I hate housework

Mom has been doing a terrible amount of housework this week. Not that the house doesn't need it, admittedly. Food Allergy Awareness Week is finally over at school and the house has been sorely neglected due to all those preparations and ministrations. Middle Lad went Boy Scout Camping over the weekend. Separately, Dad and Little Lad went YMCA Guide Camping. Add to that our recurrent pesky little friends that keeping freeloading (the fleas) and Mom, who is already the Laundry Queen, has become the Laundry Supreme Ruler.

When the Oldest Lad is not around, I spend my days with Mom, rarely more that two feet from her. I didn't realize housework is so darn hard on the napping schedule. Upstairs to put a clean load in the bedroom. Back down the stairs to "switch" the laundry over. Back upstairs to find the next load. Downstairs to put the dirties in the washer. Into the kitchen to load the dishwasher.
By the time I get settled down and close my eyes, Mom has moved, and I feel obligated to follow. Now I realize why Mulligan spends his days watching the windows instead of watching Mom.

Don't tie me down

We went on an adventure today! But I was a very bad dog. Good thing I was all the way in the very back seat of the mini-van. Dad's hand can't reach that far back while he is driving. Mulligan and I were loaded in the very back seat, harnessed in with our car-seat harness. I was bored. It was a long drive. Mulligan kept breathing on me. The Middle and Youngest Lads had their Game Boys for entertainment. I had nothing. So I chewed. I chewed the mini-van seat belt. Almost all the way through. Regardless, Dad said for safety it has to be replaced. He is not looking forward to going up to Honda and telling them that the back seat seat belt must be replace because his dog chewed it.

Naughtiness Account

First off: Mom is making Four, yes FOUR Pies for Big Brother's Physics Class.
Ridiculous.
Physics uses Pi.
Not Pie.
And definitely not Four Pie!

Second. Mom says she is going to just start a daily account of Dog Naughtiness. Today: Big brother left a large tub of Hot Chocolate Drink Mix on the kitchen counter. I removed the plastic lid and licked the powder inside. There was chocolate powder all over the countertop and floor. Then I retrieved a bag of marshmallows (of course, I had hot chocolate, I needed the marshmallows) from the cabinet and Mulligan and I took those into the other room and ate the whole bag. I sure hope "Jet-Puffs" don't "Puff" when they hit my stomach acid. I chewed a box of Aluminum Foil. I chewed half a box of kleenex.

Pi Obsession

Mulligan and I had a perfect solution worked out for the Four Pies Mom was making for Big Brother's AP Physics class. Since the Four Pies were for Physics, and in fact, for the slit vents in the top crusts Mom even carved a Greeke pi symbol, Mulli and worked out that Big Brother should take 3.14 Pies to school. That left 0.86 pies for dogs, or .43 pie for Mulli and .43 pie for me.

I am beginning to understand when Mulligan says that Mom is just not a logical person because how could she see the logic in carving a Greek pi symbol in the Physics pies but not see the logic in sending in 3.14 pies to Physics class?

The only thing we got out of the whole deal was that Big Brother brought home the four dirty Pie plates and Mom held them on the floor to be licked clean.

And another thing against Mom

Mom is a woman! How could she do this to me! She changed my Physcial Characteristics in the Account Page. She upgraded my weight to the 51 to 100 pounds category from the 26 - 50 pounds category.

No Pie, no Pi, and now this? Give me her driver's license and watch me put her true weight on it!

Trick or Treating

I got to go Trick or Treating! I got to go Trick or Treating! Mulligan had to stay home. Mulligan has Bad Manners. I am Pennie Princess.

Defenitely Went Too Far

Yesterday I went too far. First I ate Middle Lad's Alto Saxophone Jazz Mouthpiece. Well, really it was his fault. He has ADD and never, never puts anything away and he put it in his case but didn't zip it up and there it was right there for me to sniff out and investigate. I was just trying to blow into it but my lips are too loose and I got so frustrated that I chewed instead.

Then I peed in the living room. Only that was really Dad's fault because he is painting in there and has the whole r0om covered in Drop Cloths. Well of course it looks to me like one big place to pee. Dad didn't see it that way and then he and Mom had a big argument because Mom won't let him wash his painting drop cloths in HER washing machine. She says, what, and next you'll be washing car parts in the dish washer.

I ate one of Dad's paper filter masks also. He was wearing it when he was doing some sanding. I was trying to try it on but it on but I couldn't get the elastic to go around my ears.

Here's for the big one:

On the One Year Anniversary of Samson's Death, Samson the Wolf Hybrid that Mom raised from a six-week old pup (who ate a Bible and 60 feet of base board, mind you), but I digress. Oldest Lad was raised by Samson, as Samson was three when Oldest Lad was born and nine when he died. Yes, Oldest Lad was raised by a wolf. On the One Year Anniversary of Samson's death, in the year 2000, Mom gave the Oldest Lad a Ty Beanie Baby Wolf stuffed animal.

On November 6, 2007, I chewed off the tail, one of the legs, and spilled thousands of little plastics beans all over Oldest Lad's room. Needless to say, Oldest Lad is a wee bit peeved with me right now.

He Said/She Said

Dad saw a doe in the back yard. He called for Mulligan and Pennie. He opened the back door. Pennie raced outside to chase the deer away. Mulligan ran downstairs.

Pennie: There was a moose in the backyard and I raced outside to chase it out of the yard, saving our family and Homeland. Mulligan ran like a quivering baby to lay under Mom's desk.

Mulligan: With no thought to the family's safety, Pennie raced outside to chase a moose. I raced downstairs to protect Mom. I lay at her feet, ready to immobilize her the minute she moved from her position; yet allowing her the courtesy of continuing to work.

Pennie: Mulligan is a Mama's Dog.

Mulligan: Pennie is a senseless creature, willing to put her family at risk in order to shoot first and ask questions later.

Compression Therapy

Mulligan and I have combined efforts to come up with a new treatment for illness, especially the Common Cold. Mom has a terrible cold and cough right now. She has been sleeping on the couch because she coughs all night and if she sleeps upstairs she keeps everybody in the family awake.

Here are the details of Compression Therapy.
Two large dogs (or three, four, five, more is better) sleep on top of the victim, I mean patient. The victim, I mean patient, should be laying on their back.

The compression serves several purposes:
1. Vacuum. Where the dogs are laying, a vacuum is created between the dog and the victim, er patient. Just like in outer space where nothing can exist in a vacuum, this serves to kill the viruses or bacteria. Any viruses or bacteria that survive the vacuum, are crushed to death by the weight of the dogs.
2. The dog that is laying upon the victim's, er patient's chest, keeps the lung fluids moving by the inherent movement of the dogs body breathing, blood pumping, and dream twitching.
3. The dogs keep the patient warm.
4. The patient is constant surrounded by dog breath, providing soothing, humidified air, just like a vaporizer.
5. The dogs lick up any nasal or cough secretions, limiting the spread of germs to other humans as well as the need for tissues.

Mom has been quite comfortable the past few nights as she has endured our Compression Therapy. She particularly enjoys when one of us stands directly on her chest, as it really gets those bronchial airways moving.

How can I compress them all?

There is a severe Nursing shortage here. Mulligan and I have been working ardently at our new Cough and Cold treatment: Compression therapy. We lay upon the victim to aid their immune system and lend our healing vapors (dog breath) and Personal Hygeine Pennie cleans the victim of any body fluid leaks. First just Mom was sick. She is still sick. Now Middle Lad is sick and Dad is as well! How can we divide ourselves among so many! We are critically short staffed! Mulligan is demanding a raise in kibble ration!

We are also not getting our rest. I believe that nurses work a 12 hour on/12 hour off shift at the most. We find ourselves in demand 24/7 and what rest we get is fitful due to the noise from the terrible coughing sounds of our victims, er I mean patients. No wonder so many nurses flee the field of healthcare.