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Cleopatra's Classified Column

FACE UP is on the case again after I was ABANDONED! Again!

June 4th 2012 3:56 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 8 people already have ]

Yes pupsters, abandoned. Left to die. In the middle of the night. Outside. While my Mummy went to bed. I'm afraid I've had to alert FACE UP – The Federation Against Continued Exploitation by Unscrupulous Parents - to my plight.

Every night when it's bedtime, Mummy and I go out the front door and have a good sniff around all the other houses. This is our final patrol of the night. Then I do my "business", we go in and have a play and then we go to bed.

Anyway last night we did our patrol, had our sniffs, checked all the neighbours were ok. Then we went inside. And played. Then as we were going to bed Mummy remembered sh had to bring stuff in from the car. She swears she didn't see me come out with her. I think that was a ruse to get me outside so she could abandon me. But I digress.

Anyway I was having a sniff at an interesting shrub I'd discovered. I got back to the front door and it was closed. No Mummy. No bed. No water. No nothing.

Mummy's version of events - I went up to bed and I was wondering why Cleo didn't come up, but sometimes she prefers her own bed. My version - why, oh why had my Mummy abandoned me? Haven't I been a good dog? Doesn't she tell me every day I'm the cleverest, best guard dog in the world?

Mummy's version of what happened next - I was reading in bed when I heard a bark outside. Probably just one of the neighbour's dogs. My version - I was sitting looking up at Mummy's bedroom saying "why? why did you abandon me? haven't I been faithful and loving? Don't you call me your little Dolly Doodle and other pet names?"

Mummy's (hardly credible) account of what happened next - I heard another bark. It sounded like it was right outside. So I got up and looked out the window. There was Cleo looking up at me! My (very credible) account - I was barking up at Mummy that I am going to contact FACE UP to inform them of my abandonment and she only opened the window to save face. Make people think she was a good dog Mummy when in fact she had the most despicable plans for me.

Oh yes, she's been apologising all day. Oh yes, I've been for two walks and a swim. Oh yes, I seem to recall getting more treats and choc drops than normal. But I have my suspicions. I'm staying REALLY close. Just in case she plans to abandon me again. Because you never know.

Now I'd better go because I feel weak from the stress of my terrible ordeal. So I need to tackle the huge pile of treats and choc drops on my blanket. Just to keep my energy up, you understand.


Leave A Comment | 8 people already have

Barked by: Wendy G

June 4th 2012 at 4:04 pm

Gud gwief!! Whut da heck r goin' on ober dere in dat Irewand pwace?? I hope dat FACE UP habs sum gud lawyers in dere ranks :D
Barked by: Pepper - CGC (Dogster Member)

June 4th 2012 at 4:14 pm

All alone, outside, in the night?! How dreadful!
Barked by: Cleo (Dogster Member)

June 4th 2012 at 4:34 pm

Zaidie! Get your Learjet fixed asap and rescue me! SOS! Pepper, thank you for your support. What a great solace in my current difficulties! I've been barking at Mummy all day that I could have been torn apart by a tiger. Or a grizzly bear. Then she just LAUGHED and said we don't have those animals in Ireland. Except in zoos. That's more of her uncaring attitude (turns to pick up another choc drop)
Barked by: Misty (Psst on the right) (Dogster Member)

June 4th 2012 at 6:03 pm

Now Cleo - don't stress eat too many choc drops - it's not good for the waistline. BOL
FACE UP has got to listen to you now!
Barked by: Puff (Dogster Member)

June 4th 2012 at 6:43 pm

Document, document, document every little thing that momma does wrong (diary entries server as official documents), in case you should have to take momma to court over her ill treatment of you. Whitley and Finley would probably take your case on a Pro Bono basis as long as you are willing to part with some of those chocolate drops we keep hearing about.

Is there any chance that momma was hooked up to one of Zaidie's bolka dwips thus didn't have full control of her mental facilities?
Barked by: Mr. Cutter (Pssst on the Right (Dogster Member)

June 4th 2012 at 9:46 pm

I suggest character witnesses as well. After all if wobbly drink(s) or Bodka Dwip™(s)....damages may need to be collected.

I'm sure the law firm of Whitley, Finley, and Seceramateries LLP (Legs&LittlePaws) would look into this legal case for you.

Also, sign nothing, no matter the choco bribe without reading the fine print.
Barked by: Reilly (Dogster Member)

June 5th 2012 at 12:44 pm

Bad Bad Mommie
Barked by: Cleo (Dogster Member)

June 5th 2012 at 1:59 pm

Thank you all for your support! Mr Cutter, I will definitely contact Whitley, Finley, and Seceramateries LLP (Legs&LittlePaws). Puff, I am compiling a dossier. And building up my stash in the event of an escape. Yes Misty I know, I'll be really fat from all this stress! Maybe I can add that to my list of grievances? Yes Reilly, she is a bad, bad Mommie. I don't think she was hooked up to the bodka dwip at the time, I think her excuse is that she was "tired". Her words, not mine!

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