Working Dog

I did not get to go to work today. I have just too much work to do at HOME!
Dad went up to the Cleveland office for the day and well, it just sounded too boring. Now Oldest Lad, I am going to have to bring his boss up on charges with the ACLU. She discriminated against me strictly on the basis that "I am a dog." Now if that is not discrimination, then I don't know what is. She said no dogs at the YMCA. Oh, I really wanted to go to work with Oldest Lad. I could just see myself: Barking at the children to "Walk! on the pool deck." and "Stop crying in your swim lesson, for dog's sake, just do the doggy paddle!" I would also really like to check out the locker room. Yep, I can just picture it. Sneaking up on the nekkid people and poking them in the arse with my cold wet nose.

Regardless, I am needed at home. With this most recent incident of Little Lad breaking his arm, Mom has once again shown her total ineptitude at caring for her Pups. I must be here at home to bath and monitor and run the household. Really, it is a full-time job being a Mother to this family, especially with Mom always trying to wrestle control away from me: and look what happens? Little Lad falls and breaks a bone.

I have to go, now I must oversee packing Middle Lad packing for Boy Scout Camp. Mom is likely to send him off without enough underwear.

Nurse Pennie, here to serve

I have been summoned to don my Nursing Cap once again. With Little Lad's unfortunate accident, I must do all I can to help him heal. After caring for Oldest Lad's ACL knee surgery, I am certain a minor broken arm should not be quite as difficult.

I do wonder at Mom's ability to whelp pups however. Little Lad was playing a game of follow the leader in our own back yard with a neighbor lad. This neighbor boy is almost a full year younger, but in the same grade due to his birthday arrangement and his parents need to send him out of the house. Neighbor Boy is a fine strapping youth. He is the second of four boys, all produced within a very short time frame and all at the top of the growth charts. As opposed to Mom, who managed to produce three rather pathetic boys, but spaced far apart due to her lack of reproductive capabilities. These Neighbor Boys all excel at sports and have yet to break a bone despite never wearing bike helmets, watching for cars, and they generally run amuck.

Anyhoo, Neighbor Boy was the Leader, of course, as he naturally assumes that position regardless of the decided rules, and Little Lad was the Follower. Neighbor Boy easily navigated the Monkey Bars and Little Lad succumbed to gravity. In High School, no doubt Neighbor Boy will be the Captain of the Football Team. Little Lad will be on the Academic Quiz team and writing Neighbor Boy's term papers.

All day yesterday I hovered over Little Lad. My brow was all a-wrinkle with worry. When Mom left with Little Lad to run a few errands, I was frantic and fortunately discovered Oldest Lad napping. I curled up into a tight Pennie-Ball with Oldest Lad. Last Night Mom gave Little Lad a shower. She put a plastic bag on his arm. She gave him a very short shower and I was right there. I was practically IN the shower with Little Lad. Then I carefully inspected ALL Little Lad's parts, which he didn't particularly enjoy, but couldn't defend himself from my quick muzzle and fast tongue. I pronounced him clean.

Back to my duties.

Only Dog

I am soon to be an Only Dog. Mulligan is going to be Shot. Or hanged. Whatever is done with Dogs Charged with Treason.

Mulligan ate an American Flag. Yup, we went for a ride and he found a small flag in the van. He ate it. I am sure that is far worse than even flag-burning. Because we all know what is going to happen to that flag in a day or so.

Perhaps I shall start picking out a new pal from the shelter website.

HomeARama

In today's Cincinnati Enquirer, there is an OpEd that criticizes the new show homes for excesses. One of those excesses mentioned is a separate Bedroom for the Dog.

Indeed that does seem an Excess. What dog wants his own bedroom? Isn't the whole idea to sleep with your Mom or Dad, or Mom and Dad, or a Human Sibling, or a Human Sibling Group?

Personally, I sleep with either Oldest Lad, Mom and Dad, or just Mom if Dad is travelling. I don't even need a bigger room or bed because I prefer to sleep ON TOP of whomever I choose to bed-share.

Now, Mulligan has his own idea, which would be to have a separate bedroom for Dad, giving Mulligan more space in the bed with Mom.

Betrayed

As if yesterdays Plumbing nightmare was not enough, Oldest Lad received his Housing Assignment. He will be living in a COED Dorm. Yes, he will be cheating on me every day, with those other women walking around, scantily clad on their way to the shower. Dear Dog, I hope the Showers aren't coed! I must find a way to go to college with Oldest Lad.

Plumber Pennie

All sorts of terribleness is going on today. I am sure by the end of the weekend Mom and Dad will be divorced, Mulligan and I will be dropped off in a field in the middle of no-where and the Lads will all be in foster care.

Dad has finally decided to install the new laundry tub. He has put it off for at least a year and a half. It is surely the Mother of all Laundry Tubs. 14 gauge stainless steel. Dad himself crafted the cabinet in his second garage aka workshop aka hideout. The last two days Mom has spent doing laundry for fear of when she shall ever get to laundry again.

Dad solemnly advised everyone to shower this morning for he was going to turn off the hot water and "we may all be showering at the YMCA tonight."

I have been haunting Dad's side, telling him which tool to use and which cut to make. My eyes are bulging in fear and the worry lines are etched in my fur. I do know that Mom secretly has the final card in her pocket of calling a professional plumber. But to what depths of desperation will Dad have to go before he will submit to this? With paws crossed Mulligan and I hope for Dad's ego and our very existence that Dad will be able to accomplish this task that he has set before him.

5:00 Pupdate
Mom left at 2:00 to retrieve the Middle Lad and Little Lad from Taekwondo. She thought it best to shield them from the events occuring at home so she took them on errands. Alas, she cared not for the duress put upon my soul.
At 5:00 Mom returned home to discover a Plumber Van parked in the driveway and Mulligan and I quivering in her bedroom. I am too shaken and disturbed at this time to speak of what tragic events ensued in those short three hours to have everything go so wrong and Dad give in to call the plumber, on a Saturday, no less.
Further Pupdate.
All's well that end's well. Thankfully we live in a two story home. Mulligan and I safely made it to the top floor before the floods arrived. Dad has chosen to never speak of the tragic incidents that occured in the Utility room. We will not have to live in a FEMA trailer after all, and Mom will be able to commence laundry soon. Mom has vowed that despite 94 degree heat and 4 dollar gas, she will never again leave Mulli and I home during such a trial. She says that she only left us because she couldn't "leave us in the car, or our brains would cook," while she and the lads ran errands. She vows next time she will drive us around for as many hours as it takes to spare us another Plumbing Ordeal.

Folded!

It was a nightmare! I jumped up on the bed. Mom was folding clothes. I landed smack in the middle of the FLIP FOLD (as seen on TV, yes, it really works.) I was FOLDED! It was caught on me, I couldn't shake it off. Mom had to free it off my leg! No wonder the shirts end up with such perfect creases, they are in mortal terror of that device!

Two Females

It's been well know that two females just can't live well in the same household. Let's go back to Biblical times: Abraham had troubles with his wife Sarah and with his maid Hagar. See, it's historical. Anyway, Mom and I just don't always see eye to eye. I don't like the mat by the back door. It's woefully ugly. I moved it. And the garden by the side of the house. I am busy creating beautiful holes in it. There are quite lovely. Come see them. Mom keeps filling them back in! Mom put some hydrocortisone on Middle Lad's leg rash. She missed a few spots so I used my tongue to lick and spread the ointment better. It just goes on and on. I even have to inspect the Lads to make sure they are clean because Mom doesn't always do a good job with it. Perhaps Mom should get an apartment in the city.

Uh, no I really don't know . . .

Mom: "Why is the curtain for the back door on the floor?"

Dad: "I don't know. It must have fallen down."

Mom: "Why is the curtain rod all bent? Did you bend it when you were snaking out the laundry tub?"

Dad: "I don't know. The laundry tub is on the other side of the room."

Mom: "Why is there spit all over the curtain?"

Dad: "I don't know?"

Mom: "Was Pennie ever in this room alone?"

Pennie: "Um, Uh, no I really don't have any idea how the curtain got pulled off the door, the rod got bent, and the curtain got chewed on. Honestly."

Vegetables

Mom says I smell like raw broccoli. And dog. She says it makes it hard for her to eat broccoli because then she thinks of me.