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The Memoirs of Alexander the Great

Oh No! This Can't Be Right!!!

April 26th 2008 11:54 pm
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I took that silly Dogster human personality quiz and it said I was that dork Will Farrell. I'm terribly funny yes, however, I'm not a stupid twit. I'm really too dignified to ever dream up something as stupid as running around in a stupid elf suit. I'm not above the Court Jester suit but one must have some dignity. Anyway, here's what the quiz results were.
Will Ferrell
The Comedian

Keeping a straight face around Alois is a cheek muscle-wrenching nightmare. Try as you may, but giggling is inevitable because Alois is comedian Will Ferrell!

For a while Alois was just funny on Saturday nights, but that's all changed now that he's taken his act on the road. Whether he's being silly in real life or on the silver screen, Alois has a true knack for making people crack up. Alois has even managed to make the crossover to the cyberwebs, where he delivers raw, fresh, uncooked humor to his countless cyberpet fans. A fast runner, Alois runs marathons when he's not dreaming up his next slapstick routine. Widely talented and able to impetsonate any number of two and four-legged critters, Alois's fans will be lapping it up for a long time to come.


Check Out My Peculiar Aristocratic Title

October 15th 2007 11:12 pm
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My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Viscount Alois the Saturnine of Hopton Goosnargh Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title


I'm a Footballer

July 16th 2006 11:21 pm
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Today was a wonderful day for me. First I got to go to my Granny and Papi's house for a slumber party with my best friend, Franklin Frankfurter and his brothers. Franklin and I played a majority of the day until he got tired and ran to his mother. Then I had a nap because the humans were very clumsy and loud when they were washing the dishes and frankly it was stressing me out. When I went to bed my humans went to the store and bought me a new toy! I love new toys! I love old toys. I love all the toys! My humans bought me a football. I was so happy because this toy was just for me. Of course I had to show off infront of my brothers and friends so I grabbed it and ran all around them in circles. It was more fun because they wanted to play with the football too. I cleverly avoided thier attempts to grab it and ran around with it in my mouth and whipped it left to right in front of them. I am such a great footballer, I put Beckham to shame. Nobody could touch me until I finally got tired and flopped on my mumsy but they still didn't get the football and they aren't going to. That baby's mine.


Extreme Water Sports

July 11th 2006 11:51 pm
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I am a superstar. There is not anyone that I know of that can bob for ice cubes like me. My mumsy uses a mold to make a big, round cube and floats it into my dish. I even step in the waterbowl to get the cubes out. Then I cry to my mumsy because I don't like having my feet wet or dirty. If she doesn't clean me fast enough I take part in another sport, Connect the Dots. I wipe my filthy little paws on the nearest human and then connect the yucky little dots. It's really great fun.


I've joined an exclusive club.

October 25th 2005 8:02 pm
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It seems that I've joined Joan Tarc, Julius Ceasar and many other famous epileptics. It seems that I developed the Ceasar's Syndrome due to a beating I took before my rescue. Some stupid dolt plastered me with a blunt instrument. My brother, Corker serves as a service dog for me. He howls like a little Coyote when I'm going to take a fit. I went to the doctor, you can guess my excitement about that, and he put me on medicine that sent me flying higher than a kite. The colors! I'm doing somewhat better now, though it's only been a day since I got the meds but things are looking up.


I'm a Superstar!

October 19th 2005 11:22 pm
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It's official. I'm one of the cutest pets in the world. I've even been published. My picture is the one with my goofy look where I bulge my eyes out and show my little teeth. It's been tough avoiding the paparazzi but I intend to use my celebrity for a good cause. I was thinking maybe the Alois Fund For Keeping the Treat Jar Full but I may use it for the Happy Hobbit Toy Fund to keep the toys coming. I just can't make up my mind.


The Scary Evil Pink Shoes

July 25th 2005 10:14 pm
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First off, I'd like to send a bark out to my new Canadian friend Pancho. Now, on with the story. Everyone in my house is either my mommy or daddy so I have three of each. Sometimes I'm crotchety with daddy number one because he's the icky rival male battling for my mumsy's affection. I always win though. A few days ago, mommy number two got a pair of scary pink converse shoes that I've deducted are pure evil. They are the most terrifying things imaginable. She usually wears boots so being new, they were naturally scary. I ran away crying the moment she came near me. Then I hid under the couch and covered my eyes. What can I say, I'm a sensitive hairy child. They're not so scary now that I've seen them a few days. I even walked up and sniffed them and then gave them a little lick.


The Evil 7-11 Store Monster

April 7th 2005 11:52 pm
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I had a dreadfully terrifying day today. I was all set to go on the road to visit my Granny's house when my human boy decides he needs a magazine, a baseball magazine of all things. Mumsy pulls into this car park in front of a place called 7-11. My human boy gets out and roams around the store monster then comes out a few minutes later, seemingly having slayed the store monster, claiming he couldn't find the stupid thing. Human males are so useless when it comes to those things. Then my mumsy did the most horrible thing. I was riding in the front seat with one of my human girls(my 2nd mumsy of a sort) when Mumsy sent her to find his stupid magazine. I'm a traditional English(well about 3/4) and have a rather chivalrous nature. The males can handle themselves but the human females need the protection of such strong and honorable males like myself. Getting on with things, I didn't like her leaving me, even though I got to sit with Mumsy. She left the car and stepped right into the mouth of the evil 7-11 monster and it ate her. What is a fellow to do? I started crying, really my eyes were completely wet. Don't tell me dogs don't cry. Well a few minutes later she emurged from the belly of the beast, or did it spit her out? I was most relieved, smothered her with kisses and then snarled at the evil monster as we left until I could no longer see it. I don't ever want to see that bloody monster again.


Mumsy's Icky, Girly Fufu spray

March 26th 2005 11:20 pm
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I got sprayed today. I hated it. I always hate it and Mumsy knows it but she always sprays me full of doggie perfume. I hate being fufued. The only thing worse is a bath, which I'm dreading at the begining of the month. Anyway, getting on with the story, I first tried to hide but she caught me. Then she held me down and sprayed icky fufu spray on me. I dashed around the room, rubbing up against the couch and anything I could to try to get that icky smell off but nothing worked. So I proceded to the couch and hid under the pillows. All the humans could see was my little nose sicking out. I pouted and snorted at Mumsy and wouldn't let her near for at least five minutes or so, a miniature eternity. I showed her.

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