there will never...

There will never be a day when I can look at those images and not cry. There will never be an anniversary that I don't remeber were I was and the shock I felt. There will never be a moment I can forgive for the loss and grief these actions caused. There will never be a time I could forget......

Note to self.....

Mom's puttin lots of nice comfy blankets on the new outdoor bed she got from Grandma. Big soft fluffy comforter, my fav wedding ring quilt and lots of comfy pillows. Wow....a bed outside! I can't wait to jump into it and take a snooze in the sun! Woo hoo.....she's done! I'll just back up here so I can get a little speed.......ruuuuunnnnnnniiiiiinnnnggggggggg....jjjjjuuuuuuu uummmp!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH....

O H...MY...DOG.....the bed ate me! It did a big flip and threw me down its gullet. Who turned out the light......jumpin bones, it's innards are squishing me.....I'm fading fast....heellllpppppp....good bye cruel world, parting is such sweat-------Hey, I'm back! Woo hoo....Mom rescued me! What the?????..Mom looks like she's been crying! Wait a minute...those aren't tears from my near death experience....Shes laughing! I'm at deaths door and shes having a giggle fest at my expense.

Whats that......thats not a bed its a "Hammock"? What the hells a "Hammock" ? Mom said I was in such a rush to claim the "bed" as my own I failed to notice it was floating off the ground.....I hit the edge, flipped the whole thing upside down and got pinned to the dirt by all the blankets......Note to self, Hammocks are not beds!

May madness

Wow...what a month.!First, Mom dashed all my hopes for love slaves. She kept talking about "Party" and Cake" and got my hopes up for some evil co-horts or submissive love puppies. Turns out it was a day of humiliation and food. She put all the goodies she dragged home during the week in bags and gave 'em away. GAVE THE FRICKEN LOOT AWAY!!! Hows that for a happy barkday to ya. Just when I think she has lost her mind, she shoots the rest of it outta her pointy people nose....she put a stupid hat on my head and took pictures. OH, THE HUMANITY...here comes my dog and people friends to witness the entire spectacle. I am never gonna live it down...never, never, never. Just when I think I am gonna have to throw myself on a sharp chewie stick, Mom brings out the "Cake".

Whooo hoooo....I loves me some "Cake" . Yeah, "Cake" wasn't a frankinpuppy created outta Mom's sick and twisted mind.....cake was a delightful, round, puppilicious binge fest!!!! As you can see in the Humiliation photos, I really enjoyed my cake! It almost made up for the hat and loot withdrawl.

I ate so much I thought I was gonna pop. I pooped, alot, instead....hee hee hee. Mom seemed pretty happy...we got reserve winners dog on Saturday and winners dog on Sunday. Then we had to pack up the party wagon and go all the way back to Nevada. In all the confusion, Mom forgot to feed me...soooo, on the way home I started to do my bobble head dog imitation. Yeah, I had low blood sugar and was acting kinda wacky...totally freaked the Mom out! She and Auntie Patti finally "guessed" what my problem was ( Hello, starving here) and we got to stop at In and Out Burger. Nothing like a double double animal stlye to keep the bobbles at bay! I found out that I like my french fries salty, no katsup please. Im gonna have to try that bobbly head bit again...loves me some burgers!

Mom and I went back and forth to California every weekend for the month of May. I got to sleep in hotels and the party wagon (auntie Linda's trailer) . Hummer and I had lots of fun showing and wrestling in the trailer. Mom said it looked like a couple of greko roman wrestlers redecorated the interior of the trailer when they left us alone. She also said she has my number (hey, I dont even have a phone)...when Mom, Linda and Patti come back to the trailer to get me an' Hummer its rocking and rollin'. As soon as they go to open the trailer door....it gets real quiet. Hummer is sitting in the middle of the carnage and I am fast "asleep" on the bed. Hummer got blamed for the "redecorating" the first few times (hee hee). Then Auntie Linda caught me peekin my eyes open....she said I was a big faker and the probable ring leader. Damn women....they are too smart for their own good!

Frankinpuppy!!!!

Sooo...just tooling around the kitchen...hooverin all the edibles. Mom's pretty busy up there on the counter...not paying ANY attention to moi! I very gently rake at the back of her legs (yeah, I need my nails clipped)..Whoo hoo, hi Mom! She bends down, gives me a pat and says she's makin "Cake".

What the.....I thought I was the diabolical evil over lord? Mom's making a frankinpuppy on the counter?! What does she need world domination for...the womans already got like, 4 1/2 feet on me already. Wow, I'm gonna have to seriously reconsider my greater world domination plans now. Just when you think you have complete species enslavement down to a science...BAMMM, Mom turns your evil plans on its flat little nose!

Wait...perhaps I could turn this Frankinpuppy to the TRULY dark side as my evil cohort (Breezi didn't want the job and Gus insisted on being a supreme overlord, as if).....WhooohAAAhaaaaHAAA!

I'd like to thank the acadamy...

Wow....I got picked as the daily diary! I am soo00 honored. Does this accolade come with a prize? Will 100 lbs of BBQ basted dog b0nes be air lifted onto my porch???? Hey Mom....better clear a spot...I got some loot comming!!

Id like to thank my Mom, without her support and help with the shift key this diary would not be possible. Christopher Moore for his satirical wit that inspires me every time Mom reads his books to me. Invader Zim for its constant flood of diabolical humor and baloney. Most of all for my fans....you people/canines ROCK!!!!

Winston

so much loot....so little time!!!

Holy crap....mom just got in from work and dropped 3 bags full of dog loot on the floor. OMG....I think she just realized how completely spectacular I am and is rewarding the obvious!

Whoo hoo....velvet bones in prime rib, brisket BBQ , peanut butter delight, steak tartar....I think I am a little faint...must ...sit....down. I think there are like 14 of em in the bag. But wait, theres more! 4 cow head, squeaky rope pulls....AND 4 sheep head, squeaky rope pulls....and yet, there are more goodies...doggie chew mecca---the coveted vinyl squeaky aliens!!!! She knows I m a GOD and she brings me these chewy sacrifices...come to the altar of your benign, benevolent leader! I will anoint ye subservient care taker of his most cherished overlord! World dominance is mine at last......What the HELL....were are you going with my loot WOMAN!!!!!

What the crap....what do you mean these are for "Party"....I think I am going to have to eliminate this "Party" creature. I wish I could shoot lasers outta my eyes...I could probably take "Party" out with a toxic dog fart...no one would ever know....hee hee hee.....VENGANCE WILL BE MINE!

who the hell is "Party" and "Cake"?

Yeah.....Mom's home....ya, ya, ya....give me some lovin...come on..pick me up-pick me up-pick me up....What the poo? Mom walked right past me to Dad? Hey...down here...HELLOOOOO!

Well...I never! Hey...whats Mom got? Shes showing Dad a Barkday Card? Barkday?????....isnt everyday barkday? Hey....that Barkday card has pictures of me on it......its MY Barkday card! Hurray....give it here....mmmmmmmmm paper. COME ON MOM....you said it was mine...I heard you! Rats!

Now what.....were going to get "Party" and "Cake"? who the hell is "Party" and "Cake"? Don't we have enough dogs around here already??? Oh, good Dog....maybe its cats....Whoo hooo...more kitties to chew! We could have some more dogs....but bring me home some bitches, pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaase!! Yeah...my own personal love slaves! Yeah, I can see it now.........."Cake" bring me my kibble....."Party" rub my belly! I got Breezi and Paris, but one is old and fixed and the other just kicks my butt. Geez...Paris requires a step stool just to make eye contact. Hows a fella to woo the ladies when hes on a stool. Brother just don't got game with the tall bitches! I hope "Party" and "Cake" are nice petite Boston bitches......small, submissive and ready to hump!

Wait....Mom says we are going to have "party" and "Cake" in 2 weekends! Were gonna have em at the woodland dog show with all my friends...whooo hooo, it is bitches!!!! I don't have to share with Hummer-do I?

I have thumbs!

Mom left the baby gate off of the kitchen and I was able to have the WHOLE house to myself while she was at work. YEAH....I chewed me some kitty....then I jumped into all the clean laundry and drug it around the front room....love the undies! Then I made it snow in the front room!!! It was white and fluffy...just not so cold on the belly! WOW....who knew the throw pillows on the couch could hold so much white stuff??!!

Jimminy Biscuits, Moms mad! She keeps pickin me up and lookin at my paws....she wants to know were I'm hidding my thumbs?? Hee HEE HEEEEEE! She is never gonna be able to figure out how I unzipped the pillow covers...and I'm not tellin!

guilty = toys

Yyyyaaaawwnnnnnn.....Wow, I slept all day with Dad......Mom should be home soon. Geeze...I'm still kinda sleepy, maybe I'll just go back under the.....hold on---was that the door????....whoo hoo, Mom's home.. **jump-lick-jump-lick, etc) Wait....whats mom got? Mom's looking at me ....shes mumbling about feelin' guilty bout not playin with me the last couple days....you should WOMAN! Crumblin' cookies, I think theres a toy in the bag.....shes reachin in....wait, was that a squeek???.....Oh sweet mother of dog, three-count em--three new vinyl squeeky toys!!!! ....Gimme..gimmeeee..gimeeeeeeeeee......This makes the most amazing noise....wow, if I hold it in my mouth and shake it back and forth it bounces off the sides of my head and really screams! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you-(insert lots of slobering and kisses here) -can you be "ick" next week too?

Its all about Winston

Yeah...Dad's "ick" too.....whoo hooo! Dad's gonna stay home...a whole day for me...meeee meee meee..heee hhehehheh! I have it all planned...first we're gonna eat all the meat in the freezer.....yeah, and then we're gonna eat the rest of Mom's garlic toast..yumm. Then we should play tug o war for about 4 or 5 hours...yeah tug o war...love me some tug 0 war! Dad might be a little tired after I kick his butt at tug o war so we should take a nap....Dad can sleep on the edge so I can really stretch out...stretching makes my tummy feel good. Yeah, a good stretch after all that meat...oh yeah, Im gonna clear the room.....then we're gonna get up and Dad can hold the cats down while I chew on 'em...love me some kitty! I got five cats to chew....thats five cats at about 10 minutes each....thats almost an hour of pure kitty action-good times! Then we're gonna go outside and poo....I'm gonna have to make some room for the rest of the goodies in the fridge....then we're gonna run and play fetch. I'll run and dad can come and fetch me from the back of the orchard when he wants me to come back inside.......then were gonna-----WAIT....just wait a minute. Dad's goin up stairs....I dont wanna go upstairs and sleep...NOOOOOOOOO....Im not tired...I don't wanna.......ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ