February 12th 2012 7:21 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 7 people already have ]
I hab wosed twack ob da origin ob dese quesshuns, bud finawwy I hab time tu answer dem! If yu want tu answer dese quesshuns yur own selbe, pweeze du. All ob us pupses wuff wernin' more an' more 'bout our fwiends here on dis Dogster-fing ♥
1. WHAT COLOR COLLAR ARE YOU WEARING?
I r pwesentwy wearing my gween collar.It habs cute lil' harts an' doggies an' bones on it. I kno' it sounds pwetty darn gurlwy, bud it r nod. Twust me. An' I buyed it fwum sum shady-wookin' guy on da stweet. It cood be bootwegged or steeled or sumfing.
2. DOES YOUR LEASH MATCH YOUR COLLAR?
Which weash??? BOLBOLBOL! I hab wosed count ob all dose fings.
3. WHAT’S WORSE? An EVIL NEMESIS SQUIRREL bouncing around in the trees or across the fence, a Crow strutting around in your yard or Neighbor People outside talking?
Yu need ask??? BOLBOLBOLBOL! I r all 'bout da skwerls. Dem make me cwazee an' NUTZO, eben. Dem r EBIL, wif a tail. grrrr..
4. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE SNACK?
BOLBOLBOL!! Dese quesshuns r killin' me :D Hmmm...my bestest snack r MEATZ™ which neber habbens unwess one ob da 'wentses dwops sumfing or cheez , if dem dwop it or sum kinda 'tato chip, if Dadda dwops one or anyfing weally.
5. WHERE WAS YOUR LAST CAR RIDE?
Wast Fursday wuz our weekwy woad twip tu Toronto. Den da nexx nite, Momma needed wibbon an' hur needed it FASS, so we jumpded intu da Zaidie-on-da-Town Mobile™ an' dwibed wike da wind tu da wibbon store.
6. DO YOU STICK YOUR HEAD OUT THE WINDOW ON CAR RIDES?
I r neber 'wwowded tu du dat. Sumtimes Dadda will oben my winno halfway, so I can sniff a bit, bud onwy if we r stuckded in twaffic an' goin' bery swow. I r harnessded intu my way kewl carbed/seat fing cuz yu kno' me - I r all 'bout bein' safe an' junk...an' MEATZ™ :D
7. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE TOY?
Eben aftur all dese years, my twuly bestest toy r still my gween Kitty Cuz. Him no wonger emits an ear-piercin' shwiek which causes da 'wentses tu cuber dere ears AN' him wosed a weg wast yeer, bud him will always be bery speshul tu me, Zaidie ♥
8. DO YOU HAVE A BOYFURIEND OR GIRLFURIEND?
I *fot* I wuz sendin' da wite signals tu Coco Wose, bud appawentwy nod! Hobo came 'long an' winned hur heart :(
I r a bachewor...a bery sad bachewor.
9. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE WALK?
Down by my wiber r da bestest pwace cuz dere r water an' geeses an' geeses poop an' it r a sniffer's pawadise. Gwate in da Spwing, tu. Bery muddy :D
10. DO YOU GO TO DOG PARKS?
No, I hab nod. Da one neer us hab habbed sum bery bad stuff habben dere an' hur sez I will neber go intu a dog park. Dere r wotz ob stupid peeples 'wound here - it r nod da doggies' falts.
11. WHERE DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?
Durin' da week I sweep wif Momma in da gess woom cuz Dadda goes bed earlier dan us, bud on da weekends it r SWEEPOBER TIME in da big bed! F-U-N! We tell ghost stowies an' woast marshmawwows ober da campfire :D
12. DO YOU SNORE?
Momma sez I du nod, but we r nod actuawwy shur cuz Dadda r so woud we can nod heer our selbes fink :D
13. DO YOU SLEEP UNDER THE COVERS?
I ged cubered wif MY bwankie, bud I hab neber bentured unner da cubers on any bed.
14. DO YOU HAVE TO WEAR CLOTHES?
*sigh* Yes. I wear a coat or fweaterif it r WAY cold an' snowin' an' junk. An' if Momma wants take a pichur ob me wearin' sumfing 'dorable, I r usuawwy bery coopewatibe...NOD! BOL :D
15. ARE YOU THE FAVORITE DOG?
Ob corse I r!! I r da fabouritest dog whereber I go an' I r usuawwy da onwy dog whereber I go. Da peeples can nod ged 'nuff ob dis LWD nameded Zaidie :D
16. WHERE IS YOUR FAVORITE SPOT TO SLEEP IN THE HOUSE?
My bestest spot r 'wong da back ob da wuffseat. I also wuff tu nap on top ob Dadda when him r nappin'. An' my sunbeem spot on da hardwood fwoor r bery cozy an' warm ♥
17. WHAT’S THE BEST HUMAN FOOD YOU’VE EVER BEEN FED?
OMD. Dere needs be onwy one?? 'Kay. MEATZCHEEZCWACKERSTATOCHIPSCHEEZIESICECWEEMBACON :D
18. DO YOU GO TO A DOG GROOMER?
I do! Him r Bob my bwoomer/bweeder/boarder guy an' him WUFFS me, 'cept when I twy tu nip at him when him r twimmin' my nailses. Dat r nod fun.
19. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BATHS?
Dem r ebil.
20. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE BORED?
When I r boreded I ged Kitty Cuz an' I pwace him neer one ob my peeple. Den I stare at Kitty Cuz, stare at da peeple, stare at Kitty Cuz, stare at da peeple, stare at Kitty Cuz, stare at da peeple. Den sumone bweaks down an' pwayz wif me, Zaidie, cuz dem can nod stand tu see such a pafetic an' sad LWD face. Den we pway Kitty Cuz Fetch :D
February 4th 2012 7:01 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 21 people already have ]
*ring ring ring*
"Hewwo. Zaidie Webi Gee Skool ob Dance. How I may helb yu?"
"Um, hello. I'm getting married this summer and my bride-to-be insists I learn how to dance by then or else!"
"Or else whut??"
"Well, you know, BIG trouble!"
"Oh, ob corse. I unnerstan compwetewy. Whut yur name r?"
"It's Bob."
"BOB???? Bob, dis r yu, my bweeder/bwoomer/boarder guy whu wets me, Zaidie, sweep on hims bed when I r on baycayshun at hims howse an' hims gwandkidses hab knowed' me since I wuz a lil' pubby guy an' den Bob's wife wuz bery sick an' hur went tu Heaven an' it wuz all so bery sad, bud eberypeeple r duin' bedder dese days, bud dem still miss hur wotz an' Bob r wunnin' da GlenRoslin Westies an' Scotties kennel pwetty gud, bud sumtimes him duz nod chek hims e-mails or hims boice-mail an' a coupla times dat meened I did nod ged bwoomded...BOL!... bud ebentuawwy I did cuz den Dadda called Bob's howse fone an' Bob sed,"Well, ob corse I wood wuff tu bwoom my lil' laddie pup named Zaidie an' him will always hab a bery speshul pwace in my hart cuz him wived in my howse 'til him wuz almost 4 monfs old..." an' Bob duz bwoomin' bedder dan any peeple on Earf, 'cept fur da one time when him went CWAZEE/nutzo an' cutted my furs tu short an' Momma cwieded cuz dat r whut wadies du, bud den my furs gwowed back an' eberypeeple, incwudin' Momma wuz habby once 'gain. Yu r dat Bob, Bob??"
"No."
"Oh. Whut yu du fur a wivin', Bob?"
"I'm an accountant."
"OMD! So I r!! Whu knowed?? Wite nexx door tu da 'Zaidie Webi Gee Skool ob Dance' r da 'Zaidie Webi Gee 'Ccountin' Serbices'. Wanna heer our motto?"
"Uh, sure..."
"'We figur out yur moneys an' den we take it.'"
"Nice. You do know that's illegal, don't you?"
"Illbeagle? No, I r nod ill an' I r nod a beagle. I r a Westie."
"Can you teach me to dance, though?"
"HA! I can teech yu how dance??? Ob corse I can, Bob. Why else I call dis pwace da 'Zaidie Webi Gee Skool ob Dance'? Yu wanna wern how dance? I teech yu!"
"Which dance do you specialize in?"
"Da Westie Stwut, ob corse."
"And...what else?"
"Well, if yu wanna ged weel fancy an' junk I cood teech yu how du da Westie Stwut backwards, I 'spose. I neber did dat afore."
"You teach nothing but this silly Westie Strut??? It's not even a dance. It's a silly, no, a ridiculous way to walk!"
"Bob. Seddle down. R dere any peeple dere wif yu whu cood wub yur belly tu helb yu calm down??"
"Hey, pup! I need to learn how to dance. The Westie Strut just isn't going to cut it, fur face."
"Now, Bob, dere r no need be nastee. If yu wanna dance, all we need du r turn on sum music while yu r Westie Stwuttin' an', boila, yu r dancin', my fwiend!"
"So...to dance well enough to please my future bride, all I need to do is learn to walk like you while there's music playing?? You are crazy! I can't believe you came highly recommended by the BBB. An' your 'business', where is it? Does it even exist??"
"Ob corse it duz, Bob. Da LWD Cwubhowse unnerwent a majer weconstrucshun wast yeer. Da 'Zaidie Webi Gee Skool ob Dance' r wocated in da nu wing...Now wemme fink...it r on da forf floor. When yu ged off da elebator, yu turn wite. Den weft. Den wite, I fink. NO! Weft! Den yu..."
*dial tone*
"Bob? Yu r dere, my fwiend?? Bob? Hmmm, I gess him r on hims way ober!"
~ Dis r da End ~
January 25th 2012 9:44 am
[ Leave A Comment | 29 people already have ]
***ring ring ring***
"B+F Party Boyz™. How may I help you?"
"Oh, I speek wif Bwake, pweeze?"
"Hey! Is that you, Little Z???"
"Yes, it r me, 'cept no pup an' no peeple r 'wwowded tu call me Z 'cept fur my gud fwiend, Zoe, fwum Idunno. Hur r a gurl, bud wifout da skirts an' wuffles an' pink junk. An' hur nabs 2 boy-pup brofurs an' a Angel-pup sistur AN' hur wives wif a bunch ob kitties an'..Hey. Whu I r speekin' wif??"
"Relax, little man. I get it. No Z. Dude, it's Felix! You know - I'm the 'F' in B+F Party Boys™!"
"OMD. Ob corse yu r ! I wemember yu! Yu matchded yur manpurse tu yur Ferragamo woafers an' wuz fwoded intu pwison. How yu r duin' How it feel be fwee??"
"Oh, I'm loving it, Z-Man. Can I call you Z-Man?"
"Shur, Fewix."
"Anyway, THAT won't be happening again. Did you know you can't get a decent pedicure in prison? And my raw food diet? The kitchen staff laughed at me. "
"Wow. Dat r hardcore. Um, I speek wif Bwake now pweeze?"
"He's not here, Z-Dude".
"Well, where him r? I need helb pwannin' a pawty! Dis r Wobbie Burnses Day an' I jus' wememberded 'bout it when I wakeded up! We need moobe FASS!"
"LWD, did you not hear about the 'incident' at the salon last week? Blake's in the hospital."
"No. I did nod heer 'bout it. OMD. Whut da heck habbened??"
"Well, let's just say Blake won't be getting his back waxed anytime soon. The salon bartender was making her way over to Blake with his pre-waxing martini and tripped, hitting the container of hot wax and..."
"OK, Fewix. Tawk tu da paw, pweeze. I hab heered 'nuff".
"You asked, my friend."
"Well, yu can helb me pwan a Wobbie Burnses Day pawty? Pweeze?? I kno' it r wast minit, bud I r decwepit!"
"I think you mean 'desperate."
"Whuteber...Dis r nod gud".
"I'm sorry, little man, but I've got a spray tan appointment at 5pm, followed by a mani/pedi. Then it's off to see Madonna! A group of friends and I have been planning this for months. We may even get to go backstage !!!"
"Well, cwap. Da guyses an' da gurlses r gonna be bery disappointmented. We wuz gonna wear our kiltses an' pway da bagpipeses an'..."
"You play the bagpipes??"
"Oh, no. No pup duz. We jus' wike da noize."
"What do you serve at a Robbie Burns' Day party? Blake and I haven't done one of those...unless it was the time we had to get the bartender to jump out of the cake because..."
"No cake, Fewix. Haggis. Jus' haggis. Furst, haggis soup. Den sum guy holdin' a pwate geds bagpipeded intu da woom. Den sum guy wif a big knife cuts sumfing open an' an' boila, haggis! Den yu dwink wotz an' wotz ob scotch. Den, dinner : haggis wif 2 sides ob haggis an' den, dessert. Dis yeer it wuz gonna be a haggis sundae : haggis ice cweem wif hot haggis sauce. Oh, I can jus' 'bout taste it...Now I r dwoolin' all ober da pwace. *big sigh*"
"I'm really sorry, ZZ Pup. Maybe next year, okay? I need to get going now. Are you okay?"
"I be ok. Fanks, Fewix. Hab fun dis nite".
"I'll do my best, LWD. Bye."
"Bye."
~Da End~
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