Life and Times of My #1 Wiggle Butt Dog!!!

Dear Dogs and Cats!

January 9th 2006 9:25 pm
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>>>> Dear Dogs and Cats,
>>>>
>>>> >
>>>> > The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
>>>> > The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note,
>>>> > placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does
>>>> > not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I
>>>> > find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>>>> >
>>>> > The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
>>>> > racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
>>>> > Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can
>>>> > run.
>>>> >
>>>> > I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
>>>> > sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the
>>>> > couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl
>>>> > up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep
>>>> > perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest
>>>> > extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
>>>> > and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space
>>>> > is nothing but sarcasm.
>>>> >
>>>> > For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
>>>> > bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to
>>>> > get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow,
>>>> > try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to
>>>> > pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
>>>> > entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years-canine
>>>> > or feline attendance is not mandatory.
>>>> >
>>>> > The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or
>>>> > cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
>>>> >
>>>> > To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following
>>>> > message on our front door:
>>>> >
>>>> > Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About
>>>> > Our Pets:
>>>> >
>>>> > 1. They live here. You don't.
>>>> >
>>>> > 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
>>>> > furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
>>>> >
>>>> > 3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
>>>> >
>>>> > 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
>>>> > son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and
>>>> > doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids
>>>> > ..they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier
>>>> > to train, usually come when called, never drive your car,
>>>> > don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink,
>>>> > don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't
>>>> > wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for
>>>> > college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.
>>>> >

 
 

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