If you don't hear from us . . .

I am getting a little worried. Mom has been cleaning out the storeroom with a vengeance. If you don't hear from Mulligan and I for a while, please check up. We may have been neatly sealed in a labeled rubbermaid bin.

A Willy-Nilly Dog

This morning there was a Major Incursion into MY YARD. My yard is set up in two zones: Front Yard and Back Yard. A Dog may not cross from the Back Yard to the Front Yard or Front to Back or ZAAAAP!

Mulligan and I were in the Back Yard. Suddenly a Huge Husky Shepherd attached to a scrawny boy ran completely across MY ENTIRE YARD into the BACK YARD. That is a Major Breach of Etiquette. A Major Incursion. Mulligan and I were NOT happy. This Husky Shepherd didn't even ring the doorbell for Dog's sake. Fur flew. Teeth snapped. Exhibiting amazing bravery in the face of flashing teeth, Middle Lad had the presence of mind to shove Mulligan inside the house.

Dad had a "Little Talk" with the owner of the Husky Shepherd. The poor dog was just Willy Nilly adopted by someone who has no clue about dogs. Dad asked if she had any idea about the proper way to "introduce" dogs. Dad's question met a blank stare; not from the dog, who seemed sharp enough, mind you, but from the owner. Then Dad mentioned that such an active dog would surely need a "lot of walking, probably every day." That comment made the owner blanch. She mumbled something about the dog being a bit more active than she had hope but that she was not overly fond of walking. Then Dad asked about "containment." Unfortunately the owner she had not even thought about that.

I am glad that I am not a Willy Nilly dog. Perhaps I am not the Treasure that Mom and the rest of the family expected, but at least they have a clue.

Pick Up Service

While Mom was walking me she came across a man who was cleaning up a neighbor's yard. She made an enquiry and got a business card. She came home and mentioned this to Dad. Dad immediately said: "No." He is quite happy with the current Poop Pick Up service and the rate he pays that service. That service being Mom, and said rate being "free."

GTA Liberty City

Grand Theft Auto Four is not meant for any Dog's Eyes! Oldest Lad played it yesterday, in his video chair, of course, with the speakers on so loud the whole house was vibrating all the way from the basement. I was fearing for my life. Oldest Lad was driving drunk. Yes, he is sure to get pulled over for a felony! Then he went into an apartment and did unspeakable things with a woman! I give it a four paws DOWN plus a XXX rating for unspeakable activity and sound effects that may harm a sensitive dog's ears.

Other Woman, part Two

I just couldn't have planned this better myself. Oldest Lad went off to the woods of Tennessee and was galivanting with some hussy named Ivy. He was supposed to be helping a friend with an Eagle Scout project, likely story. Not only was he two-timing me with this Ivy woman, but he was two timing his Prom-date.

This Saturday is Prom. Well, this posionous Ivy woman gave the lad a nasty, itchy, leaky rash. First it was just on his legs and arms. Now it has spread to his face and neck. Just in time to make him look quite lovely for his Prom date. He went to the doctor but that Ivy is a strong lady and the doctor doesn't know how much effect the medicine will have by Saturday.

Hah, teach that lad to one: go to Tennessee without me and two: to go to Prom with some other Chickie.

Other Woman

Oldest Lad went to Tennessee over the weekend to help a friend with his Eagle Scout project. It was supposed to be male only. Installing Duck Boxes near Norris Lake. Hmph. Oldest Lad ran into some woman named Ivy. Boy she got him good. He is all rashy and itchy. Shows him he shouldn't go galivanting off with another woman, but stay home with me.

My plan for the back yard

Mom and Dad always get irritated at me for bringing things out into the back yard. Oh, just this weekend Mom has been creating prodigious amounts of trash as she cleans out the storeroom, the linen closet, and does other Spring Cleaning. "Let's all make sure we keep the garage door closed so that Pennie doesn't drag all this trash out into the back yard before Garbage Night."

Hmph. As if it isn't all part of my Master Plan. Our house and subdivision used to have a farm behind it. With pre-hamburgers walking around on it. Unfortunately, a large amount of acreage sitting smack dab in the middle of a filled up Township didn't stand a chance once the owners passed to their great reward, may their souls rest in peace. I am fine with progress and all, but the houses behind us are not just "out of our league," but it is the "height" that bothers me. The new house directly behind us is a two story home, but it towers above us as if it is a sky scraper. From my top floor I stare into the ground floor. And believe me I stare because the house sits unsold with all the lights on. Who ever buys the house will get their first electric bill for $8754.39 and think they forgot to put in insulation.

Back to my plan. Along my back half-acre of much less-mortgaged suburbia than those potential owners; is a thicket of honeysuckle. Who owns this thicket depends on who in the middle of the night keeps moving the property stakes back. Not that I know anybody who would ever do that. The goal is to keep that thicket. It is a natural privacy fence. It is natural shade. OK, I know it is not technically natural, it was brought from Japan and took over as an invader.

My plan is that the more trash in the backyard; the less likely the thicket will ever get cut down. Who wants to mortgage themselves to almost a $1million of brick and large windows to look down onto trash? Yep, I am working on dragging one of Dad's convertibles that never run out into the yard next. Figure I can get a rusted old car into the yard and between Mulli and I we can get hoist it up onto cinder blocks. Privacy will be ours.

No Australian Toys

Oldest Lad: "Hey, let's get a Boomerang!"

Middle Lad and Little Lad, together: "Yeah! Let's get a boomerang!"

Pennie: "Yeah! That's sounds like fun! I have no idea what a boomerang is but I love toys! Especially toys that get thrown and I can chase!"

Mom: "No. Absolutely not. No Boomerang."

Lads: "Awwwww. That's not fair. Why can't we get a boomerang."

Oldest Lad: "Pennie would LOVE a boomerang." He knows that using the 'dogs will love' it ploy usually works.

Mom: "No. Your Uncle Charlie had a boomerang. He threw it and it came back and smacked me right in the side of the head."

Oldest Lad: "Well gee Mom, why were you standing right next to him."

Mom rolls her eyes: "I wasn't stupid. I was standing a good 200 yards away from him. I knew it was supposed to return to him. He told me and your Uncle Tom to stand far away from him. Problem was Uncle Charlie wasn't real good with that boomerang. He threw it really hard. Remember he is nine years older than me. He threw it and intended for it to come back to him. Only it didn't. It came back to me. My head to be exact. So NO boomerang."

Oldest Lad: "Well why weren't you watching."

Mom: "I was watching. Have you ever seen how fast a boomerang flies? And I was probably only seven years old. Just forget it. No matter what I say you always turn it around so it's my fault."

Oldest Lad: "Mom, you have issues."

Mom: "Well maybe after growing up with four older brothers I just live in a universe where a boomerang will suddenly fly out of nowhere and hit me in the head. Besides, what if you hit Pennie in the head with the boomerang?"

Pennie begins to think that perhaps with three lads, all older than her, and Mulligan to boot perhaps she should side with Mom and forget the Australian toy after all.

It Got ME!

I was walking by Mom's desk and her Mouse reached out and wrapped itself around my neck! It wouldn't let go!

Mom laughed and said I really did deserve it, for the Mice I eat, but she unwrapped me anyway.

Recycling

Mom: "Pennie, dear, you wouldn't by any chance know why a bag of recycling made it's way into the back yard, now do you?"

Pennie: " Oh NO! Mumzie, dear! Middle Lad must have accidentally put it there instead of by the curb last night. You know how that ADD can be."