Cleopatra's Classified Column

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Wobbly drinkies!

May 18th 2012 4:46 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 2 people already have ]

Mummy and I were coming back from the shops earlier. There was a man being all wobbly on the footpath, Mummy had to stop so she didn't hit him. I was barking out of the car to warn him about the cars and trucks and stuff but he wasn't taking any notice.

Later, Mummy dropped me over to Nana and Grandad's and Nana explained it all to me. There is stuff that human people drink that makes them all wobbly. I was wobbly once - I had an operation at the vet's and when I got home Mummy and Nana were laughing cos I was all wobbly. Anyway, I don't understand why someone would be wobbly on purpose. I didn't like it.

Anyway, the worst is, Nana told me that sometimes when Mummy brings me over to her and Grandad for the night she's going out to drink those wobbly drinks with her friends. Why would my Mummy want to be wobbly? Nana says Mummy leaves me over to them not cos she's drinking wobbly drinks but just because she doesn't like leaving me on my own for too long. Anyway, I'm staying with Nana and Grandad tonight. But I know Mummy hasn't been drinking wobbly drinks cos she called Nana earlier and she was going to bed. She was visiting her friend and she was driving the car. Apparently you can't do this when you're wobbly.

I'm really confused! Why do human people drink wobbly drinks?


FACE UP (or The Federation Against Continued Exploitation by- Unscrupulous Parents)

May 17th 2012 1:19 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

Pupsters, it has been brought to my attention that poor Zoe is back on duty just one day after getting shot at the vets! Because of Zoe not getting her sick leave entitlements and my own terrible treatment at the hands of my own Mummy, I have been prompted to establish FACE UP – The Federation Against Continued Exploitation by Unscrupulous Parents. Help is at hand, my friends!


Nothing much happened today.

May 17th 2012 12:00 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 1 person already has ]

Mummy brought me out to a recycling centre today. I was really excited cos I thought there might be all kinds of interesting smells but when we got there all they had was plastic and paper and boring stuff - nothing sniff-worthy!

Then on the way home I spotted my friend Daisy walking along the road with her Daddy and SHE WASN'T WEARING ANY LEASH! I was really worried cos Daisy's only a little puppy so I barked as loud as I could out of the car to warn her about the big noisy cars and trucks and stuff.

Nothing else much happening here.


EMERGENCY! A CAT in my garden!

May 16th 2012 5:47 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

There was a CAT in my garden earlier! I was whining and barking to get out of the sitting room so Mummy let me into the kitchen. I was barking like mad and scratching at the patio door cos there was a CAT beside my kennel! I hid bonios and treats in there earlier but Mummy wouldn't let me out - something about neighbours being asleep! If Mummy's weird behaviour continues Cleo is withdrawing her Garden Guardian(TM) service! Those treats are part of my salary! If that CAT took them that's a breach of the Cleo Garden Guardian(TM) contract!


Choc Aid!

May 16th 2012 3:56 am
[ Leave A Comment | 6 people already have ]

It has been brought to my attention by Mr.Cutter that the doggies on the other side of the Atlantic don't get sweeties like the ones I have. I have asked Mummy to contact Bob Geldof to arrange a Choc Aid concert for you all! In the meantime I've asked Mummy to post a picture of some so you can scratch and sniff at least. This is a calamity!


Sweet shop!

May 15th 2012 9:32 am
[ Leave A Comment | 10 people already have ]

Yippee! Mummy says she's taking me to the sweet shop! Well they sell other things as well like dog food and toys and stuff but we're going out there SPECIFICALLY to get my special doggy choc drops! Wait for me Mummy!!!


Didn't get any walk!

May 15th 2012 6:18 am
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

I'm such a hard done by dog! Mummy just finished her lunch break and she's gone back to work. I didn't even get a walk! She says it's cos it rained and she'd have to change her clothes when we got back and she wouldn't have time. Our local doggy daycare place has a walking service. Where's Mummy's credit card? "Cleo! Put that purse down now!" Sorry Mummy, I was just checking to see if you had any treats in there. Sheesh!


A doggie has won Britain's Got Talent!

May 12th 2012 4:37 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

Mummy and I are super excited because the final of Britain's Got Talent was on earlier and Pudsey the dog won! He and his Mummy have won £500,000 and they get to perform at the Royal Variety Show where they'll meet The Queen and everything!

Here's Pudsey in action! You'll love him!

Cleo X


Mummy's appraisal

May 12th 2012 1:00 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 4 people already have ]

I think my Mummy is due an appraisal - she's great most of the time but I think she's been slipping up lately and I think I need to take her in paw (don't get me wrong, I don't want to lose her as an employee) but I feel I need to examine where she's going wrong and give her a chance to serve Princess Cleo better! Here are the main areas I'll be reviewing -

1. Barking: Mummy's inconsistency in this area bothers me. Sometimes she actively encourages me to bark (like when there might be someone around the side of the house) and then at other times she SHOUTS at me for barking!
2. Closing doors: Does Mummy not realize that I NEVER stop working? I’m always on guard dog duty but she doesn’t understand that when she’s chilling I still need to make regular checks on the garden, the hallway and sometimes even upstairs. Yet she keeps closing the sitting room so I have to bark to get in and out. So tiresome!
3. Walks: Why does Mummy do this “work” thing most days when I want to go for a walk? Does she not know that I’m a collie and I need lots of exercise? This is an area of serious concern for me and one on which I’ll be putting serious emphasis on during her appraisal.
4. The computer: Mummy spends lots of time using the computer. Does she not realize I need it for writing my diary and looking up doggie treats online? I’ll have to devise a schedule and limit her computer usage to half an hour or so a day.

Once I have conducted my appraisal and received some feedback I’ll post the result so you can all increase productivity from your employees. I feel these human people have lost the run of themselves and started to think we work for them or something! Must go now as Mummy has brought my treats. Finally.



Mummy's in a bad mood!

May 10th 2012 1:56 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 4 people already have ]

I just don't know what's up with Mummy tonight. I was sitting on my sofa and I wanted a drink. So I had to bark at Mummy to open the door to let me out to the kitchen. Then I wanted to go back to the sitting room so I had to bark so she knew I was outside. I was just getting settled back on my sofa when I thought I heard something in the garden so I had to bark until Mummy opened the door again. Then I had to bark so she could let me back in. Then after settling on my sofa again I thought I might have to have a quick sniff around the back garden just in case, so I had to bark at Mummy again to open the door. Then I had to bark to get back in. Then just a little while ago I thought I'd better check in the hallway in case there was anything so I barked again to get out. When my investigations were finished I had to bark to get back into the sitting room but Mummy WOULDN'T OPEN THE DOOR! So I'm lying upstairs on Mummy's bed wondering why she's not coming up to give me some treats. BARK BARK BARK Mummy!

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