.... everyone learned to put their shoes in the closet and close the door once they took them off and the razors up high on a counter or someplace where Whitley couldn't reach them. Who says you can't teach an old person new tricks?? BOL!! BOL!!
RAZORBLADES! OMG... Newrottick typist needs the smelly salts.
I cannot evfun imagine what my Mama would do if I started playing with razorblades.
I had an eye booger last night and she wouldn't let me take part in puppy play time after class! OMD!
I hope Mama nevfur gets her head out of her duffle bag and learns to put her shoesies away! I wuff her shoes. They are full of glorious Mama foot stink!
NELLY BELLY!!!! PEANUT BUTTER AND POTATER CHIPS SAMMICH ON WONDER BREAD with a little cheddars cheese in the middle!!!!! My favoritest.
Try being named after a famous literary figure! Talk about pawressure! BOL! Mom says I do mono-log a lot, whatever that means. Hey, at least no one will be saying Bacon wrote Shakespeare's plays, BOL BOL BOL!
I still luvs mama's shoes an socks. I doesn't eats 'em anymore. I jus carries 'em 'round an lays wif my nose ina shoes or a sock in my mouf. Dat way mama is always close, efun when she is not here.
Bacon... IS named afer a famous literary person !!!
FRANCIS BACON !
Shakespeare.. that should ring very big bells with you sweetie !!!!
I chewed ONE shoe, ONE I tell ya, and now Mommy doesn't trust me around her shoes! It was a pretty, new black heel. Still in da box, sitting on da stairs. Mommy did NOT like the way I redesigned it fur her.
BOL BOL BOL!!! OMD, all you pups is making me and Momma laugh SO HARD!!!! Momma was just giggling like a freak and water leaked out of her eyes!! She says she's not leaking from being sad but from your pups' craziness!!!
(Also, she says she's very lucky that I was a rather well behaved pup when I was small...I only ate 2 books and elebenty bajillion pairs of flippy flops, but she says flippy flops are cheap, so I got off easy!)
OMD! Bacon! there's nothing better than Mama's socks full of her delicious aroma. I used to take Mama's socks until I had the brilliant idea of eating one. That landed me in the ooperating table - no fun :o(
After that I learned my lesson. I just take them, smell them and leave them when neurotik crazee lady says leave it!
BACON JUST HAVE NOTHFUR BRAINSTORM!!!
You know how our Mamas love to enter us Pupses in the contests?
Us pupses should have special contest for our Mamas!!!
Let's have a contest to see whose MAMA'S FEETSES ARE THE MOST STINKTASTIC!!!!! YAY!!! I nominate my Mama. Her toesies are very aromattickal after a whole day inside nylon sockers and leather shoeses!!! MMMMMMMM...mmmmmm...good!!!
FREE-TOE CITY! YUM!
You're a busy, busy boy!
OMD! Bacon that is such a furstastic idea!
I nominate my Mama too!
She has the stinkiest toeses in the whole wide world! Especially after spending all day with socks and steel toe safety boots! OMD! mmm mmm mmm the aroma is is is to die for! aaahhhh!
OMD Bacon....you du habz de bestest ideeaaaz.....I nominate my momma, tu, fur dat footsie smelly kontest! Momma sayz to tewl yu tankz fur de smiles dat yu and yur momma alwayz bwing, tu.
Good job on acceptin' the pawdicure, sweetie! You gotta keep them peoples on their toes! Then they'll never know when you're gonna be crazy or calm. BOL!
First of all, fur a non literary pup, you sure dogtated a lot to your Mama...BOL!
Second, good job on the nail trimming...but maybe I should come and teach you how you need to grump and growl and snarl at the hands that try to steal those toenails!
Third, I shall have to nominate nondogster Murphy's Mom (My Auntie), because she has the ultimate stinky feet...her feet sweat so much, there are salt stains on the outsides if the leather...no I am not kidding!
And you can smell her feet a few miles before you can see her! Also, if she goes with her feet au-naturel, then you will need a towel to mop up the puddles!
I think her work shoes must be squishy by the end of her shift! And that is not fiction, believe me!
Fourth, growlmy needs to go to bed now! Woofs!
Yeah, just last night I was watching my momma take a bath and the razor was on the edge of the tub and I picked up the razor. But before I could get at the blades she snatched it up and yelled. :(
Sounds like you've got a good thing going with the bully sticks.
The Old Dog and The Tree :))! I did not know that Hemmingway stole the plot from Ernie George! (BOL)
And now little Bacon has to live up to Sir Francis Bacon's legacy! (BOL) He and Shakespeare can commiserate on living up to their names! I only have to live up to Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane's life ! (BOL)
"Oh Them Dukes! Them Dukes!!!" Rosco P. Coltrane BOL!!!
So many stinky footed peepoles! How will we evfur judges?
Who has Mama's whose feet smell like Lindybergers cheese? They win.
(Whitley, OMD!!! you is killing our typist. Maybe she likes the soap smell???)
OMD Bacon you are one very funny pup! Thanks for the good wishes and all. I steal my mom's clothing out of the hamper when she is in the shower and drag them through the house Bol..but she is not that amused. Mom's feet got that nice smelly aroma but sounds like you and some of your pals surpass her funky feet. I am also not as destructive as I once was but every now and then I get hold of something and just rip it to shreds. Us Terrible Terriers have to keep up our legacy..Wags and Woofs pal..