July 9th 2012 6:33 pm
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hello my sweet scootercrunch.. i don't want to upset you, but i just didn't have a good day.. it just did not go like i planed..i kept lookin at your picture & i just sat there with tears running down my face & wondering, WHY?? thinking how just last year at this very time you were with me..memories flooded my mind...i could see you so good, us playing ball, you sittin on the porch..i could see you in the car, with your head out the window & smiling from ear to ear.. i could picture you laying on the couch beside me, your head on my lap, i saw you sitting beside me while i had supper, spit bubbles hanging off your beautiful chompers, lol. and then i saw you fall.. i saw that horrible day again like it happened all over.. the scared look on your face.. dear god, i'll never forget that look.. i tryed to help you droopy..i'm so sorry this happened to you.. i pray you are not scared anymore. it was just me & you, we only had each other & well, we kinda kept to ourselves, so i hope you're not scared without me.. i wish i could just see you, just look up into the clouds & see you running , playing with the other angels & i wish i could see that big, beautiful smile again.. just to rest my mind that i knew for sure you were o.k.
this pain is so horrible droopy... i set out to get some things done today & i just didn't...i just, i don't know, i just can't face that you are gone.. it came out of nowhere & happened so fast.. i'm sorry, my body, my mind, my heart & my soul just shattered on that day.. my whole world just flipped over..i felt like everything was in slow motion.. most days i still feel that way..i miss you so deeply droopy
i thank you for rascal, i do... and i love her very much..we play & she does make me smile, she is truly a blessing from you droopy, i believe that.. she hates to see me cry..just like you did & she will kiss my tears everytime ..
but i feel so empty inside that i fear i will never truly feel happy again...and a part of me is o.k. with that.. how could i ever be happy again without you??? i can fake pretty good..but when i'm home i just sob.. A dear friend sent me a couple books on dealing with grief after losing a pet.. i should say after losing a pet that was your dearest best friend, your family, a part of your very being...i'm reading them & i'm trying..but this pain, this pain is so deep inside me..unlike anything i ever felt before..oh droopy, you are my love and i just miss you so much!!! this just sucks.. i'm sorry, it just does..
so many wonderful memories & i try to smile when i think of them..i try to honor your memory & everything about you.. i try to "celebrate" your life instead of mourning your passing, like so many tell me to do...but its not that easy..my emotions just go crazy..
bottom line is plain & simple...I MISS YOU SO MUCH !! IT HURTS! IT SUCKS! I LOVE YOU, OH HOW I LOVE YOU DROOPY! i will love you forever, my beautiful brown-eyed girl! i hope this doesn't upset you to much.. i just needed to get this out of me.. droopy, you were always my sweet angel & you always & furever will be the best gift i ever recieved in my life.. i'll miss you forever until the day i get to hold you again..
droopy i'll love you, love you more & more with every new day, every breath, every tear, every pain in my heart.. every sweet, beautiful memory i will love you & i will miss you.. until the day i can hold you again, look into your beautiful eyes, see that precious smile, i will miss you & suffer an endless pain inside my heart..
you are my sweet pumpkin, never forget how much mommie loves you droopy! you were the only thing in my life that was right.. you were every breath i took...and when i looked into your eyes i saw love, pure, complete & true love.. and it was for me, something i never felt before you droopy..i pray you saw that same deep love in my eyes too.
oh god how i MISS YOU!!! just remember that i'll always love you scootercrunch!! you will always be my big puppy!
mommie loves you & misses you so much! goodnight sweetheart.. i'll see you in my dreams... just like i do everynight.
Somewhere Out There By Linda Ronstadt & James Igram w/ lyrics
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Sending big hugs
Hugz to you, we know the replays and have them often. Droopy is with you, just like Turner is with me...