Dogster Magazine Presents: The Dogs of Mad Men

We're celebrating the much-anticipated return of the show by imagining the sexy sexists as some of our favorite dog breeds.

Last Updated on June 1, 2015 by

Editor’s Note: Wow, you guys really dig canine heads on human bodies. Who knew?!

The latest in our doggie photoshop series is The Dogs of Game of Thrones (pictured at left). And in case you missed it, there’s also The Dogs of Downton Abbey. Don’t worry, we are going to move out of the TV shows soon. But not before we do the Dogs of Mad Men:

After what seemed like ten million billion years but was actually only seventeen months, Mad Men is FINALLY back for another season of repressed insanity. We’re celebrating by imagining the sexy sexists from the ’60s as some of our favorite dog breeds. Ready? Here we go.

1. Don Draper: Vizsla

Partner and creative director at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce; devastatingly handsome but persistently unfaithful; dynamite ad man

Attractive, active, and cunning, with a strong survival instinct. Vizslas get bored with repetitive exercises and ignore commands if they find something more interesting.

2. Betty Francis, previously Betty Draper: Pomeranian

Formerly unhappily married to Don, with whom she has three children. Now divorced and unhappily remarried to political PR guy Harry Francis.

Unambitious, yet somewhat put-upon. Becomes crazed if ignored.

3. Sally Draper: Cocker spaniel puppy

Don and Betty’s oldest child, thus often understandably baleful and a little weird.

All-American inbred who’s a bit of a loose cannon. Adorable but unpredictable. Thrives with discipline, but may act out in an unstable home.

4. Roger Sterling: Weimaraner

Partner at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce and son of Sterling Cooper founder

Playful troublemaker. When untrained and unconfined, Weimaraners create their own fun. They can be highly focused, but display behavioral issues as a result of isolation and inferior mental or physical exercise. Despite all this, they’re still slightly lazy.

5. Joan Harris, née Holloway: Australian Shepherd

Office manager at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce; former lover of Roger Sterling; married to Army surgeon Greg Harris

Beautiful, showy, and a natural herder. Can become extremely destructive if her energy is not directed in a positive way.

6. Pete Campbell: Basenji

Youngest, pushiest partner at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce

Ambitious and independent, Basenjis are very clever at getting their own way. They have a strong prey drive, chasing after fast-moving, flashy, and perceived weaker objects that cross their paths.

7. Trudy Campbell: Chihuahua

Pete’s dutiful and adoring wife; mother of their baby daughter

Dainty and perceived as prissy, but knows how to get what she wants. This breed often comes in a pretty package, but don’t mistake them for weaklings.

8. Peggy Olson: Beagle

Secretary and junior copywriter who worked her way up to play a leading creative role as a founding member of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce with Don’s support

Loyal to Don, her boss/owner, with good tracking instincts. Very intelligent but, as a result of being bred for the long chase, Beagles are single-minded and determined, which can make them hard to train — although this is pretty much a good thing.

9. Lane Bryce: Cavalier King Charles Spaniel

Financial whiz and partner at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce

English, pushy, and a little weird. Typically have eye issues.

10. Bertram “Bert” Cooper: Powderpuff Chinese Crested Dog

Founder and senior partner of Sterling Cooper; co-founder and often-shoeless eminence grise of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce

Somewhat unattractive and so often ignored, Chinese Cresteds are active and alert, even though they may appear a little deranged.

11. Harry Crane: Yellow Labrador Retriever

Puppyish head of media at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce

This breed just wants everyone to be happy, but also wants the most pets.

12. Ken Cosgrove: Borzoi

Literary-minded account executive at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce

Unassuming but efficient and reliable. Creative and independent thinker; would probably make a fine novelist. And, of course, has chiseled features and a nice wave to the hair.

All artistic manipulations courtesy of the awesome Audrey Fukuman.

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