Sex: Female Weight: 1-10 lbs
|Home:Indianapolis, IN ||[I have a diary!] |
Leave a bone for Desperately Missing Lena
Dogster stats for Desperately Missing Lena
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Lovey Mama, LooLoo, LenaBella the Glamma Pug, GlammyLoo, Mommy Girl, Princess Booty
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May 13th 1992
I love my Momma the most but after her, I love blankets, pot pies, pig ears, my bed, pretty dresses, and my pretty necklaces!
Poop, Mud, Grass, Romeo, Anyone daring to be near my mama, Getting my nails clipped, Eye drops, Cancer, Medicine, Hydrotherapy, Anyone who looks at, touches, or otherwise engages in any activity around or about my booty.
I'm so above toys. Treats are where it's at!
Beef Pot Pie, Au Jus sauce on my kibbles...I'd even eat doodie with au jus!
From the couch to the food bowl, Any walk where I am carried instead of walking.
kicking butt cancer's butt!
I was waiting to adopt through my local Pug Rescue - Kentuckiana Pug Rescue www.kentuckianapugs.com and they were having a hard time trying to find a foster home for Lena. Seniors are often hard to place, even in temporary homes! Lena was in a shelter and a good samaritan scooped her up on the day she was to be euthanized (thanks Jodi!!). I agreed to foster Lena...we fell in love day one...the rest is history!!!
Poor Lena had such awful dental disease that she no longer has teeth, her lower jawbone is gone, and she is deaf as a result of the infection. Don't tell Lena though, she doesn't know that she is handicapped in any way!
Lena was diagnosed with Perianal Adenoma in February. She had two tumors removed. One was benign and the other was a grade 2 mast cell tumor. They didn't get all of the mct so Lena had to undergo another, more invasive surgery. In March she was deemed cancer free! **Unfortunately, Lena's cancer returned with a vengeance. Lena passed away on November 13, 2007. I miss her forever.
I took this quote from Miss Ascii!:
"He seemed neither old nor young.
His strength lay in his eyes.
They looked as old as the hills, and as young and as wild.
I never tired looking into them." (John Muir) Mama says this quote reminds her of me. I have old eyes, and they don't see everything all the time but mama still catches a twinkle in them right before I am naughty.
I've Been On Dogster Since:
|April 29th 2006
||More than 7 years!
Rosette, Star and Special Gift History
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May 13th 2009 4:05 pm
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I still miss her terribly. Romeo and Wish are doing fine. We're all happy and healthy and having a terrific little life. Still, I miss her.
Sometimes Wish does things that Lena used to do and it really bugs me. That seems weird because I would think that I would love it. When she climbs on top of me and lays along my side like Lena did, I just want her off me. BUT, when she lays next to me and puts her little head a certain way across my leg like Lena did, I adore it.
No one ever dances in a circle when I give them water. I didn't realize that I would miss that so much. No one ever dances in a circle when I come in. They just fly at me like some long lost X Man or something. I guess that's ok too but I sure do miss the circles.
Romeo has become a little more assertive which I'm glad about. Though it was entertaining when Lena punked him, I would feel bad if he let everyone do it. He holds his own with Wish and that makes me happy.
Sometimes I want to be alone with Romeo like we're war veterans or something. I bet that sounds really dumb but we rarely get time alone because Aloysia is quite pushy about being with us LOL. Still, sometimes I just want to cuddle up with him and Lena's blanket and try to figure out if he misses her as desperately as I do. I think he might though I've no idea why; she regarded him as little more than a general nuisance to our existence. He really aged when Lena left.
This November it will be 4 years that he's been with us. I've had Romeo longer than I had Lena. I've always loved Romeo but, with Lena here, it was sort of hidden -- like noticing one petal on a fabulous full flower. Romeo and I have a quiet bond that is quite different than the fierce devotion Lena and I had to each other. Romey's been more of a slow burner I suppose but I was surprised to find that I don't love him less. Just very, very differently. Healthier, I think, and I'm very very happy to have him. He adds a lot to my life and I would be sort of adrift without him.
Frankly, I realize that Lena and I had a terribly unhealthy attachment. That's my fault because I made the decision to acquire a dog under extreme circumstances. It was only intensified with the choice to get a senior rescue that was very ill. *shrug* Live and learn, I suppose. I certainly wouldn't change even one moment though I'm not likely to make that sort of choice again or, if I do, it will be for the "right" reasons. I've been told by my "normal" friends with no unhealthy attachments to animals that it was literally painful to watch. All of it -- the acquisition, the growing attachment, the devotion, and the resulting crumble. Ahh, the crumble. You all witnessed it here on this very page. I apologize for that, I really do.
I say these things to let everyone know that I recognize the situation in its entirety for what it is and I know now that I was needlessly cruel to myself by even becoming connected to Lena. Still, I cannot stress enough, I don't regret a single moment and the connection that I did make with her, however healthy or unhealthy, it was absolutely valid and I cherish -- literally cherish -- it as the most raw, real connection of my lifetime. haha I can see I still sound crazy. I guess some things never change.... I wouldn't take back having Lena, not for anything but I think I wish I had been able to have a healthier attitude about her existence. The fact is, the world DIDN'T stop revolving when Lena left but I sincerely feared it would and I really thought it almost did. That's not really ok.
I *think* I'm in a better place now. I think of her all the time and I long for her still but I'm less crushed by the weight of what I'm missing now. Every day and today of all days, I celebrate Lena and everything that she gave me and continues to teach me. I very sincerely hope that I will see her again. The light of her legacy still continues to astound me. She was a profound being, truly. I'd love nothing more than to be holding her at this very moment but I'm not and I'm still ok. I think that's what she intended all along.
Thank you so much for always being here for me, Dogsters.
May 27th 2008 6:21 pm
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if she can feel how impossibly much I miss her tonight...
May 12th 2008 4:47 pm
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Tomorrow would have been me and Lena's third anniversary and her "16th Birthday". Oh, how I miss her.
I am praying hard for a sign that her energy is still here, with me. I am praying hard that this day will bring a flood of good feelings instead of more sorrow, and I am praying hardest of all that I will be able to get through tomorrow thinking only of the anniversary of our meeting and not thinking about the fact that our anniversary also marks exactly six months to the day since Lena left. I want to bask in the glow of our warm memories instead of feeling the more familiar chest crushing desperation that I feel most times when I think of her.
To Lena, the most amazing creature I have had the pleasure of encountering: I missed you yesterday, I miss you today, I will miss you tomorrow and always. Rest peacefully, my most cherished friend, for we will meet again.
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