Gone But Not Forgotten, 'Cause She's Dog of the Day!!

I'd like to say Thank You to Dogster for choosing Dutchess as Dog of the Day today. I know she's probably bragging to all her friends over at the Bridge!!
And Thank You to everypup and their families for the PPRs, stars, rosettes, gifts, pawmails and incredibly kind words of support during this extremely difficult time. It's getting better with each passing day, but I still have my moments when I just think about her and cry.

I made the decision to help Dutchess cross over to the Bridge on Wednesday March 26th because her quality of life was starting to become compromised. The tumor in her mouth was starting to cause her problems in terms of her breathing; it was becoming obstructive. She could still breathe just fine, but it was becoming a little labored. And she couldn't sleep entirely comfortably anymore, she had to be laying on her side so she could breathe out of the side of her mouth because her nostrils were almost completely obstructed due to the tumor. And there were times when she didn't want to sleep like that, she just wanted to curl up or lay on her belly and rest her head on her paws. But that would last for about 8 seconds when she would have to lift up her head and open her mouth to breathe. That really upset me to see. I couldn't let her continue to go through that. And with her cancer, things would have only gotten worse for her. So after speaking with her Oncologist and family & friends, I made the heartbreaking decision to let her go. So for the next few days I spoiled her rotten. Extra cheeseburgers from McDonald's, Frosty Paws, lots of bologna, baby food mixed in with every meal. She loved every minute of it! And on Wednesday she had Mac & Cheese with bologna bits mixed in for breakfast, lots of bologna throughout the day, and then a Frosty Paw for her final treat. She was so happy. We took a nice walk earlier in the afternoon, just her & I, around the neighborhood. It was a perfect spring day. My best friend Kirstie came over to support me and say her final goodbyes to Dutchess. She's known Dutchess since she was just a baby. Around 5:30pm that evening, the doctor came to my home; I didn't want to take Dutchess to the vet since it made her nervous. After we talked and said our final goodbyes, the doctor started. I held Dutchess in my arms and kissed her beautiful face and told her how much I loved her and that I can't wait for the day that I get to see her again and that I will never, ever forget her in all my life beause she was that dog for me. And within seconds she relaxed and was gone. It was so peaceful and so fast. I thought for sure I'd start freaking out and sobbing uncontrolably, but I didn't. Of course, I was heartbroken, but I felt a sense of calm, like she was at peace. She was finally taking a nap comfortably, no more nasal tumors inhibiting her breathing. I felt like I made the right decision given her situation. The decision was easy, it was the choices that sucked.
Afterwards Kirstie, Dr. Waters, and I sat and talked about Dutchess and told different stories. Dr. Waters actually knew Dutchess as well because she used to be a doctor at my vet's office, but left a couple years ago to open her own mobile pet clinic. We decided to leave Dutchess' body laying there for the time being so that Jackson could figure out in own his way what had happened. He walked over to her and sniffed her, and stood over her for a moment. And then he came back over by us for a minute and then went back to Dutchess and sniffed her again. This time it was obvious that he figured it out. It was very sad to see. Talk about heartbreaking. The next day all he did was sleep. I tried to get him to play, nothing. Go outside, nothing. I had to prod him off the couch to go out. He ate his meals okay, but that was it. He was sad, I could see it in his eyes. So we just sat on the couch together, doing nothing other than being sad with each other. Jackson is much better now, he got better little by little each day. But it's tough on him being an only child now.
Dutchess will forever be in my heart. She was my first baby, I got her when she was just 10 weeks old. She stole my heart from the first moment I saw her, and she's had it ever since. I was truly in love with her. Dutchess was incredibly loyal and smart, totally stubborn when she wanted to be, strong, fearless, fun, playful, loving, silly, happy, awesome, absolutely beautiful, totally unconditional, and just a joy to be around. She loved everyone, and everyone loved her. She is absolutely one of a kind. I feel so blessed to have had her in my life. We had (almost, but close enough) 11 great years together, and I'm so greatful for each day. I couldn't imagine how different my life would be if I hadn't found her. She changed me in so many ways, taught me so much. I will forever be grateful to her in so many ways for so many things, but mainly just that she picked me to love.

Thanks for 11 fantastic years!!

I'll always love you, Baby Girl. Always.

Love,
Mom

Leave a Comment