Two Years Gone

Dear Snickers,

They say that time heals all wounds. I have to say that this is not true. Two years ago, we were downstairs, watching you, petting you and telling you it was okay to go. You waited until I was asleep, just like you always did, and then you left me for good. I am so grateful I had a split second to say goodbye to you and look into your eyes, filled with love for me, one last time.

The past two years have been hard. I still put my hand down every now and then and expect to find your wet nose and whiskers there. Charity is getting old too ... she rarely sleeps upstairs with us anymore and she has trouble getting around. She is on a diet! Its not going well ... did you think it would be?

Your Uncle John lives here with us now. He has two cats but they like dogs. It keeps Charity busy and it would have kept you busy too. You would have liked being here with him.

Your boy is good, still not listening to me though.

Snickers ... after you died, a light went out of my life. Things were already dark inside me but I felt like I had lost my best friend. I still do sometimes. Some days, I would so love to have you next to me, just sitting patiently as I talked to you and petted you.

I'm thinking of getting another dog. A small one. One not like you at all. Charity has been swayed by bacon treats and the cats ... they are cats. I need someone to snuggle with the way you snuggled with me. I know that no dog will ever take your place. You were my lifesaver. You were my furry companion. You were my comic relief. You were special and a blessing to me and everyone who knew you.

Its because of you that another family decided to get a dog of their own. Its because of you that Wil is so much more patient with Charity ... and trust me she is a huge pain in the butt.

I can still see the way your face changed when you saw me. I can still see you at the front door when we thought you were in back. I can still see your head popping up in the pizza man's truck. I can still see some bad times too but they only made us closer.

No one can ever understand the bond you and I had. You were the most special dog I have ever had or will ever have. I remember the first day I saw you and the last time I saw you. I remember the love and comfort you always gave me. You made me a better person.

I love you Snickers. I miss you so much. I hope you are somewhere where the pizza trucks stop for you and the grass is just as nice as that golf course we infiltrated. I will never forget you and never stop loving you.

Your girl

I Miss You

I miss you so much.

There Will Never Be a Replacement for You

We are starting to look for another dog to keep Charity company. Your Uncle John is here with us ... you would have loved having him here to spoil you.

What has become painfully clear is that no dog will ever fill the hole in my heart, the crater that appeared the day you died. I see all these dogs who need homes but ... I don't want them. And, no matter what dog I get, it will never be just the dog and me. You were special and you will also be.

We are all going for a ride. I wish you were here. I miss you and I always will love you

Not So Happy New Year

Oh baby the new year has come and you aren't in it. The holidays were rough without you. Grandma and Poppa got us some beautiful things with you on them ... they got them before you died and nearly didn't give them to us. I'm glad they did.

Every day I miss you. Some days I can go without crying. I know you wouldn't want me sad. Wil misses you. Charity misses you. We all do.

I don't know what do with your ashes. I've been thinking about it. At first I was going to scatter them in all the places you loved. But now, I think that I will have whoever scatters mine, scatter yours at the same time. You will always be with me. You saved my life so many times.

I'm going to bed now Snickers. I'll think of you the way I always do every night.

Its hard, Snickers. I don't believe in an afterlife so to speak. But, I want to believe that you are some place pain free and sun filled and that i'll see you again.

I love you Snickers.

Oh Snickers

This week has been a week of running across your toys. First your favorite ball that you got for Christmas last year. I put it up by you. Then, your Dallas Cowboy ball was right in front of the refrigerator the other day. I don't know what to do with that one yet. And then, your Daily Bark toy was up in the bedroom. What were you doing with it up there? Oh Snickers, you were so goofy! I miss you so much.

If I close my eyes, and concentrate very hard I can picture you laying on your bed with your big eyes peeking out at me. For a second, I can delude myself into thinking its real but then I know its not.

I love you baby. I miss you. The house is so quiet without you, even with Charity's tummy and breathing. She misses you so much. There are days she runs around and I can tell she is looking for you. I know you weren't a big fan of hers but she loved you too and she is grieving with the rest of us.

Aww Snickers, I miss you.

My Sweet Baby

It has been a few weeks now since you left us. The first week was bad but I thought I was going to be able to handle it. Then, we got your ashes back. I clung to those like they were made of the most precious gold. Somehow, it made it more real that you were really gone.

I put my hand down and the spot where your whiskers are supposed to be is empty. I look up and there is no furry face looking back at me. I turn over in bed and actually can because you aren't curled up against my back.

We all miss you. The boys miss you. Grandma misses you. Charity misses you so much. I miss you so much it hurts to breathe. How could this happen? How could it go from you and me to just me so fast?

I'm relieved you are out of pain. I'm relieved that your old body is no longer your vessel. At least I hope your precious soul is still out there somewhere. I told your boy the other day that losing makes me want to believe in Heaven because if anyone should be there its you.

We went through so much, baby. Without you, I never would have survived Jesse, never would have survived losing my baby, never would have stuck it out as long as I did in some places ... you were always there for me with your sweet doggy kisses and willingness to let me pet you over and over and over until I was calm or asleep.

Oh Snickers, I remember getting kicked off the golf course with you. I remember the first day you came home to me. I remember the first time I had to leave you in the kennel. I remember the first time you met Grandma and Grandpa. I remember so much of our time together ... and I just wish there was more of it.

I'm at Grandma's now. I miss you so much. I miss knowing you will never run into this house again and see your face light up when you see me. Oh baby, I love you so much. I think you know that and I think you knew it when you were alive with us. I tried to give you everything you needed and everything you didn't need even always. I tried to make up for the crap that Jesse put you through and I tried to keep you safe and fed and happy.

Until now, I always just figured when you go you go ... that's it the end. Now, I hope there is more so I can see you again and cup your furry little face in my hands and tell you how much I love you.

I love you Snickers and I miss you so much. I hope wherever you are, you are happy and healthy and know that while you were here you were loved and even now, you still have our hearts.

RIP Snickers

From Snickers' girl:

Snickers crossed the Rainbow Bridge last night at home. He had never really bounced back from the Lyme's Disease.

I put him on his bed that we had pulled down from upstairs. He has a lot of trouble breathing but seemed to be comfortable. Still, I knew. I woke his boy up and told him to come say goodbye. We petted him and talked to him and told him it was okay to let go and be out of pain.

His boy went back to bed, hopeful that he would make it through the night and we could take him to the vet in the morning. I sat with him some more and finally needed a couple hours sleep. I woke his boy up again and fell asleep on the couch near them both. Soon, I woke up with his boy crying out his name and holding Snickers. I asked if he was okay but it was a dumb question.

I called the vet but hung up, knowing there was no point. I held his paw one last time and told him it was okay. And then he was gone.

And then, he was gone.

Snickers has always watched out for me. He would be alert until I was just asleep then would climb down and go to his bed and sleep. His boy said, and I agree, that he waited until I was asleep and safe to make his exit.

My sweet Snickers. My sweet baby. You will be so missed.

Woo Hoo!!!

WELL!!!! What a difference some time makes!

I went to the vet the other day because my boy thought my glands were swollen. Silly boy! It was my bones! He had my girl so upset she could barely talk and just cried at the vet.

So, the good news is I have bones BOL! But also, I got a blood test and it all looked good. The lameness I was experiencing was from a GRASS ALLERGY!!! That's why I was so swollen and was having trouble getting around.

Don't get me wrong ... I still have trouble getting up (especially if my girl is around to watch hehehehe) but the swelling is going down and I'm not so itchy.

My appetite is back, though it could be the addition of wet food to my dinner :D I get half a can minus a tablespoon (because you know, sharing with Charity is important) two times a day. We love the Canidae food! Charity will start hopping around, and I'm not exaggerating, when its time for food!

I'm still getting older but I feel so much better. I nearly made it up the stairs last night on my own! And I'm back to playing with my squeaky ball heh ... oh my boy loves it when I do that!

Lyme's Disease

I am going to have my girl type this for me because I am exhausted ...

The tests came back quickly from the vet, telling us that Snickers did indeed have Lyme's Disease. He is on antibiotics for two months ... 2 pills a day, 2x a day.

He's been on the for a week. Every now and then, he seems to improving but then he's back to his lethargic self. The limping comes and goes, he has trouble getting up and I often have to help him to his feet. Once he gets going, he's pretty good as long as he goes slow. We have put runners down throughout the house where there is no carpeting to help him get around without slipping. He is keeping to his schedule but on the nicer days, I take him out for little walks, not very long because he gets tired very quickly.

He is still able to get up and down the stairs ... up with some help and down with some encouragement. He has started whining to get help getting up and I don't know if that's because he needs it or because he wants it.

The medicine ... its hard. We made cheese-filled rice balls to facilitate his taking them. It also seems to help with the side effects. I ran out today and he was unable to keep them down. On a good note, with all the food he is eating to negate the stomach-churning effects, he is putting on a little weight. Still, today was not a good day for pills, food or being comfortable. Right now, he is resting but soon we will start the 10 minute ritual before we go up to bed.

My baby sleeps a lot. He tries to play. He is so proud of himself when he gets all the way up the stairs. Today was the first day I considered if this was the right course of action. I am hoping in two months, this will be jut a bad memory. I am hoping that in two months I won't be kicking myself for letting him suffer for those two months.

Charity doesn't get why he is getting so much attention. I don't care. She is still getting loved on and fed and played with but I do spend more time with Snickers. Today, he was unable to get off the couch to greet his boy, who has his favorite food (pizza). As I watched her dance around alone at the front door, I realized it could be sooner rather than later that she is indeed the only dog there.

I just wish I knew what to do for him. I wish he could tell me where he hurts and what would feel better. I massage him every night. I pet him long after he falls asleep until I do. This is much worse than his bout of food poisoning and his run in with the yellow jackets. I just hope I am doing the right thing for him and I hope that when what I want is no longer the right thing for him, I have the strength to do what needs to be done. Honestly, I can't imagine that I will but I owe it to him. I owe him my life and I just don't think anyone in my family understands that.

For so long, it was just him and me. And now, we are blessed with other people and dogs in our lives. I just hope he recovers in the next two months so that he can revel in all the love he has here for him.

Bad News :(

My girl got a letter today ...

"Your dog, Snickers, as tested positive for Lymes disease. This face may or may not be a significant issue for your due to the nature of the disease and the test that was used to determine the Lymes disease status. There is a lot of controversy, even amoung experts, regarding how to handle patients testing positive on a screening test for this disease. The problem we face is that most of the dogs testing positive will never have any untoward effects from this disease (95% of positives will never show any signs of the disease). We have not had any patients with the most severe result of the disease, but we want to do everything in our power to keep your pets healthy.

Our present recommendation for dogs testing positive on the screening test that is run with the heartworm test, is to run a second blood test sent to an outside lab. If the level of reactivity to Lymes disease is significant, we will recommend treatment with an antibiotic. I hope you can understand that testing for this disease can be very confusing and we are only trying to keep your pet as healthy as possible, while not going overboard on the expectations of risk.

We have saved enough serum to send for the test. Please call the hospital to accept sending the test or if you have any questions."

So, for me this means more couch time, more pizza crusts and some get out of the doghouse free cards. My girl, through her sobs, says that I am going to be just fine and we just have to keep that in mind.