missing you buddy

Thanks everyone for the rosettes and notes on Zuki's birthday. It's been really hard today. I miss you a lot, Zuki. I am going through a really hard time lately and I used to think that whenever Zuki was around he just made everything ok, and when he's not here it's just not the same. Zuki, you were such a special pup and you still have a huge place in my heart that feels empty without you. We miss you so much. We are glad you are free of suffering and are resting in peace but your human family is still heartbroken over the loss. Some days are easier than others and this is just a tough one. Thinking of you, buddy.

Thanks everyone for reaching out. Sorry to not be on here much but with my health issues I have to do a lot of internet research for that and my energy is not what it used to be. Sienna and Ellie are doing great and send licks and wags to everyone.

xoxo Zuki's mom

room 4

Hi Zuki,

Today I went with your sister Sienna and the new pup Ellie to the vet. Everyone was healthy, just getting check-ups. The problem is they told us to go to room 4. I couldn't go in there because it's the last place you were alive. I remember you lying on the floor gently resting and falling asleep. I felt terrible leaving you there, even though I knew you were gone and it was just your earthly body that lay on the floor alone. I just couldn't face the room where your spirit departed.

I think of you a lot. A bit more lately. I am sad I will never be able to lie next to you or hug you or feed you a peanut butter cookie again. I know you don't need this anymore, but I miss the connection with you. You were a one of a kind dog and as special as they get.

missing you a lot today,
love,
your mom

missing you a lot lately

Hi Zuki,

I miss you so much lately. It kinda started when I was at the dog park with Ellie and Sienna. There was a dog whose bark sounded a lot like yours. I lost it. I just kept thinking about how I won't hear your bark again.

Then last night I had a dream that I had to say goodbye to you again. It was so hard the first time, I can't bare to go through it again in my mind.

Today I am just thinking of you and your kitty sister lots and just wishing you were here. You'd be right by my side and look up at me sometimes. Or snore really loud and I'd love the sound of it.

I know you are free and happy now but I selfishly wish you were here.

love your mom

heather is now with you

Yesterday your kitty sister came to the bridge. I hope you are joined again...

Last night I had a dream. All the animals I've ever loved were at this house and wonderful garden. My dogs from childhood were there, and Zuki and other dogs I've known and some I haven't. Even a sheep and I goat I think. Then I went into the house and opened the attic door. Out came all the cats. I thought "oh they really aren't gone, they were just stuck here in the attic" Out came Heather and Sami and some others. Then I started looking for Sienna and Ellie and thought I may have seen them but they never came up to me. Only the ones who had passed were there. Maybe it was a special trip to the rainbow bridge. It felt like such a special place and all the animals were in peace. What a pleasure to see it. Thank you Heather for showing me you are Ok and with you friends. I am so happy I got to see you there Zuki. You are with the best of them. You deserve it.

i miss you buddy

Dear Zuki,

I still miss you a lot buddy. I am falling more in love with Ellie and she helps me heal but I miss you just the same. You had an amazing presence in my life that will touch me forever.

Can you please keep an eye on Sami, your grandparents' cat who just headed to the bridge? She is missing and I hope you won't chase her up there like you did on earth. It is interesting to me that you are Sami could not live together in peace on earth but departed it not long from each other. Maybe there is a reason for this. Now my heart aches more for both of you. My little black cat and my black buddy.

Zuki I loved you so much and I appreciate every moment I had with you on earth. I know I enjoyed my time with you. I wish it was not as strained with concern for your illness. Now my mind is free to think of the wonderful times we had together.

I love you so much.

love, your mom

there's a new pup on dogster

Hey everyone,

I am so happy to see that there's a new pup added to my dogster family. I never had a chance to meet her in real life but I've been keeping an eye on her and guided her to my family. You see, they were a little mixed up and thought they wanted a totally different type of dog. But I know them best and know they needed her. And she needed a family who is patient and where she can grow. Just like I did. Mom at first didn't want a black dog like me but Ellie is long fur and black dogs are discriminated against so they need extra help just like pit bulls do. I am so glad mom and dad opened their heart to a new dog. She will have a great life with them.

luv Zuki
ps: go to her page and make a new pup pal!

heart is healing

Hi everyone, this is Zuki's mom.

My heart is finally healing. I am sad about my buddy boy and will miss him lots but I am focusing my energy to other things. What has really helped me heal is thinking about other animals that need help. Seeing animals at shelters and even visiting a sanctuary has helped me. I see the horrible things that people do to animals but also the amazing stories of how they were helped.

We went to Pasado's Safe Haven and they have lots of dogs and cats with disabilities and older dogs. There is something so amazing about an older dog's gentle energy. Some of the dogs reminded me of Zuki with their slowness and greying face. But still some spunk in there.

We also have a foster dog now. It has helped me so much to think about her needs rather than my sadness. Because it's more important to me to help another animal than to be paralyzed by grief--which I literally was some days. Giving her what she needs is important to me. She will need some rehabilitation. She has a lot of fears and it reminds me of Zuki a bit at first when we got him. He was a stray like her and from the country like her. Loud noises and cars were not too fun for him. I am confident she will recover like he did. Her personality is very different other than that. I like that each dog is so different. Makes you love them in a completely different way. I am glad my heart is big enough to love another dog. It would be sad to close my heart to their love.

Sometimes I am a little sad that she uses his old leash and bed but I also think he would be glad that another dog was using it. He is in a place where he doesn't need leashes and sleeps in fluffy clouds. I know he is watching down on me.

Love you so much Zuki.

swooping down, looking in

Hi Pups and Kitties,

It sure is nice up here in Doggie Heaven. Peanut butter cookies galore and tennis balls grow on trees.

I swooped down today to look in on mom and dad. They have a new pup staying with them. I heard them call her Ellie. She was a stray just like me. She's also scared of cars like I was at first. I hope my parents remember that I grew out of that too and got used to the city. I know she is just a foster dog right now but I hope she has a new forever home.

Mom heard my ashes are at the vet. She and dad are going to get them tomorrow. I must remember to fly over and ease their pain a bit.

The memory of me is still strong. Mom's eyes still leak a lot. But I did notice Sienna is moping around a little less and now has a friend to go on walks. I felt bad I could not go on walks with her for awhile because of my heart and legs being weak.

I am glad mom and dad are helping another pup but I know they still miss me a lot.

luv Zuki

rough night

Tonight has been tough. It's two weeks since Zuki left the earth. It's been a tough day. Sometimes it seems like it's getting harder not easier. I miss Zuki more with each passing day and try to cling to the parts of him that I can.

Each fur I see on his old bed or each toy or thing he touched I want to hold for awhile. I wish I could collect all those pieces of fur and make a new Zuki. But it's impossible.

I watched the video on his page of his trip to the dog park with Sienna. He was so happy there. He loved to jump up and fetch things. He loved to swim and chase sticks and balls. He tried so hard to keep up with the more able pups even though his leg slowed him down.

I miss you so much Zuki. I am glad you are free and out of pain but earth is hard to be on without you.

love, Zuki's mom

diary pick

Thanks Dogster! You made my diary a daily pick! I hope it's good reading for some folks.

If you are new here, you may notice that I just went up to the bridge. Only about a week ago. My mom has been writing here too because she's missed me a lot. I heard her last night (we can hear our humans thoughts up here in doggie heaven) and she was pretty sad. She told dad I was her dog soulmate and was talking about how much she loved me. I really loved her too and it was hard to let her go.

I appeared to my mom in a dream. She was old and meeting me at the rainbow bridge. Then dad and Sienna were there too and we walked along the bridge together. The kitties followed behind us. We are to be reunited again. I hope mom took some comfort in this, this is the plan for our family.

Mom uploaded some pictures of me in my last days and some dogster honors I have had. Looking back I realize how old I was and how liberating it feels to be free of my body.

Sienna my sister dog went to the dog park today with mom and dad. She is trying so hard to keep them happy. She is getting older too and slowing down a bit. Funny because she was a really hyper dog for a long time. I wish her good health and a pleasant senior dog life. Love you Sienna.

Ok, signing off for now.
luv, angel Zuki