We're doing fine

Hi Dogster friends. Wow, its been a long time. 2 years since Simon died. Jim, Judd and I are doing great. We've created a wonderful life for ourselves and we are showering Judd with attention and love. John Denver music is forever etched in my mind as it reminds me of the summer of 2009; the summer I went through this terrible experience when Simon was dying.
We have gone to Ft Funston twice now on Aug 28th, in 2010 and 2011. We plan to do it every year and set a rose by the cliffs to celebrate Simon's life.
He will be forever in my heart. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I don't think I will ever be the same. I think a part of you dies when you lose a dear friend such as him.
Anyway, from time to time, I'll write in here and let y'all know how we are and we are fine!

Life Goes On...

Hi all,
Wow, its been almost three months since I wrote in Simon's diary, but here we are.
I just wrote in Geoff's (Abby's dad) diary and it made me think to do this.

I think about Simon every day. I miss him tremendously. We love Judd, our new baby. He is seven months old now. I never want to take him for granted as, in retrospect, I feel I sometimes took Simon for granted. I even feel some guilt in getting Judd like I've betrayed Simon. I know that's silly...

We've been doing well. We love Judd to death. He is the cutest, most loving dog. I even show him Simon's urn and tell him this is your uncle Simon; we loved him very much. I know it sounds crazy, but I think Judd understands this. I had a dream about Simon a few weeks ago. Many people tell me this happens and I'm so glad it finally did. He looked very regal, a glow about him. He looked like Aslan from the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, if anyone has seen it. Like a lion. He looked beautiful.

Was this just a dream or a visit from my boy?

The Odyssey Ends

Hi all,
Well, this is the end of a long journey for me. I'm in Asheville visiting one of my oldest and dearest friends. We drove up to the Smokey Mountains today. We went to a place where we scattered the ashes of a close friend about five years ago. It was freezing cold. We got a beautful tree, a shovel and water.

I got Simon in North Carolina back in 1993. I saw it only befitting to honor and memorialize him where he came from. So, we planted a tree today in his honor. The tree is beside a stream, amongst some trees in a beautful spot. The painstaking task of digging a hole took FOREVER, but with some gusto we got it done.
My friend Shannon said a heartfelt blessing and we dedicated the tree to him, his life and my love for him. I hope it will grow. We asked my friend who passed to take care of him for me.

This ends my odyssey (which I thought was such a befitting word to describe what I have done this past week) Odyssey means a spiritual journey for resolution. We revisited all our old places that we used to live, where we used to go for walks, where it all started. To here, where it ends. I hoped this would give me some closure to his passing. I think it has. I hope to come here again in the future and see his tree grow and remember how much he meant to me.

Here's to you, old friend.
Your Dad, Clive

A New Year's Journey

Well, it is now the new year. I am in Charlotte seeing old friends and remembering old times. Most importantly, I am retracing my life back in time from when I first got Simon here. A close friend even came up from Orlando to help me through my journey. We've visited all the old places I've lived at with Simon. We even went to the old animal shelter here where I first got him back in July 1993. We went to Freedom Park and McAlpine Park, places we used to go to also.

In two days I am going to Asheville to see my old roommate who is a ordained minister and clinical psychologist. We are going to have a "healing ceremony" for Simon to help me have some closure with his loss.

It is amazing to me how much my old friends loved him. He was so loved by so many people and everyone recognizes how much I loved him and what a loss it has been for me. It has been very nostalgic remembering our old life here. I miss Jim and Judd. Jim understands why I'm here.

A dog is not just an animal. He was so much more to me, but I guess I don't need to tell y'all that. (Oh no, three days back in Charlotte and I'm already saying y'all again!)

The First Christmas

Hi all,
Well it seems life is moving along. I am approaching my first Christmas without Simon since 1992; a very long time ago.
Don't get me wrong, we love our new baby, Judd. He has been the best medicine for me to help me get over losing Simon, but no one can ever replace Simon. I miss him so much.

Many times, at Christmas, it was just he and I. I always got him something. Well, I know Jim and I are going to shower Judd with presents. Jim has already given that pup sooooooooo many toys its ridiculous! Holidays are funny. They can be such a joyous time, but they can also remind you of sad times.

I'm sure I'll get through Christmas fine. My plan for the new year is to make a voyage back to Charlotte, NC (that's where we first started our life together). I hope that by going back there, I will have some sort of closure about all of this. I hope to. I want to trace back our life and all the placed we lived together. Returning all the way back to the shelter where I got him at in 1993. Maybe then, I will be on my way to healing.

Simon's Legacy

Hi all,
Well, it has been a while since I posted an update as to how we've been doing. Jim and I are the proud parents of a baby scottie pup. We named him Judd and we love him dearly! He's been with us for a month now. He's 14 weeks old.
The first week I had him, I wondered if it was a big mistake. It had been a very long time since I raised a puppy. (Simon was 16 years old!) I forgot how much work it was and I had just been a "hospice" worker for three months caring for Simon. Was I ready to be a nanny? You bet! After a couple days, I fell in love with him and that face makes it all worthwhile.
It was wise of us not to get another wheaten. I think there would be too much comparisons and no dog could ever replace Simon.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of Simon. He is forever in my heart. I get sad a lot. I don't think I will ever be the same again, but I have channeled all that energy and love into raising this pup.
He's our little black baby!
I'll make up his profile soon. I show him Simon's shrine and tell him about him. Weird huh? Am I a freak?
Simon's legacy will live on...

A New Beginning

Well, Jim and I went to LA this past weekend and checked out some breeders. I wasn't sure I was ready, but I miss having a dog so much, I had to see if I was ready and how horrible would it be to see a bunch of cute puppies!
After visiting three breeders, we had to make a choice. I don't know if any of you have ever seen a wheaten puppy, but they are the cutest puppies around. There were two available and one was a very fat, prococious male. I LOVED HIM, but the more we talked about it, the more I realized that as cute as he was, he was going to be the dominant one in the pack, the largest and the most active. I lived in a very small condo, and an active wheaten pup needs room to play. When I got Simon, I had that room. I don't anymore. It was a tough decision to make. I also thought that if I get another wheaten, I may start comparing him to Simon. So, we decided against the other available wheatens. :(
Luckily, we also saw some adorable scottish terriers. I dont' know a lot about scotties, except that if I had a second favorite breed it would be the scottie. They're smaller, less active and also hypoallergenic like the wheaten is. (I have horrible allergies). So, in the end, we decided to get an adorable scottie pup. He arrives friday. He was the most moderatly tempered pup; not dominant; not submissive and VERY CUTE. We also loved the mother, who was very well behaved and even tempered.

So, we will have a new addition to our family in a few days and Simon's legacy will continue. He will never be forgotten.

One Month Mark

Well today marks one month since I lost Simon. I have good days and bad days, mostly bad days. I still feel very sad all the time. It's pretty obvious to those that know me. I try to put on a good face, but its hard.

I look through Simon's pictures daily. I light his candle almost every night. His presence is so missed, I can't even put it into words. The apartment seems so empty without him. Thank god I have Jim. He has helped me through it, but its still hard. I feel a part of me has died. I'm very thankful to Dogster. You guys can relate and completely understand where I am coming from. That dog was so loved and is so missed. He was so special.

I know that I was lucky to have had him for sixteen years, but it doesn't make the loss any easier. Thank you all for your kind words and support. BTW-- Does anyone know how to add music to a profile? I've tried and can't figure it out.

Clive, Simon's Dad.

Remembering Simon

Well its been two weeks since I lost Simon. Its been a hard road. I got his urn yesterday and set up a shrine for him. Jim thought it best to remove his stuff, but there were a few items I just couldn't bear getting rid of. I set up his urn on his little bed along with his raincoat, his leash, his collar, a photo album I compiled of him, a few books I wrote about him and a candle I'm lighting every night in his honor. We put up pictures from our photo shoot that I look at every night. I stayed at Jim's house for about a week and a half. I couldn't bear to be at my place. It seemed so empty; so quiet.

I went to a support group at the SPCA last tuesday. It seemed to help a bit. It made me appreciate that I had him for so long and that we were able to spend some good quality time with him the last three months as we were anticipating this. Some owners lost their dogs suddenly and tragically without having to say "Goodbye". I was able to do that. Still, it doesn't make it any easier. I just miss my friend.

I miss the rustling in the middle of the night. I miss making my way to the bathroom at night making sure I don't step on the fur ball on the floor. I miss being careful not to make too loud a noise when I open up a can of soda. It always startled him. I miss my routine I had for sixteen years. Waking up, getting ready for work, taking him out for a walk. Getting home from work, him greeting me at the door, taking him out for his afternoon walk. Taking him to the dog park where he would rarely socialize with other dogs, but just be content sniffing around by himself.

Life just isn't the same. I miss my friend. I've been surfing websites on wheaton puppies. I'm going to LA in October to visit my sister and plan to visit a wheaton ranch. There is a new litter of wheatons that just hatched! Is it too soon to consider this? Or should I allow myself to grieve for him a bit longer. Or should I consider another breed altogether?

I just miss my friend.

Simon's Dad,
Clive

The Saddest Day of My Life

This is our last entry.

It will take everything in my being to write this. About a week ago, Simon lost his ability to walk. He woke up one morning and I knew I couldn't let him go on like this. The difficult part was that he seemed to want to hang on and didn't give me those "signs" that people say that they do when they want to let go. So, I had to make the decision for him.

I was able to get Dr. Lum to come to the house as I couldn't bear to take him to the hospital. I got to spend one more week with him. My partner Jim and I took him to Ft. Funston; a dog park I used to take him to. We sat by the cliffs overlooking the ocean. I talked to him (as silly as that sounds) and reminded him of the times we used to go here all the time when I didn't know anyone in San Francisco and I just had him. We would go and sit there forever and just look over the ocean. He seemed very peaceful.

Yesterday, a close friend drove up from LA and we took Simon to Dolores Park. We carried him to the park as he couldn't walk anymore and I sat there with him for a couple hours trying to reassure him and explain what was going to happen. I'm not sure he understood.

Jim came over and we spent about an hour with him before the doctor came. I put together all his pictures in a photo album to chronicle my sixteen years with him. Dr. Lum gave him two sedative shots to let him sleep. I read a letter I wrote to him telling him how much he was loved and how much we were going to miss him.

As corny as it sounds we had to kill a few minutes before he got the last shot, so I played Sarah McLaughlin's "Angel" and asked my mother and my friend Brian to watch over him. (The two closest people to me who died). I held him in my arms as he got the last shot. He let out one more breath and then he was gone. I held him for awhile before Jim took him from me. They wrapped him up in a blanket and carried him away. It was the saddest day of my life.

Animals teach us so much. I learned that Simon taught me about unconditional love. He was a loyal and devoted friend who loved me no matter what. Wherever my life went, we went along for the ride. He was my constant companion and when they say that a dog is man's best friend, they're right. He was truly my best friend.

Light a candle for him and say a prayer. We will miss him terribly.

Clive