Pennie's Educational Program

I have spent a very long Freshman year tutoring Middle Lad. I have been offered brief respites to go to University to spend time with Oldest Lad and his housemates; all of whom take classes more fitting to my prowess as a tutor.

My year with Middle Lad has been particularly vexing as Middle Lad is not a model, cooperative student. No. He has ADD and other Learning Disabilities. I would like to bite him. Instead, I have nurtured him, laid under his desk, growled gentle encouragement, and been up before the sun to send him off to school, with a reminder to eat breakfast.

It has been during my long hours spent under the Desk, that the idea came to ME, Pennie, to formulate my own Educational Program:

MUTTS. Mutts United to Teach/Tutor Students

All students can benefit from a dog to encourage them in their studies. I chose "Mutts," but it could be a Pure Bred dog. However that acronym would be "PUTTS." That is too close to "Putz." "MUTTS" is all inclusive; mutts, or pure-bred dogs may equally partake in the program, I just did not want anyone to be confused with a "Putz." And of course just using "Dogs" would name the program "DUTTS," which has no ring to it at all.

The basic outline of the program is:

1. The dog encourages the student in their studies.
2. Sometimes when I am laying underneath Middle Lad's desk, it appears that I am napping. That is not so. I have actually reached a state of Transcendental Educational Tutoring (TET.) In time, all dogs will be able to achieve this state, some will achieve it at their first attempt at tutoring their student.
3. GRR. Growl, Reward, Reinforce. This is a basic tenet of MUTTS.

Growl: A good Growl is a strong encouragement, particularly for a hesitant student. It may need to be only a murmur or mutter, or even a strong stare. Many dogs have a natural herding instinct and will simply need to round their student up to the place of study, nipping at the heels. I don't recommend proceeding to full display of teeth, but after a day spent with an AD/HD child off focus, a dog may have to do what a dog may have to do.

Reward: Reward the student by allowing them to pet, rub the belly, throw the ball. A good cuddle on the couch while reading is a good Reward for the student. Many students benefit from reading in bed, with the Mutt Tutor firmly planted next to them.

Reinforce: Do not give up on the student! Insist on going everywhere with the student. Live their schedule, riding along to piano lessons, baseball practice, and the such, and always be ready to reinforce the educational experience by laying under the desk, no matter how many naps, I mean TET sessions are needed. When studying for tests, a combination of Reward/Reinforcement can be used by Sharing a Treat, while Cuddling with the Study Guide upon the couch.

In future diary entries I will give further examples of the MUTTS GRR Program.

Soon Pennie's MUTTS GRR Program will revolutionize Education and get Dogs OUT of the Shelters and Under the Desks!

Practical Uses of MUTTS Educational Program

Yesterday I unveiled the Pennie Educational Plan (PEP) which I have named MUTTS (Mutts United to Teach/Tutor Students.) It uses the basic principle of GRR (Growl, Reward, Reinforce) to help get dogs out of Shelters, and under desks everywhere! Don't be confused by the Acronyms. Education is full of Acronyms. The Acronyms are purposely used to confuse people, especially parents of students who may have Special Needs or Learning Disabilities. Then when the parents begin to feel they have some grasp, the Acronyms change. For example: Middle Lad "used" to have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder.) Now it has been decided that it is all AD/HD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder) but Middle Lad is missing the "H" component. That is intended to make him feel slighted, somehow.

But I digress.

My Dogster Pal Lil Bear
(http://www.dogster.com/dogs/1027582) pointed out that he does not have a student at his home.
MUTTS is all inclusive! A dog can use MUTTS on ANY human, student or adult!

I use MUTTS to help Dad in his work, quite frequently. Sometimes I lay under Dad's desk while he works or I lay on the futon nearby. I gradually fall into deep Transcendental Educational Tutoring (TET.) I have helped Dad create a strong Business Plan, and I have kept Dad calm on many a Business Call with a Customer by a simple alarmed stare. When Dad becomes distracted, I gently use the GRR technique to Growl a bit at him to remind him to focus. I offer him frequent Rewards of trips upstairs for a Snack, which I share with him to Reinforce our Work Together. I allow Dad to use me to calm himself down, by offering my body for him to rub, and of course for a late day nap, as needed.

For a young child, such as The Wee Lass, GRR is used despite The Wee Lass not yet doing homework. However, Reading is the most important part of her Educational Experience at this time. GRR is used, again. Trust me, it takes much herding, or gentle Growling to get The Wee Lass corralled upstairs for her nightly bath. Afterwards, the Reward is Story Time with Pennie and Sophie! The pleasure of Story Time is reinforced by the antics of The Wee Lass, Pennie, and Sophie all competing for the prime spot sitting of Mom or Dad's lap, and then hugs Good Night.

The MUTTS program can be adapted to any age group as all our humans should be lifelong learners and keep their minds stimulated in order to ward off mental decline.

Private Walk

This morning I took Mom on a Private Walk. Last night, Queen Sophine and Rental Dog Camille slept in Oldest Lad's room. I shared the Concrete Queen with Mom and Dad. When Mom got up, everyone else was still sleeping.

Rental Dog Camille is an "Excitement Pee-er."

When Rental Dog Camille is going to come over, Oldest Lad calls the house just before his arrival so that Mom (or whoever is at home) can let Me, Pennie, and Queen Sophine outside to greet Rental Dog Camille and she can get her Excitement Pee over with OUTSIDE.

The other day, Rental Dog Camille came over, got excited to see Me, Pennie, then laid down on her back and peed like a fountain right up into the air! She even splashed her own face! (Yes, she did lick it.) Mom had to wipe Rental Dog Camille down with Baby Wipes, which Camille tolerated but was not happy about.

This morning, Mom did not dare disturb Oldest Lad's door for fear of inducing Rental Dog Camille to Excitement Pee, inside Oldest Lad's bedroom, or even on his bed.

I took Mom for a walk, just the two of us. It was a bit of a change. We walked a bit further since Mom did not have Queen Sophine. Oh, sure Queen Sophine keeps us just fine. It's just that we almost always run into other dogs, and Mom keeps her focus better around other dogs if there is only one of us.

When I came home everyone was still sleeping! Then they had baths. I had a bath earlier this week, so I just needed a wipe down, as it rained last night and so I was a bit muddy.

Vindicated.

On Saturday morning, Mom discovered one of the trash cans turned over, and trash strewn about. Mom was certain this was not MY work, as I had been out the night before, and the trash cans were upright, and I had yet to go out in the morning. Mom usually does things like check on the uprighted-ness of trash cans before letting me and Sophie outside. (Mom can be a real pest.)

Mom told Dad about this incident and who did Dad blame: Pennie.

Certainly I HAVE gone into the trash before. In fact, there have been a few times that the cans have been knocked down and Mom has looked out to discover that I am completely inside a trash can. I then must have a bath, but I the rewards of dumpster diving, whole body dumpster diving, are worth the nuisance of a bath.

Anyhoodles, this time Mom was certain I was innocent. She defended my honor to Dad.

Last night Oldest Lad told Mom this: When he and Other Woman went outside late at night on Saturday night, a RACCOON jumped out of the trashcan! Oldest Lad said it scared Other Woman. Oldest Lad did not admit to being scared, although I suspect he must have been at least startled.

Dad was gone last night, having headed off on a Business Trip. Mom called him, and asked him to apologize to me. I refused to come to the phone and accept Dad's apology.

Scoot and Slide

My very own Mother has posted a picture of me on the Scoot and Slip otherwise known as a Slip and Slide, or some other name for a horrendous idea.

I, Pennie, did not enjoy my Scoot and Slide Experience.

First off, there was no "slipping" involved. The weight of ME, Pennie, plus Oldest Lad, negated any effects of Slip-a-tude that would have come from a wet length of vinyl.

Instead, the whole experience was just abject humiliation, as Oldest Lad Scooted himself down that length of vinyl, with me trapped in his lap. I was forced to get rained upon by the Sprinkler.

This also begs to question: why was Oldest Lad not in trouble for Scooting with Me? I suppose we were already OUTSIDE, but anytime I am caught "Scooting," I am immediately sent outside with disdain. Oldest Lad should have faced some recompense or at least harsh words for "scooting."

I must confess that I did enjoy drinking the water that was pooled at the end of the Scoot and Slide, but that was all. And I did enjoy chasing Rental Dog Camille around the yard, frolicking in the water from the hose. The afternoon was not a total waste, but I do NOT recommend the Scoot and Slide to any dog.

Needy, Nasty Pennie

I have been rather mean and nasty of late. On Sunday evening, a hole was discovered on Sophie's head. It was unclear who the perpetrator was, as there were several dogs gadding about at the time of the hole discovery. However, on Thursday night when the family returned home to find Sophie again injured, it was obvious that it was ME, Pennie, as The Perp.

Since then I actually have been quite needy and not letting Mom out of my sight.

I have a Vet appointment this week, for my annual Probing and Violation, but Mom believes that I have been disturbed my many factors:

1. The Ohio Valley has been plagued by relentless thunder storms and rain for months. I do not like thunderstorms. On Thursday night, while there was no storm; storms were brewing.

2. The annual Suburbia Celebration of Independence by Blowing Up the Street/Houses/Appendages, has begun. We have certain neighbors whose favorite fireworks are the ones with the loudest BOOM. (Incidentally, it is legal for fireworks to be SOLD in Ohio, but not USED in Ohio. Undoubtedly all the firework purchasers at the multitude of Ohio Firework Stores are coming here from Kentucky, Indiana, or Michigan, as surely no Ohio-ans would break this law.)

3. Rental Dog Camille is living here. This has upset the pack order.

4. The Lads are home for the summer.

Mom has actually been able to share walks with me more, as when it is NOT raining, then she can take advantage of someone being home to watch The Wee Lass while she and I can share a walk. However, I remain Needy Pennie.
My Dogster Pals know that I am forced to be Nannie Pennie, Nurse Pennie, Professor Pennie, etc, and for dogs sake, sometimes the Caregiver has Needs Too!

Poker Pennie

Tonight I was all about being Hostess Pennie. Middle Lad had several boys over for an evening of Poker and hamburgers and hot dogs. As soon as the door bell began to ring, I was right there, greeting all the boys, and sniffing out introductions. Teenage boys smell so delightful!

Sophie was NOT overly friendly. She put on her "I am so big and brave routine," and that landed her right up in Mom's bedroom.

Meanwhile, I hunkered down under the sea of teenage male legs at the kitchen table. I put on a Perfect Pennie Poker Face. I was fed fresh nibbles of hamburger and hot dogs.

Yes, it was ME, Pennie, that was a huge Poker Pennie Success, while Sophie ended up losing all her chips.

Mental Health Pennie

I went to the Vet today for my annual Probing and Violation. I was proclaimed the picture of Physical Health. Mom discussed with the Vet my recent behaviors. The Vet said that he did not see any physical cause, so my behaviors must be related to psychological causes.

Did the Vet run an entire Psychological Battery of Tests?
No.
How long did the Vet even see me?
About 7.5 minutes.

I pawsonally would like to know how this Vet would feel if he was pronounced as having a Mental Health Problem after only a 7.5 minute assessment, and without any formal testing?

Mom and the family will have to work to control what they can in my environment that is causing me anguish. The Family can not control: Stupid Neighbors who light off Fireworks, and Thunderstorms.

Independence Strategy

I have watched the award winning musical "1776" many times. I have studied American History with Oldest Lad, Middle Lad, and now with Little Lad. I have watched many more documentaries on television due to my pawrents penchant for Boring TV.

The interpretation of the "Declaration of Independence," as depicted in "1776" and as read by Me, Pennie, has absolutely nothing to do with the freedom to blow up Suburbia, self-amputate appendages for fun, or purposefully wreak mayhem and destruction using loud explosive devices.

Apparently I am a better student of the "Declaration of Independence" than most Americans, as I recognize that the document is quite Sobering, and no where in it do I read anything about Fireworks.

I have begun my Independence Day Strategy. Thus far I have consumed two diphenhydramine, often referred to as Benadryl, wrapped in Kraft Individually Wrapped Processed American Cheese, plastic enrobing removed.

I am wearing my new Thundershirt, just delivered by UPS, no signature required.

I have several high-dose sedatives secreted upon a top shelf, in case a higher level of sedation is required.

In the meantime, I am watching "Star Trek" with Middle Lad. He discovered that the entire original series, all episodes, are available on NetFlix.

Not much room

Last night was the first night of intense fireworks. During the week there were many random fireworks, but with a Three Day Weekend of the Annual Blowing Up Suburbia, the intensity started in about mid-day Saturday.

Mom gave me sedatives mid-afternoon.

Somehow, I felt "Comfortably Numb."
"O.K.
Just a little Cheese Wad.
There'll be no more aaaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good."

I have to admit I reached levels of patheticism that I thought unachievable in a Dog such as myself. While Mom gave the Wee Lass a bath, I pathetically formed a Pennie Nest in a pile of dirty clothes and wet swim trunks the Lads had left on the bathroom floor. Mom had to lift me physically up off the couch later on and force me to stumble out to go potty, but I refused.

Mom was worried about my bleary eyes and stumbling motions, so she eventually fell asleep on the couch. I was too exhausted and doped up to move over for her, so Mom was forced to curl in a ball with her legs hanging over Sophie and off the end of the couch. Dad, insensitive brute, did not understand why Mom did not want to leave me in my drug induced fog.

Tonight promises more of the same, as neighbors just a few doors down are having their Annual Blowing Up Suburbia Party, which involves really big fireworks. I hope they suffer as much of a hangover tomorrow as I do.