October 21st 2006 7:27 pm
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This is Lincoln the K-9 Unit Bishop here... I started my new job the other day and boy is it exciting!! I went into the department ..(which one I work for is classified information, after all, the ugly poodle Vera is still after me and now that I wear a uniform I just can't get rid of her, that one night that I felt sorry for her was just soooo not worth it, now I have a stalker, a litter of freaky looking puppies that half look like me, and I have to give up half of my kibble every month...this is a really long tangent.) and got sworn in as the newest K-9 Unit. Can I just say something here? I.....am.....such.....a stud...!
My first day on the job was a rainy day .. in a small town... it was very windy. We got a call of a perp who had just robbed the corner grocery store. While running out of the store he pushed down an old lady pushing a shopping cart with her dog in her purse. Keep in mind, this dog was a Yorkie.. and her name was Eleanor. It was ON. We get on scene to the grocery store and after fixing the bow in Eleanor's hair, promising her I would find the bad man.. she blew me a little kiss and I was off! We started out the track and I was on a mission. My little boots were killing my paws because they weren't broken in yet and my badge kept hitting me in the teeth... my gold caps weren't taken off yet from the Cruiseline job so I was hurting. (makes me look like I should be on the drug team.) Finally, after about 20 minutes into the track, my little nose led me to a Schwann's ice cream truck. I went up the little steps only to find the suspect cowering near the ice cream cooler eating a Bomb Pop playing Tetris on his Gameboy. I ran up to him, smacked him acrossed the face (not in the training manual) knocking the Bomb pop out of his mouth, then, just for effect, I took my little boot and smashed it to smithereens...and growled. Now is when the fun begins my friends. I looked into his scared eyes, thought of Eleanor and went straight for the jugalar!! (I think I even tasted remnants of Bomb Pop.) Every time he screamed I kicked him in the stomach with my little boot. Mid bite, the news popped out of the ice cream cooler (where the hell do they come from, I think they're with channel 8??) Photo op - yours truly kept a hold on the perp's neck, flashed them a thumbs up and winked. I think the camera man actually wet himself when I did that. And the rest is history. 180 stitches later, the bad guy was released from the hospital and is now staying at the jail for a werrrry long time. Good guys = 1 Bad guys = 0
Ahhh just another day in the life of a tiny hero, yours truly. Later my sweets. Time to go home to Eleanor and make puppies. -Lincoln