On my way

Last night my momma took me to the vet. I didn't fuss and cry, I just laid there waiting. My body felt tired, and hurt, and I was ready for the hurt to stop. Ready to take a big breath of air with out feeling constricted, ready to see with eyes that had not seen for years. As I left I heard my momma crying but knew she didn't want me to turn around, she wanted me to move ahead. The farther away I got the stronger my body felt, the sweeter the air tasted, the better my eyes saw. I'm all better now, with no more pain to hold me back, I can do all the things that young strong puppies can do, run, jump, bark and see. I will miss my mommy, but we both know that we'll see each other again on the other side of rainbow bridge.

My Last Day

Last night was a very hard night. I couldn't seem to get comfortable. No matter how I layed I couldn't get my head in a positon that would let me breath. That and puss is coming out of my incision sight. There is nothing that can be done for it. Momma wont even clean it because she doesn't want to stress me out. And my neck is so uncomfortable now that whenever she touches it I feel like I cant breath and get upset. Given all of this I have an appointment to see the vet tonight. Momma cant stand the idea of me going out in a hard way, so she is going to get me to the vet so that they can make sure I go to sleep comfortably. I wish we could do a lot of fun things on my last day, but I am just not feeling up to it. Laying down and trying to sleep is about all I have the energy for. So to all that may read my diary, I wanted to say good bye. Thank you for reading and maybe in some small way caring.

Picture Day!!!

Today my momma was off of work, and her boyfriend Rob came to visit. We spent all day at home together instead of the usual rushing around. It was so much fun, we slept in together, played in the yard for a while, took a lot of pictures of me, and rob ordered enough pizza so that everyone could have some. Since I have a hard time swallowing now, they just gave me the cheese and some pepperoni in very small pieces. It was super yummy. I definately want to eat a lot of pizza in my next life. Tomorrow momma has to go back to work, but since I am feeling so rotten Rob will be staying at the house to take care of me, and to make sure that I am as comfortable as possible. Tonight I began drooling blood...... That is not a good thing, and I cant seem to sleep very well. If my head is tilted the wrong way it is a little hard to breath. So momma is going to prop me up come bedtime to see if that helps. I think it is going to be a very long night.

What do you do/what can you do.

Yesterday it was thought that I would have at least 1 more month of life. However things today are not looking so good. I began rasping today, and having a hard time swallowing. My momma's vet said that sh needed to begin seriously considering putting me down, before things got unbearably painful. Given that I started having a hard time swallowing and breathing today, my momma has decided to say good bye to me on saturday. That gives us 3 more days together. It's is hard for her to make that decision, but I know that it is in my best interest, something no one in my past seemed to care about, when they abandoned me sick and cold on the side of the road. I still don't have any of my own pictures up, tommorow that will change. We are going to make tomorrow fun and silly picture day. Then everyone will get to see how pretty I am. Momma hopes she is doing what she should do, and knows that she is doing what she can do.

Biopsy results

Today was a big day. My momma had to go out of town for the weekend, and so left me with my Aunt Helen. Aunt Helen took wonderful care of me, my mommy really appreciates that since there are few people she would trust to watch out for her babies. Rogue came with me just to keep me company. We had such a good time. Aunt Helen insisted on cooking all of our meals for us, so we got to dine on an assortment of yummy dishes, like grilled chicken and rice. Momma can tell we were porkers because we have obviously eaten a lot.
My biopsy results came in today. The news is the worst that it could have been. The doctor says that I should be able to live for a month more. The cancer is very advanced and the tumor in my neck has just about doubled since my momma went away on friday. A new tumor has also shown up on the right side of my neck. By the way I act you wouldn't really know I was sick, I love to eat, and amble around the house, and make beds out of whatever soft things I can find to lay on. But like the doctor said, the cancer is not what will end my life, the size of the tumor and where it is located is what will do the deed. It is inoperable. In the end my momma will have to put me down, because if she were to let me go naturally it would mean that the tumor will get so big that I wont be able to eat or drink, and will eventually suffocate to death. But I'm not letting that stop me. I had a big day, and a wonderful weekend vacation. I am all about that making up for lost time thing. Too bad I wont have more of it. Sometimes a month can feel like a very long time to wait, but when the end of that month possibly means the end of life it seems like it comes way to quickly.

1st day post tumor discovery (By the By I am borrowing my- brother skippers picture until mine is ready:)

Yesterday I found out that I have a turmor, it is on the left side of my neck. I haven't gotten my biopsy results yet, but things are looking grim. My new Mama is very sad. She is sad because she can't make this problem better like she could the others. I don't know that I am sick, all I know is that I feel better than I did when she found me. I love my new house and brothers and sister, they are all very nice to me. Rogue even helps me get around the yard since I can't see, and it is a very big yard, sometimes the steps to the house give me grief, but I'm not to bothered. I've met a lot of nice humans lately too. Usually they want to prick me with needles, but I'm ok with it. I just like having them around. If you read my profile then you know that I'm probably not used to having people around who want to take care of me. So even if they wanna prick me with needles it's ok at least they want to be with me. Sometimes I wish I could make the funny sounds humans do so that I can tell my Mama about all the things that have happened to me over the years, but I think that would upset her too badly. Anyhow I am a dog, and a good doggie at that. Good doggie's live in the moment. To me my life started the second my Mama picked me up and put me in the car. That is my happy day, my clean slate. From here on out I figure things can only get better, even when they get hard. At least i've found someone to love me for the rest of my life. And that is worth living for...