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Cleopatra's Classified Column

Being STARVED by my family!

April 5th 2013 9:01 am
[ Leave A Comment | 9 people already have ]

Today I am SOOOOOO depressed! Last month, I strained my paw running after my Whippet pal Zeb, so Mummy had to take me to the Vet. Anyway, he gave me stuff to take but also told Mummy that I was TOO FAT and put me on a diet!

Anyway, Mummy, Nana and Granddad were really good (if you could call it being good to reward their lovely, faithful dog with OBESITY - sob! formula)! Yes, I did get 2 Easter eggies but Mummy fed me less on those days and they were only puppy Easter eggies anyway! And OK, they relaxed a little bit for my birthday. But not too much.

So - Mummy was told to bring me back after a month to see how much weight I had lost. She was really excited because we were doing so well. Guess what? I was EXACTLY The same weight! After all my sacrifices! Now the nurse did say that maybe some of my fat has been replaced with muscle. HMMMMMMMMM. I reckon this dog food stuff isn't suitable for my delicate constitution. I WANT CHICKEN! Or a nice fillet of cod or something. Please send me some food! I am literally fading away here! It's just not fair! AND Mummy has left me out in my kennel in the sunshine ALL DAY! SOB!!!!

Oh, thank you all for your lovely messages and pressies for my birthday and diary pick. I think I'll go hunting round the garden now for a worm. Or a spider or something. Just so I don't faint from starvation.


Leave A Comment | 9 people already have

Barked by: Wendy G

April 5th 2013 at 9:21 am

Oh, deer, Cleo! I r gonna send yu sum skwerls cuz I du nod fink yu hab dose in Iwewand! Anyways, yu can chase dem an' bild up yur muscles AN' I r pwetty shur dem wood be a tastee snack!! Bery wow-fat, tu :D

*runs to basement, finds a box, heads outside to catch a few squirrels* "I pwomise yu r gonna hab WOTZA fun in Iwewand wif my fwiend, Cleo!! Pweeze jus' ged in dis box, 'kay???"
Barked by: Cleo (Dogster Member)

April 5th 2013 at 11:17 am

Oh thank you Zaidie! All I have to eat 'round here are some worms and speeders, the puddy tats are too fast for me! And I try to get up to the birdies in the trees but they just squawk down at me. Chasing skwerls sounds pawsome! They can live in the trees behind my house! Mummy! Do you have a really BIG saucepan? I was thinking of doing some "expirimental cooking" (googles "skwerl stew.......)
Barked by: Fizzy (Dogster Member)

April 5th 2013 at 2:27 pm

*gasp* Oh no! Poor Cleo! I'm gonna start packing up a cheese tray for you!!!
Barked by: Cleo (Dogster Member)

April 5th 2013 at 6:13 pm

Oh Fizzy! I just LOVE cheese! Sometimes when my Mummy's attached to the Wine Dwip she loves a bit of cheese as well and she usually gives me some - I haven't even sniffed a bit of cheese in weeks!

When all my lovely goodies arrive I'll eat them all and gain an alarming amount of weight and then they'll blame that stoopid food and let me eat my chicken an' nice stuff again!

I love when a plan comes together! BOL!
Barked by: Buddy (Dogster Member)

April 5th 2013 at 7:54 pm

Oh, how horrible! I am putting in a call to the SPCA and sending you a care package. Do you have any special requests before I assemble the care package!
Barked by: Coco Rose (Dogster Member)

April 5th 2013 at 9:02 pm

Oh NOOOOOOOO...Please don't shrink down to nothing. Puffy and I love you just the way you are. I'll round up some of Puffy's treats and send them to you.
Barked by: ✨ Whitley ✨ (Dogster Member)

April 5th 2013 at 10:36 pm

Do you need some Texas BBQ? I'll try to send you some, if I don't eat it first!
Barked by: Cleo (Dogster Member)

April 6th 2013 at 8:40 am

Thank you all my doggie friends for saving my life. I am nearly too weak to type this. And my eyesight is failing as we bark......................

Buddy, I would LOVE some really smelly meaty stuff! My nose will be in the air in anticipation of my SPCA package arriving! Thank you Coco, for donating Puffy's treats! BOL! Whitley! Texas BBQ sounds just PAWSOME! I will enjoy that on my patio when Mummy's not looking!

I'm going out now to leave a note for the postman to deliver my stuff to the side gate. Thank you all for your generosity. You can all sleep soundly tonight in the knowledge that you have saved the life of a fellow traveller. I'm getting all emotional now. (sniff.....................)
Barked by: Scooter (Psst on the left) (Dogster Member)

April 6th 2013 at 9:49 pm

Restricting a dogs food is overrated. Ask me, I'm an expert. BOL

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