~ Zaidie's Howse ob Haggis and Scotch ~

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~ Haikuin' wif da Z-Pup ~

January 5th 2012 9:10 am
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Here r a quik haiku-fing, afore I go on a lil' woad twip dis day. Dis time Momma wited it 'bout goin' fur a walk wif me, Zaidie, an' here it r :


MEATZ™ (I wited da title :D)

Little white dog must
share the love with everything,
pole, post and human.

-Dis r da end-

P.S. Stay tuneded fur da final count in da 'Z-Pup bersus da 'Wentses, Chwissmus Card Mass-a-ker, 2011'!

 

~ Chwissmus Card Mass-a-ker ob 2011 ~ ( live on channel 5)

January 7th 2012 9:05 am
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"Oh, crap. Why do I always get stuck working with this clown? HE makes ME look stupid! Where is he, anyway?"

"He's in make-up right now, Bart. We're going live in 5 minutes."

"#@$&%&$#%@&@*&"

"Bart, it'll be over soon. Just think of the martinis you'll be able to throw back later."

*************

"This is Bartholemew Nolan, 'Live with Channel 5™', coming to you today from the Grand Ballroom of the LWD Clubhouse™. Here with me is Zaidie, the LWD who'll steal your heart and your MEATZ™, apparently."

"Yu kno' it, Barf!"

"Why, Zaidie? Why? What's the deal with the MEATZ™? My name's Bart by the way."

"Yeah, I kno', Barf. Anywayz, tu anser yur quesshun, I hab bud one fing tu say : Wifout MEATZ™, da sun duz nod shine; da birdies du nod sing; da kidses du nod wun 'wound da nayberhood scweemin' an' yellin'; da gentle bweeze duz nod bwow, kewlin' us on a bery, bery hod summer day when it r so hod dat if yu taked a peece ob MEATZ™ an' frowed it ontu yur dwibeway, it wood be cookded afore yu habbed time tu go intu da -pwibacy, pweeze- part ob yur side yard an'..."

"Okay, we get it, Zaidie... I see you've made some significant changes to the LWD Clubhouse™ since we were last here. Can you tell us about it?"

"Shur, Barf! Dis Gwand Ballwoom, eben doe dere r NO ballses in here, r part ob da 'Fun an' Junk' wing dat wuz bilded on wate wast yeer. Fwum here yu can go up tu da indoor pool or tu da waterpark, 'cept pupses need wear dere wife jackets so dem du nod dwownded.
If yu go down da stairs which I r nod able tu du cuz ob my short lil' leggies, so I need be cawwied an' Momma finks it r tu cute when I need be cawwied cuz my lil' paws hang ober hur arm an'..."

" *sigh* Thank you, Zaidie. And now..."

"Bud Barf! I did nod tell eberypeeple 'bout da yacht cwub! Yu need go downstairs fwum da Gwand Ballwoom, turn weft an' ged on da elebator dat sez 'LWD Cwubhowse ~ Yacht Cwub™, Den yu..."

"Hey, let's talk about later. Maybe we'll come back and do a live tour of the place. How does that sound, Zaidie?"

"Perfek, Barf!! I fink it r gonna need be a week-wong sewies, doe, cuz dis pwace r weally big!"

"Sure, sure, whatever. Anyway, we're here for the final card count in the Zaidie vs. the 'rents 'Christmas Card Massacre, 2011'. Can we get a drumroll, please?"

"Hit it, Charwie!!!"

"You got Charlie Watt from the Rolling Stones to be here for this??"

"Well, ob course, Barf! Dis r 'portant stuffs we duin' here!"

**drumroll**

"The results have just been handed to Zaidie by Gunther, the managing accountant in the 'LWD Clubhouse Finance Department™'..

"Fanks, Gunfer! We go out an' pway an' junk aftur dis, 'kay? Hab a snack, tu?"

*tries to open envelope*

"Barf, I hab no fumbs. Yu open dis pweeze??"

*mutters* "There'd better be a big bonus in my bank account after this..." *hands envelope back to LWD*

"OMD...BOLBOLBOLBOL!! Wentses - firty-fibe (35)
LWD nameded Zaidie' - elebenty fousand

Hey. I gedded more wast yeer. Whut da...?"

"And there you have it, folks! The LWD wins again.
Wow. Imagine the odds of that happening.

That's it for today. Now back to the studio..."

"3..2..1. You're off the air, Bart."

*Dis r da End*


~ Actual card count in annual 'Christmas Card Massacre' ~

Parents - 35
Zaidie - 63


***PUPDATE, Sunday : Hey, Pupses!! I r a DDP dis day! If yu r nu here, go ober tu my pwofile page, wook awound an' gwab a snack! Dis day we r fee-churin' gwound beef! It r maded outta cows an' it r TASTEE.***

If yu come back lader, da MEATZ™ buffet be up an' wunnin' 'gain aftur da horr'ble incident nod dis day, bud yes' day, inbolbin' dis LWD an' a vi-chus water snake an' wotta soap an' a ginormous wall ob water. Den towels an' a demonic bwow dwyer. Bud I digwess...

Fanks HQ fur dis huge honour an' fanks tu all da pupses whu put aside da wules ob spellin' an' gwammar jus' tu wead my diawy. It meens wotz tu me, Zaidie. *sob* I wuff all ob yu, eben Zoe's kitty brofur, Inkspot, fwum Idunno, whu continues tu teez an' taunt me an' make my life a wivin' h***.

 

Oh, deer ♥

January 11th 2012 5:40 pm
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Hi, pupses. I r sowwy fur nod bein' 'wound dis Dogster pwace bery much dis week. Momma r nod feewin' gud cuz ob sum kinda sikness wike a cold or fwu or sumfing. Whuteber. Hur r ach-y an' 'xhausted an' sweepin' wotz an' feewin' yucky an' doin' mostwy nuffin. Yu shood see hur hairs! OMD! :D (Cood we keep dat jus' atween us?? Fanks)

In da meemtime, here r a widdle!

*Why da LWD cwossded da woad?? C'mon, gess! I r watein'...

Ok. Yu winned.

Da LWD cwossded da woad cuz...MEATZ™!! BOLBOLBOLBOL :D :D :D :D Ged it??? I maded dat one up all by myselb!

See, pupses? We r scwapin' da bottom ob da bawwel here, bud I be back bery soon hearts; ❀ ☀ ♫™

 

~ Sum poetwy by Zaidie ~

January 17th 2012 6:56 pm
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Hi, pupses. Momma r takin' 1 step ahead an' 2 steps back wif dis hole nod-feewin'-gud fing. Yes'day hur feelded bedder so hur wunnded 'wound an' 'wound, twyin' ged stuffs dunded or, in sum cases, we-duin' stuffs Dadda did :D Him r GWATE at 'puters an' washin' da cars an' all kindza uber stuffs. Him shood neber twy du waundwy. I r jus' sayin'...
Dis day? Hur nod feel tu gud :(

Tu pass da time dis affernoon while I wuz holdin' Momma down on da chouch, I wited a pome an' I fot I wood share it wif all yu pupses, 'kay? Here it r. I call it :


~ Fur da wuff ob all MEATZ™ ~


Dere once wuz a wady.
Hur habded a cat.
Hims name? It wuz Toby.
By da window him sat.

Him watchded fur birdies
An' uber kewl stuffs
Wike kidses an' skwerlses.
Nod dogs. R yu nutz?

Him habded a Dadda.
Him wuz a nice guy
Bud Toby wuffed Momma.
On hur him wood wie.

All day an' at nite time
Him stayed in hur wap
Bud when hur wuz sweepin'
Him napped on hur back.

When dis kitty wuz liddle
Him bwakeded hims hip.
Bud no one wuz home.
Dem did nod see him swip.

Da Bet cut him open.
Den stitchded him up.
Da hip? It wuz fixded!
"Fur weel?" Bet sed, "Yup".

Da cat, him gwew older
An' so did hims 'wents.
Dem neber went campin'
Cuz Mom hated tents.

When Toby wuz forteen
Him gedded weel sik
Da Wainbow Bwidge called him
"C'mon! Ged here quik!"

Hims 'wentses wuz sad
An' dem sobbded an' cwied.
Dere kitty named Toby
Wuz no wonger awive.

Da yeers, dem did pass
An' da Mom missed hur cat.
Did hur want a nu kitty?
Whut wuz it hur lacked?

Hur thot,"Mabbe wabbits
Or horses or goats?"
Da Dadda sed "Oy Bey!"
An' den him sed,"Nope."

Da Momma, hur finkded
"Hmmm...Mabbe a pup?
A liddle white doggie?
A bundle ob fwuff?"

Da Dad, him agweeded.
Dem started tu wook
Fur a Westie named Zaidie.
A woad twip dem took.

Dem wented tu Bob's howse
an' dwinkded sum scotch.
Bob bwinged out sum pubbies.
Dem sat dere an' watched.

Da Westie named Zaidie
Him stoleded dere hearts.
Bob sed,"Yu can hab him.
Here. I made haggis tarts".

So Zaidie went home
Wif hims nu Mom an' Dad.
Dem pwayded an' snuggled.
Such fun dem did hab!

Him wived in dere hearts
An' gess whut! Him still duz!
Cuz hearts, dem r HUGE!
Dem hab much woom fur wuff ♥


~ Dis r da end ~

 

"Wadiez an' Gennelpupz, wend me yur earses... pweeze."

January 24th 2012 10:03 am
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Hi, eberypup. My Momma usuawwy wears hur hart on hur sweeve, bud dis day it r 'ttached tu hur face an' hur can see nuffin else. Hur r feelin' all kindza stuffs an' sumtimes hur eyes start weakin' an' den I need ged hur sum isshooes an' yu kno' how dat r NOD 'xactwy my bestest area when it comes tu bein' me, Zaidie.

Dis day we wuz duin' da wownds on Dogster (wike a docktur duz, bud wifout da white wab coat, doe I sumtimez wear mine jus' fur fun :D) Dis r da furst fing we do. Momma r nod 'llowed tu eben go neer dat bwack hole knowned as Facebook. Bud I digwess.

Dis day one ob da Daily Diawy Picks r a pup fwum Singapore. Him r at da Wainbow Bwidge. Hims Momma r a teenager I fink an' hur r habbin' a bery wuff time wif hur life an' hur misses hur pup nameded Bear Bear WOTZ. Him hab beened gone fur free yeers I fink an' hims Momma r bery sad all da time.

I du nod usuawwy du dis kind ob fing becuz I du nod want pupses an' peepoles tu feel obwigated tu du sumfing. Howeber, we r frowin' cawshun tu da wind dis day an' r gonna make a wequest. *IF* yu hab a spare minit an'/or a spare wosette or sumfing an' yu *WANT* tu du dis, pweeze go to Bear Bear's page an' show him an' hims Momma dat dere r wotza peepoles an' pupses here on dis Dogster-fing whu care. Yu will find him in da wist ob DDPs, second fwum da top. Him r a Schnauzer an'hims diawy r called 'Loss'. Hims Dogster nummer r 924218.

If yu can helb a bit, dat r gwate. If yu can nod helb, dat r perfekwy fine, tu. I kno' dat dere r WOTZA sad an' sick peepoles an' WOTZA sad an' sick pupses here on Dogster an' all ob us du whut we can du tu helb when we can. Dat r all I r askin' ob yu.

I wepeet - du nod feel obwigated, 'kay? Gud. Now go 'bout yur daily biznuss an' stuffs. If yu r a peepole, kno' dat wuff helbs da werld go 'wound, bud yur pupses also need MEATZ™. Fank yu fur yur time.

 

- Habby Wobbie Burnses Day, waddies an' wassies -

January 25th 2012 9:44 am
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***ring ring ring***

"B+F Party Boyz™. How may I help you?"

"Oh, I speek wif Bwake, pweeze?"

"Hey! Is that you, Little Z???"

"Yes, it r me, 'cept no pup an' no peeple r 'wwowded tu call me Z 'cept fur my gud fwiend, Zoe, fwum Idunno. Hur r a gurl, bud wifout da skirts an' wuffles an' pink junk. An' hur nabs 2 boy-pup brofurs an' a Angel-pup sistur AN' hur wives wif a bunch ob kitties an'..Hey. Whu I r speekin' wif??"

"Relax, little man. I get it. No Z. Dude, it's Felix! You know - I'm the 'F' in B+F Party Boys™!"

"OMD. Ob corse yu r ! I wemember yu! Yu matchded yur manpurse tu yur Ferragamo woafers an' wuz fwoded intu pwison. How yu r duin' How it feel be fwee??"

"Oh, I'm loving it, Z-Man. Can I call you Z-Man?"

"Shur, Fewix."

"Anyway, THAT won't be happening again. Did you know you can't get a decent pedicure in prison? And my raw food diet? The kitchen staff laughed at me. "

"Wow. Dat r hardcore. Um, I speek wif Bwake now pweeze?"

"He's not here, Z-Dude".

"Well, where him r? I need helb pwannin' a pawty! Dis r Wobbie Burnses Day an' I jus' wememberded 'bout it when I wakeded up! We need moobe FASS!"

"LWD, did you not hear about the 'incident' at the salon last week? Blake's in the hospital."

"No. I did nod heer 'bout it. OMD. Whut da heck habbened??"

"Well, let's just say Blake won't be getting his back waxed anytime soon. The salon bartender was making her way over to Blake with his pre-waxing martini and tripped, hitting the container of hot wax and..."

"OK, Fewix. Tawk tu da paw, pweeze. I hab heered 'nuff".

"You asked, my friend."

"Well, yu can helb me pwan a Wobbie Burnses Day pawty? Pweeze?? I kno' it r wast minit, bud I r decwepit!"

"I think you mean 'desperate."

"Whuteber...Dis r nod gud".

"I'm sorry, little man, but I've got a spray tan appointment at 5pm, followed by a mani/pedi. Then it's off to see Madonna! A group of friends and I have been planning this for months. We may even get to go backstage !!!"

"Well, cwap. Da guyses an' da gurlses r gonna be bery disappointmented. We wuz gonna wear our kiltses an' pway da bagpipeses an'..."

"You play the bagpipes??"

"Oh, no. No pup duz. We jus' wike da noize."

"What do you serve at a Robbie Burns' Day party? Blake and I haven't done one of those...unless it was the time we had to get the bartender to jump out of the cake because..."

"No cake, Fewix. Haggis. Jus' haggis. Furst, haggis soup. Den sum guy holdin' a pwate geds bagpipeded intu da woom. Den sum guy wif a big knife cuts sumfing open an' an' boila, haggis! Den yu dwink wotz an' wotz ob scotch. Den, dinner : haggis wif 2 sides ob haggis an' den, dessert. Dis yeer it wuz gonna be a haggis sundae : haggis ice cweem wif hot haggis sauce. Oh, I can jus' 'bout taste it...Now I r dwoolin' all ober da pwace. *big sigh*"

"I'm really sorry, ZZ Pup. Maybe next year, okay? I need to get going now. Are you okay?"

"I be ok. Fanks, Fewix. Hab fun dis nite".

"I'll do my best, LWD. Bye."

"Bye."

~Da End~

 

The Zaidie Levi Gee School of Dance

February 4th 2012 7:01 pm
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*ring ring ring*

"Hewwo. Zaidie Webi Gee Skool ob Dance. How I may helb yu?"

"Um, hello. I'm getting married this summer and my bride-to-be insists I learn how to dance by then or else!"

"Or else whut??"

"Well, you know, BIG trouble!"

"Oh, ob corse. I unnerstan compwetewy. Whut yur name r?"

"It's Bob."

"BOB???? Bob, dis r yu, my bweeder/bwoomer/boarder guy whu wets me, Zaidie, sweep on hims bed when I r on baycayshun at hims howse an' hims gwandkidses hab knowed' me since I wuz a lil' pubby guy an' den Bob's wife wuz bery sick an' hur went tu Heaven an' it wuz all so bery sad, bud eberypeeple r duin' bedder dese days, bud dem still miss hur wotz an' Bob r wunnin' da GlenRoslin Westies an' Scotties kennel pwetty gud, bud sumtimes him duz nod chek hims e-mails or hims boice-mail an' a coupla times dat meened I did nod ged bwoomded...BOL!... bud ebentuawwy I did cuz den Dadda called Bob's howse fone an' Bob sed,"Well, ob corse I wood wuff tu bwoom my lil' laddie pup named Zaidie an' him will always hab a bery speshul pwace in my hart cuz him wived in my howse 'til him wuz almost 4 monfs old..." an' Bob duz bwoomin' bedder dan any peeple on Earf, 'cept fur da one time when him went CWAZEE/nutzo an' cutted my furs tu short an' Momma cwieded cuz dat r whut wadies du, bud den my furs gwowed back an' eberypeeple, incwudin' Momma wuz habby once 'gain. Yu r dat Bob, Bob??"

"No."

"Oh. Whut yu du fur a wivin', Bob?"

"I'm an accountant."

"OMD! So I r!! Whu knowed?? Wite nexx door tu da 'Zaidie Webi Gee Skool ob Dance' r da 'Zaidie Webi Gee 'Ccountin' Serbices'. Wanna heer our motto?"

"Uh, sure..."

"'We figur out yur moneys an' den we take it.'"

"Nice. You do know that's illegal, don't you?"

"Illbeagle? No, I r nod ill an' I r nod a beagle. I r a Westie."

"Can you teach me to dance, though?"

"HA! I can teech yu how dance??? Ob corse I can, Bob. Why else I call dis pwace da 'Zaidie Webi Gee Skool ob Dance'? Yu wanna wern how dance? I teech yu!"

"Which dance do you specialize in?"

"Da Westie Stwut, ob corse."

"And...what else?"

"Well, if yu wanna ged weel fancy an' junk I cood teech yu how du da Westie Stwut backwards, I 'spose. I neber did dat afore."

"You teach nothing but this silly Westie Strut??? It's not even a dance. It's a silly, no, a ridiculous way to walk!"

"Bob. Seddle down. R dere any peeple dere wif yu whu cood wub yur belly tu helb yu calm down??"

"Hey, pup! I need to learn how to dance. The Westie Strut just isn't going to cut it, fur face."

"Now, Bob, dere r no need be nastee. If yu wanna dance, all we need du r turn on sum music while yu r Westie Stwuttin' an', boila, yu r dancin', my fwiend!"

"So...to dance well enough to please my future bride, all I need to do is learn to walk like you while there's music playing?? You are crazy! I can't believe you came highly recommended by the BBB. An' your 'business', where is it? Does it even exist??"

"Ob corse it duz, Bob. Da LWD Cwubhowse unnerwent a majer weconstrucshun wast yeer. Da 'Zaidie Webi Gee Skool ob Dance' r wocated in da nu wing...Now wemme fink...it r on da forf floor. When yu ged off da elebator, yu turn wite. Den weft. Den wite, I fink. NO! Weft! Den yu..."

*dial tone*

"Bob? Yu r dere, my fwiend?? Bob? Hmmm, I gess him r on hims way ober!"

~ Dis r da End ~

 

20 quesshuns an' answers 'bout me, Zaidie :D

February 12th 2012 7:21 pm
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I hab wosed twack ob da origin ob dese quesshuns, bud finawwy I hab time tu answer dem! If yu want tu answer dese quesshuns yur own selbe, pweeze du. All ob us pupses wuff wernin' more an' more 'bout our fwiends here on dis Dogster-fing ♥

1. WHAT COLOR COLLAR ARE YOU WEARING?

I r pwesentwy wearing my gween collar.It habs cute lil' harts an' doggies an' bones on it. I kno' it sounds pwetty darn gurlwy, bud it r nod. Twust me. An' I buyed it fwum sum shady-wookin' guy on da stweet. It cood be bootwegged or steeled or sumfing.


2. DOES YOUR LEASH MATCH YOUR COLLAR?

Which weash??? BOLBOLBOL! I hab wosed count ob all dose fings.

3. WHAT’S WORSE? An EVIL NEMESIS SQUIRREL bouncing around in the trees or across the fence, a Crow strutting around in your yard or Neighbor People outside talking?

Yu need ask??? BOLBOLBOLBOL! I r all 'bout da skwerls. Dem make me cwazee an' NUTZO, eben. Dem r EBIL, wif a tail. grrrr..

4. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE SNACK?

BOLBOLBOL!! Dese quesshuns r killin' me :D Hmmm...my bestest snack r MEATZ™ which neber habbens unwess one ob da 'wentses dwops sumfing or cheez , if dem dwop it or sum kinda 'tato chip, if Dadda dwops one or anyfing weally.

5. WHERE WAS YOUR LAST CAR RIDE?

Wast Fursday wuz our weekwy woad twip tu Toronto. Den da nexx nite, Momma needed wibbon an' hur needed it FASS, so we jumpded intu da Zaidie-on-da-Town Mobile™ an' dwibed wike da wind tu da wibbon store.

6. DO YOU STICK YOUR HEAD OUT THE WINDOW ON CAR RIDES?

I r neber 'wwowded tu du dat. Sumtimes Dadda will oben my winno halfway, so I can sniff a bit, bud onwy if we r stuckded in twaffic an' goin' bery swow. I r harnessded intu my way kewl carbed/seat fing cuz yu kno' me - I r all 'bout bein' safe an' junk...an' MEATZ™ :D

7. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE TOY?

Eben aftur all dese years, my twuly bestest toy r still my gween Kitty Cuz. Him no wonger emits an ear-piercin' shwiek which causes da 'wentses tu cuber dere ears AN' him wosed a weg wast yeer, bud him will always be bery speshul tu me, Zaidie ♥

8. DO YOU HAVE A BOYFURIEND OR GIRLFURIEND?

I *fot* I wuz sendin' da wite signals tu Coco Wose, bud appawentwy nod! Hobo came 'long an' winned hur heart :(
I r a bachewor...a bery sad bachewor.

9. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE WALK?

Down by my wiber r da bestest pwace cuz dere r water an' geeses an' geeses poop an' it r a sniffer's pawadise. Gwate in da Spwing, tu. Bery muddy :D

10. DO YOU GO TO DOG PARKS?

No, I hab nod. Da one neer us hab habbed sum bery bad stuff habben dere an' hur sez I will neber go intu a dog park. Dere r wotz ob stupid peeples 'wound here - it r nod da doggies' falts.

11. WHERE DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?

Durin' da week I sweep wif Momma in da gess woom cuz Dadda goes bed earlier dan us, bud on da weekends it r SWEEPOBER TIME in da big bed! F-U-N! We tell ghost stowies an' woast marshmawwows ober da campfire :D

12. DO YOU SNORE?

Momma sez I du nod, but we r nod actuawwy shur cuz Dadda r so woud we can nod heer our selbes fink :D

13. DO YOU SLEEP UNDER THE COVERS?

I ged cubered wif MY bwankie, bud I hab neber bentured unner da cubers on any bed.

14. DO YOU HAVE TO WEAR CLOTHES?

*sigh* Yes. I wear a coat or fweaterif it r WAY cold an' snowin' an' junk. An' if Momma wants take a pichur ob me wearin' sumfing 'dorable, I r usuawwy bery coopewatibe...NOD! BOL :D

15. ARE YOU THE FAVORITE DOG?

Ob corse I r!! I r da fabouritest dog whereber I go an' I r usuawwy da onwy dog whereber I go. Da peeples can nod ged 'nuff ob dis LWD nameded Zaidie :D

16. WHERE IS YOUR FAVORITE SPOT TO SLEEP IN THE HOUSE?

My bestest spot r 'wong da back ob da wuffseat. I also wuff tu nap on top ob Dadda when him r nappin'. An' my sunbeem spot on da hardwood fwoor r bery cozy an' warm ♥

17. WHAT’S THE BEST HUMAN FOOD YOU’VE EVER BEEN FED?

OMD. Dere needs be onwy one?? 'Kay. MEATZCHEEZCWACKERSTATOCHIPSCHEEZIESICECWEEMBACON :D

18. DO YOU GO TO A DOG GROOMER?

I do! Him r Bob my bwoomer/bweeder/boarder guy an' him WUFFS me, 'cept when I twy tu nip at him when him r twimmin' my nailses. Dat r nod fun.

19. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BATHS?

Dem r ebil.

20. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE BORED?

When I r boreded I ged Kitty Cuz an' I pwace him neer one ob my peeple. Den I stare at Kitty Cuz, stare at da peeple, stare at Kitty Cuz, stare at da peeple, stare at Kitty Cuz, stare at da peeple. Den sumone bweaks down an' pwayz wif me, Zaidie, cuz dem can nod stand tu see such a pafetic an' sad LWD face. Den we pway Kitty Cuz Fetch :D

 

~ Pupdate on my speshul MN cuzins an' dere Momma ~

February 18th 2012 2:16 pm
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Wemember when I telled yu 'bout Momma's sistur in MN an' hur fwee 'dorable kidses?? Hur wuz mawwied tu $#@#$#$ an' him wuz/is a bery mean, contwollin', 'busive bad guy?? Ob corse yu wemember! All tugefur now : GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

Wast summer, Momma, Dadda, Gwamma an' me, Zaidie, taked a BERY wong woadtwip in da all-nu 'Zaidie-on-da-Town-Mobile™' tu bisit dem in MN! We called it da 'MEATZ™ an' GWEETZ Tour™ ob 2011.' :D
Wemember da border tisshooes? 'Bout my fudz, which wuz maded in da USA, bud wuz nod 'llowed tu enter back intu da USA?? Ebentuawwy it wuz 'llowed in, bud da hole incident wuz NOD gud. Bud I digwess...

Ebery peeple r duin' ok. Da diborce habbened in Febwuary ob wast yeer. Unfortumatewy, Auntie S needed we-open da case wecentwy cuz &%$%$%$ r bein' a bery meen, negwigent, bad father tu dose speshul kidses; him r hidin' assets an' him r nod duin' all kindza uber stuffs him r 'wequired by WAW tu du. Nod gud.
Dat r bein' werked on. Dem twied mediation, bud gess whut, it did nod werk! Big surpwize! :D So it r back tu court.

A yeer 'go, my Auntie S meeted a BERY nice man. Him tweated hur bery, bery well, wif wuff an' wespect an' kindness an' many uber gud fings. Auntie S *weally* stwuggled wif bein' tweated so well. Hur jus' did nod ged it. Ebery peeple telled hur,"This is how a woman, a human being, is supposed to be treated."

Auntie S an' da bery nice man, whu taked me fur my bery furst boat wide wast summer an' burned MEATZ™ jus' fur me, dem r 'gageded tu be mawwied in August! Ebery peeple r bery, bery habby. Da kidses WUFF da bery nice man ♥ Dem r gonna moove tu hims pwace an' all wive tugefur. An' finawwy, my gurl cuzin, Sammy, r geddin' da purple bedwoom hur always wanted.

Dem kno' dat it r gonna be a H-U-G-E 'justment fur all ob dem an' dat it r nod gonna be ezee, bud dem r gonna du dere bestest tu make it werk. Da bery nice man habs two boys whu wive wif him part-time an' Sammy, whu r now 10 (OMD), wuffs bein' da onwy gurl :D
It r all gud an' it r gonna be eben bedder once $#%^$#$ weawizes dat diborce meens IT R OBER, FUREBER. "Whut part ob dat du yu nod ged,$%$#@#???" All tugefur now : GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

I r nod gonna be goin' tu da weddin'. I r gonna stay wif Bob, my bweeder/bwoomer/boarder guy. Him r pwobabwy gonna hab sum pupses whu need be twainded using 'Da Z-Pup Mefod™', so it r gonna be gwate!

Den Bob an' me, Zaidie, r gonna take a woadtwip ober tu dose Highwands ob Scotwand tu bisit da homewand an' eat haggis 'til it r comin' out ob our earses! An' dwink da bestest Scotch we can find.

Da weddin' r gonna be a small, pwibate affair. Jack an' hims big brofur, Wade, r gonna wear suits! ("Really, Mom? Do we have to?") My Momma r Auntie S's 'person ob honour', 'gain :D Bud it r gonna be WOTZ more speshul an' fun da second time 'wound ♥

I hope yu enjoyded dis pupdate on my famiwy. Me an' my usual cwazee, NUTZO diawy entwies (Dem r ALL twue, ob corse!) will be back here soon. I wuff yu pupses!

 

A DDP dis day? Me, Zaidie??

February 23rd 2012 8:13 am
[ View A Comments (24) ]

Zaidie : *ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...*

"Zaidie! Wake up, HunBun! Come on, clown, get up!! You're a DDP today! Let's get this party started!"

"Can a LWD nameded Zaidie nod ged sum fweep 'wound here?? Oy Bey, woman. An' wite in da middle ob da pawsumest dweem E-B-E-R....grrrrrrrrrrr..."

"What was the dream about, Zaidiecakes?"

"Oh. my. dog. It wuz wainin' MEATZ™. ALL kindza MEATZ™! Dere wuz steaks an' woast beests an' cheezburgers an' pork chopses an' B-A-C-O-N an' hawtdawgs an' chiggen an' turkee an' ham an' eben TWIPE :D"

"Mmmm. Tripe. Yeah, what's not to love about tripe, besides its horrific stench?"

"Momma! Dat r da beeyootee ob it! It r da perpek fudz....We hab any???"

"Sorry, FluffButt. We're fresh out of tripe. How about some tasty kibble? Chicken and sweet potato? Wow. Watch it, dude. I might eat it if you don't get up right now. I need to wash your bed today. GET UP!"

"'kay, Momma. Wewax. Yu du weawize dat yu r gonna wash owt all da gud stink an' junk I spended yeers an' hours puddin' intu dat fing. All dat werk fur nuffin..."

"You can start all over again later today. Here's a pen and some paper. Start working on a diary entry, okay? A DDP can't -not- write an entry on his day in the spotlight! Here's your kibble. Look, I cut it up into little pieces for you, just the way you like it!"

"Fanks, Momma."

"Hmmm...Whut I shood wite 'bout dis day?? OMD! I know! I wite a hikoo (haiku)so my tawent can be showcased an' mabbe, jus' mabbe, a book pubwisher mite weed it! An' I cood be famus AN' WICH!!Dis r gonna be gwate :D""

*wolfs down his breakfast and gets to work*

~ Hikoo 'bout be a DDP dis day ~

Shower me wif MEATZ™.
An' dat r all yu need du
Tu win my twoo wuff ♥

 
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