January 24th 2013 1:00 pm
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The topic of Dog Cloning has re-emerged. That takes me back to the days of the Mulli-Clone:
I searched the Mulligan Diary archive, and this is what Mulligan wrote about cloning:
Excerpt from Mulligan's Diary
Dogster has a Poll, going on right now, about Dog Cloning. Well. Months ago, I, Mulligan, placed a very large Clone Order, as my Diary Readers should recall.
Unfortunately, the economy then tanked, and Mom and Dad's Portfolio went into the Sewer, down to the Ohio River, on to the Mississippi, and probably is out in the Gulf of Mexico by now. Apparently, that was enough to block my order.
The following is the call that I made, many months ago:
bee bee bee beep bee bee beep beep beep beep beep
"Hello, thank you for calling Dial-a-Clone, how may I direct your call?"
Mulligan: "This is Mr. Mulligan, I'd like to order clones of my dog."
Dial-A-Clone: "Why certainly, Mr. Mulligan, I'll need a few samples of skin from your dog."
Mulligan: "Uh, will it hurt?"
Dial-A-Clone: "It's a very minor procedure, Mr. Mulligan, perhaps you can get them while your dog is sleeping. We will send you a special shipping envelope to put them in. How many clones will you be ordering?"
Mulligan: "One Thousand. Frozen Embryos"
Dial-A-Clone: "That's quite a large order, Mr. Mulligan. Do you have suitable Surrogates to incubate these clones?"
Mulligan: "Um, yes, I will keep them frozen and just thaw them as needed."
Dial-A-Clone: "How will you be paying for your order today?"
Mulligan: "Take it directly from my online Merrill Lynch Account. I have liquidated all my stocks, bonds and assets into cash. Here is the account number, 555-55555. Oh, don't be fooled by the different name on the account, Mulligan is my nickname."
Dial-A-Clone: "Thank you Mr. Mulligan, it has been a pleasure doing business with you. Your order will be arriving via Federal Express two weeks after we receive the skin sample from your dog."
There, my plan is proceeding nicely. Dad won't know the Merrill Lynch Account is gone until it is too late. Mom warned him against on-line access and internet safety. I can't use Pennie to incubate my Mulligan's Army because she was neutered before she arrived here. But Mom, yes, Mom can incubate the Pups. Mom doesn't believe in Abortion. While she is sleeping, I shall put my first Platoon of Mulligan's Army into her Womb. When she begins to feel the first wriggles of tiny paws inside her belly she will think the doctors were wrong and she really can have more children. Puppies don't take as long to incubate as humans. Won't Mom be surprised when just a few months into her pregnancy she gives birth to a cute little Platoon of Mulligans. Oh, but it won't be cute for long. Soon there will be more Mulligans. One Thousand Mulligan Sociopaths! The World will belong to Mulligan!
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Now that is frightening!