Cleopatra's Classified Column

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I got cake!!!!!!

August 29th 2012 12:30 pm
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I just had a whole slice of cake! All to myself!!!! Mummy took me for a walk after she had her dinner. When we got back she cut herself a big slice of yummy cake and left it on the back doorstep where she likes to sit sometimes. Anyway, while she was making coffee I "accidentally" brushed past the plate with the cake. I may have inadvertently put my nose right in the cake. Possibly even gave it a little lick.

Anyway Mummy must have changed her mind about having her cake after all cos she cut it up and gave it all to me. As a reward for being so well behaved, I expect.


Thank you all for your special Gotcha Day gifts!!!!!!

August 19th 2012 1:24 pm
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Oh wow! Oh wow! Oh wow! I've just been looking in my gift box and my doggie pals are so generous!

Zaidie sent me the most wonderful sparkly heart shaped balloons. Nana says they're blocking her seeing the telly box thing in the corner. BOL! I love them! Scooter, Misty, Mr.Cutter, Pepper and Indy Kitty sent me a beautiful sparkly diamond. I have to put my shades on to admire it! They also sent me a big hunk o' meatz when I had the itis in my eyes. Hershey and Van Winkle sent me a really pretty party hat that I'm wearing at the moment. Luna sent me a delicious GOLD bone! Zoe sent me a really tasty cupcake that is sitting on my blankie, I'm just contemplating how to get it all into my mouth in one piece. I can't decide whether to tackle that or Luna's bone first. Angel Whisper and Dixie sent me a lovely adopt a pet rosette in honour of the anniversary of me adopting Mummy. Fizzy sent me the coolest grill in case I want my meatz chargrilled. Mummy is working on some recipes for various marinades for me. And Whitley sent me a very special telegram by pawmail congratulating me on my special day! Thank you all so much!

Anyway, I had the most wonderful gotcha day. Mummy was up bright and early and we went STRAIGHT out the door, normally she does the shower thing followed by hair brushing, makeup applying and other stuff. But today we headed straight for the park where I met Daisy and chased her all over the place! Then we went home and Mummy did her shower/hair/makeup thing and we headed over to Nana and Granddad's where Nana had cooked dinner 'specially in my honour. To thank me for my selfless act in adopting their daughter and taking her off their hands, I expect. Then I got some ice cream and a whole cupcake to myself! I rested for a while in the garden then Mummy, Nana and Granddad all came for a walkie with me. Then back to the house for some games in the garden and then Nana gave me some treats on my blankie in the living room. Then Mummy had to go and get ready to go away to the foreign England place so I'm lying on my blankie in Nana and Granddad's admiring all my special gifts from my wonderful pals! Thank you all!

Barks and licks, Cleo XXX


Gotcha Day! Big Celebrations, BOL!

August 18th 2012 6:06 pm
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Guess what today (Sunday) is? MY GOTCHA DAY! Party time! BOL!!!


Mummy's home!

August 17th 2012 4:38 pm
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Mummy was away all week again in that foreign country that is England. Across the sea and all that. Anyway, I've been extra spoiled this week. Nana and Granddad have a rota going. Granddad takes me walking in the mornings and Nana takes me at night.

Anyway, today Friday was Mummy's coming home day. Nana told me my Mummy was coming home and HEADED FOR THE AIRPORT WITHOUT ME! She did say it was too warm to keep a doggie in the car or something. That's not the point. I would have been at the airport with one of those signs. Ms Angie Colton. My employee. Currently on secondment to some company in England. Or something.

Anyway, they EVENTUALLY came back. And what a reunion! I jumped up on Mummy. Sniffed her all over for those English smells. Licked her face a bit. Barked at my Nana to tell her Mummy was home. Dropped my ball at Mummy's feet to play with me. Had my chicken dinner hand fed by Mummy. Later, we came back to our house where Mummy took out the Wine Dwip. And gave me lots of cheese. And sweeties. And treats. And now we're going outside to patrol the estate. Just in case the cats are around or something. I am one happy dog!!!


I have an itis!!!

August 7th 2012 3:09 pm
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Nana had to bring me to the sneaky vet today cos my eyes were really sore. Before Mummy went away she noticed that one of my eyes was a bit bloodshot and there was some stuff coming from it (the tracks of my tears, no doubt). Anyway, Nana's been bathing my eye in salty water and she thought I was getting better but this morning she noticed both my pretty little doggie eyes were sore - I couldn't flutter my eyelashes or nothin!

So I was hauled off to the vet. Had a good bark in the waiting room. Growled at a couple of dogs. Got poked and prodded, He said it's ok, it's "only conjunctivitis". Nothing to worry about, he said. It will clear up in 3 or 4 days, he said.

Well I have news for you, Mister Vet. I have an itis. That's a disease. I'm seriously ill.

He didn't even prescribe bed rest or extra treats or nothin. Just some stinky ointment Nana has to put on my eyes. And Mummy didn't even offer to come home from England or nothin. Life is so unfair.


Mummy has emigrated or somethin'!

August 6th 2012 4:32 pm
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Sigh. Here I am in Nana and Granddad's, dictating secretely into my dogtaphone in a quiet corner.

My Mummy left me today. Ok, that sounds a bit dramatic I know. But she went away really early this morning to a completely different country. Yes, she is overseas in England and I am here.

Mummy and me have never spent more than 2 nights apart since my gotcha day nearly 4 years ago. She started a new job and the company is in England so she has lots of obedience training to do. 3 weeks at least away from me.

Nana has been trying to console me by telling me that Mummy will be home on Friday and every weekend, and when the 3 weeks are over she can work from home. Mummy brought me shopping on Saturday and stocked up on my sweeties and choc drops and a big pork bone that Nana says looks horrible. But it's mine. And my Mummy bought it for me. So I will treasure it. Sigh. Mummy took a photo of my bag when she was bringing me over to Nana and Granddad's. In it are my treats, sweeties, comb, dry shampoo, and stuff she uses to detangle my hair. It's my special Spongebob Squarepants bag and IF SHE HAS TIME living it up there in England she might post the photo sometime.

It's such a hard life. I feel deprived. Yes, thank you Nana, I will have some of those delicious bonios, and some of those sweeties on my blankie. And thank you Granddad for that great ear tickle and belly rub earlier. Sigh.


Rain, Rain, Rain!

August 3rd 2012 5:40 pm
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It's been raining all day. In between sunshine. Mummy and I have been in and out to our personal dog park all day. This is the grounds of an old Psychiatric hospital that closed in 1992, me and lots of other doggies go out there cos Bill the caretaker lets us all run off our leashes and have lots of fun! Anyway, I met my friend Daisy again today. She's the one with the pony mane - BOL! We chase each other all around the place and then I rugby tackle her and she rolls over on her back! Such fun!

Anyway Mummy took a picture of me barking instructions to Daisy, which she will post for me. She says I look like a real "bossy boots" cos I'm barking and Daisy is just sitting there wagging her tail. That's cos she's just a puppy. And I'm the boss.

Anyway, Mummy starts her new job on Monday. She's been in a real temper all day cos she was offered the job over the phone on June 19th and told the money part, she's been chasing a contract ever since and they only sent it through TODAY, and it's a huge amount less than what she was told!!!! They are saying this is what they told her the salary was but she remembers the conversation. It's about the same as her last job but she thought we'd have a lot more money every month so she's in a really, really bad mood!!!!! But I am have been reassured that my choc drops and treats will still be the same so that's good! At least Mummy has a job, she hasn't had a salary since May and she's looking forward to getting money again.

Mummy! Unplug that wine dwip now and post my photo! Thanking you!


Cleo's Mystical Meanderings™ Tour of Ireland

July 29th 2012 4:14 pm
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Well pupsters, as many of you will know, Ireland is a mystical land full of music, poetry and song. Our little country’s national Day, St Patrick’s Day, is celebrated throughout the world. We all know that the country’s swarming with leprechauns, those charming little people of Irish legend. And you can’t walk for more than a few feet without meeting a cheery little fairy or a goblin or sumfin. And the peoples here have a wonderful life. They sit around all day drinkin whiskey, telling stories and growing cabbages. Only last week, I was walking through a field when I met a druid who

CLEO! What is that rubbish that you are writing in your diary? What do you mean Mummy? You know full well Cleo that this stuff is only myth. Made up for tourists.

Well YES, Mummy. YOU know that. And I know that. But Cleo’s Escorted Irish Tours™ is taking bookings right now. Our Mystical Meanderings™ tour will show the tourists all that is synonymous with Ireland. I have a whole itinerary done out an’ all:

Day 1: Coach transfer from the airport to Molly O’Moore’s pub, where we will partake in light refreshments of poitin and cabbage soup. From there, we will proceed to a real fairy fort (currently under construction) where I have organized a fairy egg hunting contest. Back to our beautifully appointed accommodation where dinner will consist of Bacon and Cabbage followed by a night of traditional music and dancing.

Day 2: Trip to Blarney where we will all kiss the Blarney Stone, which imparts the magical gift of eloquence to all who kiss it. Followed by a meeting with a real druid, where we will perform incantations and ritual dancing around a four leaved clover, while holding our shillelaghs in the air. Back to our beautifully appointed accommodation where dinner will consist of Bacon and Cabbage followed by a night of traditional music and dancing.

Day 3: A personal audience with St Patrick himself. I intend to ask him to reverse his ban on snakes in Ireland cos I have nothing interesting to bark at. I believe Bono will also be making an appearance on a nearby cloud. Followed by a trip to the Guinness brewery. Back to our beautifully appointed accommodation where dinner will consist of Bacon and Cabbage followed by a night of traditional music and dancing.

Day 4: A special reception co-hosted by Leabhras O’Muirihurteagh, king of the leprechauns, and Concepta Ni Flootachain, a goblin princess. Here we will partake in general merriment and shenanigans. Transport to the airport where each member of the group will be presented with a genuine pot of gold and a signed, framed photograph of the noted Irish author, Cleopatra Ni Chomhaltain.

Hmmmm. That’s sure a lot of cabbage. And what is this “beautifully appointed accommodation” you keep mentioning? Don’t worry Mummy. I was planting cabbage seeds outside earlier. You didn’t really need those dahlias and roses and other smelly flowers out there. As for the accommodation, I’ll need you to move the bed out of the spare bedroom to make more space. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m tired. Good thing I went offline before we had this conversation. I’ll tell the pupsters my druid story tomorrow.


The Great Kennel Makeover!

July 27th 2012 6:28 pm
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This morning, Mummy got one of her "bright ideas". My idea of a bright idea, of course, involves a walk. Not so for her ladyship. She decided to paint my kennel. Anyway, my kennel was brown and kinda boring. Mummy decided to paint it white. Very sloppily. Ma ain't the best painter on the planet. She kinda slapped the paint on. (She wasn't hooked up to a Bodka Dwip (can't find the TM at the moment, he must be on a tea break).

Anyway, thankfully Nana called to ask if we wanted to go for a drive up to the Burren. Which is apparently one of those UNESCO heritage places or sumfin. I got Mummy to take some photos. We had a great time! Then we came home and looked at the 'lympic ceremony. That's in England which is our nearest country. They used to be in charge of us once - GRRRRR! But when the 'lympic torch was on its way to London, they were very nice and passed it through Ireland. Not just the part that's part of the United Kingdom but they also sent it down to Dublin which the peoples here in Ireland really appreciated. Anyway the ceremony was fantastic! And Mummy and me watched it in Nana and Granddad's. And now we're home, and Mummy's tap-tap-tapping into that laptop thingy!

Anyway, when the kennel makeover is complete I'll post a photo! If herself ever gets off the computer that is...................


My Mummy, the sloppy wino!

July 26th 2012 1:49 pm
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Mummy had to go to the dentist today. Dentists are like vets 'cept they just look after human peoples' teeth and stuff. Anyway, I was over with Nana and Granddad and when she got back it was so funny! She looked like someone who got one of those buttocks injections I've seen on the telly, they make your lips look like you were stung by a buzzy bee or sumfin. And she was talking all weird - BOL!

Anyway, today was a lovely sunny day here across the 'lantic ocean in Ireland. So Mummy decided she'd sit outside and have a nice glass of wine. 'sept she was dribbling and drooling and slobbering all over the top she was wearing. She looked a bit loony toons. A sandwich short of a picnic. A spanner short of a toolkit. Not the full shilling. Away with the fairies.... (I'm sure my friends 'cross the 'lantic ocean have other non-Irish sayings to describe what I'm talking about, for some reason, we have a lot of sayings here to describe this particular affliction.....)

Cleo, what are you doing? Nothing Mummy! I'm just online getting some ideas for your birthday. But my birthday's not till September! Oh I know that Mummy, but I wanted to make sure I get you the perfect present this year. Oh Cleo, you are the sweetest little puppy in the whole world! It was such a lucky day I saw you in that pound and took you home! Yes, Mummy. Everyday I count my blessings that you rescued me from that awful place and took me to live in my wonderful forever home! (Better go before she gets too boisterous, you know what these mad drunks are like!) BOL!

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