October 22nd 2006 2:03 pm
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On September 3rd I had to make a difficult decision, one I knew had to be made. The thought of not having Nikita in my life devastated me and instantly brought tears to my eyes. I wasn't ready, not at all.
Nikita filled my life with happiness from October of 1994 until September of 2006. We did a lot together and she did a lot for me. I fell into a depression for almost 2 years and I believe that if I didn't have Nikita I would have surely taken my own life. When thoughts of checking out crossed my mind I would think of Nikita and not having her and her not having me... she would sneak up beside me and sneak her head under my arm and look up at me. I knew she could read my feelings and she would make sure I knew someone loved me... she did.
Nikita and I spent many hours together hiking for miles, swimming in the lake and playing speed ball catch by the pool. We would drive home together after a long day of activities and she would get my car so dirty. It was all worth it though, just seeing her laying in the back seat, dirty and wet from swimming and playing catch, was happiness x3.
Nikita loved me a lot and I loved her. It feels very empty in this house without her. Eating pizza without my pizza crust eater even feels funny.
I find myself singing the "Nikki-Picky" song every now and then and feel sad that she isn't there smiling at me or wagging her big butt around.
I am even finding it incredibly difficult to compose this entry for her. I've had to stop and get up because the sadness is overwhelming.
Some say that she is in heaven now and that she is in a better place. Well, I'd rather have her here with me and I think she would agree.

Right, Nikita?

Love you lots,
Mommy