Digest 19

Dearest readers, before reading this take a deep breath, relax, and prepare yourself for today's headline. Extra, extra, read all about it snack-stealing hound-o-hell caught! Globe breaths sigh of relief. Dearest reader, my sister the nonhumanoid ogre was caught stealing my treat today. The criminal was caught and apprehended at noon today. Upon interrogation she barked and drooled while wagging her tail. After several drooling minutes of this she barked out her confession. Paw prints were taken along with a mug shot. The criminal was made to do a sit and stay for 5 minutes, and of course I sat by laughing the whole time =). Roover and out, woof..woof!

Digest 18

Dearest readers, this reporter is flying high on the wings of love and gratitude. After, my brief brush of bondage dispensed by the malevolent and malicious dogsitter that mom entrusted my care to for a few days, I am very aware of how much I love and appreciate the numero uno mommy! Rather than go over all the grusome details of my imprisonment, I will share with you some of my top reasons why life with the mom and dad are gratifying. The first reason is carte blanch. I have carte blanch to walk anywhere I want to in the house. If I am sitting upstairs and hear a bizarre bang, boom, buzz, or bark sound downstairs, I am free to run below to investigate. The second reason why life with the mom and dad is gratifying is when my bladder is full all I have to do is alert the rents to this fact, and they will let me outdoors, as many times as needed. The third reason is all the delectable mouthwatering treats and food they give me to eat. Also, all the water I want. The fourth reason is all the love, attention, and devotion they give away. The final reason is belly rubs. Before mom drifts into sleep at night all I have to do is jump on the bed present her with my rounded belly, and oh yah...the belly rub begins. For these reasons I heart the mom and dad! =)
Roover and out...woof,woof!

Digest 17

Dearest readers, yesterday I was just laying around the house. As, I was laying down in one of my favorite spots I noticed an old stuffed bunny of mine. At the time, I was feeling hungry. I thought hmm...should I eat this? It's not food, but it's not antifood, either....and it has certain food like properties. So, I got up, and sniffed the stuffed bunny. I touched it with my paw. I walked a circle around it. Then I decided I was definitely going to eat the stuffed bunny. I finally had the seams torn on the bunny, I had chewed my way to the soft fluffy white inside of the stuffed bunny. I was salivating heavily in anticipation of a meal. Then I heard vroom...vroom....vroom. Next, the big sucking machine wizzed towards me and my hard earned meal. The mommy leaned over, and picked up the shell of the bunny. I could hardly believe my eyes dear readers, as the sucking machine sucked up my not antifood. I barked and leaped at the machine. I latched onto it with my teeth, but there was nothing I could do. Once again that monster, I think the humans call it a vaccuum, had ruined what could of been a nice afternoon. Well after the fact, I hunted that machine down. I found it under the stairs in the basement. I leaped onto the machine. And I bit it! I bit that sucking machine, sooo hard it brought tears to my eyes. Finally I looked at that machine,and I barked out God, as my witness I will never allow you to interfere with a meal of mine again. I pumped my paw into the air, then bit the machine again. Lastly, I lifted my back leg up and urinated on it. I usually am a squatter, but I made an exception!! Roover and out...woof, woof!

Digest16

My dearest readers, today was awful! The mommy went shopping with her friend, and left me and my sister at home by ourselves for four hours. I missed her. I took a long nap to make time go by faster. When the mommy got home I sniffed her shoes, legs, hands, and hair, so I would know where she had been. She seemed pleased carrying in her bags of new clothes, but I am still pouting because she did not take me with her. Dear readers, the mommy did not even buy me anything, so the mommy is in the dog house! Until she gives me a treat I am going to be upset and sulk around the house. Roover and out...woof,woof!

Digest 15

Dearest readers, this reporter is totally bummed out. Daddy will be gone for 2 weeks doing Army stuff. We always miss him when he is gone. Things are not the same without him. The mommy sleeps later then the Daddy, so we don't get to go potty, as early as we usually do, and I usually lay on his lap in the morning when he drinks that strong smelling hot brown stuff that helps him wake up. My heart hurts. Roover and out.

Digest 14

My dearest reader, today had it's ups and it's downs. The upside of life today was mommy took me for a car ride and for a walk at a new place by a very pretty stream. The downside was mommy took me on the car ride and for the pretty scenic walk by the new groomer's shop!! She only took me for the walk to make me tired, so I would be good for the new groomer. Dear reader, mommy is a trickster! After the walk the next thing I know I' m in this groomer's tub with water and soap on me, then this machine that blew hot air at me hovered over my body. Next came these metal things they put really close to my eyes, followed by a very loud thing that had teeth they both ate all my hair away.=( Then they stole the toenails off my feet. I tried to tell them that I needed them to dig with, but they would not listen. Oh the horror. It was a nightmare. They did so much stuff I can't even remember it all. I was brave and sat through it though. Mommy gave me a piece of cheese, and told me I looked pretty. So, I went home, and had mommy take a picture of me with my new sweater on, and of me laying down. I hope you like my new pictures. Roover and out...woof,woof!

Digest 13

Dearest readers, I do believe my sister, Cadence, has gone mad. We went for a walk today, and my sister tried to go into some freezing cold water. I barked, and mommy looked over, and caught the ogre before she dived into the water. My dear reader, does my sister not have an ounce of sanity? I know teaspoons with more common sense! When we got home the ogre started ripping through the house like lightening. I rolled my eyes at her, and went to my favorite spot near the steps for some peace. Not 5 minutes after I started to drift to sleep the ogre carried that annoyingly loud rubber duck over to me, and proceeded to taunt me with it. I growled a little, and rolled the other way. But, the ogre stepped over me, and stuck her nose in my eye. That was just too much. I growled for her to go away. Then she had the nerve to look hurt. So, the mommy walked over, and comforted the beast!!! Dear reader, I am going to have to do some practice on my puppy dog eyes look. Then I too will be able to get away with everything. Why does the mommy not see she is being manipulated? Not to mention that my little sister, is such a simple headed ninny that she probably does not even know that she is manipulating the mommy, but actually felt hurt that I was upset that she would not remove her stinky tail from my favorite spot. What's a dog to do? Forgive and forget? I think not! One day the ogre will understand that I am not the forgive and forget type, as I actually have a brain to remember with. Ouch...my typist just pinched me for saying mean things about my sister. I am now being ordered to bark out that I love my sister and she is smart. With paws, eyes, and everything else I can cross I am telling you dear reader that my sister is somewhat..um..rrrr...borderline average. Ouch...ok, ok, she has moments where she can be above average. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Roover and out, woof, woof!

Digest 12

Dearest readers, today I decided to start my own planet. My planet will be a can to planet. You can't jump on people, on my planet you can to. You can't sniff the human's butt, on my planet you can to. You can't drag your owners panties into the living room, on my planet you can to. You can't bark at anything and everything, on my planet you can to. You can't eat the delicious
smelling goodies from the trash can, on my planet you can to. You can't tug the socks off your humans foot with your mouth, on my planet you can to. You can't lick the lotion off your human, as she is trying to rub it into her skin, on my planet you can to. You can't crowd around the human while she is on the toilet, on my planet you can to. Dear reader Here is the Decleration/Bill of Rights of planet Can to. We dogs hold these truths to be self-evident that all dogs are created equal, that they are endowed by the creator with certian unalienable rights. Mommies shall make no law respecting any dog . The right of the dog to bear teeth. The right of the dog to be secure in their person's house forever. No dog shall have to do stupid animal tricks unless they want to. In suits at common law, where the value is that of a high value resource, the right of trial by canine shall be preserved. Any or Excessive, cruel or unusual punishment shall not be inflicted.
Roover and out....woof, woof!

Digest 11

Dearest readers, I am so happy! Tomorrow we are going hiking. We do not do a lot of this in the winter months that is why I am very excited. Mommy told me that I am the one who showed her the beauty of hiking. She said before it was more about getting to the end of the hike, rather then, enjoying the journey. She said I taught her how to enjoy every element, for no rock, leaf, puddle, log will go unexamined. No rustling bush will be overlooked. Dear reader I taught mommy to enjoy the details, but most importantly I have taught mommy the true measure of love.

Digest 11

Dearest readers, as you know this reporter is trying to find out, if Santa Paws is real. I want to find him, and see him, so I can know I'm not being fooled by the mommy. I asked mommy again, if Santa Paws is real, and she told me that maybe I needed to get in touch with my inner Santa. I told her sure that would be great. He is a snazzy dresser and works great hours. My mommy told me that there is more too it than that. I don't really understand what she means by this. Do you think she wants me to move to the North Pole and make friends with some elves or does mommy think I am not jolly and pleasant? Maybe mommy thinks I am just into Christmas for the preseants?Maybe because I do not share my toys with my sister my mommy does not think I am a very generous doggy? I want mommy to know I am going to work on finding my inner Santa. I am going to start by copying this poem down for her to read. It is called The Military Wife.
The good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into his 6th day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said, Lord you seem to be having a lot of trouble with that one. What's the matter with the standard model? The Lord replied, have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completley independent, posses the qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess for 4 or 40 with an hours notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable with out a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully, and she must be willing to move over 10 times in 17 years. And, oh yes, she must have 6 pairs of hands. The angel shook her head. 6 pairs of hands? No way! The Lord continued, Don't worry, we will make other military wives to help her. And, we will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride at her husband's acheivments, sustain the pain of seperations, beat soundly when it is over worked and tired, and be large enough to say I understand when she does not,and say I love you regardless. The angel circled the model of the military wife, looked at it closely, and sighed, It looks fine, but it is too soft. She looks soft replied the Lord, but she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure. Finally, the angel bent over, and ran her finger across the cheeck of the Lord's creation. There's a leak, she announced. Something is wrong with the construction. I am not suprised it has cracked. You have tried to put too much into this model. The Lord appeared offended at the angel's lack of confidence, what you see is not a leak he said. It's a tear. A tear? What's it there for? Asked the angel. The Lord replied, it's for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, lonliness, pride, and dedication, to all the values she and her husband hold dear. You are a genius! Exclaimed the angel! The Lord looked puzzled, and replied, I did not put it there. Roover and out...woof, woof!