Editor’s Note: You asked, and we’ve delivered: Check out our latest experiment in photoshop: The Dogs of Mad Men! And hey, you didn’t ask for this, but we also did The Dogs of Game of Thrones for kicks.
You watch Downton Abbey, right? If you don’t, you’re probably living in the woods under a rock on a desert island in a time warp in an alternate universe. And even then, you’re probably lying.
Everyone is watching this show, and we’re no exception. The beautiful period garb, restrained acting, and insane soap-operatic plot lines have us hooked.
Because we also love dogs, and because we were so struck by how much Bates resembles a Basset Hound, we decided to compile a list of some of the Downton Abbey characters as dogs. Why not? Let’s do this!
1. Robert, Earl of Grantham: English Bulldog
Generally docile but sometimes willful, bulldogs’ aggression has been bred out, and although they once had higher aspirations, they’re now content to snooze on the couch all day. Still, he remains somewhat of a busybody, equally disturbed by loud noises and prolonged silences.
2. Cora, the Countess of Grantham: Collie
This b reed excels most when it has a job, otherwise gets very bored and prone to depression. Enjoys bossing superiors but understands when to take orders from superior intellects (cats, lady’s maids, etc.)
3. Lady Mary Crawley: Poodle
Easily bored; loves to make mischief; haughty demeanor earned through centuries of breeding and/or inbreeding.
4. Lady Edith Crawley: Bedlington Terrier
Basically an ugly Poodle. Loyal to a fault, hard-working, and just wants someone to notice. Longs to curl up at your (or anyone’s) feet and finally be loved.
5. Lady Sybil Crawley: Schipperke
Attractive, fussy, loud, and constantly in everyone’s business. Would totally wear fancy dress pants, if possible.
6. The Dowager Countess of Grantham: Persian Cat (yup, no dog could possibly be as haughty as her)
The ultimate regulator, the DC doesn’t give a crap about what you think or want, and will get her way every time.
7. Cousin Matthew Crawley: Golden Retriever
Loyal, adorable, and totally milquetoast.
8. Bates, Lord Grantham’s Valet: Basset Hound
One word: Jowls. Also, mopey like Eeyore; slow-moving; and generally sad-making. Still, you can’t help but pity-love the big guy.
9. Anna, Head Housemaid: Springer Spaniel
Alert, attentive, friendly, and very eager to please. Considered to be perhaps the most excellent of all working dogs, she asks for very little in return for a job well done. Inexplicably attracted to mopey martyrs (see Bates).
10. O’Brien, the Countess’s maid: Pumi
Reserved, intelligent, protective, and not easy to socialize, Pumis make excellent spinsters.
11. Thomas the Footman: Doberman Pinscher
From Wikipedia: “Although they are considered to be working dogs, Doberman Pinschers are often stereotyped as being ferocious and aggressive.” Yep. Thomas is a bitch, but he really just wants to be an entrepreneur! Misunderstood, handsome, and somewhat sinister in appearance even when he’s just trying to be himself.
12. Carson the Butler: Sheepdog
Overworked, underappreciated, and loving it.
Did we get it right? Or are we total suckers and is O’Brien OBVIOUSLY a Hungarian Puli? Do you have any doggie suggestions for the other Downton Abbey characters? Let us hear it!
All artistic manipulations courtesy of the awesome Audrey Fukuman.