Cleopatra's Classified Column

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Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Daoibh go léir!

March 17th 2013 3:30 am
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That means a very Happy St Patrick's Day to all my pupsies! For those of you who are joining my magic PaddyWagon later, don't forget to look out for me in your back garden!

Cleo XXX

 

The St. Patrick’s Day Extravaganza Tour Of Ireland™ for- 2013

March 14th 2013 4:30 pm
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Hello pupsies,

Cleo’s Escorted Irish Tours™ is pleased to announce our St. Patrick’s Day Extravaganza Tour Of Ireland™ for 2013! Sorry this is so late in the day but I was waiting for my ‘specially adapted Magic PaddyWagon™ to arrive!

Now pupsters, as many of you will know (especially those who partook in our Mystical Meanderings Tour™ last year), Ireland is a mystical land full of music, poetry and song. Our little country’s national Day, St Patrick’s Day, is celebrated throughout the world. We all know that the country’s swarming with leprechauns, those charming little people of Irish legend. And you can’t walk for more than a few feet without meeting a cheery little fairy or a goblin or sumfin. And the peoples here have a wonderful life. They sit around all day drinkin whiskey, telling stories and growing cabbages. So a visit to the Emerald Isle is a must. And this trip is FREE for my friends! FREE? What do you mean, Cleo? Yes Mummy, of course it’s free to my pupster friends! Just so they can ‘sperience the beauty and fun of Ireland! So who’s paying for the cabbage and accommodation and everything else? Em……..I was hoping you would Mummy! Think of it as a “gathering”. A Discover Ireland event. You love Ireland, don’t you, Mummy? Surely you want more visitors to come here?

For those of you who enjoyed the Bacon and Cabbage menu of last year, you will be pleased to see that that is on the menu again this year. And for those of you who had that little “stomach upset” incident on the bus last year, we will be offering an alternative dish of Irish Stew.

Now all you have to do on St Patrick’s Day (Sunday) is appear in your back garden. The Magic PaddyWagon™ will pick you up. I am not going to give details as they are top secret, but the trip will involve lots of cabbage, Irish dancing, drinking poitin and there might even be a personal meeting with the St Patrick dude himself!

Just let me know if you want to come to Ireland for St Patrick’s Day! Your pawrents will never know you’re even gone cos you’ll be on the Magic PaddyWagon™ that goes into a timewarp an’ stuff, so when you get back your pawrents will think you went round the back of the shed for a sniff and that is all!

See you all on Sunday!
Cleo XXX

 

Happy Mother's Day to all our Mommies!

March 10th 2013 4:17 am
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I don't have time to stop pupsies 'cos my Mummy is racing around packing up by food, water bottle, lead and other such stuff. Today is Mother's Day and me, Mummy, Nana and Granddad are all going to the beach! Then my hoomans are going for something to eat while I get to mind the car for a while. I don't mind that too much 'cos Mummy has promised me a nice long walk on the beach!

So I just wanted to say Happy Mother's Day to all your Mommies everywhere!

Love Cleo XXX

 

I will be 'specting a special dinner for my diary pick!!!

February 13th 2013 9:45 am
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Listen up, Mummy. I am the published author in this house. Once again, I have been recognised and honoured by my peers for my outstanding contribution to canine literature. I don't see you receiving many awards for anything, quite frankly.

So for dinner this evening, I would like some nice chicken breast (crispy skin on please), with some of that yummy gravy. And I would like it served lukewarm. In my silver bowl. After that, I would like an extended sniffing expedition around where we live. And I want permission to jump on whoever I want to tell them about my achievement. If there are any kitty cats around, I want full permission to chase them up trees and under cars. And to bark as loud as I want.

After we get back, I would like a freshly-washed blankie to lie on. A minimum of 2 bonios. Some of those markies I like. Unlimited amounts of choc drops. Please sign below when you're finished work. Thank you.

I, Cleo's Mummy, agree to all the above.

Signed: _______________________________ (Cleo's Mummy Angie)

P.S. Thank you to Hershey, Van Winkle, Angel Whisper and Dixie for my lovely pink rosettes. And to Zoe for a lovely juicy steak! I'm trying to find somewhere to hide that!

Love Cleo XXX

 

On my holidays!

February 4th 2013 2:30 pm
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I'm over in Nana and Granddad's. Mummy is heading off for that foreign country England in the morning and she's not back till Friday. Whoo whoo! This means lots of nice things!

1. Extra belly rubs. Nana and Granddad are retired. More time to devote to ME!

2. Extra treats. Nana and Granddad have paid off their mortgage. Mummy is up to her ears in debt. Naturally, I would expect Nana and Granddad to have more disposable income income to buy treats & eats!!!!

3. More time. As Nana and Granddad are no longer working, I am expecting at least an eight hour walk per day. Minimum.

Roll on the happy days till Friday, then back to the austerity in my house!!!

 

Mummy's doing a dog training course. Dream on Mama!!!!

January 28th 2013 4:37 pm
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Mummy is doing a Dog Training course at the moment and some of the research she was asked to do involves a book by Stanley Coren called The Intelligence Of Dogs. Anyway, this book ranks dogs in order of intelligence. Ta ching! And Mummy still thinks SHE can train ME! BOL! How funny! I mean, a HUMAN with her low IQ? Training me? BOL!!!!!!

Rank Breed

1. Border Collies
2. Poodle
3. German Shepherd
4. Golden Retriever
5. Doberman Pincher
6. Shetland Sheepdog
7. Labrador Retriever
8. Papillon
9. Rottwieler
10. Australian Cattle Dog
11. Pembrook Welsh Corgi
12. Miniature Schnauzer

 

The ratty dog's gone home!

January 4th 2013 7:50 am
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Yippee! I have my house ALL BACK TO MYSELF! Mummy had called the dog warden yesterday with details of the dog and he called earlier to say that a man had been into the pound twice looking for his black and tan rat-like terrier (ok, my words, not his!) Anyway, I'm not getting a little brother anymore cos Mummy dropped the rat, em dog back to his Daddy and Mummy and there were kisses and licks and hugs and stuff all round!

Nana and Granddad are going over to visit Mummy later this evening cos they never got to visit over Christmas and I'm going too! So I'll have to sniff the house from top to bottom and check on my treats that are hidden under cushions and blankies and stuff - just to make sure.................

 

I might be getting a little bruvver! And I am NOT HAPPY!

January 3rd 2013 4:26 pm
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Pupsies! Nana called Mummy this evening while we were out walking, she found a little doggie wandering around by himself earlier. So naturally, Mummy dropped everything and came out to see the doggie. Then Mummy and Nana decided to take the doggie home rather than take him to the pound (cos they put doggies down within 5 days) so Nana put me in her car and Mummy brought the doggie to MY HOUSE! Then Mummy started posting on Facebook and other sites to look for the Mummy or Daddy.

Anyway, this meant that that Nana took me to her house in her car. And Mummy took THE OFFENDING DOGGIE to her house! I checked my profile earlier and Mummy has all these pictures of THE OFFENDING DOGGIE on her Facebook page, saying she is looking for the owner! So he's in my house! Sitting on my sofa! Maybe eating my treats! Nana even said if the owner doesn't turn up she might take him. But I'm an only child! No other doggies, EVER! (sob)

 

Got a Christmassy card from Whitley!

December 28th 2012 8:14 am
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Whitley's Christmassy card arrived today! I've been sniffing the letterbox an' sittin' at the window waitin' an waitin' an waitin' for the postman to bring it and here it is!

Make room Mummy! Whitley's card is going somewhere special! Thanks Whitley! XXX

 

Only one more sleep till Santa Paws!

December 23rd 2012 4:45 pm
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Oh pupsies, I am so excited! I do not think I will get a single wink of sleep tonight! Tomorrow night, Santa Paws is coming all the way to my Nana and Granddad’s house to bring my sweeties, treats, sweeties, squeaky toys, sweeties, sweeties, and sweeties!

Mummy an’ me always go over to Nana and Granddad’s on Christmas Eve and have two sleeps there, then we come back to our own house on St. Stephen’s Day. So in the morning, Mummy will be packing the car up with my Spongebob Squarepants mini-break bag, lots of pressies, her clothes an’ stuff, Oh, and my Santa hat, her Santa hat, her wine for da Dwip, an’ lots of other junk an’ stuff. Then this is when all the hard work in the preparation for the Santa Paws event starts. I don’t even have time to greet my Nana and Granddad an’ give ‘em kisses an’ stuff. First, I sniff up the chimney to make sure it looks clear. Then I bark up there in case any of da birdies are thinkin’ of spendin’ da Christmas holidays in my Nana and Granddad’s chimney. Then after that, I bark at Mummy to hang my Christmassy stocking up over my bed in the kitchen. Before going for a tour of the garden and general environs to make sure there is nothing blocking Santa Paws an’ his reindeers an’ sleigh an’ stuff from landing on the chimney. An’ then, I prepare the snacks for Santa an’ all the reindeers. I’m giving him extra this year ‘cos I’m pretty sure he dipped into my sweeties last year. Mummy says it’s cos I was just eating more of them but I’m not so sure. Nana lends me her apron with the little doggies on it that I bought her for the Santa Paws snack preparation.

I know Nana, Granddad and Mummy will be disappointed that I can’t spend as much time as usual having my ears tickled by Granddad, my back rubbed by Nana and being played with by Mummy. But I really will be so busy!

Oh, did you know that there is a legend in Ireland that all animals can speak hooman on Christmas Eve night? Well of course we can speak hooman, it’s just that we choose not to! I can converse fluently in English and Irish (Gaelic) and my French is coming on quite well too.

 
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Cleo


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