Head in the Sand

I'm slowly realizing that I've been putting my head in the sand for the past 6 or 7 weeks. Playing ostrich. I didn't want to cry anymore. It hurt too much. So I just went numb. Occasionally, the tears would come flying out, like someone opened the flood gates, but I managed to close them quickly.
I realize that I wasn't grieving, I was stopping myself from grieving.
I didn't put up the "Abby with Wings" images that Autumn and Putter and Hunter's pawrents had so lovingly made for us. I didn't want to go to Dogster, because then I'd have to think about Abby and cry some more. I didn't want to write a single word more for my book, 'cos it was too painful.
I forgot that tears are cleansing, that they need to come out, and that they will come out sooner or later (sometimes when you least expect them).
We miss you AbberDabbers, - you're forever in our hearts, and we know that you have oodles of Dogster pals to play with at TRB.
We've started barking whenever the doorbell rings, in your memory, girl.
Thanks to all our Dogster friends for their loving support. We proudly display "Abby with Wings". Thanks Autumn, Thanks Putter, Thanks Hunter. I hope we can give back love and support just like all the love we've received. And I hope I've learned that crying is Good!

Learning to Let the Tears Flow

Today was a sad day for Dawn. She got Abby as a pup on Christmas Eve. So we sat and watched our video a couple or ten times :-) and just bawled together. It's been a strange month. We light candles all the time for Abby, and we still have her bed in the same place with all her squeaky toys. We just can't bear to take it away right now. And Dawn still barks every time the doorbell rings, to replace the Abby bark that isn't there any more. I've just put a wall some of the time, 'cos it hurts so much to cry. But I know that letting the tears flow is the best thing to do. And here they come again.

The Tears Flow Freely

I picked up Abby's ashes this evening from the Vet's office. On the way back home, I opened the window on the passenger side 'cos Abby always loved to put her nose out and let the wind just rush all over her face. When she got diagnosed with the osteosarcoma, the Vet said it wouldn't be good to take Abby for walks anymore , because it would put too much pressure on her leg (front), so I used to take her for a drive in the car every day. I guess this was our last drive together.

I know she's found lots of new friends at The Rainbow Bridge and I know she's not in pain anymore. And we miss her so much. There's no-one to bark when someone is at the front door, and there's no waggy tail in the mornings. And there's so many tears - I don't know where they all come from.

I haven't been able to go to Dogster until today, but I saw so many wonderful messages and so much love and support. It really does mean so much to us. Thank you.

You Tube Video Link for Abby

Here's a link to a video that Dawn put together. Hope you like it.
Cut and Paste and Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2faziAXqdJ4#watch-m ain-area

OOPs, Missed a Whole Bunch of Thankyous

AND.........
Quindred Spirit + Family; Buddy; Sandy Rascal +Angel Whiskey; Amber; Bailey; Angel Tutti; Winnie Joy; Raven + Family; Paco Kimber + Squeaker; Raoudi; Zoe + Cece; Cocoa + Rudie; Zoee + Chloee; Blackwell + Lexi; Tessa + Fitzcairn; NINJA;

Thank you ALL for such wonderful Warmth and Loving. I can't tell you enough how much it gave us the will to handle the sadness. God Bless You.

Abby's At The Bridge

Quite simply, this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. We spent the whole morning just lavishing Lots of Love on Abby, Big breakfast, lots of strokes and tummy rubs. Secretly, I was hoping that the Vet would not be able to make it. However, she was there at Noon. She validated for us that this was the best for Abby, that the cancer was just traveling throughout her body, and this was the supreme act of love from us. She was amazed that Abby had lasted so long. - It's wonderful what the Power of Love can do. We know we did the right thing, but that didn't make it any easier. And it was over so quickly. That was probably for the best.
Now Abby is wagging her tail at all her new friends on Rainbow Bridge.

My friend Polly has given me some wonderful words of comfort. She said:
"When people tell me they cannot stand losing a pet, I tell them that the Joy they bring us in life Far outweighs the grief we feel when they die. That Joy is great indeed, and I wouldn't miss it for the world."

It has also been comforting to have the support of all our Dogster Pals - More than anything, they have helped us through this with their Love and Caring and Compassion: - Zaidie, Zoei, Simon's Dad Clive, Wyoming Cheyenne and Debbie, Augie, Autumn Angel & Mom, Austin & LouAnn, JoJo Jolanda & Mom, Riley, Miss Honey Pie's Family, The Lafayette Little Rascals, Roxxie, Tater Tots, Gigi, Cherish, Kirby, Tasha, Geordie, Teddy and Layla, Tyler, K.C's Family, Blackie Angel Baby, Checkers, Doo, Girl Dog ExtraOrdinair, bobbi E + The Wolf House, Saphira + Family, Jet, Tramp, Rascal, Crystal, Mr. Barney "Paws", Kappa, Tucker Blu, Maggie Mouse, Coco and the Whole Caring Dogster Family. Love To You All.

Today's the Day

It's 10:30am and the Vet will be here at noon. We know this is the right decision, but it still doesn't stop me from hoping the vet will have some kind of other emergency and won't be able to make it.
We were up super early and gave Abby a wonderful hamburger and scrambled eggs with her dry food. She loved it. She's beeen Miss Waggy Tail all morning. Everyone has been so supportive. Dawn's at peace with our decision, but we've both been streaming tears all morning. I'm going now - back to the tummy rubs :-)

We Can Change Our Mind If We Want To!

We just couldn't do it! The Vet told us that when they took Abby away today, her body would just lay on a cold slab until Monday, and that wasn't something we wanted to happen, so we told the vet to make it Monday. We woke up and were feeling pretty numb to begin with, and then the reality sunk in, and we were just both bawling, and trying to comfort each other and reason out the situation - Pro's and Con's. - " She's limping, so she must be in pain"; But she's got a good appetite, and she's pooping regularly" She's had highly malignant cancer for over 9 months now" - But she''s so playful and full of life" and we went back and forth and then finally we couln't bear to think of her on a cold slab over the weekend, so we cancelled today's appointment.
But Abby still got ham omelet for breakfast! - She loved it.

The Time Has Come

Well, we made an appointment with the Vet to come here on Friday at Noon. Abby's legs crumbled last night when she went to pee, and then she really didn't want to go back up the two small steps into the house. We haven't seen " the look in the eyes", that people talked about, but Dawn ( Abby's Mom) says she knows it's time. We can see the tumor breaking through her front leg, it's obviously very weak, and we definitely don't want her to cross the Bridge with a broken leg .
We've had a wonderful extra nine months that the Vet is just amazed about. It seems so crazy that we're crying so much before she's even gone. She's so alert and playful. The Vet said that we can change our mind, right up to the last minute. This is so tough a decision to make. I wonder if there are pet owners who feel that this is a decision they shouldn't make and they just let nature take it's course, despite the pain? For us, we are sure that we don't want her to suffer, and we're sure that this will be an act of supreme love. We just keep wanting "Just One More Day".

Just One More Day

We cried and we thought and we cried and we thought and then we decided that since Abby can poop by herself and has a great appetite, and just loves her new Purple Platypus squeakie toy - Then maybe, just maybe, it's not quite time yet. Everyone says she will tell us with her eyes, and she's just not saying that right now. She's saying - "Where's my food" and "Let's play Ball". So, we're going to wait until Monday to make the decision. And we're going to surround her with oodles of love .