Eviction Notice

I am a dog. I like being a dog. Mulligan is a dog, but he thinks he is, oh who knows what he thinks he is, some kind of CEO. Not that the world doesn't need CEOs but . . .

When I came upon the scene obviously Mulligan had not been doing his job. He says he was. I really don't see how. There were squirrel condos everywhere. Mole tracks all over the yard. This half-acre of domain was covered in rodents.

Mulligan said that he had served the squirrels a full legal, notarized, signed and sealed eviction notice. It was filed in the county court. The squirrels did not leave. Mulligan said he had done his job. It was now up to his "staff" to take care of things.

I see a squirrel. I chase a squrrrel. The squrrel runs away. It is fun. I smile.

Mulligan met with the moles and the moles stated that the property rights did not extend to a certain depth; as long as they stayed below a certain depth that was down into Mineral Rights and they had purchased Mineral Rights when the Subdivision was first formed in 1968. Our family bought the property in 1998. Mulligan clearly must see that the moles come up above that depth as one cannot walk in the yard without turning an ankle in a mole tunnel. Again Mulligan views forcing the moles to stay within their contractual limits as below his CEO duties.

Me? I see those mole tunnels, I sniff out those moles. I dig and dig and dig until I find those buggers. Then I play with them. Then I, well that is kind of a secret.

I like being a dog.

Give Me Back My Toy!

Oh we had another few inches of the WHITE DEATH today. Or in the Ohio Valley one would think it is the White Death the way people and Mulligan act. I love it!
I was outside and Mom peeked out the window at me. I was happily doing what the family calls my "Paw Step" in the snow; which means I was dancing and playing. But I wasn't by myself. Hmm. Yep. There was a little creature doing the Paw Step with me. Only Mom wasn't quite so sure that creature really WANTED to be doing the Paw Step.
All other members of the family are afraid of Mom. Yet there was no way Mom was coming out to investigate. (Well, she would have if there was no other recourse.) She called Oldest Lad and he came outside. I was playing with a Mouse. Oldest Lad insisted that I give the Mouse the courtesy of deciding for itself whether or not it still wanted to play. The Mouse decided it had enough of playing with me and ran off.
I was NOT happy with Oldest Lad as he force-marched me into the house. I wanted my TOY back! I found the mouse. Finders Keepers!

Fly So Fast

The Oldest Lad's removal of all of his body hair was actually for a logical (so he tells me) reason, I was able to discover later. It is a strange ritual of Swimmers to remove all their hair prior to their championship meets and then to shove their bodies into swim suits of the size meant for six year olds. It apparently worked as the Oldest Lad was able to achieve his Life Time Best, after 10 years of swimming, in the 100 yard Fly at the District Meet.

His 200 Free Relay team also fared quite well. One of the team mates had never shoved his girth into a suit meant for a six year old. Under directions from the team coach (a woman, so unable to enter the male locker room) the Oldest Lad brought one of his extra suits and simply informed this astonished team mate that indeed he was going to wiggle his fanny, thighs, and other parts into that tiny bit of lycra.

Alas, for my part, I don't know where to sleep. Do I sleep on the Oldest Lad's Bald Head, to keep it warm? Or do I sleep on his body, to keep the hairless mass from slipping out of the sheets onto the floor?

And what about the Doggy Paddle? Well, quite frankly I am glad there was no Doggy Paddle Event. All us canines are far to intelligent to shave off all our hair just so we can swim a bit faster. Well maybe if there was raw meat involved.

I am all for cleanliness, but . . .

What do I do if the whole place has gone off it's rockers? OK, here's the rule: Go to school unless: Throwing up. Fever. 24 hours post either of those 2 events. Severed limb. No leaving school unless a valid excuse: Doctor's visit. Dentist visit.

Today Mom wrote a note so the Oldest Lad could come home early from school to remove all of his body hair. She helped by shaving his back for him. He wore a Speedo while she did that part.

Last night the Oldest lad shaved his head. I didn't realize that was just the prelude to remove the rest. What was wrong with his pelt? Sure it wasn't as nice as mine, but other than the pool-water damage, it wasn't bad looking.

I didn't know what else to do, so while Oldest Lad was standing in the shower and Mom was shaving his back, I stood and licked his legs. I tried to lick as vigorously as possible; after all he was interested in removing the hair, no need to be gentle.

Then the Lad kicked Mom and me out of the bathroom and he finished removing the rest of his hair himself. Then he and I took a nap in his bed. I laid firmly on top of him for fear that he would slide right out of the sheets.

I am all for cleanliness, but really, wouldn't a good shampoo do the trick?

Looks or Intelligence?

The classic question: Looks or Intelligence? Fortunately I am a dog and looks don't mean a great deal to mean. My Valentine, the Oldest Lad, shaved his head today. It feels rather gummy when licked. His intelligence really is of more import anyway, for in the long run that is what will bring the kibble home.

Lethal Combo

OK, this is a lethal combo, for MOM.
One Ice Day with the Lads home from school.

Two Dogs.

Throw into the mix the fact that Oldest Lad is "Resting" or "Tapering" for the end of the swim season. What this means is that he has trained very hard all season. Then all of a sudden at the end of the season his training subsides so that he is still swimming but not as much. It is designed so that he will have the burst of speed that he needs at at the last swim meets that are the championships.

What is means to me (and MOM) is that there is a large, restless, overly-energetic teenager roaming the house with nothing to do but wind up the Two dogs and his two younger brothers.

Ah, it is glorious! I have been leaping furniture, leaping Mulligan, and the general Mayhem is wondrous. What shall I break next?

Fun Dip

Mmmm. Willy Wonka Fun Dip Candy. Lots of fun. Those green candy sprinkles and the wand. Then the candysprinkles get ground into the carpet making a treat for later on, too!
Yum!

New Diary Title

I had to change my Diary Title. It was Pennie Ante. Seems the lads didn't know what an "Ante." was. As in "Ante Up." As in Poker, for Dogs sake. I finally gave in. Besides, Personal Hygeine Pennie fits me better as that is what I take care of around here.

This morning as Mom was in the bathroom going potty she noticed one white paw sticking under the door into the bathroom. I am always ready to help out, if needed.

Mom: "Ahem, Pennie. I do have still one question. Why is there a pair of my socks in the back yard?"

Pennie: "Uh, I dunno, are you sure you didn't take them off back there?"

A New Revolution

I never thought it would happen! Mom is always railing against the lads playing too many Video Games. Oh, they can play them, just limits, lad, within limits. What was Mom doing today????
Seems the "DDR" craze has hit. Little Lad just begged and begged Mom to play Dance Dance Revolution with him for XBox 360. Oh to see Little Lad's Little Fanny wiggle around the step pad is a sight. To see Mom's big fanny; well not so much. Mom couldn't keep up with Little Lad so she had to practice on her own. Then she discovered there is even a "Workout Mode." Problem is she has to work through all the other "Modes" to get there first. With her athletic skill my guess with daily practice she'll unlock those codes by June.
Yep, guess the Lads are going to have to do the old "Paybacks" to Mom and limit HER time on the video games.
Me? I just watch from the couch.

Hors d'oevre Bowl

It may not have been the Super Bowl, but I did really well in the Hors d'oevre Bowl. Mom had several leftover appetizers. Little morsels of bread with pepperoni and cheese baked in them. She tossed them out into the back yard for me to catch. I made great flying catches. I ran at fantastic speeds. I tackled Mulligan. I didn't require a large salary. I didn't get arrested for contributing to the dilinquency of minors. I wasn't taking any steroids. I didn't go out and part afterwards and get a DUI. I was just happy to catch and eat my little balls of hors d'oevres.