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Our Newshound Barks About the NCAA Tournament, SXSW, and a SCOTUS Nomination

Whirlwind the Greyhound, our intrepid trends reporter, scans all of social media each week so you don't have to.

Tony Maglio  |  Mar 18th 2016


Happy Friday again, friends!

The Internet is a wonderful thing. After all, where else can a dog like me write for both people readers and my fellow canines (who, admittedly, mostly like to look at the pictures) — I don’t even have thumbs.

And evidently, there are OTHER websites beyond Dogster. What for? I have no idea. But some of them are pretty popular, and on occasion, their posts trend across the entire web. Like the morning newspaper, I’m here to fetch those stories and bring them directly to you. Good boy, am I right?

Below is what you missed if you napped all week like some stupid cat. And in case you stay-cationed in a luxury kennel hotel last week, here’s that roundup.

Whirlwind

Let’s get on with the news. (Whirlwind the Greyhound by Shutterstock)

Complete Madness

I hear that something important is going on in human sports this month. That’s not because I have great sources, however, it’s because I have tremendous hearing.

Apparently, fetch isn’t good enough for our Homo sapien friends — they’ve had to develop more complicated games. One is called “basketball,” and the goal seems to be putting a huge rubber tennis ball through a high metal collar. It’s really stupid, and they don’t seem too good at it — players drop the ball onto the floor every single step they take down the court.

For some reason, every March, a tournament of the hobby drives humans into a form of self-proclaimed “madness.” It happens right around when the weather warms up enough to enjoy a good dog-park outing, so who would want to be cooped up inside a gymnasium?

There is one cool thing about it, though. Check out some of these team names competing this year: the UConn Huskies, UNC Asheville Bulldogs, Yale Bulldogs, Butler Bulldogs, Gonzaga Bulldogs, Fresno St. Bulldogs, and the Stony Brook Seawolves (that last one’s an admitted stretch). So, lots of bulldogs, clearly — but where you at, Loyola Greyhounds?

Unfortunately, there’s also the Arizona Wildcats, Villanova Wildcats, Kentucky Wildcats, Weber State Wildcats, Cincinnati Bearcats, and Pittsburgh Panthers. So gross.

If you do plan to watch, check out our tips for watching sports on TV with your human.

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People’s Court

When us dogs get into trouble, we get sent to our room. When humans get in trouble, they go to court.

On Wednesday, First Dog Bo’s dad Barack nominated a senior-looking human to sit (not “lie down,” an important distinction) on the top court in the country. Merrick Garland seems like a sweet person, the kind that would totally let you lick his ice cream cone, or even occasionally sleep on the human bed. And everyone agrees that he’s very smart — Garland probably knows like 50 commands!

But apparently, because sometimes humans get along like cats and dogs, people who don’t like Bo’s dad don’t want this man to get the job he’s up for. It’s all very silly, just like the robe Garland will wear if his nomination goes through.

merrick-garland

Barack Obama and Merrick Garland courtesy Whitehouse.gov.

SXSW

I can barely handle “give me your paw, other paw” — but I’m supposed to understand the direction of South by Southwest? Sorry, humans — you lost me at this one.

SXSW, as it’s referred to, is an annual film, music, and media festival currently taking place in Texas. You dogs know Texas if you’ve ever taken the southern route driving across country with your humans — it’s the state that takes like three days of car rides to get through. The barbecue table scraps on those trips are really good, thankfully.

News is already coming out of 2016’s conference. For starters, Bo’s mom Michelle announced she will not be running for president herself in the future. That must be frustrating for Bo, as I have it on good authority that he’s buried a bunch of real high-quality bones in the White House Rose Garden.

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Bo courtesy Whitehouse.gov.

What were your favorite stories of the week? Did I miss any big ones? Check back next week for a new litter of stories.